A Slow Fade

Have you ever noticed how everything fades?  Nothing of God is stark in contrast and harsh on the eyes.  Everything he touches has a subtle glory to it that gradually changes from light to dark or dark to light.  Take the sunrise and the sunset for instance.  It doesn't instantly change from harsh bright light to pitch black darkness.  Although that would be more practical and God could easily choose to do that, he doesn't.  He chooses to start and end each day with a breathtaking 20 minute light show.  First the navy fades to a lighter blue, then gradually it turns into a baby blue hue.  Eventually the blues turn into light pinks and the pinks produce orange and the orange hits its zenith when it produces the crop of a bright yellow sun blazing forth in all its glory and light.

There is a Casting Crown song called "It's a Slow Fade" that also talks about this process--except in people.

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paidWhen you give yourself awayPeople never crumble in a dayIt's a slow fade, it's a slow fade
                     --It's a Slow Fade, Casting Crowns

Even the life of people changing from dark to light and light to dark is a slow fading one.  Again illustrating the fact that God makes everything beautiful in its time.  He does not rush any process, but draws it out as long or as short as he needs to in order to see the most beautiful part of his will done.  

"Sorrowful Flower" 2014. Oil Paint. Haley Hoover

In painting I often hear instructors talk about the gradual fading of the background of a painting.  While it is easy to paint the background one solid color, pile the composition on top of it and then call it done, it is the fading and blending of the background that brings depth and interest to the eye.  For some reason I seem to struggle with this.  I either want a plain solid background, or a background with bright, bold patterns.  Neither of these options are subtle or blending, and that often leaves my work with a lack of depth.  However, in the few times I have listened to my instructors and taken the time to go the extra mile and create an interesting, light to dark or dark to light fading background, I typically find myself amazed with my work and proud of myself for taking the road less traveled by.

Music is the same way.  When listening to a great song it doesn't start up in full swing, it begins with a tempo then builds from there.  The song has it's rising and falling through the melody and lyrics, but it is always a gradual rise and fall--producing something breathtakingly beautiful.  The words crescendo and decrescendo come to mind.  On the other hand, the song might begin full swing and then fade back to a slower, deeper tempo, and end on an up again.  The whole process is creative, but the point is that the beauty, the desire, the passion that lures you--it comes from a wonderful process of slow building up and tearing down.

Take a look around at all the beautiful things in life.  They are all slow fading processes.  The instant-gratification series is not part of the list of valued things in life.  A baby turning into a man, a seed turning into a bulging vegetable, an athlete's body changing from scrawny to meaty, a full course meal that starts with herbs, spices and onions--everything is made beautiful in its time.  Nothing wonderful happens in an instant.  

Nothing that is, except technology.  Technology is instant and it makes our lives better.  We should love technology and the instantaneous joy it brings us.  It completely illuminates the need for waiting or patience or process.  I think this is our way out of beauty.  It's our gift to ourselves.  We give each other permission to skip the design and go straight to the results.   

(That was sarcasm.)

Look at your relationships.  The best of friends are slowly made over time.  A woman and a man build the healthiest of marriages when they slowly get to know each other from strangers to lovers.  And in God, we love him more with each passing day spent in his presence.  We aren't instantly lovers with the Lord.  We start as servants and humbly grow closer and closer with him until we are his lovers and his is ours.  Don't be discouraged by the "status" of your walk.  It's a slow fade, like all things beautiful.

                             

Framily.

I'm so fortunate to have friends.  I know I started the last post with something similar, but I'm thinking about this again in a different light.

Last night a close friend of mine went with me to visit my Grandparents north of town a bit.  As we approached what my family calls "the farm,"  I pointed out our barn and the land around it.  To my surprise she laughed and told me her Dad's land was directly across the road and that it had been in her family for years.

All these years growing up together and yet we never knew our fathers farmed right next to each other.
When we got to Grandma and Grandpa's house, I introduced my friend to them as Doris' granddaughter.  They knew exactly who Doris was.  Grandpa guessed her Dad's name and then quickly put it all together.  He said he had hired her Dad to do welding for him years ago.

How funny, I thought, that we are all so deeply and richly connected.

I know that we all started from Adam and Eve and that everyone is indefinitely connected and that some people spend billions of hours researching all of this history, but from a simple, small-town aspect, I think it's wonderfully fascinating.

Amber is not the only one of my friends with whom my family is deeply connected.

Many years ago my friend Kaley's family settled in Manitou, Oklahoma.  That microscopic town is the same place where my grandparents grew up--Grandma on the east side and Grandpa on the west side.

Grandpa always remembers Kaley's grandparents.   Yesterday I asked him to remind me how he knew Gail, Kaley's Grandmother.  He explained that He worked closely on the school board with her husband, Ray.  He then went on to tell a funny story about Ray.

Ray was a few years younger than me.  I was young then too, working at the gin at nights and driving the school bus in the mornings.  Because I worked at the gin at nights, I always had stuff in my eyes and was somewhat sleepy when I drove the school bus.  Ray had to be in about 1st or 2nd grade.  He was a tiny little boy.

One day I was driving the bus and I couldn't see well so I just followed the ruts in the road that had been left by a good rain and some mud.  As I was driving I hit the rut wrong and Ray was sitting at the very back of the bus.  The bus bounced hard and Ray flew up in the air and hit the seat in front of him pretty hard.  It knocked the wind out of him!  Fortunately, I backed up a ways to his house and his mother talked to him and told him he was okay, and he was.

My friend Jacob was identified by my grandparent's as Tony's boy.  Tony used to cut hay for grandpa years ago.

Jessica's Memaw grew up west of my family's homestead place.  She was one of 4 sisters.  Grandpa remembers playing baseball near their house.

When I was little I remember my Dad always talking to an old cowboy type of fella.  He was the first person I had ever met with throat cancer.  He had to put a vibrating pen type of thing up to his throat to rub against his vocal chords so he could talk to dad.  Sometimes dad still couldn't decipher the message so Stewart would pull a pad of paper out and write it down.

Stewart lived in the trailer house across the field from Grandma and Grandpa's house.  Dad farmed most of the land all around it, but not the pasture that Stewart's house sat on.

When I was still fairly young, Stewart passed away and I learned that he was a step-grandpa to one of my best friend's--Abbye.  My dad now owns Stewart's land and trailer house.  In high school Abbye and I had several get-together's in the barn next door to it.

It's funny how we are all related.  It's funny how my closest friends are more than just friends.  Their family is tied to the land like mine is, and their families' roots are intermixed with my family's.  I guess in a way that makes us more than just friends.

I love that this is a benefit that comes from being raised in a rural, agriculturally-based, small community.

I could be wrong, but I would find it hard to imagine city-folk having the same type of experiences.  Our mobile society has taken away some meaning to things like this.

Fortunately, my hometown friends are still dear to me, and me to them and we try to get together on holidays and special occasions at least a few times a year.

Thank God for small towns and farm land....keeping people together since at least the land run of the 1900's.

Friends.

I am so blessed to have friends.

Do you ever think about that?

Sometimes I feel incredibly alone, and then I look up and my girlfriends are inviting me for walks, taking me for cokes and challenging my walk.

I have had the joy of meeting tons of people and making lots of memories, but I read the other day that the older you get the more important quality friends are.

Just after my 23rd birthday, I am getting that a little bit now.

Quality friends are the ones who take care of you.  They truly look out for you and make sure you are taking care of yourself and remaining true to the character they love in you.  Not to say they don't love you in all walks, but to say they get the core of who you are.

People who get you at your core and people who deserve to be there.  They've seen it and they still want to stick around.  It's not about a similar interest, an alignment of paths or an alumni--although those things can be the original cause of connection--true friends are there past all of that.  They understand there are no conditions to love.

I wonder about my friends who don't know God.

The Bible says those who don't know God don't know love.

Can a non-Christian friend love you?

I always think so, but then really and truly, can they?  Do non-Christians really have the defect of not being able to love?

Some of my closest friends have been non-believers.  Not necessarily athiests, but people who didn't call themselves Christians or go to church on Sunday.  In my experience these people have been more loving and accepting than many Christian friends I have.

We are so quick to judge people by their appearance, job title and labels that we often miss out on the real beauty of a person.  I think it is the over-looked people who have the best stories, the biggest heart and the most wisdom.

People like me who are always in front of the public, talking, entertaining and telling stories, we miss out because we aren't listening.  Yet, the quiet ones are always observing, always taking in and always looking for a new thought to chew on.

I try to seek out friends like this because they are the ones you have to dig deep for.  They won't approach you and sit at your feet till you pet them--that's my role.  As an extrovert I find myself often pursuing introverts until they finally release and show me their pearls of secrecy.

Greater love has no man than this, he who lay down his life for his friends.

Would you lay down your life for your friends?

Friendship is that powerful connection between people that makes them stick.  Family is family, but friends are there by option.  No one has to be around you or tolerate you, but friends are the sweet jewels who do.  They say yes to you.

At times when it feels like the world is telling you "no", it is important to surround yourself with the people who have already chosen "yes."

It's so interesting to think about how relationships work and how the world revolves around strangers, friends and family.  Some family members are strangers and some friends are family.  You never know who will end up being your closest confidant or your greatest enemy.  Life never works as you expect it to and God is always surprising us with the great unknown.

Meeting the Bridesmaids

It is true when they say you don't go to college to meet the groom, you go to meet the bridesmaids!

I'm being totally honest when I say I came to college thinking I would find the groom.  My whole life I was told to wait until college and then I will find the right guy.

After one month here I had looked around and found not even one guy worth a second glance.  Nothing against these guys, they're just not quite my type.  Anyhow, what I did find in bulk was not necessarily bridesmaids, but some of the most awesome, God-fearing women I have ever met in my life.  These girls have honestly made a difference in my walk and continue to this do to encourage me in obediently acting out God's calling for my life.

To fully understand the depth of their love for Jesus, you need to understand something.  I sit and talk to these girls for two or three hours at a time talking about nothing but how awesome and wonderful our God is.  This is why I love these girls.  They have made college worthwhile. 

Jamie Hannan- We decided we are going to write a book for Christian girls together.  Throughout all of last year we were constantly being showed the same things by God.  Stuff about dating, transferring, and finding the perfect ministry "fit," all came into both of our lives around the same time.   This girl is a heart friend.  She gets me, and I get her.  We love on Jesus the whole time we are together, and I absolutely love it!

Kaity Keith- I could talk about this girl and our stories forever!  She has showed me so much about what it means to make the Word of God more than just a book you read in the morning.  Every time I run into her she is camped out somewhere, reading the Bible and learning from it.  She has such a heart for helping other girls and following God’s will—even when she doesn’t know what that is!  I have learned more from here in the past 6 months than I have from some people I have known my whole life.  She often refers to her friends as her “iron,” referencing the proverb “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”  This is an exact description of what her friendship has brought me.

Kim Burns- Oh, she makes me smile.  I’m always up for a good laugh when Kim is around!  She has such a big heart for Jesus it just explodes all around her! Kim is constantly encouraging me with my blog and my venture for figuring out relationships.  I cannot tell you how much that has meant to me along the way.   And the best part is that she doesn’t even know that she is loving me to the Nth degree every time she casually mentions what makes me special.  As if weren’t enough, she also gives the biggest and bestest—longest hugs in the entire universe!  She has shown me what it means to love people through every little action.

Then I have my two best friends who love me in an entirely different way.  These girls have seen me in a variety of situations.  They know me as a serious student, a leader in activities, a hyper spaz, a country bumpkin, and everything in between!  The best part is—they still love me!  (This is a far greater responsibility than most people realize.)

Lacey Stevenson- Although our spiritual views don’t line up exactly, I have more respect for her than almost anyone else I’ve ever met.  She is the most kind, caring, and willing to listen person I know.  As soon as we sit down together she instantly asks about my classes, my other friends, and my family.  She never ever thinks of herself, but always is quick to love others by listening to them.  I thank her for letting me babble on end about how hard my petty classes are, even when I know they are a piece of cake in comparison to her Political Science studies!  Lacey and I have so much in common it is scary.  It is scary because we met on this campus, a campus full of people not like us, and I know that it is a miracle from God that we met!

Dakota Poulton- Another God story about friendship.  One of my biggest dreams in this life is for my friends back home to become best friends with my friends up here.  Anyone who knows me probably gets tired of me because I am constantly trying to merge the two friend groups.  I want everyone to know and love everyone as I have seen them love me!  Dakota has played such an important role in my life because she is always ready to meet more friends from back home and take them out dancing with us!  She is full of fun, excitement, and motivation.  I love our one day shopping sprees and random study sessions.  She has a special place in my heart.


And then there are my sheep, whom I love and call my friends as well, and yet our relationships is entirely different again.

Kaley Patterson- We have known each other throughout high school, but now that she is finally in college too I feel like our relationship has plunged to a new level.  Even though we go to different colleges, I feel like she is constantly looking out for me and challenging me in my personal quiet times with the Lord.  As a girl with extraordinary gifts, I am constantly excited to hear her talk about what God is showing her.  I know without doubt that he will use her for amazing things as she walks through the journey of college and life.  Our friendship goes beyond the surface and stays imprinted on my heart no matter where we are. 

Alexis Briggs- Through Kaley I have met this very dear friend.  Even as I write this I am speechless.  Alexis has this idea that God has used me to bless her immensely, ironically, she doesn’t know how much God has used her to bless me and my life.  Talk about encouraging and motivating, this girl has given me more humility and faith in my blog and calling to teach relationships than anyone I’ve ever met.  She has pushed and promoted my blog to the ends of the earth and back—something I never imagined in my wildest dreams.  On top of that she is so straight forward with her walk.  She wants scripture, not opinion, and everything not of God is a waste of time.  I pray for that kind of heart!

I wrote this in October of 2011, but just now decided to post it.  I don't know why.

Girls: enjoy the company of the bridesmaids while you can.  I wouldn't have a wedding without 'em!

My March Madness List!

It's that time of the month again!!  Today I have found all of my favorite links from around the web and compiled them into one MUST-SEE list for you to check out this weekend!  In honor of March Madness, I thought I would throw in a cutsie title to get your attention. ;) Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments too! :)

10. Interview with an Athiest Video

9. One of the top posts you all pulled up from my archives: Let God Give Your Heart Away (still a great article apparently!)

8. Of course GWP would be on here again!  This post comes from a very honest place in a man's heart.  Very inspiring.  What a Man Wants From a Woman

7. New MUSIC you need to buy/download: The Torwalt's!! In my post Welcome the Holy Spirit, I shared with you a video from Bryan and Katie Torwalt. After stalking them on YouTube, I'm convinced you need to buy the whole album: Here on Earth.

6. If you love arts and crafts--and Jesus journals as much as I do, you'll love this blog and post about creating a Spring Art Journal!  (Psstt...this is a hint of things to come on Divine Dating.)

5.  Exceptional weather?  No, I say an exceptional God!  Great perspective from a southern Oklahoman here!

4. If you haven't already, you need to go see the movie OCTOBER BABY!! (Review to come...)

3. As God has been speaking to me about "seasons" of life, this post fit perfectly into my heart this month.  Seasonal, by Seek First.

2. SARCASM.  The killer of closeness.  This is definitely a must read article by Donald Miller.  Everyone should take his challenge too!

1.  And the number one pick for March comes with an odd name but a mouthful of truth to chew on: Love is not a Hamburger, by Sweetness Itself.  This article covers all sorts of relevant topics in the Christian walk.  It is obvious to see that this girl is very passionate about what she writes.  Read it now!

Hope you enjoyed this month's countdown!  Leave some love below!

Can Men and Women be JUST friends?

I am often asked why I have not posted about male-female friendships and the boundaries within them.  The honest answer is that I do not know.  I have never read a book, found scripture, or been convicted or drawn to this subject.  It does interest me, and I am slowly figuring out what is truth and what is not as I grow older, but I am no expert on the subject.  I do plan on sharing my thoughts with you as soon as I am ready, however.

Interestingly enough, one of my friends sent me this video the other day.  Although it is a secular video, it exposes some deep, yet comical truths between the two genders and their thinking patterns.  I thought I would share it with you all as a means of helping you form your own opinion.  Let me know what you think!

George Bailey: A Boundryless Man

The last few weeks I have been reading a book by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, called Boundaries.  Although I'm only one third through the book, I am beginning to really understand what these wise men are talking about.

The first week I read the book I couldn't possibly see how any of it applied to my life.  Quickly after the fact, God revealed to me how much I people-please and often let others walk over me.  Since then I have continued reading the book and I am already seeing changes in my lifestyle and relationships.  I also have seen a deep continued need for setting boundaries in my own life.

Yesterday a group of friends and I went to the local theater and watched the 1946 American classic, It's a Wonderful Life, with James Stewart and Donna Reed.  One of my favorite Christmas movies, my family has watched this film every year since the day I was born probably.  This year however, I picked up on an altogether different theme as I watched it for the thousandth time.

DISCLAIMER: 

If you have not seen the movie, I highly recommend you do.  I apologize if I refer to something you do not understand.  If this tends to be the case, check out the movie and then come reread this post.  Better yet, read the book too, then maybe my babbling will make complete sense!

About half way through George Bailey's life, (the main character of the film) I began to see exactly what Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend had been teaching me about all week.  The poor man can't say no to anyone!  George turned down EVERY desire of his in order to help others.

When he was a kid, he lost the hearing in his right ear to save his kid brother.  As a young adult, he gave his college money to his brother while he took care of his father's old loan building.  George Bailey gave money to everyone who asked, even when he didn't have it.  In fact, he even handed out the $2,000 he saved for his honeymoon!  Once again, because of his inability to say no, he never even took his wife on a honeymoon.

Time after time again, George Bailey represses his desires in exchange for the needs of the greater public.  Yes, I realize the point of the movie isn't boundaries, but this is just a clear picture of it.  As explained in Boundaries, the more we repress our own desires, thoughts, and feelings on account of other people, the more anger and bitterness we store up inside of us.  This eventually gets us to the point where our yes doesn't mean yes, and our no doesn't mean no (Matthew 5:37.)

In the movie, we watch George Bailey go throughout his entire life, never telling a single person no.  As explained, all of his resentment and anger builds itself up, until at last he explodes with anger, letting everyone he loves feel scared and belittled.

The breaking point for all of this anger, is when his business partner, Uncle Billy, misplaces $8,000 of the company's money.  Because George does not clearly understand boundaries, (where his responsibility ends and another's begins) he once again takes full blame for a mistake that would lead him to jail.  The following scene truly captures his unclear thinking in boundaries when Potter asks him, "You misplaced $8,000 dollars?"  and George replies, "yes."

Unfortunately, the director of this movie didn't read the book Boundaries, so we watch the entire movie, and despite a happy ending, George never learns to say no, nor let go of others' responsibilities.  If you have read Boundaries you probably understand where I am coming from.  Those of you who haven't read it, again I encourage you to do so, so that my point can be made for me. lol just kidding...sort of...

I will write a review for Boundaries when I finish reading, thus making this post more understandable.  Happy Monday everyone and thanks for reading!

Is there really such thing as "Taking it Slow?"

I while back I had several of my close Christian friends reassure me that their relationship was 100% focused on God.  How do they reassure me?  With the ever-frightening phrase, "We're just taking it slow."

I always sigh in disappointment as I read the text with that phrase in it.  Taking it slow.  Taking it slow compared to what??  A worldly relationship?  Because all that means is that you haven't slept together yet.

Let me explain a few things that have really helped me grasp the nature of relationships.  First of all, relationships are progressional.  That means it's a one way street.  Relationships are constantly moving forward.  There is no backwards, even if you break up and go back out again, you will still be starting where you left off.

Think about it.  Every relationship has the same basic rules of progression.  Initial attraction, extensive talking, friendly physical touch, and so on and so on.  The most common relationship I see at my age and generation is the deceitful "talking" relationship.  This is what the majority of Christians consider a slow relationship, however they are completely wrong.

I'm not sure if this is a regional term, so I will explain.  Talking is when a couple shows sincere interest in one another but they don't necessarily want to make the commitment of a dating relationship.  Therefore they hang out together, talk on the phone in mass amounts, and text each other fairly often.  I guess the term comes from the idea that most of the relationship is based on talking rather than doing.

The problem with this is that it's not at all slow, and it's not at all safe, especially when you're talking about guarding your heart.  A texting conversation is like being completely alone with another person.  You have freedom to talk about whatever you want without fear of anyone walking in, asking questions, or interrupting.  Each party has more control this way because the conversation only changes by what is typed.

  Facial expressions, initial reactions, and surrounding distractions are put away and out of mind in this situation.  That leaves your heart right there in the open for the other person's entertainment.  Would you spend 16 hours a day in an empty closet facing this person face to face in conversation?  Would you share the things you have shared with them if you had been face to face?

No.  Truth is that we all feel more comfortable and confident through writing.  Ask any professional writing student and they will tell you that they are most vulnerable when they are on paper.  In real life they are quiet, shy, and reserved.  Writing is an escape to share your true feelings and ideas, whether that writing is through journaling, blogging, letters, Facebook, or texting.

Just like you and your resume, a person who presents themselves through writing is giving you part truth and part fictional character to some degree.  This is why so many young couples do better "talking" than they do actual dating and hanging out together.  It's much easier and less complicating to fall in love with a fictional character.  50% of it is what your mind makes it.


Secondly, because relationships are progressional, there is no such thing as slow.  All relationships have one of two outcomes: marriage or break-up.  They are all headed towards one of these two ends.  Now because I don't know anyone who willingly walks into failure and heartache, I'm going to assume you did not know this.

With that being said, let's stop and ask ourselves a few questions.

• Are you ready to get married right now?
• Can you support yourself and a house payment financially?
• Are you finished living for yourself as an independent individual?  Tired of going out with the girls every Saturday night and staying out as long as you want?
• Have you finished school and all the adventurous, silly things you want to do before settling down?
• Do you have a place to live?  Can you fully afford the bills, groceries, and necessities?
• Are you completely joyful with God and only God, or do you feel empty?
• Have you found your soul and healed your wound?

Then why are you looking for marriage?

Better yet, why are you consumed with dating?

God can heal whatever hole that is within you.  Take your loneliness, pain, hurt, and discontentment to him first, not another human being.  Matthew 6:33

Talking is the modern version of dating.  It's uncommitted, adulterated heart exposure that leads to heartbreak and counterfeit bonding.  As my good Lord says, please guard your heart.  Prov 4:23  It's too precious not too.

Addiction Example 2

Attention from the opposite sex.

Another example of this addiction is found more commonly in twenty-somethings.  Your young but your adult, your finished with school, out on your own, and it's just time to get married.  After years of singlehood, there's no way you'd ever fall for a bum!  ...or is there?

I've seen this happen to far too many young women.  They spend a period of time waiting for Mr. Right, promising themselves nothing and no one will get in there way when it comes to marrying tall, dark, godly, and handsome.  

But suddenly Mr. Average Joe comes along!  Joe is nothing special.  He has an old car, no job, and a crustache.  Ew.  On first look almost any woman would turn him down without a second glance, but then you have Desperate Darla over there still waiting for Mr. Right.  At 27 years old, Darla isn't giving anyone the buzzer instantly.  So she decides to give Joe a small, long-shot chance.  They go on one mediocre ice-cream date and exchange numbers for future reference.

Little does Darla know how starved for male attention she is.  After a few weeks of chit-chat texting, Darla is starting to think Joe looks pretty good.  What was once a jobless, creepy, weird man is now the sender of text messages that make Darla's heart flutter.  Although Darla knows deep down that this man is going nowhere with his life, she admits to herself that she likes the idea of having someone check up on her every now and again, okay so maybe every night...but who's it hurting?  All her best friends have husbands to talk to daily, why can't she have someone to text throughout the boring parts of the day?

And so before you know it Darla and Joe are married and hating every minute of it.  She is fed up with his laziness and he can't deal with her high demands.  Why in the world did she get herself into this mess anyways?

Think back a little bit and you will see that the relationship started purely because Darla liked the attention of a male caller, (or should I say texter.)  Once again I tell you that the desire for male attention is not a bad thing in and of itself.  It becomes a sin when we let it control us, and when we go to it for comfort, protection, and fulfillment rather than going to God.  

The correct thing for Darla to do would have been to pray about the first meeting of Joe, asking God for a clear  yes or no.  If the feelings remained she should have taken each heart fluttering to God for a holy check-up to ensure if the feelings were purely rational or emotional.

Do you think you've been trapped by the feeling of attention rather than the choice of love?  Is there someone you're with right now solely for the sake of being with someone?  Are you afraid of being on your own?  Perhaps you should let God take a look at your heart and decide what you need for once. :) 

The Addiction

(Continued from What is the #1 Addiction?)

Attention from the opposite sex.

That's the number one tactic Satan uses against young single women.  Actually he starts using it when we are young and single, but depending on our reaction it could last a lifetime.  If you think this sounds like a natural, normal desire, you're right.  It is 100% normal to want attention from the opposite sex, in fact I would be worried if you didn't want some sort of attention from them.  However, as with most things, the desire becomes sin when it is placed above your desire for God, and from my study and experience as a teenage girl, I know that this can become quite an idol for most of us.

Let's start small.  Think of that innocent 6th grade girl you know.  She's very cute, kind of shy, but oh so boy crazy!  She may not talk much at school, but around her friends and family all she can mention is the cute boys at school.  The family giggles and thinks it's adorable, and her friends encourage her to pursue these young men.  In fact, from the girl's point of view you would learn to think that liking several different guys at once was a wonderful thing!  Everyone thinks it's adorable, so why try and control it?

Then one day two of these men she has been secretly infatuated with, begin to flirt with her.  Her heart flutters, her mind spins, and she does all she knows to do, she flirts back.  She begins to text these two boys "innocently," playing silly flirting games that teenagers do at that age.  Her family and friends are now very impressed at the sudden interest of TWO young males.  Again, no one does anything to discourage her from this behavior, so she carries on, doing what feels "right" to her 6th grade emotions.

A few months go by and her family starts to get concerned.  "Sweetie, you can't date both of them.  You should either pick one or the other," says her Dad.  Her friends seem to be getting a little jealous lately, and she's noticed they don't come around near as often.  Confused, emotional, and a little stressed, she continues doing what she has always been told was right.  She follows her feelings.

Uh-oh.  What happens when she still has feelings for both guys?  On top of that, there are still a few other nice guys in the background she wonders about too.  Perhaps if she could keep these two she could try out a few others as well?  After all, everyone thought her 6th grade crushes were adorable!  So by the 8th grade she is juggling 3 or 4 different guys, without seriously dating any of them.  Because her friends have left her and parents don't approve, she keeps things secret.

Months and months of texting, Facebooking, and writing notes to these "little flings" of hers, and her heart has had more damage than a carton of eggs at the bottom of a grocery basket.  You see, what started out as innocent fun and games has led to an addiction of attention, affection, and admiration.  With each flirtatious text she sends out a little piece of her special feminine beauty, letting another man in on her secrets.  Not only is she giving away parts of her heart to men who will never be called her husband, but she is feeding her desire for male attention.

By the time she is in high school she has no idea how to behave as a single woman.  Why?  Because for the past 3 years of her life she has ALWAYS had several guys texting her phone, calling her house, and telling her how beautiful she is.  Even if it wasn't always positive attention, it was attention.  

One day as she sat alone in her room, she picks up her phone to realize it's broken.  She goes to the computer only to realize the internet is down.  Frustrated, she sits in the floor and for the first time in years, looks up to her first love, the one who gave her life.  An exhale of chaos leaves her lungs as she closes her eyes and says, "Lord, how have I strayed so far from you?  What do I need to do to come back into your presence?"  It was at that point she realized the addiction she had been feeding.  At that point she realized these men would never really satisfy her soul, and it was at that point she submitted her desperate need for a God much bigger than all of this worldly stuff.  

Perhaps you know a young woman like this.  Will you stand with the rest of the world and let this happen?  How can you lovingly show her a better way?

Or maybe this young girl is you currently and you're beginning to become aware of an addiction in the making.  What do you need to do keep your heart and mind focused on Christ?

And finally, perhaps you are an older woman, and you are now seeing a lifelong pattern that needs to be changed.  You too were fooled by the world, but you too can come clean and refreshed through the love of Jesus.

Matthew 11:28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

God first. Others second. Matthew 22:37-39

Today I Choose to Listen

How often as humans do we forget to truly listen to individuals.  We say "Hi, how are you doing," ignore the other person's answer happily, and keep walking past them.  Do you ever stop and really think about how that person is feeling, or what they have been through this very morning?  The more I sit down and talk with people the more my heart breaks and head spins for what others so commonly go through in their very own homes.

To many young adults abuse, addiction, and loneliness has been the theme of their lives.  It is "normal" for them.   Their whole life has been filled with rejection from their parents, abuse from step parents, and horrifying scenes on some of us dare to imagine.  These people amaze me with their strength to get out of bed each morning, much less attempt to live a normal life.  I honestly can't say I would respond so positiviely if I was placed in the same situation.

The craziest part about this is that these people look like you and me, they go to school with us, they worship with us in church, and they eat dinner at our kitchen tables.  We interact with them on a regular basis and claim to know them quite well, but when it comes down to it we have never actually asked to hear their story.  The background of lies and hurt is still being hidden by the father of darkness.  When will we decide to break this facade and truly ask each other how things are going?

One woman in particular comes to mind as I write this.  Before we became frineds she had long since known all of the acquaintances we share through extra-curricular activities.  She has more acquaintances than I do now that I think of it, but when I first met her I could see that she was a girl who easily got skipped over by most people.  Kind of plain, kind of boring, kind of quiet...it was easy to see that most people said their routine hello and walked on by.

However as I really sat down with her and did nothing more than listen.  I began to hear story after story that needed to be told.  She told me of her abusive background, how she coped with it, and how she was very much still dealing with it.  As open as she was you would have thought the whole world knew, but the opposite was the truth.  Hardly anyone had heard this girl's heart-wrenching story of survival.  Why?  Because they wouldn't take the time to listen.  That's it.  She was obviously dieing to talk to someone about all of this, but if no one really asks she has no reason to really tell.

Because she chose to break the silence I have been able to truly pray for her with specific heart-felt prayers that God listens and responds too.  Speaking of, God listens to us thousands of times more than we listen to him or anyone else.  Perhaps it is time to change that.

Who do you know (or not know I should say) that has been placed in your life with a story to tell?  Who have you not really asked about lately?  Do you think this is a reflection of not caring?  Jesus tells us to put others above ourselves, what does this look like in your conversations with other people?

Perhaps there is someone who needs your prayers and support, someone you talk to but never listen to.

Da Truth- Fourplay

Stand Your Ground

Wow.  It still amazes me how much power Satan thinks he has.
As children of God we are no longer slaves to sin or Satan.  The creator of the universe has bought us with the price of his son!  So we can't just lay around all day letting Satan drag us away from our divine calling.  He wants us to mess up.  He's trying to trap us.  All day everyday is a battle against the prince of darkness.  It's a struggle, a fight, a war.  

Galatians 6:12-13 says,

 "For our struggle is not against the flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

Do you see what this is saying Christian!?  That fight you had with your best friend was not about who should wear what.  The fight between the music minister and the pastor is not purely about Sunday school lessons, and the fight you had with your wife isn't because you don't love each other.

It's spiritual warfare.  It's forces going against us in the spiritual realm.  Sometimes these forces are even used against ourselves like Paul talks about in Romans 7.  "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  The battle isn't to be fought horizontally, but vertically. 

What's your relationship with God been like lately?  How have your personal daily quiet times with him been going?  Do you seek his will in every decision you make?  Are you applying the Word to your life?

Perhaps your friendships and relationships are struggling because you haven't fully grasped what God means when he says, "Love others as you love yourself."  Sure you know from memory and you've heard it your whole life, but do you truly understand what that looks like?  Have you seen that in your own service towards others?  Get in the Word and you'll find out.  Pray! Ask God to show you obviously what loving others looks like.

Struggling with personal desires and temptations?  Not sure how to stop doing what you don't need to be doing?  Look to God and the Bible and you'll see that you're not alone, you're not fighting yourself, and that God is with you and he wants to help you if you will ask.

Pray about it.  Get in the Word.  Seek God's face.

Alisson's Story-2

(Continuing from Alisson's Story)

...The next morning I woke up in a major state of confusion. What was  God’s will? Tate wasn’t a bad guy and he had actually rededicated his life this past year. Why wasn’t he the one for me?  Can I still date him? How do you know what God’s will is??

I went to Julie and we discussed it some more and she suggested I talk to her discipler, Mandy. So Julie gave her my number and within a few hours I was talking to Mandy! We talked and I told her about Tate and I asked her what a spiritual leader looked like for a guy? She started thinking and came to the conclusion that there wasn’t a specific answer to this question, but she said, “First and foremost, you want a guy who loves God with all his heart.”  Then she gave me some great words of wisdom and told me to boldly pray to God, asking him to show me if Tate was the guy God picked out for me or not.  I prayed that if he was the right guy things would continue to be good between us, and if he wasn’t, I asked that the door would slam shut on our relationship!

                               (read more tomorrow!)

Maybe you have been unsure/uneasy about your own relationship lately.  Perhaps you should take that bold step by praying that God would slam the door shut if it is not his will.  After all, if God's not in it, it won't last anyways right?

Proverbs 16:9

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

Proverbs 20:24

"A man's steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand his own way?"

This is lust.

A couple days ago, one of my professors randomly asked, “At what point does a boy stop being a boy and become a man? He of course, was just being facetious, not wanting an actual answer, but the next morning in my quiet time I feel like God showed me the answer.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” I always thought this verse was just about growing up and being responsible, but as I studied it yesterday, I realized that the author here is talking about love.

Love is a hard thing to do. It’s unnatural. It only comes from and through God. So for a man to purposely love a woman, it is the bravest thing he will ever do. It’s also the most mature thing he will do, because he is choosing to set aside his desires and encourage and point her toward Christ.

Some of you may be confused right now, let me explain something. Society has taught us that love is 2 weeks of dating someone and feeling giddy when they call. They have also taught us that sex is love and that if you have a strong desire for someone, you must be in love. If love is supposed to be perfect, life-changing, and last forever, why do these things leave us feeling depressed, lonely and confused afterwards?

That’s because the previous mentioned are examples of lust not love. Lust is directed inward. It’s me saying, “This is what I want, and I am going to do whatever it takes to get it.” It’s a man saying, “I want that girl’s body so I will feel better about myself. I need her to make me look good.” Or “I’m lonely tonight; maybe I’ll call up ____ so I can be comforted right now.” Lust thinks short term, (I want it now, I need you baby, call me now, I can’t be alone.) Lust is what you do for physical satisfaction right now. It’s easy, it’s natural, it’s satisfying the sinful nature just like we have all done since the day we were born. A baby wants attention, so it cries till it gets some. If a woman wants someone to hold her, she’ll flirt till she finds someone. Again, lust focuses on me and what I want. It’s inward.

So if everything we ever thought about love is actually lust, then what is love?

That lesson will be following shortly…

If you’re in a relationship right now, do you see lust rather than love? Is your relationship easy because it seems “natural” to want to be with him? Could that be because you are satisfying the desires of lust rather than love?

If you struggle with being single do you recognize your desire for a relationship being more based on lust than love? Do you easily fall in “desire” for men? Is this so you can feed your flesh rather than your spirit (lust not love)?

Samson's Consequences

So I was going to call this post “Samson’s Second Mistake,” but then I realized I am kind of out of order with the story.  The real order of these posts should be like this:

Samson’s First Mistake
"Should I tell my boyfriend everything??"
This one. (Samson's Consequences)

Sorry for my silly confusion!  Anyhow, continuing from yesterday’s post, we know that Samson ignored the warning signs that Delilah was trying to kill him and decided to stay with her because he was “in love.”  This was his first mistake.

His second mistake was talked about in "Should I tell my boyfriend everything??"  I discussed how serious of a mistake it was for Samson to tell Delilah “all that was within his heart.”  I didn’t however discuss the consequences he faced because of that action.

Going back a step
In Judges 16, Samson finally breaks down and tells Delilah his strength is in his hair.  This was both a mistake of pride and a mistake of sharing too much of his heart.  Pride because he had the idea in his head that he was indestructible and telling a woman his weakness wouldn’t hurt him any.  How wrong he was. 

This was also a mistake of sharing too much of his heart, and we know that because Proverbs 4:23 and Micah 7:5-7 tells us that there are parts of our hearts reserved for God alone. (Read "Should I tell my boyfriend everything??" for more information.)

What happened?
So Samson makes the mistake of telling Delilah his weakness.  Of course, she calls her Philistine buddies in to test the theory—lo and behold it worked!  She woke him up saying, “Samson, the Philistines are upon you!”  He awoke and tried to rise and fight, but verse 20 says “But he did not know that the Lord had left him.”

Ouch.  Do you know what it feels like to have God leave you?  Did you blame God?  Get mad at him?  Scream to his face?

Or 

Did you stop and think, "where did I push him away?"  When did my pride step in and start taking control?  What did I do to disobey my heavenly father?

Taking the second approach can lead you back to God, repentance, and life.  This is a humble man’s attitude towards God, realizing that He his sovereign over all and we are mere humans who screw everything up when not in God’s perfect and pleasing will.

The first choice, however, can lead you to depression, destruction, and ultimately death.

Samson’s Choice
If you go back and look at the first part of "Should I tell my boyfriend everything??" I briefly discussed Samson’s arrogant personality.  Because he was very cocky and powerful, do you think he chose the first choice of hating God, or do you think he chose the humble man’s approach?

Sadly enough, Samson through a pity party instead of humbling himself.  After his head had been shaved and his strength (God) had left him, the Philistines wanted him to come entertain them; so he did.  He entered the arena with rage and hatred, screaming to God, “Please strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.”

Then Samson reached up and grabbed two pillars holding up the temple and pushed them up so that everything came falling down, crushing him and many others.

More Consequences…
Then the bible says, “Thus he killed many more when he died than while he lived.”  Basically he committed suicide and killed more people by doing that than he had while he was alive (which was a lot considering he won many battles.) 

I think suicidal thoughts creep in when we focus too much on ourselves.  Like Samson, we struggle with pride and often try to make all things about us, rather than God.  Suffering: for example. So a loved one dies, our natural tendency is to throw a poor me party and cry, blame God, become depressed, and eventually talk ourselves into possible suicide.  This is not at all God’s plan.

Even death and suffering is not about us.  If we make it about us the outcome will most definitely be miserable like Samson’s story proved.  And we will also negatively affect more people than almost anything else.

On the Contrary
On the flip side, if we chose to live our lives for something far greater than ourselves or any human establishment, we will see the hope, love, and mercy that God has shown us all.  Therefore rejoicing in his grace and passing it on to others, sharing the joy of true life with them.  Do you see now why God wants the best for you?  Do you see how he wants to include you in his wonderful plan?

What are you mad about?  What have you blamed God for that has been hurting you?  Perhaps you need to spend some time sharing that hurt and pain with God and letting him know how you feel.  Then lay down “you.”  Turn upward and focus on God.  Ask him to show you HIS great plan over yours. Tell him to show you how life focused on Him is far better than life focused on you.