Silver Girl: Book Review

Elin Hilderbrand has been one of my favorite authors for about a year now.  Her stories are often set at on Nantucket beach and her characters are always relatable and interesting.  In fact, Hilderbrand is one of the only fiction authors I have ever found interest in.  Last summer when I was working at a used book store I ran across her novel Summer People.  I shocked myself by selecting a fiction, but quickly fell head over heels for the book.  I wouldn't put it down until it was finished.

Hilderbrand's stories are perfect for warmer weather.  In fact they are responsible for a lot of my beachy daydreams.  I always feel like I'm on vacation when I am reading about the lives of her coastal characters.

Two weeks ago I found "Silver Girl" on the shelf at my local library.   Because I love Hilderbrand I knew it would be good.  Indeed I was right, it was another read I could not put down.

Silver Girl is the story of two women who have been best friends since birth, essentially.  The story starts when they are both in their fifties and encountering some very rough times.  Through scandal, death, separation and humility, the two women lean on one another and support each other's weaknesses.

Meredith and Connie go through so much throughout the book.  The novel depicts a true picture of love, forgiveness and friendship.  Though men may come and go, the friendship between women has power to stick forever.

It took me a while to understand the meaning of the title, but once I did the story was that much deeper.  There were so many hidden themes and messages that I wish I had someone to sit with me and pull these things out.

Though much of the story is wrapped in devastation and disappointment, it is hope that keeps the characters alive and joyful.  Sometimes we need to read about other people's lives so we can better appreciate and understand our own.

 Although this is a spoiler alert, I am going to bring up the tiny detail that Meredith had a wonderful relationship with her father.  His love for her gave her confidence to conquer life head-on.  As I found myself mesmerized with the story of her father, I couldn't help but be deeply reminded of the love of my own father and how I often times take that for granted.  This of course, I believe was a bigger picture of the father's love for us.  Even in our lowest hours, he is always there with us and he never leaves.

There is also a pressing importance on healing and finding strength within yourself.  At the very end of the book we see tough and strong Meredith break down into sweet vulnerability with herself.  She spent enough alone time with herself that she finally felt confident in letting down her pride and fully feeling the emotions she had experienced.

Alone time is such an important part of the self-growth process.  I feel that when I am home alone or living by myself I seem to grow twice as fast.  I challenge myself with activities I wouldn't do around others, and I am always finding new ways to entertain myself without depending on others.  The reflection and meditation one finds inside themselves is full of restoration qualities, plus the more a person fills themselves up with the presence of God alone, the more easily they can pour out love and affection towards others.  It's a win-win cycle.

Overall I learned a few lessons from Silver Girl,  and I felt many emotions that caused me to see things more clearly in my own life.

I highly recommend this book as a relaxing summer read to bring you sympathy, joy and forgiveness.

Forsaking God: Like a Postcard from Paris

Last November I did a short series on my "Holiday Theory," which goes to say that Satan seems to tempt us more when we are off-schedule, on-break, and relaxed.  Although I forgot to mention it in the previous post, the theory applies for Summer break as well.  We all seem to stumble a bit at the beginning of a break, and since it is June, I thought I would offer some encouragement on getting back up and "finishing the race." (2 Tim 4:7)

My inspiration?  A country song of course, The Band Perry's hit song, Postcard From Paris.  The song describes the story of a girl who meets a guy while hanging out with her boyfriend.  Because this guy happens to be "the real deal," she realizes that she is "ruined" from dating any other guy.  This "ruining" is caused by the true love she tasted, therefore everything else is just artificial--like a postcard from Paris when you've seen the real thing. 

As I have murmured the lyrics to myself over and over again, I have seemed to catch a greater glimpse of God's grace and the unfailing love he deserves from me.  As a human, I stumble and fall constantly.  Just when I think I have a firm grip on my spiritual life, I mess up--even though I have been warned of this pitfall (1 Cor 10:12.)  The interesting thing about falling is that the closer I walk with God, the more quickly my heart aches when I bring him dishonor.  I think this is because I realize that the sin-causing idols in my life are absolutely garbage compared to the loving relationship I have with my Father.

Before I walked with God I was miserable and I didn't know it.  Now that I walk with God I feel more misery from messing up than ever.  Why? Because I've tasted and I've seen fresh, pure love from the faucet of all love--therefore no idol, no man, no drink, no drug, no object, can ever begin to come close to the real thing.  It's all artificial sweetener.  

John talks about this type of relationship in his letter to the church of Ephesus in the book of Revelation:

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love."

It is interesting that John says this, because the beginning of the letter is full of gratitude and encouragement for how well the church has done.  "Yet," John says, "I hold this against you."  Why is forsaking your first love of Christ such a big deal?  Because the Bible says that God is love (1 John 4:8), and that the first and greatest commandment we are given is to love him with all of our hearts, minds, and strength (Matthew 22:37.)

When we stumble we turn our backs on God for some quick taste of artificial love; an unfulfilled gratification of our fleshly lust.  Fortunately, if you walk closely with God at all, you know that this taste of ignorance is disgusting compared to what you have been raised with.  This leaves your idols quickly looking like:

"... a postcard from Paris
when you've seen the real thing.
Like finding out your diamond
is from her old promise ring,
a call back from the fortune teller
she read your cards upside down...

The meanest thing you ever did was come around.
Now I am ruined."

How delightful it is to know that God has utterly and completely ruined us from enjoying any kind of fake love after having tasted and seen his goodness.  1 John 4:19 reminds us that "we love him because he first loved us."  That, in essence, is the most powerful love drug there is.  Don't forsake God for an idol...it will let you down every time and it's not worth it. 

REPOST: Your Desire Will be For Your Husband

On May 25, 2011 I posted this post.  I am reposting it today not only because it is truthful and relevant to every woman's situation, but also because I have written a follow up post for it that I will be publishing Wednesday.  Here you are, enjoy!


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Every woman has a desire deep within to love and be loved by a man.

She also has the desire to be pursued and protected by a man.

However, when fathers and other significant male figures over-dominate or bow out completely, abusing their God-given roles--this is when she seeks love and protection from desperate places.

In Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve what her curse will be for

sinning. He says, "...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." For this reason it can be said that ALL women have a desire deep down to be loved and pursued by a man. Even the roughest, toughest, and most independent women I know still want the love of a man deep deep down.

Because this is our curse I think it explains lots of things.

1. Our constant craving for romance. No wonder it's a girl thing to watch romance movies, read erotic books, and hope for Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet. (See more in point 3)
2. Fantasy. Guys may fantasize about sex every point second or so, but girls definitely fantasize about marriage, weddings, and children just as much. Many girls openly admit that the moment he said "I like you," she had already pictured them walking down the aisle, changing her last name, and living in a 2 story house on main street.
3. The heart of little girls. This also helps us understand why little girls are the way they are. While the boys are off shooting guns, saving planet earth, and building bridges (I can explain this type of play later,) the girls are inside dressed in Mommy's old dresses playing tea party, house, or weddings.

As you can see, we were born with this innate desire for our husbands. God gave it to us as a curse for our sin, and it is a struggle we will deal with until we leave this earth. But take heart princess, there is positive to learn from this too!

First of all this should confirm to you that you are not a freak! I know lots of times its easy for us girls to get down on ourselves after a break up or rejection. Think of Jessica Biel in the movie Valentine's Day when she can't even get people to show up to her anti-Valentine's Day party. Often times at this point girls are asking themselves why no one loves them, what's wrong with them, and who needs men anyway? I think Satan uses that to trick us into thinking we are the only single people in the world and that we are the only single people who struggle being single!

This is simply untrue as Gen 3:16 explained previously. ALL women struggle with the desire to love and be loved by a man.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this though--it IS a curse. That is why it is often so painful and uncomfortable for women to be single. We were born with a desire for our husbands. The effects from this range anywhere from eating excessive amounts of chocolate, to depression and bitterness. You are not alone, and yes most people struggle with this, it is in fact, a curse.

So that's all for today, we're all doomed unless we're married. Thanks for reading! :)

Just kidding!! That would obviously be terrible, and I serve a God who has done far to much for us than to make us suffer a life without love forever. If you've been mislead by your desire for love, if you feel incomplete without a man by your side, or if you feel as though marriage is the only escape from the troubles of life--let me tell you, Satan is steeling your joy and there if far greater things available to you in this life.

In John 10:10 Jesus said, "I have come so that they may have life and that they may have it to the FULL!" That doesn't mean he came and died for you so you can lay on the couch feeling miserable for yourself. That means that he came, suffered, died, and rose again so that YOU sister can live an exciting and amazing life found through him!

As I explained in my post Made in His Image, God has amazing and wonderful plans for you--plans that ONLY you can fulfill! He's waiting on you to ask him so that he can show you this full life of love and adventure he has planned for you.

As for love, he's got you covered there too. 1 John 4:8 says GOD IS LOVE. So chase after him, fall hard after him, seek him, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Jeremiah 33:3, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Ephesians 3:19-21 Girls let me tell you, I've tried all the different loves the world has to offer, and NONE of them compare to the love that our God has for us! He made as after all didn't he? Why wouldn't he love us as his children? as his spouse? as his BRIDE? Song of Songs 4:7, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelations 19:7-9

Matthew 6:13

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well."

Breaking the Cycle: Who will you choose?

In my last two posts I have talked about breaking the cycle.  As I said, I am surrounded by cycle-breakers and I love it.  God blesses those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6, Proverbs 8:17.)

One particular young man has been steadily breaking chains throughout his entire adult life, but recently, I've watched him come to a decision he hasn't made as easily as the others.

This man was born into a world without a father who cared for him.  His mother had eight kids with a few different men, and so he was raised by his mother and step-father with two other step-siblings and a mixture of family members moving in and out of the house.

As a young boy this man had a dream to grow up and be a preacher some day, but as the emptiness of a broken home set in, he soon lost this vision to drugs, alcohol, and women.  Throughout high school he was rarely out of the principals office.  He dabbled in gangs, skipped most classes, and even became a rapper of terribly degrading music.  Anyone who knew him then said he would be in jail before graduation.

Fortunately for him the grace of God stepped in, as it does for all of us at some point or another.  It was the fall he turned seventeen that this young man made his first big choice towards breaking the sinful cycles in his family and in his own life.  At a student-lead bible study, he gave his life to Christ on his knees in prayer with a fellow Christian male.

For the next two years he made choice after choice--all reflecting the grace of God he had washed his life with.  Nothing was slowing him down.  Each day he woke up in an atmosphere of smoke, profanity, and hatred, and yet he prayed his way through the attacks of Satan.  I even watched him conquer loosing special people in his life, some of which went to be eternally with Christ, others who are now spending eternity in hell.  Throughout these times, he grew closer to God, grieving with a counselor and studying the Word for guidance.

So for the past five years this man has chosen God over and over again, but this time I wonder what he will choose.  We've all prayed, poured into, and helped out as much as God's spirit will allow us too.  We all hope and want the best for him.  We want him to choose God one more time, once and for all, to give this heavy burden over to him.

You see, there was one area of his life, he hasn't let go of yet.  One area he refuses to lay at Christ's feet.  This is often the hardest area for all of us to lay down, probably because of its high level of importance. This area that I am referring to is dating.  Relationships.

Over six months now, I have watched him fight with God, telling him that he will get married to who he wants when he wants, no matter what.  I've watched him do this a million times, and every time God wins.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting to get different results.  Well, that's what he's doing.  He has controlled relationship after relationship, rebelling against God's model to trust and obey the timing and placing of all he has planned.  And this time seems to be his last choice.

In Romans, the bible talks about Gods amazing grace, how he gives and he gives and he gives, but ultimately there comes a choice where we choose infinitely who we will serve, and when we choose ourselves for the last time, God gives us over to our flesh.  That's the point where this man is at.  Years of cycle-breaking potentially washed down the drain.  What will he do?  What will I do, besides watch and pray?

Rise up cycle breakers.
How will you choose?

Joshua 24:15

"Choose you this day whom ye will serve;
whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood,
or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell:
but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

Are you a cycle-breaker?  Send your story to divinedating.org@gmail.com for a chance to be featured on a post.

Song of Solomon #2-Listen Now!

Okay, so there is not a great way to send you this link without sending you a whole slew of sermons.  However, I feel like it is very beneficial for everyone to listen to the sermon titled "Song of Solomon #2" by Smokey Hurst.

This message contains a wealth of knowledge about love, sex, marriage, and passion.  Smokey speaks directly to both men and women--separately and then collectively.  I found this very encouraging to my love story.

Here's the link: Sermon Player

(Note: As this post gets older, the sermon will move further on down the track list.)

A Father Who Protects

As I stated in my last post, I recently watched the movie Courageous and absolutely loved it.  While the entire film was heart-wrenching and edifying, my favorite scene by far includes one of the fathers giving his daughter a promise ring, and a promise to go with it.

His short speech paints the perfect picture of what fathers are supposed to be from the time their daughter is born, to the day they walk her down the aisle.  God  gives us fathers to protect and guide us while we wait for our husband.  This is a channel God uses to speak, protect, love, and guide us with.  This is why the Bible makes so many references to obeying your parents.

So what if you don't have a father?  What if you have a Dad who's not a Christian?  Maybe you have a Christian Dad, but he hasn't stepped up to the plate in guarding your heart.  If you do have a Dad, regardless of his walk with the Lord--you can pray for him, encourage him, and show him respect through small acts of kindness.

No matter what your Dad situation, you do have a heavenly Father who is perfect and holy.  His grace covers any fault your earthly Dad has or had.  If you are willing to follow, submit, and listen to him, he will guide you through the courting process and lead you to the man he has picked out for you.

So many people go wrong when they say they are following God with their love life, yet they are searching, striving, and stressing about who and when they will get married.  The truth is that freedom comes from letting go.  God knows the timing, the prince, and the story, so why not let him write it the way he designed it?

In the book "When God Writes Your Love Story," Leslie Ludy writes a whole chapter on how beneficial her parents were to her courtship story with her husband Eric.

"When I first began to truly learn how to give God the pen to write my love story, one of the first things I felt Him lead me to do was to invite my parents to be on my team through prayer and accountability.  

It was as if he softly reminded me, 'Leslie, I have placed your parents in your life for a reason.  They have a special wisdom and anointing that I have given them, especially for your life.  Don't ignore the built-in teammates I've provided for you.'"

Respect your father this week.  He wants to be a part of your love story as much as God does.

The Game of Life

What is the meaning of life? Is it finding someone to share your life with that will make you happy? Is it living everyday like it will be your last? Is it being devoted to helping others? Life is what you make of it -- it can be one, some, all, or even more than those things. Everyone has a different definition of what "life" is, but anyone who keeps God first will discover the true meaning of life.

Life is like a basketball game. Your family and friends are like your teammates - with the right people surrounding you, you can do anything you set your mind to. The people who try to pull you down are like the opposing team -- they will do anything they can to keep you from succeeding. And last but definitely not least, God is like the coach -- if you follow his game plan, all of the "plays" will be ran the way they were designed.

A basketball team is nothing without their coach, and we are nothing without God. We may not always pick the right "play" to run, but that doesn't mean God will kick us off his team. Every coach knows their team won't play a game, much less a season, completely flawless, and God knows that it is impossible for any human to go a day, much less a lifetime, without making a mistake -- Jesus was and will be the only perfect person to walk this Earth. Just as a coach would make you run to make up for the mistakes, God wants us to ask him for forgiveness to make up for our mistakes in life - its not an easy task but you have to do it to stay on the winning team. As long as we keep God first and follow His game plan we can be proud of everything we accomplish in the game of life.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Philippians 4:13

                                                Contributed by: Lynsie Watkins

Unconditional Love

My cousin Brian has been going through a tough time lately.  After being married for only one year, he and his wife decided to take some time a part.  It has now been two months and he has only received a few text messages from his wife over the past two weeks.  He has not seen her, touched her, or held her all this time, and she is his wife.  With this kind of treatment most people would tell Brian to give up, throw in the towel, and call it quits.

Thankfully, my cousin serves a God greater than himself, and because of his love for Christ he has chosen to love his wife.  Ephesians 5:21 says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."  This is how we know it is biblical to love regardless of what we receive in return.


In Dr. Emerson Eggerich's book, Love and Respect, he uses the acronym COUPLE to explain to men how to love their wives unconditionally. The best way for a man to love his wife is through Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem.  For the full synopsis of each word you will have to read the book and apply it to your own life.


One of the practical application steps for husbands is to write their wives love notes.  Brian chose to do this just the other day.  I have chosen to share his note with you all as an example of loving selflessly.  Keep in mind she hasn't given him the time of day for the past two weeks.

"...I want you to know that I'm sorry for the way I have been for our first year of marriage and even before that. I was just plugging through life with no direction or motivation. Maybe I thought well I'm married now that's all I need, no reason to try and improve anything. I hope that you can forgive me for being so disconnected to you and for being so lazy. Regardless of whether you decide to give our love another chance or not please forgive my actions. Even if you feel there is nothing to forgive, I assure you there is. I cannot make you love me, nor would I want to try to put you through that. But I do offer you my love, it has always been there even though my actions didn't always show it. While I also have some doubt about whether we can make this work or not, I am still hanging on to a tiny glimmer of hope that you will still want to try. Don't you think we owe it to ourselves to at least try? This excerpt was quite encouraging to me. I feel like I have changed quite a bit the last couple of months. I am still not even close to where I want to be, but definitely headed in the right direction. I know you mentioned something similar in your letter to me. I see no reason he cannot head in these directions together, no reason we cannot shine our brightest together. I am humbled today for what I have been through recently. I am thankful for your actions, regardless of the final outcome, because they have awoken me from a great slumber and in turn began to make me a better man. I am excited to see you Thursday. I have no expectations of anything but am remaining hopeful. Just know that I am still here waiting to love you, if you are ready, if you are willing."

This is an example of reflecting Christ's love for us.  We did nothing in the first place to receive it, yet no person in their right mind can run from this much love and commitment.  Have you ever realized just how much Christ loves you, despite your decision to run from him?  Look at this excerpt from Nehemiah chapter 9.  In just three short verses God's unconditional love for us is made abundantly clear.

Nehemiah 9:29-31

"You warned them to return to your law, but they became arrogant and disobeyed your commands. 

 they sinned against your ordinances, by which man will live if he obeys them. 

 Stubbornly they turned their backs on you, became stiff-necked and refused to listen. 

 For many years you were patient with them. 

 By your spirit you admonished them through your prophets. 

 Yet they paid no attention, so you handed them over to the neighboring peoples. 

 But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, 

for you are a gracious and merciful God."

Jesus Paid it All.

Love and Respect

Ephesians 5:33

"However, each one of you also must

love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect the husband."

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs wrote an entire book over this one tiny verse.  The biblical insight and wisdom found within this verse and book is astounding.  The essential fundamentals of marriage are found within this verse, yet we have seemed to overlook it for the past two-hundred years.

In Eggerich's book, Love and Respect, he explains that unconditional love for the wife is a common concept.  Wives all over the country quickly agree that this is biblical and it should without a doubt be practiced within marriage.  Unconditional respect, on the other hand, scares wives to death, and has never been discussed in church, the home, or the marriage.

Despite its lack of popularity, the last part of Ephesians 5:33 says, "the wife must respect the husband."  This means unconditional respect for the husband is a biblical command.  Love and Respect explains that men and women speak two very different languages, (this is no surprise,) he feels most alive and appreciated when he is respected, where as she feels most alive and appreciated when she is loved.

Although these two concepts seem to overlap with similarity, the demonstration and verbalization of each is very different.  This is where Eggerichs lays out two simple acronyms to help wives and husbands practically apply the Love and Respect model to their lives.  (More notes on that soon.)

Dr. Eggerichs explains what he calls, "The Crazy Cycle," which explains without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without love.  This is why couples find themselves fighting over the smallest and silliest of things.  

To combat The Crazy Cycle, couples must get on "The Energizing Cycle," which says, his love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love.  The scary part is that one person within the couple has to step forward and apply the process first.  This is why it is often so hard for people to get on The Energizing Cycle, yet those following Christ wholeheartedly will find it essential to their walk.

The end of the book wraps everything by explaining that the ultimate goal is not respecting your husband so you can get what you want, but respecting him so you can honor Christ and gain a reward in heaven.  The same goes for husbands who love their wives.

Love and Respect is an amazing book that many counselors require for marriage counseling.  I recommend the book to any married couple, whether their marriage is horrible, average, or wonderful.  Eggerichs has amazing biblical truths in this book that every couple should read about.  Not only is it biblical, but scientific too.  Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has conducted hours of research, surveys, and academic papers over this very subject.  After reading the book, I trust his opinion and found truths very much.  Check out Amazon.com for a copy today! :)

Also check out my former post: the Love and Respect video

Beloved

This is what it's all about.  Jesus died for us so we could experience his never ending love every day of our life. He loves you so much more than any earthly thing or person.  Please give him your feminine heart this morning as you soak in this love song from the Prince.

Making the Stand

If I can write a post to the girls in their vulnerability, I think I owe the guys something too.  Especially because I just finished reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.  Yes, it is the male version of the book I mentioned in  my last post.  (Just so you know, the male version came first.)

Wild at Heart has taught me that just as women have been deeply wounded in their femininity, so have men been wounded in their masculinity.   Again, I will not go into all the details, for they are in this book which I so highly recommend reading.  The point I want to make, is that you will never be the man God designed you to be if you don't let him heal your wound.

The similarity on both the male and female side of things, is that the process of healing for both is hard, painful, and revealing.  You're looking into the depths of your heart for crying out loud, it should be painful.  The preciousness that lies within your soul is the key to all things male.  Everything you dreamed of as a boy, and everything you hope to be for your (future) wife, family, and kids is in this deeply treasured place.  Don't mistake my words, men and women are very different, but the journey to finding self is equally painful.

So why do it if it's painful?  Because you are what this world needs.  You are the MAN she's been waiting for.  You are the leader, the fighter, the powerful lover that the church has waited for.  Your son needs you so he won't walk through life wounded.  Your daughter needs you so she won't look for love elsewhere.  And your wife needs you to fight for her, thus unveiling her beauty.

I realize many of you reading this are single, that's all the more reason to fight for your soul now.  God designed you to be this man from the beginning.  Find that man now, so when the beauty comes along you will have the love and confidence to fight for her with a holy passion and protection.  The movie and song Courageous have spoken out on this need.  The people in your life speak out on it everyday, only you don't realize it, and they probably don't either.

The truth is, you hold a special place as a man.  From a woman's point of view I can definitely say that we need you, we urge you, and we want you to step up for us and lead the way.  Spiritually you have such an adventure to grasp, and I hope you choose to take the hard path of discovery into being THE man God made you to be.

Take Me Into the Beautiful

Take Me Into the Beautiful-Cloverton (lyrics at bottom)

I've heard this song on the radio a thousand times and I've always claimed that I loved it, and it is indeed a great song.  The last few days God has been really working in my heart showing me things here and there that I need to work on.  As he's been leading me through a healing transformation process, this song has been playing in the back of my head over and over.  Usually that means something, especially because I couldn't even sing the words (I only knew the beat and "la la la la something about Beautiful.")  I also hadn't heard the song in a week or so, so I knew it had to be of God.

This morning I sat down and listened to the song while reading the lyrics.  Wow, so powerful.  It really captures the essence of a woman, and how she was made in the image of God, his softer side.  Many of you have read the book Captivating by Stasi and John Elderedge.  If you haven't read it, you really should.  The book's subtitle is "Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul," which is exactly what God has been showing me lately.  Yes, I've read the book 5 times through, I found my identity in Christ largely because of it.  But God showed me something altogether new this time.  It started in my daily life and led me back to this old book of mine.  How important this lesson was.

Around chapter 4, the book explains that each and every one of us have been wounded, hurt, and broken throughout our lives.  This wound usually takes place at a very young age, as we grow up this wound becomes the biggest lie of our lives.  We walk by the definition of this lie instilled in us as young girls.  Now, I won't go into great detail about where the wound comes from or how it effects us, because that is precisely what the book is for.  Rather, today I am going to emphasize the importance of letting Jesus heal our wounds.

A woman healed is vulnerable.  I do not mean this in a sexual way, nor do I mean to contradict everything I've said about guarding your heart.  When I say vulnerable, I am speaking of a softness that comes from a woman who has been healed, sanctified, and cherished by her loving father and creator.  Look at the first verse of the song we just heard:

Take me into the beautiful, won't You take me back again
With a love unexplainable, come fill up this dry land
Let it open our eyes to see a world we've never seen
Let it open our hearts up to feel You inside of us
You're here inside of me.

This beauty, this vulnerability, love, and mercy comes from God.  When we are set free in his love, we are set free to love others with an open and unrestricted heart.  Do you love like this?  Is your beauty flowing out to those who most need love?  Do you show people the mercy of God through your actions and words?  Perhaps you need to heal a deep wound.

Luke 15

I'm desperate for you.

Holding Out for a Hero

Revelation 3:11

"I am coming soon.  Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown."

Revelation 19:11

"I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True.  With justice he judges and makes war.  His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns.  He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself.  He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God.  The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean.  Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations.  'He will rule them with an iron scepter.'  He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty.  On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:

KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS."

Every woman wants a hero.  Every woman wants to be pursued, rescued, and treasured.  In the context of dating I would encourage each of you single ladies to hold out for that special man God has for you.  Make a list of the characteristics you would want in a hero and give it to God.  Wait patiently till the day God brings you the man he has destined for you since the beginning of time.  I promise it will be worth the wait.  

On a different level, the ultimate hero has already done more for us than you could ever want or imagine.  He gave up his life for you.  That is the ultimate sacrifice.  What more could you ask for?  Do you know anyone else who loves you enough to die for you and solely you?  Not only that but he wants to pursue your heart.  He is a gracious and compassionate hero (Ps 103:8) who longs for your love and affection.  He waits for you to call to him (Jer 33:3) and he desperately wants to spend quality time with you (Rev 3:20.)  

And finally, he treasures you.  Song of Song 4:7 tells of how beautiful he thinks you are.  Psalm 139 describes in intricate detail how he made every lovely detail on your body.  He loves every curve, dimple, and scar because he placed them their just the way he wanted them.  Not only that, but again, he died  for you (John 3:16, John 15:13-14, Romans 5:8) even though you didn't deserve it (Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23.)  

Yes he did all this, and then he went away for a short time.  But he left us his holy spirit, therefore we are not alone.  The spirit knows us, speaks to us, and guides us as we seek our hero. (1 Cor 2:11, Matthew 4:1, Acts 2:4, John 6:63)  And the wait for our hero is getting shorter and shorter, as the above passage described his second coming, he will ride in gallantly on a horse wearing his shining armor and carrying the sword of life.  He will come back to finally end the battles we face everyday on earth.  He will end them once and for all, wipe away our tears from years of pain and abuse, and take us back with him to his royal kingdom.

And the best part is, this isn't a fairytale at all.  It's the true written word of God.

Top 5 Romance Lines from the Bible

Have you ever heard the Bible referred to as the best love story of all time?  Well, that's exactly what it is, so today I decided to pick out my 5 favorite romance quotes from the best-selling romance book of all times. :)

     5. "Jonathon said to David, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you."  1 Samuel 20:4

         What a picture of true love!  The book of Matthew explains to us that the greatest example of love is found when one person lays down their life for another.  Jonathon volunteered to do just that for David when he said this line.  

         The story of Jonathon and David is one of the most powerful friendship-love stories ever told.  The book of 1 Samuel can show you what true friendship-love is supposed to look like.  Of course, the model for this love is Jesus Christ himself.  (1 John 4:8)

     4.  "I will redeem it,'" he said." Ruth 4:4

         I realize that at first glance this quote means absolutely nothing to you, but further exploration of it will change your mind.  Because romance is primarily based off of the theatre, let us look at this quote as if it were a movie.

        In this scene the man in charge of Ruth goes to Boaz and informs him of the present situation.  "This is your wife if you want her," he says.  Ruth was a widow and she had no family to turn to, and Boaz just happened to be the next in line to marry her.  Most men would carefully consider such a huge decision, but Boaz, a man of God, turned boldly to the man with a wildly-fierce look in his eyes and says, "I will redeem it."  And with that statement he claimed Ruth as the wife of his youth.  He used those words to proclaim is never-ending love and support for her.  He provide and protect her from that day forward.  I guess, in a way, you could say this line compares to today's "I do" at a wedding ceremony.  What a beautiful love story.

     3. "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."  Hosea 2:14

         This is God's immediate response to the rebellious people of Israel.  The verse directly before this says, "She decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot." Can you imagine the ache in God's heart?  The people he has called to and comforted since the beginning of time are yet again leaving him for a lifestyle of self-gratifying sin and rebellion.  

        We slap our God in the face thousands of times throughout our life, but still, his first and immediate response is love.  "I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."  That's most nearly not what you hear after a long adulterous night with the wrong crowd.  That's not what you hear when your parents catch you with drugs, but that is exactly how God responds to us.

     2.  "Scarcely had a passed then when I found the one my heart loves.  I held him and would  not let him go..." Song of Songs 3:4

          If this line doesn't grab your romantic heart, I don't know what will.  A young girl holding as tightly as she can to the one she loves.  She'd give anything for him, because her heart beats for him.  This is exactly the way God intended love to be--self-sacrificing.  If you are a day-dreaming romantic, I highly recommend to you the book of Song of Songs in the Bible.  It's a beautifully written book that tells the story of two young lovers and their wedding pleasures.

     1.  "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  Romans 5:8

            Hearing this verse sometimes brings me to tears.  It's so sweet and so simple, yet it's enough to rock your world into humble submission to the one who gave you life.  He's such a kind and loving God towards such an awful, rebellious people.  Why in the world would he choose us?

           A friend of mine put it this way: While you were out deliberately doing what was wrong, disobeying your parents, your God, and your government--he was being brutally beaten, murdered, and crucified onto a cross, so that you could live a life free of condemnation for your sin.  He loved you in spite of what you did. He loves you while you are a sinner.  While you are cheating on your husband, his heart still beats for you.  No, he doesn't agree with what you're doing, but he still loves you so much because you are his child.  You are his daughter, you are the creation he longs to be with.  And yet he expects nothing but love in return...Do we even give him that?

Perhaps God has spoken a beautiful love line to you, what was it and how did it make you feel?  Is there anything in this world that compares to the surpassing greatness of our God?

The Addiction

(Continued from What is the #1 Addiction?)

Attention from the opposite sex.

That's the number one tactic Satan uses against young single women.  Actually he starts using it when we are young and single, but depending on our reaction it could last a lifetime.  If you think this sounds like a natural, normal desire, you're right.  It is 100% normal to want attention from the opposite sex, in fact I would be worried if you didn't want some sort of attention from them.  However, as with most things, the desire becomes sin when it is placed above your desire for God, and from my study and experience as a teenage girl, I know that this can become quite an idol for most of us.

Let's start small.  Think of that innocent 6th grade girl you know.  She's very cute, kind of shy, but oh so boy crazy!  She may not talk much at school, but around her friends and family all she can mention is the cute boys at school.  The family giggles and thinks it's adorable, and her friends encourage her to pursue these young men.  In fact, from the girl's point of view you would learn to think that liking several different guys at once was a wonderful thing!  Everyone thinks it's adorable, so why try and control it?

Then one day two of these men she has been secretly infatuated with, begin to flirt with her.  Her heart flutters, her mind spins, and she does all she knows to do, she flirts back.  She begins to text these two boys "innocently," playing silly flirting games that teenagers do at that age.  Her family and friends are now very impressed at the sudden interest of TWO young males.  Again, no one does anything to discourage her from this behavior, so she carries on, doing what feels "right" to her 6th grade emotions.

A few months go by and her family starts to get concerned.  "Sweetie, you can't date both of them.  You should either pick one or the other," says her Dad.  Her friends seem to be getting a little jealous lately, and she's noticed they don't come around near as often.  Confused, emotional, and a little stressed, she continues doing what she has always been told was right.  She follows her feelings.

Uh-oh.  What happens when she still has feelings for both guys?  On top of that, there are still a few other nice guys in the background she wonders about too.  Perhaps if she could keep these two she could try out a few others as well?  After all, everyone thought her 6th grade crushes were adorable!  So by the 8th grade she is juggling 3 or 4 different guys, without seriously dating any of them.  Because her friends have left her and parents don't approve, she keeps things secret.

Months and months of texting, Facebooking, and writing notes to these "little flings" of hers, and her heart has had more damage than a carton of eggs at the bottom of a grocery basket.  You see, what started out as innocent fun and games has led to an addiction of attention, affection, and admiration.  With each flirtatious text she sends out a little piece of her special feminine beauty, letting another man in on her secrets.  Not only is she giving away parts of her heart to men who will never be called her husband, but she is feeding her desire for male attention.

By the time she is in high school she has no idea how to behave as a single woman.  Why?  Because for the past 3 years of her life she has ALWAYS had several guys texting her phone, calling her house, and telling her how beautiful she is.  Even if it wasn't always positive attention, it was attention.  

One day as she sat alone in her room, she picks up her phone to realize it's broken.  She goes to the computer only to realize the internet is down.  Frustrated, she sits in the floor and for the first time in years, looks up to her first love, the one who gave her life.  An exhale of chaos leaves her lungs as she closes her eyes and says, "Lord, how have I strayed so far from you?  What do I need to do to come back into your presence?"  It was at that point she realized the addiction she had been feeding.  At that point she realized these men would never really satisfy her soul, and it was at that point she submitted her desperate need for a God much bigger than all of this worldly stuff.  

Perhaps you know a young woman like this.  Will you stand with the rest of the world and let this happen?  How can you lovingly show her a better way?

Or maybe this young girl is you currently and you're beginning to become aware of an addiction in the making.  What do you need to do keep your heart and mind focused on Christ?

And finally, perhaps you are an older woman, and you are now seeing a lifelong pattern that needs to be changed.  You too were fooled by the world, but you too can come clean and refreshed through the love of Jesus.

Matthew 11:28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

God first. Others second. Matthew 22:37-39

Today I Choose to Listen

How often as humans do we forget to truly listen to individuals.  We say "Hi, how are you doing," ignore the other person's answer happily, and keep walking past them.  Do you ever stop and really think about how that person is feeling, or what they have been through this very morning?  The more I sit down and talk with people the more my heart breaks and head spins for what others so commonly go through in their very own homes.

To many young adults abuse, addiction, and loneliness has been the theme of their lives.  It is "normal" for them.   Their whole life has been filled with rejection from their parents, abuse from step parents, and horrifying scenes on some of us dare to imagine.  These people amaze me with their strength to get out of bed each morning, much less attempt to live a normal life.  I honestly can't say I would respond so positiviely if I was placed in the same situation.

The craziest part about this is that these people look like you and me, they go to school with us, they worship with us in church, and they eat dinner at our kitchen tables.  We interact with them on a regular basis and claim to know them quite well, but when it comes down to it we have never actually asked to hear their story.  The background of lies and hurt is still being hidden by the father of darkness.  When will we decide to break this facade and truly ask each other how things are going?

One woman in particular comes to mind as I write this.  Before we became frineds she had long since known all of the acquaintances we share through extra-curricular activities.  She has more acquaintances than I do now that I think of it, but when I first met her I could see that she was a girl who easily got skipped over by most people.  Kind of plain, kind of boring, kind of quiet...it was easy to see that most people said their routine hello and walked on by.

However as I really sat down with her and did nothing more than listen.  I began to hear story after story that needed to be told.  She told me of her abusive background, how she coped with it, and how she was very much still dealing with it.  As open as she was you would have thought the whole world knew, but the opposite was the truth.  Hardly anyone had heard this girl's heart-wrenching story of survival.  Why?  Because they wouldn't take the time to listen.  That's it.  She was obviously dieing to talk to someone about all of this, but if no one really asks she has no reason to really tell.

Because she chose to break the silence I have been able to truly pray for her with specific heart-felt prayers that God listens and responds too.  Speaking of, God listens to us thousands of times more than we listen to him or anyone else.  Perhaps it is time to change that.

Who do you know (or not know I should say) that has been placed in your life with a story to tell?  Who have you not really asked about lately?  Do you think this is a reflection of not caring?  Jesus tells us to put others above ourselves, what does this look like in your conversations with other people?

Perhaps there is someone who needs your prayers and support, someone you talk to but never listen to.

Everything You Need

I love you Lord,

Even if you're all I ever have.

The sweetest moment of my life was the first time I looked at this phrase and meant it with all my heart.  I had reached a total dependence on the God of my salvation.  How beautiful it is when we realize that this is all our hearts need.  Nothing else will do, nothing else will satisfy or last because Jesus and Jesus only satisfies our every hunger.  

In John 6:35 Jesus explains it this way:

"I am the bread of life.

He who comes to me will never go hungry,

and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

How wonderful it is to know that God created Jesus to fulfill our every hunger and desire.  He is the ultimate satisfaction despite what Satan tells you.  Many a young college student is tricked into believing that marriage is the ultimate fulfillment in life.  High School students fall for the lie that sex is what satisfies, and married couples sometimes hear Satan tell them they are missing out on a different life. 

Whatever your walk in life is, you can be sure of one thing.  Jesus Christ is all you will ever need to find joy, peace, and contentment for a lifetime and then some.  So turn to him for every weakness, every desire, every pain, hurt, and fear.  He promises he will be right there (John 6:37) and he will never turn you away.  

The more we depend on God the more fulfilled we will be.  This is the opposite of human nature, because human nature is to control.  But the Bible tells us the more we lay down at the feet of Jesus, the more he picks up and carries for us.  (1 Peter 5:7, Luke 9:23, Matthew 10:39, John 12:25)

The great apostle Paul put it this way:

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing

greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have

lost all things."

                                                        Philippians 3:7-8

So what can you give to God today?  What have you been holding on to so tightly that the satisfaction of Jesus can't get past?  Why are you afraid of laying it down, has Jesus' promises not been made clear to you?  What are you going to do today as a first step to laying down that burden in order to pick up Christ?

Here's a Peek Into My Passion!

I LOVE TO BLOG, WRITE, AND HELP PEOPLE WITH RELATIONSHIPS!
Ahh..this is undoubtedly the God-given passion of my life.  It started when I was 16 and surrendered my dating life to God.  This had been one of the biggest idols in my life up to that point.  When God took over I suddenly realized how many lies I had been eating right out of the palm of Satan's hand.

From that point on I knew I wanted better; both for me and for the millions of girls just like me who had also believed so many lies.  As I began to study books and ideas about dating, more questions and ideas would fill my own mind.  When I finished one book I would immediately pick up another, thus creating a snowball effect to my desire to learn more.

After reading enough of these books, I began to realize how many people came to me for dating advice.  First it was just a person here and there, but it slowly increased throughout the years.  I taught a bible study about dating at my junior college, and later designed an intensive four-week study for girls at my home church.

As I look around me now, I sometimes wonder if this is just a phase I'm going through, but then I realize that this is much, much more than that.  This is a life calling purpose from God!  He has been pushing me towards this throughout my life.  He has used so many people to show me that he does want to use me in this way.

He has given me deep, eye-opening revelations in his word about dating, marriage, friendships, and how our culture has strayed from the Bible.  He has had people breathe into my life, sharing the hope they have for my relationship advice ministry, and he has loved and healed me in a way that only strengthens my heart more for this issue.

Recently he has opened all sorts of doors from book writing to bible studies in other churches, and to showing others the love of Christ through this passion of mine.

There is not a doubt in my mind that God has given me this desire for knowledge on this topic.  I also know that he has given me this desire for a reason, and that reason is to use it to glorify him.  When I type out a blog post a feeling of hope and service rushes over me.  I have a constant prayer that what I love to do for fun, will in some way change the heart-perception of someone else.  I pray that the lessons I have learned the hard way will be taken in by girls who don't need anymore hard lessons.

My name is Haley Hoover, and my passion is relationships.  Although I am still very young, I have no doubt that God will use this passion for his glory in the future.

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