Your Desire Will Be for Your Husband-Part 2

A year ago I wrote "Your Desire Will Be for Your Husband," and reposted it earlier this week.  Now I am writing part two to that post.  I was inspired to do this while I was reading Sacred Influence, by Gary Thomas.    In the first chapter of his book he explains the Genesis 3:16 curse much like I did in my first post about this verse.  Like him, I fully agree that education on this verse is absolutely foundational for any and every woman trying to live a life of love with her creator.

We can not heal from our present hurts until we understand the shadows of our past, and we cannot understand the shadows of our past until we understand the shadows of mankind in general, and by this I am speaking of the fall and the curse.  While I would love to dive into the entire creation story, the fall, and the curse, I'm going to keep things a tad shorter by just focusing on the curse.  If you want to read more about the former you can check out Genesis 1-3 for yourself or attend a Divine Dating seminar.

The later part of Genesis 3:16 says this:

"Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Last week I heard someone say that the word desire means "control" in the original context.  I have studied this several times and heard several different things, but control is undoubtedly the root of Eve's sin.  You see, woman was created to be man's helper, or ezer as the original Hebrew suggests (Genesis 2:18.)  However, when Eve decided to take control into her own hands by deliberately eating the fruit God told her not to eat, she sinned.  She sinned and brought her husband into it too.  Because of this sin, she cursed her children.  Because of that her grandchildren were born sinners, and thus the entire world is now a fallen place.

And we say women have no power or significance...

If Eve wouldn't have sinned she would have helped and submitted to Adam with gladness and joy in her heart.  She would love to do what she was created to do and she wouldn't have any problem doing it!  But she sinned out of pride, and now she is always bent towards sin.  She is cursed.  The only way out of the curse, for her, or for any of us, is Jesus, the bridge.  John 14:6, Jesus is the only way to get back to perfect communion with God, and it is only through God that we will be at peace with our God-given gender and marital roles (Matthew 6:33.)

Eve's curse was not put in action so that she would be brought to ruin, it was given to her to lead her into repentance and point her back to the lover of her soul, her God, who loved her and came to earth in human form to restore his relationship with her.  Jesus Christ.

Back to Gary Thomas, I have never heard it interpreted this way, but he says that Old Testament commentators, Keil and Delitzsch think that the Hebrew language for the word "desire" in Genesis 3:16 translates as "a desire bordering disease."

A desire bordering disease?!  Whaaaatt....that's intense but honestly I think it hits the nail on the head better than anything else I've heard.  What better way to describe the sad phenomenon of young women cereal dating and giving away their bodies to every man that will have them.  Of course it's a borderline disease, we think about marriage from age 3 and up!  I know girls who had their wedding colors picked out in fifth grade.  We are sickly obsessed with our husbands even while they are no where in sight.  We struggle with contentment in every area of our lives because our happiness rests in one thing, a man, a leader, a guide of our youth.  Husband.  

Well here's some advice: anything you put your trust and hope in besides God is an idol, and idols always fail.  So even when you get that husband you've dreamed of all these years, he's still going to fail you and he is still going to disappoint you, even to the point of tears and heartache.  No man will ever bring you long-term contentment or happiness, that must come from God.

So you may be agreeing with me, but also feeling hopeless about the situation because you, like me, are inevitably cursed.  Good news, if you love God then he will use that curse to your benefit (Romans 8:28.)  That disease you have can be a blessing if you learn to let God control it under his provision.  

• First and foremost you must give this sickening desire to God.  Lay it at his feet (1 Peter 5:7.)  Let go and trust him.  This is much harder than it sounds, but all it takes is faith.  You have to give God your heart in order to give him the desires that go with it.   Think about that first, then reread this paragraph.  
• AFTER you lay this down and decide to blindly trust God with your spouse, singleness, disease, etc., then you can start behaving like a godly wife or wife-to-be.  If you're single like me you can write letters to your future husband, pray for him, and learn to be a trusting, helping, respectful woman of God.  If you are already married then put these issues straight into practice.  Pray for your husband and thank God daily for all the good qualities he has.  Apologize to your husband for making him an idol with impossible standards, and commit to going to the Lord first and your husband second.  God gave us a desire for our husbands...to love them, encourage them, and lift them up--so use it, just don't let Satan twist is and make it an idol issue.  Matthew 22:37-40, 16:33

The other thing Gary Thomas said was that the verse sometimes translates as a "violent craving for something."  That's definitely it.  That's why you see women at bars flirting with all the guys.  That's why she's on top of the stage showing off her goods.  That's why middle school girls steal each other's boyfriends, and it's why high school girls have anorexia problems.  

So here's my question for you: How long are you gonna let that curse control you?  Do you want to heal?  Do you want help?  Do you want the everlasting satisfaction for that problem you have?  Do you want Jesus...forever?

REPOST: Your Desire Will be For Your Husband

On May 25, 2011 I posted this post.  I am reposting it today not only because it is truthful and relevant to every woman's situation, but also because I have written a follow up post for it that I will be publishing Wednesday.  Here you are, enjoy!


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Every woman has a desire deep within to love and be loved by a man.

She also has the desire to be pursued and protected by a man.

However, when fathers and other significant male figures over-dominate or bow out completely, abusing their God-given roles--this is when she seeks love and protection from desperate places.

In Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve what her curse will be for

sinning. He says, "...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." For this reason it can be said that ALL women have a desire deep down to be loved and pursued by a man. Even the roughest, toughest, and most independent women I know still want the love of a man deep deep down.

Because this is our curse I think it explains lots of things.

1. Our constant craving for romance. No wonder it's a girl thing to watch romance movies, read erotic books, and hope for Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet. (See more in point 3)
2. Fantasy. Guys may fantasize about sex every point second or so, but girls definitely fantasize about marriage, weddings, and children just as much. Many girls openly admit that the moment he said "I like you," she had already pictured them walking down the aisle, changing her last name, and living in a 2 story house on main street.
3. The heart of little girls. This also helps us understand why little girls are the way they are. While the boys are off shooting guns, saving planet earth, and building bridges (I can explain this type of play later,) the girls are inside dressed in Mommy's old dresses playing tea party, house, or weddings.

As you can see, we were born with this innate desire for our husbands. God gave it to us as a curse for our sin, and it is a struggle we will deal with until we leave this earth. But take heart princess, there is positive to learn from this too!

First of all this should confirm to you that you are not a freak! I know lots of times its easy for us girls to get down on ourselves after a break up or rejection. Think of Jessica Biel in the movie Valentine's Day when she can't even get people to show up to her anti-Valentine's Day party. Often times at this point girls are asking themselves why no one loves them, what's wrong with them, and who needs men anyway? I think Satan uses that to trick us into thinking we are the only single people in the world and that we are the only single people who struggle being single!

This is simply untrue as Gen 3:16 explained previously. ALL women struggle with the desire to love and be loved by a man.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this though--it IS a curse. That is why it is often so painful and uncomfortable for women to be single. We were born with a desire for our husbands. The effects from this range anywhere from eating excessive amounts of chocolate, to depression and bitterness. You are not alone, and yes most people struggle with this, it is in fact, a curse.

So that's all for today, we're all doomed unless we're married. Thanks for reading! :)

Just kidding!! That would obviously be terrible, and I serve a God who has done far to much for us than to make us suffer a life without love forever. If you've been mislead by your desire for love, if you feel incomplete without a man by your side, or if you feel as though marriage is the only escape from the troubles of life--let me tell you, Satan is steeling your joy and there if far greater things available to you in this life.

In John 10:10 Jesus said, "I have come so that they may have life and that they may have it to the FULL!" That doesn't mean he came and died for you so you can lay on the couch feeling miserable for yourself. That means that he came, suffered, died, and rose again so that YOU sister can live an exciting and amazing life found through him!

As I explained in my post Made in His Image, God has amazing and wonderful plans for you--plans that ONLY you can fulfill! He's waiting on you to ask him so that he can show you this full life of love and adventure he has planned for you.

As for love, he's got you covered there too. 1 John 4:8 says GOD IS LOVE. So chase after him, fall hard after him, seek him, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Jeremiah 33:3, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Ephesians 3:19-21 Girls let me tell you, I've tried all the different loves the world has to offer, and NONE of them compare to the love that our God has for us! He made as after all didn't he? Why wouldn't he love us as his children? as his spouse? as his BRIDE? Song of Songs 4:7, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelations 19:7-9

Matthew 6:13

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well."

The Guide of Your Youth

Proverbs 2:16-17

"[Wisdom] will save you also from the adulteress,

from the wayward wife with her seductive words,

who has left the partner of her youth

and ignored the covenant she made before God."

Malachi 2:15 and Proverbs 5:18 give men careful instruction not to leave the "wife of their youth."  I was studying these passages one day when I found this verse in proverbs.  I noticed that it was different because it was coming from a female's standpoint and said she had left the "partner of her youth."

Curious as I was, I decided to look into the original meaning of the phrase "partner of her youth" and see what exactly the writer meant.  We know that the adulteress left this partner, and that was bad, therefore it is good to stay with this partner.  So who are we staying with?  Here is the Hebrew definition:

Al-loof:

           (Guide or partner)  Chief-leader, familiar, friend, gentle, captain, duke, chief friend (or best friend,) governor, guide, ox.

Interesting huh?  Let's look at the breakdown of each word!  It gets even better...

Chief-Leader as used in Exodus 15:15; a military leader, head person

Friend John 15:15, Jesus says I now call you my friends

Familiar friend-this phrase points to Proverbs 16:28 and Proverbs 17:9, both speak of close friends or "very friends"

Gentle. Read the instructions to husbands found near the end of Ephesians chapter 5.  I'd say gentle is a good way to describe them.

Duke-Straight out of Genesis 36; referring to all of the leaders

Chief Friend-best friend, a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken; Jeremiah 3:4 says God is our close friend from our youth!

Guide-Ephesians 5:24 says husbands lead their wives and the wife is to submit to her husband 

Ox-2 Corinthians 6:14 explains Christians to be "yoked together" with other believers.  This phrase also appears as "joined together" in Matthew 19:6

Barnes commentary explains even further:

"Better, the familiar friend.  The friend of course, is the husband,

or the man to whom the strange woman first belonged

as a recognized concubine."

The "guide of her youth" was the husband God picked out for her. The one we wait for.  The one we pray for.  The one he has promised us.  Think about all the qualities mentioned here for a biblical husband: best friend, guide, gentle, ox that is joined together, duke, leader.  Are you praying for these qualities if you are a lady in waiting?  If you are a man preparing for marriage, do you work towards these characteristics daily?

How beautiful a picture this word Al-loof portrays.  Partner of your youth.  Not only is this a wonderful description of the earthly marriage God has ordained, but the heavenly marriage that is to come.  God wants to be all these things and more for us.  He wants to be our best friend.  If God is your #1, everything else will fall completely into place...even your marriage (Matthew 6:33, 22:37-40.)  

Jeremiah 3:4

"Have you not just called to me:

'My father, my friend from my youth,"

To the Young Couple Thinking About Marriage:

To the Young Couple Thinking About Marriage,

     I love that you care for each other so much.  I think that's great!  But are you really ready for marriage?  Do you really understand how big of a commitment it is?  Perhaps you could take a moment to consider.
     In Ephesians 5:22-24, Paul tells us that the wife is to submit to the husband just as the Church submits to Christ.  This word "submit" means to obey.  Obeying someone is a very humbling task, even as naive children we struggle with this command which is given to us for our own protection.  As a human being in the flesh, we don't naturally give up our pride and willingness to control, it is a learned characteristic.
     As a woman who has been called by God to submit and obey to your husband, I ask you--can you willingly follow this man?  Do you trust his discernment and guidance.  Is he walking with the Lord and digging so deep into the Word that you know without a shadow of a doubt that he has what it takes to fearlessly lead you?  It takes a lot for a woman to give up her right to power and control, but fully trusting God shows us peace, contentment, and freedom in letting go.  In the same way, you must promise to let go of the reigns as your husband fearlessly and courageously leads you closer to Christ.
     Speaking of you Mr. Husband, verses 25-30 explain that  the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  This is huge!  I pray that you have grounded yourself so deeply in the Word of God that you know without any doubt, that your God will lead you as you lead her through this life.  I also pray that you can honestly say you love her to the point that you would give up your life for her as Christ did the church.  Yes, the Bible undoubtedly gives you the right to command and lead, but it also calls you to deny yourself in honor to please her and love her.
    Finally, Philippians 2:3-4 tells both of you to serve one another out of love, considering the other better than yourself.  This is a call to selfless love and respect, another unnatural action.  Only through Christ can these instructions be kept.
     Just as rules were given to us as children, they are not here for our torture, but for our protection and advantage.  Christ gives us this model of love because he knows within the Creator's design love can flourish and multiply, but without Him nothing grows but death and destruction.

John 13:34

"A new commandment I give you: Love one another.  

As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Love you and praying for you,

       Your Sister in Christ.

Live Up to Your Future!

Have you ever thought about going to your future and looking back at where you are now?

Something I always encourage girls to do is to make a list of all the specific qualities they want in a husband someday. Typically most Christian girls want a man of God who treats them with respect, is wise, protects them, etc. Regardless of how serious that girl takes her walk, this is what she wants. I think we sometimes forget to realize that to get someone that amazing and self-sacrificing, we have to do the same in return.

What do you want in a husband?

-Someone who puts others first

-Someone who respects me

-Someone who prays for me.

- (insert the rest of your list here)

Now look at your present, are you doing all these things in the relationships you have with your friends? Are you taking the time to work on these characteristics yourself? Do your dating relationships reflect this attitude?

When I was a year or two younger and guys would try to pursue me, something that always came to my mind was, “Would I want to tell my husband I had a relationship with this guy?” The answer was usually no, I could not stand the thought of telling the man I love and married--who is godly, respectful, wonderful—that I chose to date this worldly, desperate, less-than-my-standards guy because I grew impatient while waiting for him.

In fact, I am really kind of ashamed I have to tell my husband that I dated anyone at all. When I think about my future and look back on my past, it’s almost embarrassing. All those years of dating and talking and emotionally attaching myself to icky guys who didn’t care—why would I enjoy telling my husband that? To tell him that is telling him I couldn’t wait for you or God any longer, so just 16 years in I took the matter into my own hands and screwed everything up.

I realize we can’t change the past. And I’m not at all running for my past or covering it up, (because the truth is my husband will find out someday,) but we do have a say in the present and in the future. Think about what you’re doing now. What are you pursuing with your heart? Guys that aren’t yours? Things that won’t last like fashion and popularity? Are these pursuits something you can look back on with a pure heart and be satisfied with?

The 50 Year Plan

I encourage all of you to do something that has helped me enormously lately. Take some time today and sit down with a pen and paper. Think about where you want to be in 50 years. Not necessarily just your career, but who will you be? What will you do in your free time? What will you do with the people you love? Write it all down.

Then think about where you want to be in 30 years. What you will be doing, who you will be with, how you will live…write it down.

Repeat the process for 20 years, 10, and 5.

Then look at the steps you will have to take to get from the present to the place you want to be in 50 years. What steps do you need to take daily to get there?

Write down your daily goals for this.

What long-term steps over the course of the next several years do you need to do to get there? Write these down too.

When we plan ahead for the future, it is always important to make a plan of action in how to get there. Big goals need lots of little goals in order for them to happen. So who do you want to be in 50 years? Does the person you are now reflect that?

Matthew 6:33

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Specific Prayer for Your Specific Man!

Do you ever pray for your future husband? If you answered yes, is that "Yes, I pray a very generic prayer: dear God please help prepare my future husband today, amen."

Have you ever thought about specifically praying for him, with details requests?

God has been so good to me lately, he has shown me the value of praying specific prayers for my future husband. At first I started praying for his struggles with temptation, since we all know this is a huge thing for men. Then I started asking God to develop godly characteristics in him; the kind of characteristics that will make him a strong leader who will allow me to willingly follow him.

This past week God took it a step further. He led me to make a list of the very specific godly qualities I wanted in a husband such as:

• Someone who puts the needs of others before his own. Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
• Someone who invests his time wisely. Ephesians 5:15-17 "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."

• Someone who invests his money wisely. Proverbs 3:9 "Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops."

This is only 3 examples, I had 20 total (however there is no magical number.) Most of mine were based off of huge lessons God has taught me about life, and most of these lessons had scripture to go with them, which is the most important part.

I am now committing to daily pray through each of the specific qualities for my future husband. I am no longer asking God for just a godly man. I am now asking him for a godly man with specific godly characteristics that line up with my values.

At the end of my prayers however, I am careful to say "but God, let your will be done and not mine." My saying this I am recognizing that God has the ultimate authority in my life and he has the ultimate man already picked out for me.

Try making your own list. What qualities are important to you? What life lessons have shaped you and taught you your system of values? What characteristics does your family have that are necessary to have in a husband? What scriptures do you base your life around?

Then commit to pray for these in a man daily. God will bless you for asking (Matthew 7:7) AND think how cool it will be to tell your husband one day all that you have been praying about! I am even keeping a journal so I can prove it. :)

God bless you girls today!

Feel free to comment/question.