Dwell.

Psalm 37:3 says this, "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture."

Dwell means to remain for a time, or to live as a resident.  Pulpit Commentary puts it this way: "Remain where thou art, and be satisfied with the thought of God's faithfulness. Feed on this."

That is a very powerful message if you think about it.  Remain where thou art and be satisfied with the thought of God's faithfulness...

It makes me think about a lot of things, a lot of things that our society does are backwards compared to how they did them in Jesus' day.  Even though they are backwards it is hard to say if they are wrong or not.  Most explain, "That's just the way things are now." Which is a simple excuse, but you have to wonder what the heart of God wants.

Think about this, "Remain where you are."  People used to stake their claim and live on the same plot of land, in the same house, all the years of their life.  My grandparents grew up 8 miles apart, and they now reside in the house my grandfather grew up in.  They have lived there all but maybe 3-4 years of their married life together.

My parents also have lived in the same house for 23-24 years.  That is unheard of in today's society.  The only reason my family has been so permanent in location is because we are "tied to the land."  My daddy is a farmer and he can't exactly relocate his profession.

I remember one day in one of my college classes.  My teacher was speaking about this very thing.  She was explaining that we are now a mobile society.  Everyone moves quite a bit now.  The Internet, automobiles and airplanes have made all this moving extremely easy to do.  To prove her point, she asked our class of 40 to raise their hands if we had lived in the same town our whole life.  There were about 10 hands that went up.  She told us to keep them up if we had lived in the same house our whole life.  This left three hands up.  She explained this was rare and the numbers were only this high because we lived in the Bible belt and the Bible belt is always the last to adopt new ideas.  Furthering her point, she asked us to raise our hands if our parents were from the town we grew up in.  My hand stayed up.  Her frustration rose.

"Well your grandparents certainly aren't from the same town are they?"  she half asking, half assumingly stated to me.

I grinned from ear to ear and said, "Actually, both of my grandparents on both sides spent most of their lives within 40 miles of where I grew up."  

I don't have to explain to you that college professors don't like to be wrong.  This one in particular happened to be a  real know-it-all.  She studied my face for a minute, ignoring the giggles around the room, and quickly decided to change the topic and move forward in her lecture.

"Remain where you are..."

So is it bad to move off and around and up and down and back?  I don't see why it would be, but back in the day they never did.  I understand my situation is unique, because the majority of people today are movers.  Perhaps I am taking this passage out of the Bible way to literal.  Maybe he is only suggesting we enjoy where we are while we are there.  Contentness.

One other thing I'd like to mention though.  I noticed many of my friends got an anxious kick in them around our junior year of college, including myself.  It was odd, it was as though a fairy had came around and hit all of us with the same pixie dust.  We seemed to wake up one morning and sickly desire a home.  Not mommy and daddy's home, but a home of our own.  We each so desperately wanted a permanent place to call ours.  We wanted a place we could stay and not have to move out each summer.  We wanted a dwelling we could decorate and cook in.  We wanted a space to care for and enjoy.

I remember many coffee-talks about this subject with a plethora of different girlfriends.  How strange it was that we independent, go-getter, dream-makers all suddenly wanted a place to be permanent with--and at the ripe old age of 20, maybe 21.

I think this goes back to the way we are programed.  I believe that God designed us to marry young.  They did it for centuries!  I mean look at the psyche of high school kids.  At about age 18 they start thinking marriage, but why?  Who puts this thought in their heads?  I don't believe it's put there, I believe it happens, and yes some country kids may act on this idea, but most of today's kids are ashamed of this desire.  They are ashamed because society tells them they are better than marriage.  They have to get a degree and a good job and prove themselves in the world.  Then and only then can they start thinking of marriage.

Perhaps this is a good thing because we have more time to find ourselves and grow up, but then again maybe it is wrong because it makes purity an impossible pedestal.

It's interesting really.  We teach our Christians to remain soft and pure and holy until they are safely married.  Unfortunately, they are to remain this way during the most active times of their lives when their bodies are most ready to reproduce and latch on to something permanent beyond mom and pop.

I'm not blaming anybody or saying our teachings are wrong, I'm just saying, it looks to me like today's society has it backwards.  Our bodies aren't meant to reproduce in their 30s and 40s like people in my generation are doing.  Yet with school and work becoming a priority we have to.

I guess as a 20-something I am saying that I would love to dwell on the land permanently.  I like the security of having one house in one location long-term.

On the other hand I get restless with the thought of settling down already.  There is so much of the world I still need to see.  I want to travel and live in at least one other state before I settle down for good.  Plus, I'm single--there's nothing holding me back.  Now is the time for me to go live a gypsy life before I really have to stay in one location for a family and husband.

Either way, the point of this lesson is to remain in the land for a time.  Right now my dwelling is here, so I will make it a point to dwell in this land and enjoy God's faithfulness.

A Woman's Heart

"...at the heart of every woman you will find that she wants three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty...most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after."
--from the book Captivating

 Psalm 45:11 "The King is enthralled by your beauty."

How many of you have ever felt unloved?  Are there any women in your life whom you look at instantly sense their dire need of attention?  Are they..or you..addicted to a secret sin?  Perhaps it's not because they are crazy.  Not because they want to be annoying, clingy, witchy, etc.  Perhaps it is because they have not once in their life felt loved and wanted.

Often times we are all too quick to judge the quirkiness of others.  At the same time, we are much to slow to diagnose the problems of our own addictions.

I've read Captivating, by John and Staci Elderedge five times in my life.  I am now starting and round six.  I love it.  It is and forever will be, my most favorite book.  It has changed and shaped my life over and over again.  Each time I read it I learn something new about women, myself, and God.  Did I mention I never reread books?

As I am reading it tonight...I can't help but stop and think of all the women in the world who feel unloved.  I think the truth is that most of these women are loved, but do they feel it?...no.  That sounds like something very small and trivial, and of course it is something we (women) all downplay to excessive degrees.  In fact, if you were to ask most women if they felt unloved, I bet the majority wouldn't even admit it.  Why?  Because we are STRONG,  INDEPENDENT, Rosie the Rivoter type of women who wouldn't dare confess a need or a want, much less one that depends on a man.

I've asked a few married women in my life if they felt like their husband was leading them spiritually.  In both cases the women teared up and shook their head no, admitting to a lifetime of pain.  Now I sit and think of how many women--young, old, married, widowed, single--who walk around this life feeling unloved.  There must be millions!  What do they do?  How do they cope?  Superficial relationships with men?  Do some cover up the pain with cosmetics? Others might fill the void with food, alcohol or illegal substances even.  Then there are the select few that turn to the Lord and lean on him for their strength and fulfillment.  That of course works, but I know there still must be painful nights when those women need a strong pair of shoulders to lean upon and call "daddy" or "husband."

Please don't take this post as a bashing on the men in our lives.  There are many things women fail at too, and I would never put down men just to be mean.  I know 90% of the men I've met try very hard to be who they need to be for their women...I think they just don't know exactly what they need to do.  Anyhow, the point of my post is to point out the issue so that women and maybe even a few men, can understand more about the heart of a woman.  Once we understand a woman's heart, then we understand her hurts, and when we understand someone's hurts we understand their annoying habits.  Put all this together and you have a recipe that can only add up to help, healing, and freedom.

Think about it.  Every woman wants to be pursued by a man.  When we are little it's daddy, and when we grow older it's a man...but not just any man.  It's the man we can call husband.  I think many young women would argue that it doesn't have to be a husband that pursues them, but when you break it all down, it truly is.  Think of Jennifer Aniston's role in "He's Just Not That Into You."  She lives with a man she has dated for 7 years.  They love each other and are very faithful to one another, yet her heart aches and aches because he refused to marry her.  Why?  Because we are women and we were designed to be married, to be someone's helper, and to be the wife of a specific man God picked out for us.  Don't buy what I'm sellin'?  Read Genesis 2-4.

The heart of a woman screams commitment by a steady, faithful, forever man.  Daddy to husband, nothing in between or temporary.  Yet when we live too long without being pursued by one or the other we tend to get lost in the temporary pain-numbers many call "losers", or "bozos."  Ahh...this must be why we date.

Woa.  Did I just say that?   Can't wait to hear the controversial comments on that line. :)

Anyhow, I have a friend who loves his kids a whole lot.  He always says he's "taking them on an adventure." What adventure are ya'll going on today?  I'll ask him when I know he has a day off.  Oh, the zoo...a museum...mountain climbing...a strange restaurant.  He always replies with some fascinating answer and a jam-packed agenda for the day.

I love, love, love this action-packed form of fathering he has goin' for him. I told him the other day something he never even realized.  By keeping those kids in the middle of an adventure, you are doing them a huge favor.  When they grow up and become teenagers they won't have to rebel and look for adrenaline and excitement, because they will know in their hearts that their whole life has been an exciting adventure.  Why? Because Daddy showed them so.  He taught them how to live life to the fullest without sneaking out, experimenting with drugs, or doing harmful things to their body.

A woman wants to be a part of an adventure...with a forever man.

Life--with all it's surprises, demands and gifts--is definitely an adventure.  Facing the hard stuff head on is always a well-worth it challenge that definitely counts as adventure.  So men, lead us through it instead of running.  Women, trust that he will get you to the other side, hang on, and love every minute of the adrenaline-packed adventure.  I promise you, you won't be bored.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..."

Jeremiah 29:11

More Than Happily Ever After

Here's another post inspired by Gary Thomas' book Sacred Influence.  In the ninth chapter you will find this paragraph:

"For some women, marriage is the ultimate life goal--once attained, what's to try for?  When you stop trying to please your man, eventually, by degrees, you lose him; or at the least, you lose the intimacy that leads to influence.  You become someone other than the person he married, and the two of you begin to drift apart."

I agree, and I'd take the first like a step farther.  I would say most women think marriage is the ultimate goal, especially single women.  For proof of this, look at what our brains feast on--

happily ever after...

You see the three dots at the end of that statement?  That line always follows the wedding of the princess, and the three dots give us a signal that the rest doesn't matter.  The important thing is that she won the guy and got a ring on her finger, after that who cares right?

Wrong.  Just like our marriage to Christ through salvation is not the end but the beginning, so is your marriage to your husband.  Don't go too far to think that your life won't begin until marriage, just think realistically.  In married life, life still happens.  You still have crazy roller-coaster days.  You still have nights that you can't sleep.  You still get stressed out with work, and you still want to be alone at times.  Part of marriage is learning to take these challenges head on and love another person through the difficulties anyway.  

As single women, we have got to get our heads out of the sky when it comes to fantasizing about marriage.  It will be fun don't get me wrong, but it will be hard too.  We have to prepare ourselves for a life-long journey of patience, trust, and forgiveness.  This journey starts at salvation, and is taken to a new level with marriage.  

How many people have you seen get saved at a camp or rededication service who get extremely emotional and excited about what God is doing, they make big promises and buy fancy Bibles, all in celebration of this new lifestyle they are choosing, only to fall off the face of the earth a few months later?  Why did this happen?  Because they were caught up in the fluff and not prepared for the real stuff.  Life is tough sometimes.  

King Solomon says we all go through different seasons of life.  "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.." (Ecclesiastes 3)  Godly wisdom tells us to expect all things, and Jesus was very straightforward when he told us the life of a Christian was full of persecution, trials, and tribulations.  So why wouldn't you expect that?  Why wouldn't you definitely expect that in a union of two sinful souls, namely a marriage?

So what can you start doing now to prepare for life?  Maybe it's time to realize it's not all about you, it never was, and it never will be.  Life is about God, plain and simple.  This is the hardest thing a human can accept, but the most rewarding when he does.  Don't let pride and fantasy get in your way, count the costs before you build your house (Luke 14:28.)

Marriage, much like salvation, is something we will always have to work towards.  We are constantly trying to improve our relationships both with God and men, that is what our calling is (Matthew 22:37-40)!  Philippians 2:12-13 tells us we must do this with our salvation: "Therefore, my dear friends, as yu ohave always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

Work out your salvation.

You have to work at it.  That's why without a daily quiet time Christians perish.  That's why life without a community causes us to wilt.  Those kind of actions are active, they are passive, and it's just like telling the devil he can roll over on us while we raise our white flags.  That's cowardly and childish.  Anything worth having is worth fighting for--daily.  It's like Noah says in the movie The Notebook:

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

The same guy that uttered those words spent the last part of his life trying to win the heart of his wife--every single day.  Despite her memory loss, Noah spent each day reminding Allie of the love they once shared and how much he wanted to take care of her and be with her forever and ever.  That's what marriage is about, and that's the stubborn intensity we must approach it with.  

2 Corinthians 2:11 

"...in order that Satan might not outwit us.  For we are not unaware of his schemes."

Sacred Secrets Behind "The Vow"

"You accepted me for who I am,

not for who you wanted me to be."

--The Vow, 2012

If you contributed to the $40 million spent on opening weekend of  Sony Picture's "The Vow."  You might really connect with what I am about to say in this post.  If you have yet to see the film, well, you might be surprised.

On opening weekend of "The Vow" several of my friends and I went out to see this love story for ourselves.  After months of waiting and hoping, the movie was finally released to public viewing!

Starring Dear John's Channing Tatum, and The Notebook's Rachel McAdams, "The Vow" is a romantic story about a married couple who goes through a major hurdle in their married life.  Early in their marriage Paige (McAdams) suffers a major head injury after a car accident.  The result of her injury is memory loss of the past few years of her life.

Upon waking up from her coma, not only does Paige not remember marrying Leo (Tatum,) but she doesn't even know who he is.  The rest of the movie is the valiant story of Leo trying to win her back.  One of his most famous quotes, "I have to make my wife fall in love with me again,"  tells exactly what kind of heart he has.

Throughout the movie Leo constantly reminds himself of the vows him and his wife made on their wedding day.  "I vow to fiercely love you in all forms, now and forever.  I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love."  Leo paints the picture of this vow by standing by his wife, despite her lack of memories and personality disfunctions.  Leo truly shows us what it looks like to love like Christ loves the church.

WAIT.  Did I just refer to "Christ" and "church" while reviewing a secular film??  I did.  You might be surprised to know that the true story this film was based off of is 100% founded on the principle that God is sovereign and God alone can hold a marriage together.


In fact, the true life couple was a little dissapointed to find out the movie lacked any sense of biblical values at all.  Check out this article from Fox News: Real-Life Couple from "The Vow".


I was not at all surprised to hear this, even after seeing the movie.  Throughout the entire movie I had been telling myself in my head that only God could give that man strength, and only God could fit those two back together.  "What God has joined together, let man not separate" (Mark 10:9.)

As stated in the article, the real-life couple tell their complete story in the book.  I for one, am very excited to read this story and get some real encouraging meat out of it.  How bout you?  Click here for details on the book.

Over all, I really enjoyed the movie despite some less than family friendly scenes.  I do think the book would be twice as nice however, filling me in on the details that make this love story so much bigger than Hollywood led us on to believe.  The story itself is what's worth watching.

Article first published as The Vow: Not exactly what Hollywood says on Blogcritics.

Sex God: Book Review

Pause with me just a moment and think. I want you to go back to a place in your childhood when you really and truly felt alive. Think about the defining moment of your existence. For some of you it may be the day you met your best friend. For others it may be a special time between you and your father. Think about your moment, and think about how it made you feel. You were full, you were alive, you were connected. That is what Sex God is all about.

The book Sex God was written by Rob Bell and published by Zondervan in 2007. The book includes nine chapters of separate but related topics relating to spirituality and sexuality. One of my favorite chapters explained the essence of humanity and sexuality. Bell paints the picture that although we are less than angels, and more than animals, we still have a very wonderful purpose for our souls and bodies.

In other chapters Bell intricately describes the ancient Jewish weddings and all of their meaningful customs. As he explains the customs, he explains how this ties into the original meaning of many passages of the Bible, thus proving that God is a very intimate and passionate lover of our souls.

When I first began reading Sex God, I was thoroughly confused and doubtful about the whole thing. Sex and God. Who would think of comparing the two, much less combining them. Although Bell made some excellent observations in the first third of the book, I was still unsure of the message, but after persistent reading I was soon captivated by the book and read the entire thing in one sitting.

Author Rob Bell, is the founding pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church, a sister ministry of Mark Driscoll’s Mars Hill Church. Bell and his wife Kristen, along with their three children, reside in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Bell graduated from Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois. He also graduated from Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. Three of Bell’s books have been on the New York Time’s Best Sellers list: Sex God, Love Wins, and Velvet Elvis.

The subtitle for Sex God is, “exploring the endless connections between sexuality and spirituality.” This is definitely what Sex God is about. The basic human needs for passion, desire, and connection are made perfectly clear and tangible in this book. The only downfall is the end of the book, because it leaves you wanting to read and learn so much more. This would be an excellent book to study with a group of same-sex friends, or between a married couple. I think the book is more appropriate for post-adolescent minds, simply because the rich content might be hard for a hormone-filled teenager to handle.

I loved this book, and I hope you will too, should you choose to read it yourself. For more on Sex God and Rob Bell check out these links:

http://marshill.org/ 

http://www.zondervan.com/Cultures/en-US/Product/ProductDetail.htm?ProdID=com.zondervan.9780310263463&QueryStringSite=Zondervan,

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Exploring-Connections-Spirituality/dp/0310263468

Article first published as <a href='http://blogcritics.org/books/article/book-review-sex-god-by-rob/'>Book Review: <I>Sex God</i> by Rob Bell</a> on Blogcritics.

A One Woman Man

Well I don't want the whole world, no

The sun, the moon, and all their light

I just want to be the only girl you love all your life

       --The Band Perry 

This one is for the guys--single guys that is.  Here's a little something to think about as you roam around the earth, doing what guys do.

I want you to know that you already have a wife.  She's out there, waiting for you.  God predestined the two of you to be together before the dawn of time.  He designed her personality, charm, body, style, character, and heart to match yours.  She is your ezer, as it translates.  Ezer simply means helper, and encourager, someone who will stand right by your side through thick and thin.  That's right, she was made to help you specifically!


God is going to give you this awesome woman to be your life partner someday.  In fact, he has been preparing both of you for quite some time now, just waiting for the perfect moment to bless both of you with each other.  Now, I will be honest, I do not know who she is.  I do not know your future wife, nor what she believes or acts like.  But, if she is anything like the wonderful Christian women in my life, I would bet a large sum of money that she thinks about you pretty often.

With all the Christian dating books, rings, and movements going on, I think women are really starting to understand the importance of their future marriage.  Almost all of my solid girl friends keep husband journals, yes, that's what we call them.  In these journals young ladies spend hours upon hours, praying and writing to their future husband.  

Many of these same Christian women are also spending lots of time learning about guarding their heart, so they won't waste time getting hurt by a Bozo.  They may be reading books, talking to God, or asking for advice, but one way or another I am sure she is faithfully waiting for you; her guide, her partner, her leader.  


Thinking about this type of faithfulness makes you wonder, what does she expect from you in return?  I think The Band Perry nailed the desperate cry of every woman's soul in regards to marriage, when the leader singer says, "I just want to be the only girl you love all your life."


Yes, even before you know your wife, she wants your commitment.  I realize this may be a huge and scary thing to do, but don't you want to be that kind of a man for her?  Eric Ludy in "When God Writes Your Love Story" puts it this way:

"Give her your heart, mind, and body now!  It's easy to run around from one shallow relationship to the next, meeting your own selfish desires.  But it takes a real man, a real lover, to keep one woman satisfied for life.  I guarantee you, the rewards of such a decision are off-the-charts amazing.  And she'll love you like a man longs to be loved."

Stop and ask yourself a few questions.  Would your wife be happy with the way you live your day-to-day life?  Would she feel loved or hurt by the way you give other women what is promised to be hers?  How can you make a commitment to her now?  What can you be praying for her about?  

Do you have what it takes to be a one woman man for life?

Trust, Follow, Submit: How your relationship with God will affect your marriage.

The bible gives us a clear description of the character of a godly wife.  "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:24  And the verse continues on to say the husband is the provider and protector for the wife.  I don't know about you, but if someone is providing and protecting me, I think I would have a  large amount of trust and comfort with them.

Some of you disagree with me.  The thought of letting a man lead you while you blindly follow scares you to death.  That's fear creeping in, and that fear is not of God (1 John 4:18, 2 Timothy 1:7.)  This fear of not being in control, and not knowing the outcome of our future, reflects our faith in God.  In fact, it starts with God.  If you can't blindly follow God, and trust that he will provide for you, how do you plan on following your husband?

As a single woman, you should be using each experience and circumstance as a way to fall back and depend on God more and more.  That is, after all, the Christian walk (Luke 9:23.)  The more we depend on God, the more we let go of our own life and plans.  This is part of the life-long sanctification process we begin in Christ.  

Our earthly relationship with our husband is a reflection of our heavenly relationship with God, both directly influence each other.  Do you remember when you first fell in love with God?  Perhaps you are still there.  Everything is fresh and new in the morning.  You can't get enough of this wonderfully rich Bible!  Hours upon hours you spend praying and weeping, asking God to take more of your life to glorify himself.  Your every word hangs on him, and every conversation somehow turns to Him.  Your heart feels like it just might explode if you don't tell everyone about this wonderful new-found joy you are experiencing!  

God remembers your first love too...

"I remember the devotion of your youth,

how as a young bride you loved me and followed me

through the desert,

through a land not sown."

Jeremiah 2:2

See, not only do you need God, but he needs you.  His heart aches for that special place only you can fill.  He longs to be your sole provider and protector--forever!  He makes promise after promise to you, in hopes of capturing your heart, only to be pushed and kicked away by each selfish plan and claim you make.

"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you..." Hebrews 13:5

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness..."  Jeremiah 31:3

"...Call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  Jeremiah 29:12

"Trust in [me] with all your heart, and [I] will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6 (paraphrase)

In chapter two of his book, God tells Jeremiah the two things his people have done that he considers sin.  First, they turned their backs on God, then they "dug their own cisterns that cannot hold water."  This means they took matters into their own hands by trying to control their own lives--obviously this didn't work because their cisterns didn't hold water.  (Jeremiah 2:13)

God wants to provide for you.  He wants to lead you and protect you, just like your earthly husband will.  Practice falling into God's arms now, so submitting and trusting becomes a natural habit that brings you peace and contentment.

New Marriage, Same Spouse: Mark Driscoll

Wonderful message about God, marriage, and forgiveness by Mark Driscoll.  

Check it out: http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage/new-marriage-same-spouse

The Guide of Your Youth

Proverbs 2:16-17

"[Wisdom] will save you also from the adulteress,

from the wayward wife with her seductive words,

who has left the partner of her youth

and ignored the covenant she made before God."

Malachi 2:15 and Proverbs 5:18 give men careful instruction not to leave the "wife of their youth."  I was studying these passages one day when I found this verse in proverbs.  I noticed that it was different because it was coming from a female's standpoint and said she had left the "partner of her youth."

Curious as I was, I decided to look into the original meaning of the phrase "partner of her youth" and see what exactly the writer meant.  We know that the adulteress left this partner, and that was bad, therefore it is good to stay with this partner.  So who are we staying with?  Here is the Hebrew definition:

Al-loof:

           (Guide or partner)  Chief-leader, familiar, friend, gentle, captain, duke, chief friend (or best friend,) governor, guide, ox.

Interesting huh?  Let's look at the breakdown of each word!  It gets even better...

Chief-Leader as used in Exodus 15:15; a military leader, head person

Friend John 15:15, Jesus says I now call you my friends

Familiar friend-this phrase points to Proverbs 16:28 and Proverbs 17:9, both speak of close friends or "very friends"

Gentle. Read the instructions to husbands found near the end of Ephesians chapter 5.  I'd say gentle is a good way to describe them.

Duke-Straight out of Genesis 36; referring to all of the leaders

Chief Friend-best friend, a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken; Jeremiah 3:4 says God is our close friend from our youth!

Guide-Ephesians 5:24 says husbands lead their wives and the wife is to submit to her husband 

Ox-2 Corinthians 6:14 explains Christians to be "yoked together" with other believers.  This phrase also appears as "joined together" in Matthew 19:6

Barnes commentary explains even further:

"Better, the familiar friend.  The friend of course, is the husband,

or the man to whom the strange woman first belonged

as a recognized concubine."

The "guide of her youth" was the husband God picked out for her. The one we wait for.  The one we pray for.  The one he has promised us.  Think about all the qualities mentioned here for a biblical husband: best friend, guide, gentle, ox that is joined together, duke, leader.  Are you praying for these qualities if you are a lady in waiting?  If you are a man preparing for marriage, do you work towards these characteristics daily?

How beautiful a picture this word Al-loof portrays.  Partner of your youth.  Not only is this a wonderful description of the earthly marriage God has ordained, but the heavenly marriage that is to come.  God wants to be all these things and more for us.  He wants to be our best friend.  If God is your #1, everything else will fall completely into place...even your marriage (Matthew 6:33, 22:37-40.)  

Jeremiah 3:4

"Have you not just called to me:

'My father, my friend from my youth,"

Love and Respect

Ephesians 5:33

"However, each one of you also must

love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect the husband."

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs wrote an entire book over this one tiny verse.  The biblical insight and wisdom found within this verse and book is astounding.  The essential fundamentals of marriage are found within this verse, yet we have seemed to overlook it for the past two-hundred years.

In Eggerich's book, Love and Respect, he explains that unconditional love for the wife is a common concept.  Wives all over the country quickly agree that this is biblical and it should without a doubt be practiced within marriage.  Unconditional respect, on the other hand, scares wives to death, and has never been discussed in church, the home, or the marriage.

Despite its lack of popularity, the last part of Ephesians 5:33 says, "the wife must respect the husband."  This means unconditional respect for the husband is a biblical command.  Love and Respect explains that men and women speak two very different languages, (this is no surprise,) he feels most alive and appreciated when he is respected, where as she feels most alive and appreciated when she is loved.

Although these two concepts seem to overlap with similarity, the demonstration and verbalization of each is very different.  This is where Eggerichs lays out two simple acronyms to help wives and husbands practically apply the Love and Respect model to their lives.  (More notes on that soon.)

Dr. Eggerichs explains what he calls, "The Crazy Cycle," which explains without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without love.  This is why couples find themselves fighting over the smallest and silliest of things.  

To combat The Crazy Cycle, couples must get on "The Energizing Cycle," which says, his love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love.  The scary part is that one person within the couple has to step forward and apply the process first.  This is why it is often so hard for people to get on The Energizing Cycle, yet those following Christ wholeheartedly will find it essential to their walk.

The end of the book wraps everything by explaining that the ultimate goal is not respecting your husband so you can get what you want, but respecting him so you can honor Christ and gain a reward in heaven.  The same goes for husbands who love their wives.

Love and Respect is an amazing book that many counselors require for marriage counseling.  I recommend the book to any married couple, whether their marriage is horrible, average, or wonderful.  Eggerichs has amazing biblical truths in this book that every couple should read about.  Not only is it biblical, but scientific too.  Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has conducted hours of research, surveys, and academic papers over this very subject.  After reading the book, I trust his opinion and found truths very much.  Check out Amazon.com for a copy today! :)

Also check out my former post: the Love and Respect video

Beloved

This is what it's all about.  Jesus died for us so we could experience his never ending love every day of our life. He loves you so much more than any earthly thing or person.  Please give him your feminine heart this morning as you soak in this love song from the Prince.

Love and Respect for the Married Folk

This is an extremely important message from a wonderful book I just started by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.  Love and Respect explains deep biblical truths about marriage and the conflicts that couples face daily within marriage.  In this short segment Eggerichs explains "the crazy cycle" of marriage and how to defeat this cycle with biblical truths from Ephesians 5:33.

www.loveandrespect.com 

My plea to the guys...

As I sit here praying for the male friends and family in my life my hearts absolutely breaks.  Not just for them, but for the women in their life.  They don't realize that what they do causes years of pain and hurt like nothing else.

Guys: When you date a young woman, you are responsible for her heart.

Because I have many male friends, I know they don't understand this, but I pray oh so hard that they would at least try to understand.  There is no "dating for fun" when it comes to dating women.  What may just be a time filler for you, is oh so much more to her, even if she doesn't say it or show it.

You see, men battle with lust at the same intensity women battle giving their heart away.  Guys say lust is the hardest battle because it's all around them, always tempting them--immodest clothes, sex on tv, porn, and anything else the devil can use.

Women on the other hand, are engaging in just as big of a battle, it's just not as well known yet.  The Genesis 3:16 curse says that women's desire will be for her husband, and Satan of course has turned it into an all out war.  Women are just as surrounded with this desire as men are with lust.  Romance movies, love songs, Facebook statuses, and even other couples.

When you date a girl, she is undoubtedly already thinking about marriage in the back of her head.

I know this is really hard for guys to understand, but I try to explain it in a real way.  Girls can back me up on this.  Okay, let's say you see a cute girl across the room.  She catches your attention, so you smile at her and lock eye contact for a few seconds.  That may have been all you wanted to do.  You may or may not have had any intent of even talking to her, but that's not what went on in her mind.

She's standing there gabbing with her friends about Stacy's new boyfriend and how perfect they are for each other, when suddenly she catches your stare.  As you lock eyes for 3 heart-pounding seconds, her breath increases, her pupils dialate, and a picture flashes in her mind, a picture of you and her holding hands in public together.  Innocent enough right?

Wrong.  As she explains to her friends what just happened, they make the situation worse.  Do you think he likes you?  What if he asks you out?  Do you know what kind of job he has?  All these questions spin through her head as she begins to put you together.  When she goes home that night she tries to reassure herself that it was just a glance, nothing happened...yet.  But then her mind begins to reel as she pictures all the fun times you'll have together, she pictures the hang out spot you two will share, the song you play at your wedding, what color the dress will be, how many months you'll be engaged...and on and on and on.  The madness never stops.  It's a crazy cycle that girls have to train themselves for years to get out of.  

This is where conterfeit bonding, or emotional attachment comes in.  In this scenario, you can see that this young girl has already given you a piece of her heart, and she knows absolutely nothing about you.  I can't even explain how much worse this gets as you begin dating her.

So please, don't date a girl unless you have a strong interest in marrying her someday.

Paul tells us in Romans 14:21 that it is better to not do something if it causes your brother to stumble.  In other words, if dating, texting, or "talking" causes a young woman's thoughts to be consumed with you, or causes her heart to be put out on the line, the godly thing to do is to lay it down at the foot of the throne.  

Guys: Are you playing with a woman's heart?  Is God showing you the depth of the wounds a woman's heart endures?  Is there something you need to change? What and how?

Girls:  Did you even realize you were wired like this?  If so, how have you been guarding your heart lately?  What do you need to do differently?  Have you been letting Satan control your desire for a husband instead of trusting God?

Expect more on guarding your heart soon... 

Attack at the Altar pt. 2

Matthew 19:4-6 

"Haven't you read," he replied, 

"that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, '

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 

and the two will become one flesh'?  

So they are no longer two, but one.  

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Of course Satan is going to attack your marriage, it is a good and perfect gift from God.  God wants to use you and your spouse to bring glory to himself through your ministry to the church, your ministry to your friends, and your ministry to your children or future children someday.  Study the Bible and you will soon find that God likes to bless people through generations.  Those generations start with one marriage, wholly and fully dedicated to the Lord.

Read the book of Ruth and you will see her God-fearing love for Boaz is what gave them a marriage that glorified God vibrantly.  Not only did God use their marriage for his glory while they were alive, but he blessed their children and their children's children, all the way down to through the lineage of Jesus Christ himself.  Kind of reminds me of an old country song, "All because two people fell in love..."

Don't let the romance get to you though, ask any married couple and I'm sure they will tell you how hard marriage is every single day...mostly because Satan doesn't want their marriage to glorify God.  It would be so emmaculate that he shutters at the thought of it.  Learn to fight off Satan so God can be glorified!

-----------------

If Satan is attacking your marriage you better get up and fight before you lose this God-honoring opportunity!  Ask God to show you how to fight, how to love, and how to humbly walk with Him.  Pray that the devil would be chained so that he no longer has a presence in your household.  Seek Godly advice from strong Christians around you.

And if your relationship is not being attacked, perhaps you should ask yourself: are you glorifying God with your marriage?  Doing nothing at all is the same thing as not honoring God.  What can you and your spouse do today that will bring God honor and praise in your home?  Who can you help?  How can you show your spouse the love of Christ through your actions?

Attack at the Altar!

Has it been made obvious to you yet that Satan loves to attack our relationships, and specifically our marriages?  This would explain the sky-high divorce rate and increasing marital problems heard about from day to day.  This would also explain why more than half of all children come from broken families.

So why does Satan so often chose this venue?  Probably because it is the most threatening to his status!  I've heard many wise men say that the family is the center of society, and when you think about it, it is true.

For example, our law officials say, "Our education system sucks, so lets hire more teachers."  The teachers teach and explain and show all day long, and then they give their children 4 pages to read at home.  But what happens next?  If half of those children go home and have no one to read to, no one to help them, encourage them, or support them, then what happens to that education?

I have also researched lately that people who experience physical or sexual abuse as a child are very much more likely to experience mental health issues as an adult than someone who was not abused.  What's even sadder is that half of those sexually and physically abused children were abused inside their very own home.  This is why a strong marriage and God-centered family is so important.

Satan knows the word of God, and because of that he realizes how huge of a threat a strong marriage is to him.  For example:

• Proverbs 5:18 "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
• Proverbs 12:4 "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown..."
• Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."
• Proverbs 19:4 "...a prudent wife is from the Lord."

Singles:  Are you studying God's word now, learning about spiritual warfare, loving others outside yourself, and glorifying God?  There are billions of things the Bible will teach that will help prepare you for a God-glorifying marriage now.  Why struggle through heartache and torture if you don't have to?  Start chasing after God now.

Couples: Do you realize how much power your marriage holds for the kingdom of God??

God wants to do huge amazing things through your relationship, things like salvation to the lost, hope for the weary, and godly examples for young people like me.  

2 Ways Satan Attacks

Sometimes it seems as though Satan will use anyone and anything to get to you.  What has he been using against you lately?

When you step back and look at Satan's tactics, they're really not that hard to figure out.  In fact, most of the time it is something God has previously warned us about.  We hear the warning and abide by it for a couple days, then forget for a split second when Bam! Satan hits us with that very thing.  Here are two examples to clarify what I'm trying to say.

1. Friends.
   Lately I've seen this happen to some girls I know, but I have also seen this in my life a few times.  It's the little things Satan likes to pick at when it comes to older Christians, for example: personalities.  As Christians we are called to humbly love and serve others, treating them with the utmost respect that says "they are better than me." (Philippians 2:3-4, Matthew 22:39, Mark 10:45, Matthew 25:45)
   
   This alone is not of our human nature, it is a process we must learn through faith in God.  As the love we have for our God grows, the more that love spills out to other people around us.  Be mindful that God's word doesn't say "Love others who are like you", or "Only serve who you feel led to serve."  No, God's word shows us that we are to love and serve all people for his glory.  (John 4:9-10, Galatians 6:2, Galatians 5:14)
   
   Therefore, don't let Satan break up a Christ-founded friendship because your church preferences are different, your styles don't match up, or because one of you is an introvert and the other an extrovert.  God brings all things together for his good and his glory, and if he brought you together in the first place, he must definitely have a plan for this friendship.
   
    Besides that, we will always have a hard time loving certain people, but learning to love is a lifelong strengthening process.  The more we do it, the easier it will become.  This advice can also be applied to a marriage.  And for those who are single, start practicing for marriage now by loving your friends despite their human flaws and differences.  God didn't turn you away.
   
2. Music
   If you've been reading this blog for any time at all, you probably know how big this one is for me.  I do realize Satan may use this tactic more on me than he does some people, but I still have a point to make so keep reading.
   
   Every single move we make today can either glorify our maker or slap him in the face.  What you put on when you get dressed, what you say when your mom calls, and what comes out of your headphones.  The bible says to focus on things that are "praiseworthy", that is--things that are worth praising.  (Philippians 4:8)  If you are a Christian who has made God the Lord of your life, the only thing that should be praise worthy in your opinion should be the things of God. (Philippians 3:8)  Everything else is a loss compared to Him.
   
   That being said, does the music you listen to glorify God or slap him in the face?  Does it hold truth would stood against the Word of God?  Is this something you would be ashamed to listen to around weaker Christians, the lost, or your parents?  Music is so heavily immersed in our culture that we often tell ourselves what we listen to on our own personal iPod doesn't really matter, when in fact this is a lie from Satan.  Trash in, trash out.
   
   Listening to filthy rap songs will give you filthy thoughts, likewise listening to "good" music that isn't bad, but doesn't necessarily glorify God, will turn your thought life in to just that, thoughts that aren't necessarily bad, but thoughts that don't exactly glorify God either.  Christian, be careful what you listen to.  Satan uses the smallest things to slowly drag us away from what we were created to do, which is glorify our maker.  

1 Peter 5:8-9
"Be self-controlled and alert.
Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion
looking for someone to devour.

Resist him, standing firm in the faith,
because you know that your brothers throughout the world
are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

I ask again, what has Satan been using in your life?  Look at the small things that have led you astray, then cut them off.  Ask God to restore you to him and replace that hole with something heavenly.

One Couple's Story: A Video

Think.Act.Be. - 1. Jesus-Likeness - Randy Frazee from Oak Hills Church on Vimeo.

Oh wow this video explains it all.  The theme of Matthew 22:37-40 that Divine Dating was founded on is prevalent in this sermon.
Randy Frazee explains that marriage isn't about us, it's about Christ, about becoming more like him, and about serving our spouse as he would do.  Philippians 2:3-4 makes this quite clear in the Bible.

"You see what the benefit of being like Jesus becomes? Not only for you, but for a marriage?  ...Becoming like Jesus spreads beyond this-- to their children." --Randy Frazee

Keeping watching till the end for a surprise from the couple on stage. :)

To the Young Couple Thinking About Marriage:

To the Young Couple Thinking About Marriage,

     I love that you care for each other so much.  I think that's great!  But are you really ready for marriage?  Do you really understand how big of a commitment it is?  Perhaps you could take a moment to consider.
     In Ephesians 5:22-24, Paul tells us that the wife is to submit to the husband just as the Church submits to Christ.  This word "submit" means to obey.  Obeying someone is a very humbling task, even as naive children we struggle with this command which is given to us for our own protection.  As a human being in the flesh, we don't naturally give up our pride and willingness to control, it is a learned characteristic.
     As a woman who has been called by God to submit and obey to your husband, I ask you--can you willingly follow this man?  Do you trust his discernment and guidance.  Is he walking with the Lord and digging so deep into the Word that you know without a shadow of a doubt that he has what it takes to fearlessly lead you?  It takes a lot for a woman to give up her right to power and control, but fully trusting God shows us peace, contentment, and freedom in letting go.  In the same way, you must promise to let go of the reigns as your husband fearlessly and courageously leads you closer to Christ.
     Speaking of you Mr. Husband, verses 25-30 explain that  the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  This is huge!  I pray that you have grounded yourself so deeply in the Word of God that you know without any doubt, that your God will lead you as you lead her through this life.  I also pray that you can honestly say you love her to the point that you would give up your life for her as Christ did the church.  Yes, the Bible undoubtedly gives you the right to command and lead, but it also calls you to deny yourself in honor to please her and love her.
    Finally, Philippians 2:3-4 tells both of you to serve one another out of love, considering the other better than yourself.  This is a call to selfless love and respect, another unnatural action.  Only through Christ can these instructions be kept.
     Just as rules were given to us as children, they are not here for our torture, but for our protection and advantage.  Christ gives us this model of love because he knows within the Creator's design love can flourish and multiply, but without Him nothing grows but death and destruction.

John 13:34

"A new commandment I give you: Love one another.  

As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Love you and praying for you,

       Your Sister in Christ.

Focusing on God's Long-term Glory

I've been reading a fascinating book lately called, Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp.  This is by far the deepest and most biblical book I have ever read, I highly recommend it and will be posting a review on it as soon as I finish the last two chapters!  

     In this book, Tripp talks about the fact that our downfall as humans is that we focus too much on the small things happening now.  We go through a struggle and so we huff and puff and throw up our hands in agony, complaining that God doesn't love us and that we don't deserve such treatment.  We run into a problem and so we give up because "God is punishing us."

The contrast to this is the great gospel of Christ!  You see, when we understand the gospel in its entirety we no longer think this life is about us.  We realize that from Genesis to Revelation and beyond, the story was, has been, and will always be about God and his glory, sovereignty, and grace.  

God made us without sin, we were clean and holy, just like Him (Genesis 2:25.)  As sinful humans though, we chose out of our own free will to go and deliberately do what God told us not too (Genesis 3:6-7.)  Yes, Satan encouraged us, but  the ultimate decision was up to us.  Rather than reacting like a human, God did the opposite.  He punished us to a less extreme than what we deserved (Genesis 3:16-19,) then forgave us and extended his love and grace to us--even though we in no way deserved it (Genesis 3:20-21.)  Through this we see just how desperately we need an almighty God to protect and deliver us from the sins of our human nature.

Fast forward throughout the entire Bible and you see the same story unfold, just with different details.  The Israelites cursed God and turned to worship other things, God is hurt and angry, so he punishes them, but not nearly to the degree they deserve, and then he forgives them with open arms.  If you've ever read the Old Testament you know that this happens thousands of times with God's people.

Next you have the New Testament, where God really shows off his love for us.  He comes to earth in human form, is tempted and tried like the rest of us, and then chooses to die a terrible death for us, so that we might ultimately be able to get back to him (John 3:16.)  Why? Because he chose us, he loves us, and he desires to live with us. (Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:19)

Jump forward another 2000 years to your own life.  You're mad and crying because you just found out you lost your job, or that your spouse is cheating on you.  No doubt these are hard times, and no doubt you have the right to be sad, angry, or confused.  That's part of our human emotions.  But light years down the road you will see that this was all part of God's glory (Romans 8:28, James 1, .  He uses every situation as an opportunity to bring us closer to Him, to show off His love for us, and to remind us that he has everything in control.

Although you don't see it now, He really does have a plan in all this (Romans 10:17, Hebrews 11:1.)  He wants to bring you closer to him if you will just let him.  Look at yesterday's post for more on letting God comfort you.

As for now, hold tightly to the scripture God gives you, pray unceasingly (1 Thessalonians 5:17,) and trust that God knows what he's doing (Proverbs 3:5-6.)

Further Reading: Galatians 1:10, The book of Job, Matthew 6:44, 1 Corinthians 2:5, Philippians 1, Numbers 14

Where is your focus this week? Having you been putting too much emphasis on the current problems and not enough power in God's hands?  What do you need to lay down in order for God to glorify Himself through your current situation?

Distracted from Love

I wonder if I am the only one that this happens to...

Every time I get going good, really focusing on God, it seems as though 3 or 4 boys will pop up out of nowhere and begin to show interest in me. These aren’t usually guys I would consider dating, much less marrying—but nevertheless they pop up and become brief little distractions in my life.

I don’t think this is by coincidence at all. You see, Satan is smart; and he knows very well what woman was cursed with in the garden of Eden. Genesis 3:16 says, “And your desire will be for your husband…” If you have never studied the curse of woman after the fall, you really ought to look into it—it captures the struggle of our entire womanhood.

Women werecursed with a deep, longing desire for a husband; someone to love andpursue them, someone to tell them they’re beautiful and worth fighting for, someone to hold them tight and protect them when scary things happen—it’s the nature of a woman!

Because of that curse, from birth till death we see women constantly seeking the affection and attention of a man. For little girls, it’s daddy. For teenagers it’s any boy whom shows interest; twenty-somethings want someone to put a ring on it; and the married women always want more out of their husbands.

This curse is obviously warped by the devil and often used as a big distraction from God. Countless times I have seen awesome Christian girls who let this desire take over them…they settle to date these horrible men who not only aren’t leading, but they fall severely short of treating these women like the beautiful princesses in Christ that they are.

In a book by Paul David Tripp he says,

“It is not wrong to desire the tender attention of your husband. It is wrong to be so ruled by it that your days are filled with bitterness because of its absence and your nights are filled with manipulative attempts to get it.”

Even Jesus struggled with accepting God’s desire over his own. Luke 22:42 But because we call him Lord, Lord—we know in the gut of our desires that our wonderful father has a much bigger and better plan for us in all of this, if only we will wait and trust him.

1 Peter 5:7
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Don’t let the devil use your desire for a husband against you today. Remind yourself that you worship the one true GOD, not the feeling of love. 1 John 4:16, God IS love. Get some.