Wednesday, February 26, 2014


Psalm 37:3 says this, "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture."

Dwell means to remain for a time, or to live as a resident.  Pulpit Commentary puts it this way: "Remain where thou art, and be satisfied with the thought of God's faithfulness. Feed on this."

That is a very powerful message if you think about it.  Remain where thou art and be satisfied with the thought of God's faithfulness...

It makes me think about a lot of things, a lot of things that our society does are backwards compared to how they did them in Jesus' day.  Even though they are backwards it is hard to say if they are wrong or not.  Most explain, "That's just the way things are now." Which is a simple excuse, but you have to wonder what the heart of God wants.

Think about this, "Remain where you are."  People used to stake their claim and live on the same plot of land, in the same house, all the years of their life.  My grandparents grew up 8 miles apart, and they now reside in the house my grandfather grew up in.  They have lived there all but maybe 3-4 years of their married life together.

My parents also have lived in the same house for 23-24 years.  That is unheard of in today's society.  The only reason my family has been so permanent in location is because we are "tied to the land."  My daddy is a farmer and he can't exactly relocate his profession.

I remember one day in one of my college classes.  My teacher was speaking about this very thing.  She was explaining that we are now a mobile society.  Everyone moves quite a bit now.  The Internet, automobiles and airplanes have made all this moving extremely easy to do.  To prove her point, she asked our class of 40 to raise their hands if we had lived in the same town our whole life.  There were about 10 hands that went up.  She told us to keep them up if we had lived in the same house our whole life.  This left three hands up.  She explained this was rare and the numbers were only this high because we lived in the Bible belt and the Bible belt is always the last to adopt new ideas.  Furthering her point, she asked us to raise our hands if our parents were from the town we grew up in.  My hand stayed up.  Her frustration rose.

"Well your grandparents certainly aren't from the same town are they?"  she half asking, half assumingly stated to me.

I grinned from ear to ear and said, "Actually, both of my grandparents on both sides spent most of their lives within 40 miles of where I grew up."  

I don't have to explain to you that college professors don't like to be wrong.  This one in particular happened to be a  real know-it-all.  She studied my face for a minute, ignoring the giggles around the room, and quickly decided to change the topic and move forward in her lecture.

"Remain where you are..."

So is it bad to move off and around and up and down and back?  I don't see why it would be, but back in the day they never did.  I understand my situation is unique, because the majority of people today are movers.  Perhaps I am taking this passage out of the Bible way to literal.  Maybe he is only suggesting we enjoy where we are while we are there.  Contentness.

One other thing I'd like to mention though.  I noticed many of my friends got an anxious kick in them around our junior year of college, including myself.  It was odd, it was as though a fairy had came around and hit all of us with the same pixie dust.  We seemed to wake up one morning and sickly desire a home.  Not mommy and daddy's home, but a home of our own.  We each so desperately wanted a permanent place to call ours.  We wanted a place we could stay and not have to move out each summer.  We wanted a dwelling we could decorate and cook in.  We wanted a space to care for and enjoy.

I remember many coffee-talks about this subject with a plethora of different girlfriends.  How strange it was that we independent, go-getter, dream-makers all suddenly wanted a place to be permanent with--and at the ripe old age of 20, maybe 21.

I think this goes back to the way we are programed.  I believe that God designed us to marry young.  They did it for centuries!  I mean look at the psyche of high school kids.  At about age 18 they start thinking marriage, but why?  Who puts this thought in their heads?  I don't believe it's put there, I believe it happens, and yes some country kids may act on this idea, but most of today's kids are ashamed of this desire.  They are ashamed because society tells them they are better than marriage.  They have to get a degree and a good job and prove themselves in the world.  Then and only then can they start thinking of marriage.

Perhaps this is a good thing because we have more time to find ourselves and grow up, but then again maybe it is wrong because it makes purity an impossible pedestal.

It's interesting really.  We teach our Christians to remain soft and pure and holy until they are safely married.  Unfortunately, they are to remain this way during the most active times of their lives when their bodies are most ready to reproduce and latch on to something permanent beyond mom and pop.

I'm not blaming anybody or saying our teachings are wrong, I'm just saying, it looks to me like today's society has it backwards.  Our bodies aren't meant to reproduce in their 30s and 40s like people in my generation are doing.  Yet with school and work becoming a priority we have to.

I guess as a 20-something I am saying that I would love to dwell on the land permanently.  I like the security of having one house in one location long-term.

On the other hand I get restless with the thought of settling down already.  There is so much of the world I still need to see.  I want to travel and live in at least one other state before I settle down for good.  Plus, I'm single--there's nothing holding me back.  Now is the time for me to go live a gypsy life before I really have to stay in one location for a family and husband.

Either way, the point of this lesson is to remain in the land for a time.  Right now my dwelling is here, so I will make it a point to dwell in this land and enjoy God's faithfulness.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Roll Call

"You may say I'm a dreamer
but I'm not the only one
I hope someday you will join us
and the world will be as one"
--Imagine, John Lennon

The past month of my life has been full of changes and excitement.  My first big job, moving back home, re-introducing myself to each of the 3,862 citizens in this town...  It's all very energizing, yet I find my imagination on the loose.  

I have a paycheck now, so I dream about things.  Things like a house, another degree, fondue sets, and other random things.  I also dream about the future.  Where will I be in 10 years?  Where will I be in 5?  What are my goals and what do I need to be doing now in order to reach them?  Will I live here forever?  Will I still get to move off somewhere and live a freestyle life?  Am I going to always do PR, or will I one day be a full time artist and author?

As you can see, my mind quickly overwhelms itself.  I have spent a lot of time meditating on these questions and things.  While I definitely think it is important to have goals and tentative plans (keeping in mind God has the ultimate plans already written out), it is also equally important to live for the moment and enjoy what is in front of you.

That is the message I have received lately.  

While I have most certainly been enjoying my new career and my time living at home with Mom and Pop, there are parts where I am daydreaming and fantasizing too much.  When I wrote more about dating I used to always caution of the dangers of fantasizing.  Usually I spoke in regards to dating, getting married or sexual intimacy.  While the focus of the fantasy is quite different in this situation, the discipline is rather similar.

It all rolls back around to contentment.  Being content with where you are and what you have.  Philippians 4:12 never gets hammered in my brain quite far enough.  It doesn't help that the world around you is screaming "Buy this! Buy that!  Move here and see those!"

Again, goals and rewards and plans are excellent.  Just don't put them above the present.

Before I moved back I dreamed of moving here.  I couldn't wait to be close to my family.  I wanted to learn more about the farm with my Dad and more about gardening with my Grandpa.  I just knew it would be perfect.

Well my circumstances are different than I had dreamed because I have a full time job, however it's up to me to make that dream a reality before it passes and the next dream gets in the way.

I always have to go back to the wonderful Lady A lyrics, "Get caught in the race of this crazy life, tryin' to be everything will make you lose your mind." (American Honey)

I need God to constantly take me to those still and quiet waters and remind me that it's okay to rest, and it's okay to be still.  Resting in the moment is a beautiful thing.  Perhaps one day I will master it as my grandparents have.   They are so pleasant to be around because they never hurry.  They like long, slow, meaningful conversations, and they have a world of wisdom to be found inside each chat.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes."
--Psalm 37:7

When you're young and independent and growing and learning as fast as your brain can keep up, it's easy to forget about what's important.  I suggest that your early 20's are meant for just that; finding a balance among all trails you walk upon.

Sometimes we need to let go and sometimes we need to pick up; stand back or jump in.  Listen to the stillness of the Lord and let the wisdom of the holy spirit be your guide.

We're going to be okay.  It's only a decade of learning.  :) 

Sunday, February 16, 2014

How Taylor Swift Inspired Me

Yesterday morning I watched the E! True Hollywood Story about Taylor Swift.  The show interviewed her and her family, friends and coworkers.  It documented her success and story from birth till now.  For one thing, I found the documentary interesting because I have watched Taylor Swift's success explode during the past few years of my lifetime.  For another thing, she is only a year older than me and that puts things in a real-life perspective for me.  But the most wonderful part about the show was that it inspired me.

 Taylor Swift's story inspired me in the deep parts of my soul that need to constantly be inspired in order to gravitate toward the level of success they were meant to be a part of.  You see, Swift's success didn't happen over night like we sometimes like to think.  Her story shared the parts of her childhood that were purposely arranged for such a moment as this.

From a young age Swift new she wanted to write music.  She played and sang and wrote all during her childhood.

By age eleven or so she had determined this as her biggest dream, so she took steps towards following that dream.  When she realized how much harder she needed to work to get to her goal, she did.  She worked extremely hard every day, and still does.  Classes, lessons, practice and lots of hours are how she got to where she is today.  It was not chance, luck or circumstance.  It was hard work, inspiration and purpose.

I believe strongly that Taylor Swift is exactly where she needs to be.  God gave her the ability to communicate and heal people through her song writing.  I think that is beautiful.  Much like Swift, we too have purposes that we were created for and that we need to be working our tail off for.

For me, it's writing and painting.  From the earliest of ages I can remember claiming that I wanted to be "an artist and an author" when I grew up.  In third grade a won a state-wide writing contest and I always won county fair awards for my artwork.  These were neat and all, but then I got distracted in middle school.  Friends, sports and everything in between became my focus for a few years.  I don't regret those years though, I learned a lot.

In high school it was all about finishing the race first.  I studied hard, took all my required classes and worked my hardest to win track medals, golf medals and cheerleading honors, and I did.  By my senior year I had taken all of my required classes except my two art requirements.  How silly, I though.  Art was were my passion was, yet I had hardly slowed down long enough to take a single art class during my high school education.  I took beginning art and choir that year.  Those two classes quickly became two of my favorite classes in high school.

In junior college I wanted to major in Art, but I was told there was no future or money in it.  While this redirected my focus, it was also very practical advice that led me to where I am today.  Regardless, I majored in Liberal Arts and took as many art-related classes as I could, which included Painting I and II.  These were the classes that fueled my fire.  I learned how to use oil paints and fell in love with the process and technique of such.

From there I went to a university and got back on the rat race track.  All the while I painted at home in my apartment whenever I could find free time.  There were many times when I would have to purposely mark off a full Saturday in my calendar just so I could have painting and writing time.  I loved school, but I needed a break.  God pointed out that I was running the race and going nowhere fast.  He reminded me strongly that I was built to write and paint and that it was okay if that was what I truly desired.

I took a year off from school.  I wrote a short book and painted dozens of pictures.  People began to know me as an artist.  I sold lots of paintings to people who knew me.  I even created a huge sign for a local business that sold for a lot of money.  I was so excited to know that people believed in me.  I was even more excited to believe in myself.  I studied art and art schools all summer and when I finally went back to finish my last semester of college, I told myself I would go back on one condition.  I was going to take some kind of art class while I was there.

So I did.  By default I landed in "Intermediate Painting Process."  I was supposed to have a bunch of foundation classes before I could enroll in this one, but luckily God found some way to get me in.  I enjoyed this class greatly.  Working with other students on a collegiate level brought me great confidence in my work.  I made close friends especially with one girl in our class.  Her and I talked about plans after college and how to take our art journey into the world of post-grad.

Also during that semester I had a lot of time to continue researching and reading.  I bought books and studied the art business process.

I graduated in December and now I have begun a real job.  I am writing, reading, painting and studying as much as I can in my free time.  While I love my job and am learning a ton being there, I still know my deeper purpose is writing and painting.

Last night I wrote out my goals again.  I wrote out my 5 and 10 year goals and the leaps I would take this year to get there.  Everything seems big, until you break it down into pieces.  The pieces are scary until you make a move and realize it isn't.  Fear is invisible and hope is powerful.  Prayer and petition will keep God on your side and there is nothing you can do without him.

A few minutes ago I was asked to speak at a local civic club about my art.  I almost got nauseous at the thought of speaking publicly about my art.  While this scares me deeply for some reason, I know it is something I must do to strengthen my skills and my stance as an artist.  Plus, if I can share what makes me smile with other people, maybe they will find their confidence too.  What's your calling?

Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Loving!

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!!!

Today is one of my favorite holidays.  The world is hopeful, compassionate and excited today.  I love seeing people walk around with flowers, chocolates, everything pink and red!  It's such a cute little holiday.

It really makes me sad when people are bitter or angry towards this day of the year.  I think most of these people are afraid of being alone, honestly.

It's all about perspective.

My daddy has been my Valentine every year since I was old enough to remember.  Some of my favorite stuffed animals were Valentine presents from my father.

As I've gotten older and left home, Dad still gives me valentines of sorts, but I have also had to learn how to celebrate Valentine's Day on my own.  This growing process has brought me some beautiful traditions of my own and taught me how to make God my ultimate Valentine.

Tradition #1: I started this in High School and have carried it with me as I've grown older.  From college classrooms to church events to my job at the bar and a restaurant.  I love to buy cheap little kid Valentine cards, (you know the one's that come 32 in a box for about $4.)  These are cheap and cute and they absolutley make everyone's day.  Last year I handed them out to all sorts of customers and coworkers and watched huge smiles and hugs blossom out of everyone.  Several people told me it was their only Valentine they had received that day.  I love this tradition because it reminds me how simple it is to share a little bit of love.

Tradition #2:  I always have a long quiet time and talk with God.  It seems like he always goes above and beyond in a simple, special, unique way to tell me that he loves me on Valentine's Day.  One year it was in the stars on a walk home, another year it was by speaking through music.  You never know with this guy, he's a big thinker!  I also write him a love note of praise, short and simple.

Tradition #3: Is for my future husband.  Every year on this day I buy him a Valentine's card and write a special message in it just for Him.  I then seal it and put it in my box of letters that I will one day give him as a way of saying, "Finally, my love has come, at last!"  Kind of weird, kind of cute...either way, I think it is neat to say I have always had a Valentine's card for him.

There have also been several years where I go above and beyond decorating my apartment, baking cookies and cakes and invite all of my best girl friends over for a red and pink party full of love!  Those are special times too.  If I had been living on my own I would have done that this year.  I forgot to plan it too though...oops!

Perhaps you are single on this lover's day, but you are definitely not alone.  Look around you and find someone to love.  It may not be romantic love necessarily, but there is always something.  <3 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Defining Decade: Book Review

In the past four weeks I have graduated from college and found the reality of careers, options and lifestyles hitting me in the face.  I spent the first three weeks overwhelmed, and the fourth I found clarity and direction thanks to a lot of prayer and the help of a great book; The Defining Decade.  

Author Dr. Meg Jay begins the book with a metaphor describing the life of a twentysomething:  

"Ian told me his twentysomething years were like being in the middle of the ocean, like this vast, unmarked body of water.  He couldn't see land in any direction, so he didn't know which way to go.  He felt overwhelmed by the prospect that he could swim anywhere or do anything.  He was equally paralyzed by the fact that he didn't know which of the anythings would work out.  Tired and hopeless at age twenty-five, he said he was treading water to stay alive."

It was this metaphor that connected me with the book and met me exactly where I was at.  Relief rushed over my body when I realized I was not alone in this ocean, and that there was such a kind author reflecting light on the situation.

That's what The Defining Decade is about.  It is learning "Why your twenties matter--and how to make the most of them now."

Meg Jay, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the development of young adults.  She holds a private practice in Charlottesville, Virginia, and is also an assistant professor at the University of Virginia.  With years of research and working with twentysomethings, Jay is a very well educated opinion leader on the subject.

In her book, The Defining Decade, Jay teaches and relates to twentysomethings through three major sections: Work, Love, and The Brain and the Body.  Through each chapter Jay exposes the lies of society and presents factual truth about the lifestyles and yearnings of young adults.  She uses her personal case studies along with a wide variety of research to back up her argument.

The book has been named a 2012 staff pick, and Jay's work has appeared in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes and NPR.  

Overall, I deeply enjoyed the book.  It forced me to see my life as a reality and not an abstract phase of transition-to-thirty.  Half way through the book I was overly motivated to take a job position I had previously turned down, so I did.  Honestly, I owe Dr. Meg Jay a huge thank you for that push.  I now feel like I can live my twenties with much more purpose than I had originally intended.  For any young soul searching and piddling, I recommend this book as a method of self examination.   

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Why Are You Here?

Sundays are good days for slowing down, stopping, and thinking about things.  Today we slowed down and watched the movie, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" (2004.)  The movie is excellent.  It reminded me of the need to slow down and appreciate my purpose in life.

I think we sometimes get on the whirlwind of life, going around and around so fast we forget to breathe.  But it seems to be the slower moments that make the faster moments worth while.  "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" challenged me to stop and think about some things in my life.  Who am I helping on a day-to-day basis?  Who am I hurting?  How can I spend more time with the people I love the most?  And how can I make sure that these people know how much I love them?

Each and every one of us has a divine purpose under heaven.  God miraculously designed it that way.  He designed each of us as a very specifically crafted piece to the giant puzzle.  There are no strangers, just people you haven't met.  There are no random acquaintances.  Every small hourly job is significant.  Each person you pass on the street is meaningful.  Our friends, our family and our business acquaintances are all connected some how.

I think after we leave the finiteness of earth, our minds expand into seeing time a little bit more like our creator sees it.  The older you are the quicker you watch the time fly by.  I hate this, because I can't stop it.  I realize that everything is fleeting and only God, his word and the souls of men last forever.

Because of that truth I used to think that everything outside of church and Bible study was meaningless.  If only three things last forever, why spend time doing anything else?  Why have a job that takes away from that?  Why do things that are only fun for a little while?  It made much more sense to only focus on what would last.

Fortunately, God intervened.  He gave me an anal break and taught me to enjoy life as it is.  I don't have to be perfect, but I'm still learning to let that go.  I don't have to study the Bible 24/7 because it is completely impossible and completely distracting from the real life that goes on beyond that.  I love to worship my Lord and go to church, but I have a social, professional, and personal life outside of that.  These lives are not separate, they are simply different compartments of a single picture.

I think it is interesting that we don't choose as much as we think we choose.  God's plans are sovereign, and that is the truth.  I think our hearts are our guides, and even though we sometimes push against them, we still end up right where God puts us.  Take a minute and look at where you are at.  What specifically are you doing in this chapter of life?  Why did God put you there?  Maybe you hate it and you can't wait to get out of that place.  Perhaps you see it as a waiting period and you are wishing the time to hurry and pass.  Regardless of how you see it, you need to appreciate the moment and understand that purpose lies in you being there.

Now look at the people around you.  Do you see how you effect them on a daily basis?  Is it good or bad?

I think I spend a lot of time wishing I had everyone I love in one place.  After large family or friend gatherings I get really sad.  I just want everyone to stay close by, forever.  Everyone needs to live in the same town as me so we can all be close and happy least that's the way I see it.

Unfortunately that cannot really happen.  We all have to live in our specific places to fulfill our specific roles.  If my aunts lived in Frederick all the time they wouldn't be able to help people in their towns.  And if my best friends from college didn't do what they do, they wouldn't be where they are supposed to be.  God has a reason and order for everything, we just have to accept it.

Sometimes the over-achiever in me gets anxious and irritated because things aren't perfect.  I want stuff to be in order and by the book every time.  Yet, the more I see of the real world, the more I am understanding the irrationality of this thought.  A lot of times life is about picking up the pieces, feeling in the gaps, and making the most of what's in front of you.  It isn't always glory, perfection and picture-perfect.

It's the gray areas that trick me.  I'm prepared to go all in, or not at all, but when something requires an in-between stage, I panic.  Earlier this year I had a lot of growing pains.  I didn't want to be where I was supposed to be, and I didn't want to grow apart from my friends.  I wanted to do what I wanted to do and leave everyone else out of it.  George Bailey thought the same thing when he graduated...

What happens when you graduate college without a promised career, husband and best friend?  God doesn't care if you didn't have this in your plans, because his are the only ones that matter.

Which is funny, don't you coaches, books and motivational speakers tell you to make plans and goals for yourself--which I totally agree with and do often myself--yet in the end it is God who determines your success or failure with these goals and plans.

I guess that is why I have always marveled at Proverbs 16:9, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."

There is an acquaintance I've met who I find very interesting.  He is one of the best at his craft.  He's one lots of awards around the world and makes lots of money doing what he does.  The funny thing is he works out of a crummy old shop and receives not much notice locally.  He told me once that he had planned to move to the big city and make it big.  It seems to me that he has everything he needs to do this, so I asked him why he never did.  He had a kid, so he stayed in this small town.

I think that is a familiar story for many of us.  While it is easy to blame unplanned inconveniences as excuses for not living out the plans we made for our life early on, I think that this is quite the opposite.  These "unplanned inconveniences" are actually God's humorous way of saying, "Never mind.  Turn around.  Head west instead of east."  God does it so sneakily that we often don't see it as him.  We see it as our arch-nemesis attacking us hypothetically some how, or our bad karma for being naturally sinful humans.

A change of perspective is a powerful thing.  

Monday, February 3, 2014

Just Flow

"Everything has a natural place. Stuff naturally falls into place under the laws of the universe and the hand of God, we just have to relax and let them fall into place.  Much like painting or styling hair, we can't force things to go where they don't belong.  Or pottery, for example, have you ever tried to force clay where it doesn't want to go?  It's natural form holds some truth to it, regardless.

In the same way, God created you for a specific purpose.  You are to reach a certain people group that no one else can, and your story is to be unique from everyone else's.  

So why do we worry so much about fitting in or not fitting in?  Why are we in constant fear of being judged?  
I've come to find out that you will be judged regardless of the path you choose."  

I come back to this blog post tonight because I have been struck by the thought of this idea once again.  As I lay on my couch reading about an advertising method that doesn't challenge the competition by fighting harder and being more competitive, I am reminded of the simple beauty of being.

Work smarter not harder.

Martha and Mary illustrated the idea for us in the ancient times of Jesus.  Martha worked her rear-end off preparing for a big event.  She cooked, she cleaned, she picked up and threw out.  She minded all the details and fretted over each item that might explode into an unwanted catastrophe.  She had it all together because she was aiming at being THE BEST event holder.

What happened next totally threw off the plot.

Jesus.  The game changer.

He always did the unexpected and said the opposite of what you pegged him to say.  He did this in a simple and sophisticated way that got people's attention.  Much like what Mac does with computers, Jesus did with life.

You see, while Windows and the world are fighting for our attention, promising the unpromisable and clawing their way into our brains, Mac and Jesus are laid back, being the awesome selves that they are.  With M & J there is no striving.  There is no competing and putting opponents down.  It is all about the peace and freedom that comes with being.

And so, Jesus told Martha to take a chill pill and congratulated Mary on being...Mary.  She was comfortable in her skin; relaxed and carefree.  Mary didn't go out of her way to change her behavior, clothes, house, and display.  In fact, she probably walked up to Jesus on the street casually and started up a conversation about where old sandals ended up after deterioration.  

I'd call that integrity.

I'd also call it captivating.  

If you've known me for any period of time, you probably know that my favorite life-changing book is Captivating, by Stasi Elderedge.  Women of all ages need to read this book.  It simply says, hey sweetheart, you're beautiful just the way God made you, and when you accept that and quit trying to be perfect, flawless and bulletproof, the world will take you in as a rose that has blossomed.

The thing about beauty that grabs your attention is that it isn't trying.  It isn't starving itself or pushing others out of the way or faking its way to the top.  Beauty is beauty because it is.  God is God because he is.

"I am who I am."

With Jesus it was that simple.  And he was!

He is.

The most successful marketing campaigns are the ones that just are.  They aren't the multi-million dollar, one-uppers--they are the ones who have found rest in being themselves.  Avis, we are #2...we try harder.

At times you may be tempted in your own life to force something into existence.

Recently I desperately wanted to move out beyond the six walls of Oklahoma.  I love this country but I so desired to see another state.  I wanted to be adventurous and carefree and brave!

Every day for three months, I woke up and tried to force a post-college decision for my life.  And every afternoon I would change my mind, knowing that deep down it didn't feel right.

My delightful friends told me I was a planner and organizer, trying to live a carefree, unpenciled life.  "It's just not you," they explained to me one day.  I was amused when I stepped back and looked at myself.

Yes I am bold and adventurous, but moving around to strange places by myself with no agenda was definitely not going to help me feel purposeful and accomplished in my life.  I still admire and covet the souls who can do this, but as for me it's just not there.

I was offered a position in my hometown.

No.  It's too predictable.  I don't want to go back yet, I had arranged that for later on in my life, not now. I need to go be free and do some random things first.

So I turned the job down.

Then I did nothing for a month...except grow restless and crave duty.

They called again...

I had a cry fest in private with Jesus and told him I would not do it.

Then I stopped, listened and shut-up.

Peace fell over me and God assured me that this was where my heart belonged deep down.  

I knew at that moment that home was where I needed to be.  It's where I always wanted to be, it just wasn't how I had planned it.  I was trying to force an escape route to be someone else rather than comfortable excelling in my own purpose.  I realized that God already knew his plans, and he designed me to fulfill them in a very specific way.  Fighting that way wasn't getting anyone anywhere.  It was surrender to the obvious that brought me to God's will.  

We can't force clay to be something it doesn't want to be.  Life is being, and being is freeing.

 Just flow..and you will.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...