Mysterious People..

I am and have always been, a very open person.  I get told this a lot by strangers.  I guess it helps in writing, but it hurts in other places.  Recently I have been learning about the "real world" and how you sadly can't trust everyone you meet.  I hate this.  It is one of the most disappointing things I have come to face.  It's like parents and all those teachers and coaches all these years worked so hard to teach you right from wrong and make you a good person, but in the end you go to grown up world and those rules don't matter.  Everyone is egotistical, selfish and heartless.  It is rare to find a trustworthy person, and those wonderful gems usually turn out to be the ones that get screwed.  How sad.

Being as open as I am it is frustrating.  I can never, ever ever ever keep my own secrets..no matter how hard I try, and I easily find myself falling into conversation with someone and spilling my guts.  Oh wait I'm doing it now.  Awesome, someone is going to read my blog and take advantage of my weakness now.  Ugg..

Some people say my honesty is refreshing.  I guess I just see things in black and white.  I like simple.  Puzzles irritate me because they aren't straightforward.  Learning Spanish was hard because it changed and was relative.  Basketball and I didn't work out because of the ever changing plays that depended on circumstances.  Why can't everything just be pure and simple?  If I ask a question, answer me and tell me the truth, the whole truth...and nothing but the truth.  Who would even think to lie about it?

idealist.

I suppose it is my black and whiteness that leads me to be intrigued by mysterious people.  Today at the coffee shop I just had two mysterious customers leave.  They weren't creepy and I wasn't suspicious...they were two of my favorites, one being a close friend.  Today we sat all three together for the first time and I listened and watched as one tried to pull stories out of the other.  Both of these men fascinate me because when I ask them about themselves they are short; interesting but lacking in details.  It's that puzzle thing again.  Why are you making me work so hard for answers? Just tell me.

I guess I have my parents to thank for my pure-mindedness.

One of these guys is an older gentlemen.  I think he is a secret-something.  Perhaps an angel sent by my late grandfather.  Maybe grandpa sent him here to teach me culture, understanding people, and adventure.  Or maybe he is a secret agent, sent by the government to try and capture me in a lie so they can arrest me for some absurd reason.  More realistically, I like to think he is an undercover counselor.  He sits down for a quick 15 minutes at a time and asks me deep, introspective questions that get me thinking about myself, and then leaves.

One day I decided to trick him.  I wanted a turn too, ya know.  As soon as he walked I jumped on him verbally and asked him to tell me about his wife!  Ah-hah!  There was a conversation that was sure to stick on him for a while.  I wanted to analyze him for a change.  Unfortunately, I soon ended up on defense again.  And boy do I have a poor defense.  It's wide open!

I guess you can be that way if you have no secrets.

Is it bad to not have secrets?  Maybe I am missing a psychological piece of my mind.  Perhaps I need to be more sneaky and have passions I don't tell anyone about.  People like that are intriguing, but cowardice I think.  Maybe we all care too much what people think about us, so we don't risk sharing our hearts.

Maybe mysterious people have been through a lot in their lives and don't want to get hurt again.

But how do prevent that?

You can't.

Even with a superior family, secured living locations and protection from God Almighty, you still have to live life in a fallen world.  You still have to constantly interact with bad people, fallen people, and hurtful situations.  Pain and failure is inevitable.  We need to respect them and treat them as what they are rather than avoiding them at all coasts and pitying ourselves when we find them.

Kalhlil Gibran, on "Pain" from The Prophet:

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell than encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break,

that its heart my stand in the sun, so must

you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder 

at the daily miracles of your life, your pain

would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your 

heart, even as you have always accepted 

the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore, trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips,

has been fashioned of the clay witch the Potter has moistened with his own sacred tears.

A One Woman Man

Well I don't want the whole world, no

The sun, the moon, and all their light

I just want to be the only girl you love all your life

       --The Band Perry 

This one is for the guys--single guys that is.  Here's a little something to think about as you roam around the earth, doing what guys do.

I want you to know that you already have a wife.  She's out there, waiting for you.  God predestined the two of you to be together before the dawn of time.  He designed her personality, charm, body, style, character, and heart to match yours.  She is your ezer, as it translates.  Ezer simply means helper, and encourager, someone who will stand right by your side through thick and thin.  That's right, she was made to help you specifically!


God is going to give you this awesome woman to be your life partner someday.  In fact, he has been preparing both of you for quite some time now, just waiting for the perfect moment to bless both of you with each other.  Now, I will be honest, I do not know who she is.  I do not know your future wife, nor what she believes or acts like.  But, if she is anything like the wonderful Christian women in my life, I would bet a large sum of money that she thinks about you pretty often.

With all the Christian dating books, rings, and movements going on, I think women are really starting to understand the importance of their future marriage.  Almost all of my solid girl friends keep husband journals, yes, that's what we call them.  In these journals young ladies spend hours upon hours, praying and writing to their future husband.  

Many of these same Christian women are also spending lots of time learning about guarding their heart, so they won't waste time getting hurt by a Bozo.  They may be reading books, talking to God, or asking for advice, but one way or another I am sure she is faithfully waiting for you; her guide, her partner, her leader.  


Thinking about this type of faithfulness makes you wonder, what does she expect from you in return?  I think The Band Perry nailed the desperate cry of every woman's soul in regards to marriage, when the leader singer says, "I just want to be the only girl you love all your life."


Yes, even before you know your wife, she wants your commitment.  I realize this may be a huge and scary thing to do, but don't you want to be that kind of a man for her?  Eric Ludy in "When God Writes Your Love Story" puts it this way:

"Give her your heart, mind, and body now!  It's easy to run around from one shallow relationship to the next, meeting your own selfish desires.  But it takes a real man, a real lover, to keep one woman satisfied for life.  I guarantee you, the rewards of such a decision are off-the-charts amazing.  And she'll love you like a man longs to be loved."

Stop and ask yourself a few questions.  Would your wife be happy with the way you live your day-to-day life?  Would she feel loved or hurt by the way you give other women what is promised to be hers?  How can you make a commitment to her now?  What can you be praying for her about?  

Do you have what it takes to be a one woman man for life?

A Video for the Men

Ezra 10:4

"Rise up; this matter is in your hands.  We will support you, so take courage and do it."

Men: Are you fighting for your wife?  Are you preparing to be the man your future wife needs you to be?  How can you practice standing up now?

Women: Are you letting your husband stand up for you?  Are you praying for the strength of your future husband?  How can you practice encouraging now?

Also check out: My Plea to the Guys

Can Men and Women be JUST friends?

I am often asked why I have not posted about male-female friendships and the boundaries within them.  The honest answer is that I do not know.  I have never read a book, found scripture, or been convicted or drawn to this subject.  It does interest me, and I am slowly figuring out what is truth and what is not as I grow older, but I am no expert on the subject.  I do plan on sharing my thoughts with you as soon as I am ready, however.

Interestingly enough, one of my friends sent me this video the other day.  Although it is a secular video, it exposes some deep, yet comical truths between the two genders and their thinking patterns.  I thought I would share it with you all as a means of helping you form your own opinion.  Let me know what you think!

Making the Stand

If I can write a post to the girls in their vulnerability, I think I owe the guys something too.  Especially because I just finished reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.  Yes, it is the male version of the book I mentioned in  my last post.  (Just so you know, the male version came first.)

Wild at Heart has taught me that just as women have been deeply wounded in their femininity, so have men been wounded in their masculinity.   Again, I will not go into all the details, for they are in this book which I so highly recommend reading.  The point I want to make, is that you will never be the man God designed you to be if you don't let him heal your wound.

The similarity on both the male and female side of things, is that the process of healing for both is hard, painful, and revealing.  You're looking into the depths of your heart for crying out loud, it should be painful.  The preciousness that lies within your soul is the key to all things male.  Everything you dreamed of as a boy, and everything you hope to be for your (future) wife, family, and kids is in this deeply treasured place.  Don't mistake my words, men and women are very different, but the journey to finding self is equally painful.

So why do it if it's painful?  Because you are what this world needs.  You are the MAN she's been waiting for.  You are the leader, the fighter, the powerful lover that the church has waited for.  Your son needs you so he won't walk through life wounded.  Your daughter needs you so she won't look for love elsewhere.  And your wife needs you to fight for her, thus unveiling her beauty.

I realize many of you reading this are single, that's all the more reason to fight for your soul now.  God designed you to be this man from the beginning.  Find that man now, so when the beauty comes along you will have the love and confidence to fight for her with a holy passion and protection.  The movie and song Courageous have spoken out on this need.  The people in your life speak out on it everyday, only you don't realize it, and they probably don't either.

The truth is, you hold a special place as a man.  From a woman's point of view I can definitely say that we need you, we urge you, and we want you to step up for us and lead the way.  Spiritually you have such an adventure to grasp, and I hope you choose to take the hard path of discovery into being THE man God made you to be.

The Addiction

(Continued from What is the #1 Addiction?)

Attention from the opposite sex.

That's the number one tactic Satan uses against young single women.  Actually he starts using it when we are young and single, but depending on our reaction it could last a lifetime.  If you think this sounds like a natural, normal desire, you're right.  It is 100% normal to want attention from the opposite sex, in fact I would be worried if you didn't want some sort of attention from them.  However, as with most things, the desire becomes sin when it is placed above your desire for God, and from my study and experience as a teenage girl, I know that this can become quite an idol for most of us.

Let's start small.  Think of that innocent 6th grade girl you know.  She's very cute, kind of shy, but oh so boy crazy!  She may not talk much at school, but around her friends and family all she can mention is the cute boys at school.  The family giggles and thinks it's adorable, and her friends encourage her to pursue these young men.  In fact, from the girl's point of view you would learn to think that liking several different guys at once was a wonderful thing!  Everyone thinks it's adorable, so why try and control it?

Then one day two of these men she has been secretly infatuated with, begin to flirt with her.  Her heart flutters, her mind spins, and she does all she knows to do, she flirts back.  She begins to text these two boys "innocently," playing silly flirting games that teenagers do at that age.  Her family and friends are now very impressed at the sudden interest of TWO young males.  Again, no one does anything to discourage her from this behavior, so she carries on, doing what feels "right" to her 6th grade emotions.

A few months go by and her family starts to get concerned.  "Sweetie, you can't date both of them.  You should either pick one or the other," says her Dad.  Her friends seem to be getting a little jealous lately, and she's noticed they don't come around near as often.  Confused, emotional, and a little stressed, she continues doing what she has always been told was right.  She follows her feelings.

Uh-oh.  What happens when she still has feelings for both guys?  On top of that, there are still a few other nice guys in the background she wonders about too.  Perhaps if she could keep these two she could try out a few others as well?  After all, everyone thought her 6th grade crushes were adorable!  So by the 8th grade she is juggling 3 or 4 different guys, without seriously dating any of them.  Because her friends have left her and parents don't approve, she keeps things secret.

Months and months of texting, Facebooking, and writing notes to these "little flings" of hers, and her heart has had more damage than a carton of eggs at the bottom of a grocery basket.  You see, what started out as innocent fun and games has led to an addiction of attention, affection, and admiration.  With each flirtatious text she sends out a little piece of her special feminine beauty, letting another man in on her secrets.  Not only is she giving away parts of her heart to men who will never be called her husband, but she is feeding her desire for male attention.

By the time she is in high school she has no idea how to behave as a single woman.  Why?  Because for the past 3 years of her life she has ALWAYS had several guys texting her phone, calling her house, and telling her how beautiful she is.  Even if it wasn't always positive attention, it was attention.  

One day as she sat alone in her room, she picks up her phone to realize it's broken.  She goes to the computer only to realize the internet is down.  Frustrated, she sits in the floor and for the first time in years, looks up to her first love, the one who gave her life.  An exhale of chaos leaves her lungs as she closes her eyes and says, "Lord, how have I strayed so far from you?  What do I need to do to come back into your presence?"  It was at that point she realized the addiction she had been feeding.  At that point she realized these men would never really satisfy her soul, and it was at that point she submitted her desperate need for a God much bigger than all of this worldly stuff.  

Perhaps you know a young woman like this.  Will you stand with the rest of the world and let this happen?  How can you lovingly show her a better way?

Or maybe this young girl is you currently and you're beginning to become aware of an addiction in the making.  What do you need to do keep your heart and mind focused on Christ?

And finally, perhaps you are an older woman, and you are now seeing a lifelong pattern that needs to be changed.  You too were fooled by the world, but you too can come clean and refreshed through the love of Jesus.

Matthew 11:28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

God first. Others second. Matthew 22:37-39

Advice from Dr. Myles Munroe :)

Okay so this one is even better than the T.D. Jakes one! Ya'll gotta hear this. Dr. Myles Munroe tells us what to look for in a man. Tells us what a REAL man looks like!! Good stuff ya'll.

If you attended the bible study, a lot of this goes back to making a list of standards and stickin' to em! He has some great ideas to add to your list too though...I might add a few myself :)

Emotions and Dating

When it comes to dating, emotions are the biggest thing that cause conflict, drama, and pain. If we can learn to control our emotions instead of letting them control us, we will see victory in our relationships. Here is an easy acronym to remember about this.

Recognize your emotion

Express it to GOD

Evaluate your emotions in line with God's word

Decide to agree with God

When it comes to emotions and dating, you should lean back not forward. As girls we get overly involved and attached with a guy way to early. We have to learn to 1) let the guy lead in the depth of the relationship and 2) be fully functional and content being single.

Fantacizing about guys sets you up for heartache. Don't do it.

Pray for God to guard your heart. Proverbs 4:23

1 Corinthians 7:34-focus on what God wants for you

Galations 1:10-Examine yourself, are you trying to please men or God?

You always marry somebody you date.

So think about who you're dating!

A man will never meet all your needs. Only God can totally fulfill you.

Check out some Godly characteristics for men you should look for- 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

4 Dating Do's and Dont's from Brian and Vikki Banks

Last night at the BCM worship service Brian and Vikki Banks discussed 4 Do's and Dont's of dating. Here are the notes I took. Hopeful this might encourage some of you!

1. DO deal with your stuff now.

Your hurts, your habits, your hang-ups. It's no doubt we all have them, what matters is how we deal with them and what we choose to do with them. All the baggage from your past or present, deal with it now before entering a relationship. If not, these things will hurt your relationships.

Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of self-ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

2. DO deepen your walk with God.

Collossians 2:6-7 "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

Galatians 5:15 "So I say, live by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."

Walk by the fruits of the spirit.

3. DO NOT compromise in your choice.

A Christian relationship should be 2 believers each seeking to grow deeper in God. 2 believers communicating in love.

Statistics show that there are 2 Christian women to every one 1 Christian man. Sadly, 1 in every 3 women marry down in terms of their spiritual level.

Ladies: You will choose one man to lead you for the rest of your life. Choose wisely. Who you choose will effect how you serve God, what ministry you do, how much money you give to God, how your daughter perceives men and God, and many many other things.

Look for someone who has scripture-based values, someone who puts people before things, who realizes sex is to be sacred and honored in marriage, not outside of it, and someone who realizes divorce is NOT an option--God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16.) So please, do not compromise. Look steadily ahead at God and he will show you a man who will lead you like you need.

4. Don't date in a vaccume.

Sometimes in relationships we tend to get so sucked-in and focused on our relationship that we completely forget about our friends, our family, and everyone who cares about us. Sometimes even to the point of ignoring their instruction or words of wisdom. This is NOT healthy. Be careful that this doesn't happen to you. People who know you well and care about you usually disagree with your choices for a reason--they know you deserve better. Listen to them.