It's Not Just a Game

One of my brother's teenage friends just came in my room and asked me if a specific pick up line would work on a girl.

"A specific girl, or just any girl," I asked.

"Oh, any girl..." he said with a determination in his voice.

Nice.  I thought to myself.

First I told him the pick up line was completely cheesy and it would never work on me.  Then I thought about it and spoke the truth.

"But...girls are stupid and any girl you send that to will be eating out of your hand in less than 2 seconds."

He grinned and said he knew that would happen and that was the object of his plan anyways.

If you know me, you've heard this rant before.  Regardless, I feel like this is something everyone needs to hear, (mostly because I am an egocentric person probably, but oh well.)


GIRLS:  First of all you are stupid.  Second, it's not your fault you're stupid. Third, you are worth more.  Allow me to explain:
       Point one: I say you are stupid for very true reasons.  I've seen this happen in high school to beautiful popular girls, also in college from the sorority girls right down to the computer nerds, and now I've seen it happen to women in their 40's at night clubs.  The truth is your easy.  You are way way way to easy.  I'm not asking you to put on a front and "play hard to get,"  because that would still be "playing."  I want you to actually be hard to get because you deserve more, and better.  The lower we set the standards for men, the lower the effort they exert.  Example:  All a man has to do to win your affection is show you attention, tell you that you are pretty and ask for your number.  I know you are tempted to argue, but watch your heart, emotions, and actions the next time a guy walks up to you and 1. shows you attention, 2. pays you a compliment, and 3. makes a move forward.  Guarantee you the emotions will fly.  Why?  Because that's the heart of a woman and men (who aren't as stupid as you think) have figured that out and now use that to their advantage.  (See A Woman's Heart.)  This makes you "stupid" to put it bluntly, because you ask for a man to pursue you forever, you ask for a lifelong romance, a real strong man to lead you, a smart man, a steady man, etc.  Yet you fall for the player of players who knows the three tricks that disguise him as something he's not, yet still make your heart fall for him falsely.  (Study Proverbs 4:23.)

       Points two and three:  Why is it not your fault that you are stupid?  Because somewhere down the line, you never had it engraved in your head that you are valuable and worth fighting for.  Does your heart know that?  Yes. Which is why you fall for the compliment, the attention, and the pursuit (value.)  On the other hand, does your brain understand your value? No.  Or else you would see right through this player player and understand that you deserve a lot more than a compliment and an introduction to lure you into a man's presence.  Its up to you to take the journey of figuring out where you first heard this lie, (See What is Identity, and read: Lies Young Women Believe, Captivating, and Strong Women Soft Hearts.)  After you locate the lie, extinguish it with the Word of God.  When you study the Word and God's character, you understand how he designed you and what worth you have to him.  Daily entering into his presence and reminding yourself that can help you overcome the trap Satan throws at you through men.  God and only God can affirm your value.  I have linked a few blog posts to help you get started, but this is really a commitment you must make for yourself personally with the Lord.  (Read: Made in His Image, You're Beautiful, and God's Love For You.)

I close my lecture to the girls by saying this:  Don't give a guy your heart because he took three seconds out of his day to look at you.  The fact is, you aren't the first girl he's laid eyes on, and you won't be the last.  I care about your heart and God does far more than we can even imagine.  It's the most intimate part of you, and it doesn't deserve to be spread around like an epidemic to little boys who don't know the care and love it truly deserves.  "Above all else, guard your heart...for from it everything flows."  That's a pretty big command, but I see it as the most essential in preserving your womanhood.

(To be continued..)

Transform Your Mind, Christian

Romans 12:2

"Be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."

One of my friends posted this as her status a few days ago:

"My identity is inescapable. My destiny is an enormous desire of my heart. I long for what God has for me. I'll long for it more and more, as the time approaches. At just the right time, God will have all the pieces in place. He will send my leader to walk me into what He has called me to."

CHRISTIANS:

We have got to stop living like the world!

I'm not talking about drinking, cussing, sex, smoking or drugs.  Yes, those are bad and yes we are told not to do them.  But quit judging people for these things and look at your heart compared to God's!

For one big huge thing: STOP WORSHIPING MONEY!!

You do not have to base your life around the comfort of a fat income.  The Bible teaches all over to trust God FIRST, then he will provide absolutely everything you need..and THEN some!  Don't you know those O.T. stories by heart yet?  How many times did people get called into crazy scary things?  How many times did God come through for them?

God never changes...so that means that stuff still applies to us and still happens today!

Also, STOP DATING!
That's not loving your neighbor, that's not thinking of other people's feelings.  That's not trusting God.  It's not being patient.  It's not focusing on the Lord, his will, or his Word.

You agree, yet how many of you can raise your hand and say you are in college right now to get a fancy job and find a mate?

How many of you can raise your hand and say you already did that?

Where was God let in on any of these plans?

Oh good, you prayed at the ceremony.  That's all the power he probably wants anyways...much less deserves. -_-

I only rant because I too have been guilty of these things. The truth is, God has called us to a much higher standard, and if we want His best for our life, we've got to let go and start trusting him.

Now.

You will never reach your destiny if you keep it in your hands.

Check out these lyrics from Kasey Musgrave's song, Merry Go Round:

Tiny little boxes in a row,
Ain't want you want it's what you know,
Just happy in the shoes you're wearin'.

Same checks we're always cashin',
To buy a little more distraction.

We often get so sucked into tradition and culture and everything else that we forget to ask God what he really wants for us.  We assume, thus missing out on some of life's greatest blessings.  

Staying Pure in College: A Guest Post

Today's guest post is contributed by Angelita Williams, who writes on the topics of online courses. Besides blogging, she loves to travel, listen music and spending time with pets. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: angelita.williams7@gmail.com.

Dating in College: How I Kept My Virginity 

Growing up my parents always stressed the importance of maintaining one's virginity until marriage. It was sinful to do otherwise. That's not to say that Christians who choose have sexual relationships out of wedlock won't get into the pearly gates of heaven. I'm just reinitiating why, since I hit puberty, I planned to keep my virginity intact. Not to mention I was terrified of pregnancy and STDS.

In high school, even with all of these new "racing hormones," I managed to successfully keep my promise to myself and God. But I was never really "tested," if you will—I didn’t have a boyfriend, so the possibility of getting intimate with someone wasn't even really a concern. But when I attended my local state college, the circumstances changed. I was miles away, living unsupervised. I attended parties frequently where alcohol was always accessible; and I started finally dating— something that is extremely hard to do in the "hookup" college culture. While my college years made it a lot harder to keep my promise, I'm proud to say that I earned my diploma with my virginity still in place. To learn how I did this, continue reading below.

1. Have the Talk up Front

I was a late bloomer. I really didn’t grow into my features until the summer right before my first semester of college, so I was thoroughly surprised by all of the new attention I got from men on campus. Since I had only been on a few dates in the past, I accepted most of the invitations I received. I figured that if a man was brave enough to approach me, the least I could do was agree to a slice of pizza. But I learned early on that most college aged men have ulterior motives Simply put, most just wanted my "cookie." But I had a method for weeding out the toads from the princes. I'd simply talk about my faith and my choice to wait until marriage early on in the relationship, it usually came up no later than the second date. 

There were three types of men that I encountered after having a conversation like this: 1) The Runner—He'll say 'that's cool' but then never call back again (good you don't want to date a person like that anyway). 2) The Pretender—He'll act like he respects your decision  to wait but really just sees it as a "challenge" (he'll convince you to give it up late he thinks) and 3) The Understander—he authentically respects your decision and still wants to continue seeing you. To get a better look at each type of guy and learn how to deal with them, we move on to the next tip—

2. Don’t Put Yourself in "Tempting" Situations

Now it's hard to be able to tell The Pretender from The Understander initially. After all, The Pretender will pretty much make it seem like everything is cool—but he'll only keep up the act for a while. If you stand your ground The Pretender will become frustrated and lose interest. Problem solved. The Understander, on the other hand, may respect your decision, but he's still human. The two of you may be doing some heavy petting and then get "caught up in the moment." The easiest way to prevent anything from "happening" is to learn how to prevent yourself from being in "tempting" situations that could lead to sex. This means stopping when things get too hot and heavy, not sleeping in the same bed (especially with your clothes off or in skimpy lingerie—if wearing "granny panties" will stop you from stripping, so be it), standing your ground when he tries to say oral sex is not the same as real sex, or drinking alcohol around your date since it clouds judgment. Alcohol is also one of the leading causes for one night stands; how tragic would it be to lose your virginity to some frat guy you just met? Know your limits.

3. Keep Yourself Active

Last but not least, you don't ever want to be "consumed" with the new guy you're dating.  Make sure to have your own life and do your own thing. Stay active. If the two of you are attached to the hip and you seclude yourself from the rest of your friends, it makes it feel like you're a married couple and may convince you that "it's time." But don't let this feeling fool you: you're not actually married. Doing your own thing from time to time and keeping yourself busy is a beautiful thing and will help you keep your promise—both academically and religiously.

Keeping your virginity can be a challenge, but if it's something that is truly important to you, it can be done. 

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What do you think about Angelita's post?  Can you relate with her struggles and victories?  Do you have your own advice you'd like to share?  Comment below or email me at divinedating.org@gmail.com.  

Song of Solomon #2-Listen Now!

Okay, so there is not a great way to send you this link without sending you a whole slew of sermons.  However, I feel like it is very beneficial for everyone to listen to the sermon titled "Song of Solomon #2" by Smokey Hurst.

This message contains a wealth of knowledge about love, sex, marriage, and passion.  Smokey speaks directly to both men and women--separately and then collectively.  I found this very encouraging to my love story.

Here's the link: Sermon Player

(Note: As this post gets older, the sermon will move further on down the track list.)

Dating vs. Courtship Video

For those of you still sorting out the difference between dating and courtship, this video puts everything in very simple and easy to understand points.  I love how directly it explains the courting process.  Feel free to post questions or comments below!

Happy Friday!

Dating v. Courting (Tom Brown)

A friend of mine sent me this link on Facebook.  I couldn't agree more with the context of this article.  Here is a snippet of it, but for the whole thing you can follow this link: http://tbm.org/dating_verses_courting.htm

Dating verses Courting 
By Tom Brown

Joshua Harris wrote a book with a provocative title, "I’ve kissed dating goodbye." You need to kiss dating goodbye. I believe that dating is the world’s way to find a spouse. Many might be wondering, If I don’t date, how am I going to find a spouse?

You should find a spouse through courting. Courtship is more of a scriptural way to meet a prospective spouse than dating. What is the difference between dating and courting? Let me say first of all: Don’t get hung up on terms. It is possible to use the word date but not necessarily have the same understanding as my definition. I am giving you my definition of dating. If you say you date but don’t do what I define dating as being, then I feel you are practicing courting, although you might still use the term dating.

My definition of dating is that it is a modern game where intimacy is practiced before commitment. It often involves romantic talk, holding hands, kissing, making out, and oftentimes sex. Commitment never proceeds intimacy. The word date comes from the word mate. It doesn’t sound good to tell someone you are mating with Mr. X. You prefer to use the word dating. It sounds so much better, but in reality, dating and mating are sometimes the same. I looked up the worddate in my encyclopedia and it said, "see Sex and Teenage." Even my encyclopedia agrees with my definition.

Courtship is the time-honored and successful practice of learning about someone enough to know whether or not the two is compatible for marriage. It often involves friendship, discussing each individual’s future plans, knowing the parents if they’re alive, and praying privately for God’s will in the matter. After deciding it is God’s will to get married, the couple prays together and then go to their parents to seek their blessings and finally to the pastor to seek his approval. After engaged the couple still avoids intimacy until marriage. Commitment comes before intimacy.

Someone might be thinking, How old is this writer? I’m under forty, and my wife, Sonia, and I proved that courtship could work in this modern age. We both were virgins when we married each other. So don’t tell me that this is unrealistic. We never kissed or even held hands until we were engaged. It can work. We’ve been married for almost 18 years, and are still in love. J

Why people fall away from the Lord?

I’ve been pastoring for almost two decades, and I’ve noticed that the number one reason people are led away from God is because they get involved in a relationship which is not honoring God. People rarely fall away from God as a result of drugs, alcohol, or cults. Christianity is a relationship, so it stands to reason that an unholy relationship will be the number one cause of backsliding.

We are relational people. Our faith is based on a relationship with God. We need a relationship with God to fulfill us. Satan knows this, so he tries to replace your relationship with God with a wrong relationship with another. If he can succeed, you will discover that your relationship with God will suffer.

Dating is Satan’s method of getting you distracted from God. As I said before, dating involves intimacy. Once a person develops intimacy, they can easily make each other out to be idols. The Romeo and Juliet syndrome takes place.

"Oh, I can’t live without you! I need you! You are everything to me!"

Like Romeo and Juliet you will began to despise the advice of your parents and others who care for your spiritual well being. You will soon give more and more time to this person. You will began to spend less time with your family and Christian friends. Before you know it, you rarely attend church.

"Who cares, I’m in love!" you say. Remember the end of Romeo and Juliet: they killed themselves! That is not exactly a romantic ending.

Satan tried it on me

Hey, I am a guy! I know what I’m talking about. Satan tried to get me involved in wrong relationships with different girls. Oh, they were so pretty! But they weren’t born-again, Spirit-filled girls. I knew God had called me into the ministry, so I realized my choice for a wife was critical. None of the girls I liked were interested in being a preacher’s wife.

Satan almost got me on several occasions. One girl, who was drunk at the time, said to me, "Tom, with you being religious and all that, and me being such a sinner, we would make a good couple." Yea, sure?

When I met Sonia at church, I asked her to play tennis with me. We saw each other every week at a nursing home that we ministered at together. We went out a couple of times. In all those months, we never saw each other as idols. We were simply good friends.

The trouble with many marriages is they are built on sex, not friendship. There is more to a marriage than sex. Yes, sex is fun, it has its place, but friendship is even more important.

Many argue that unless you have sex before marriage, you might not be satisfied with your spouse’s performance. They say, "Better find out if you are compatible sexually before marriage than after marriage."

You know this argument is so lame. Common sense tells us that sex will be wonderful so long as you are in love with the person. It doesn’t matter if they can do gymnastics in bed, what matters most, is if they love you. Sex is meaningful with someone you love. You can learn to perform better as you go along. That is part of the fun.

Get it out of your system

Another argument of the proponents of sex before marriage is this: if you wait until marriage to have sex, then you will always desire more; better to get it out of your system before marriage than to do it after marriage.

This argument is so ridiculous. I would argue just the opposite. Sex can be addictive. I’m more worried about playboys settling down.

Take for example a man who hates to shop. He decides to go to Wal-Mart and gets himself some overalls. Let me ask you this question: how long do you think he will keep his clothes? Remember he doesn’t have many clothes. Yet, you and I both know he probably will keep those overalls for many years.

On the other hand, a woman who loves to shop will buy some expensive clothes and add them to her dozens of outfits. How long do you think she will wear them? Not very long.

You see you don’t have to try on many clothes before you will be satisfied with what you bought. My wife loves to shop. She will take hours trying on different dresses to see which one she likes. Finally, she decides on a dress, only to take it back later. On the other hand, I try on one pair of shoes, it fits, and I take it home. I will wear those shoes out until my wife encourages me to get another pair.

Trying on different people does not make it less likely that you will want to keep the one you picked. Actually, chances are you will more likely become dissatisfied with the person you married, because you know what others are like, and you might start to reminisce about the other guys you slept with. But someone who knows only one person, does not have anyone else to compare him with, and is more likely to be satisfied with their "one and only".

Is there really such thing as "Taking it Slow?"

I while back I had several of my close Christian friends reassure me that their relationship was 100% focused on God.  How do they reassure me?  With the ever-frightening phrase, "We're just taking it slow."

I always sigh in disappointment as I read the text with that phrase in it.  Taking it slow.  Taking it slow compared to what??  A worldly relationship?  Because all that means is that you haven't slept together yet.

Let me explain a few things that have really helped me grasp the nature of relationships.  First of all, relationships are progressional.  That means it's a one way street.  Relationships are constantly moving forward.  There is no backwards, even if you break up and go back out again, you will still be starting where you left off.

Think about it.  Every relationship has the same basic rules of progression.  Initial attraction, extensive talking, friendly physical touch, and so on and so on.  The most common relationship I see at my age and generation is the deceitful "talking" relationship.  This is what the majority of Christians consider a slow relationship, however they are completely wrong.

I'm not sure if this is a regional term, so I will explain.  Talking is when a couple shows sincere interest in one another but they don't necessarily want to make the commitment of a dating relationship.  Therefore they hang out together, talk on the phone in mass amounts, and text each other fairly often.  I guess the term comes from the idea that most of the relationship is based on talking rather than doing.

The problem with this is that it's not at all slow, and it's not at all safe, especially when you're talking about guarding your heart.  A texting conversation is like being completely alone with another person.  You have freedom to talk about whatever you want without fear of anyone walking in, asking questions, or interrupting.  Each party has more control this way because the conversation only changes by what is typed.

  Facial expressions, initial reactions, and surrounding distractions are put away and out of mind in this situation.  That leaves your heart right there in the open for the other person's entertainment.  Would you spend 16 hours a day in an empty closet facing this person face to face in conversation?  Would you share the things you have shared with them if you had been face to face?

No.  Truth is that we all feel more comfortable and confident through writing.  Ask any professional writing student and they will tell you that they are most vulnerable when they are on paper.  In real life they are quiet, shy, and reserved.  Writing is an escape to share your true feelings and ideas, whether that writing is through journaling, blogging, letters, Facebook, or texting.

Just like you and your resume, a person who presents themselves through writing is giving you part truth and part fictional character to some degree.  This is why so many young couples do better "talking" than they do actual dating and hanging out together.  It's much easier and less complicating to fall in love with a fictional character.  50% of it is what your mind makes it.


Secondly, because relationships are progressional, there is no such thing as slow.  All relationships have one of two outcomes: marriage or break-up.  They are all headed towards one of these two ends.  Now because I don't know anyone who willingly walks into failure and heartache, I'm going to assume you did not know this.

With that being said, let's stop and ask ourselves a few questions.

• Are you ready to get married right now?
• Can you support yourself and a house payment financially?
• Are you finished living for yourself as an independent individual?  Tired of going out with the girls every Saturday night and staying out as long as you want?
• Have you finished school and all the adventurous, silly things you want to do before settling down?
• Do you have a place to live?  Can you fully afford the bills, groceries, and necessities?
• Are you completely joyful with God and only God, or do you feel empty?
• Have you found your soul and healed your wound?

Then why are you looking for marriage?

Better yet, why are you consumed with dating?

God can heal whatever hole that is within you.  Take your loneliness, pain, hurt, and discontentment to him first, not another human being.  Matthew 6:33

Talking is the modern version of dating.  It's uncommitted, adulterated heart exposure that leads to heartbreak and counterfeit bonding.  As my good Lord says, please guard your heart.  Prov 4:23  It's too precious not too.

We don't get it.

Our culture has completely missed it.  We're doing it all wrong.  In no way do I think the way we date honors God.  If it was working the divorce rate in this country wouldn't be 50%.  Love and relationships have become our idols.  I log on to facebook and see three newly formed couples today..all of which discussed this decision for less than a week.  I see pictures upon pictures of teenage couples showing how much they "love" each other.  I see statuses that brag about how awesome their significant other is.  This is all great and wonderful in the context of marriage and real life, but when you've only been dating a week...or when your relationship is in fact 100% about your benefit...it's a sin.  It's idolatry.  That might sound a bit extreme, but this has been on my heart for a while now.

I'm not against dating.  I'm against dating in a way that doesn't glorify God.  Can you honestly look at your last relationship and say that God brought people closer to him because of it?  (Temporary closeness doesn't count either)  God knows who you're going to marry.  He's already picked that person out for you.  He knows how and when you will meet and he knows what wedding colors you'll choose.  Guessing, fantasizing, and picking out different people puts you in God's role, and if you've ever played the role of God in your life before, you know that this is the quickest and easiest road to destruction.

Even at church!  Your sole purpose for being at church--should be to love on GOD, the creator of your life!  The giver of salvation and forgiver of your sins.  The one who loves you with out conditions, the one who loved you before you met this other person, and the one who will love you after this person is gone.  Who is this other human being that they are so important that they can be put before God?  When it is time to worship God, worship God.  Oh wait, that's the whole reason of our existence.  So give your life meaning by worshiping God all the time.  Your relationship with someone else should bring God more glory than you alone, if it doesn't then you shouldn't be in that relationship.

Why do you think you HAVE TO be in a relationship? Why do we struggle so much with being single?  Why do people, even good Christians ASSUME that you are not happy unless you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?  Why does the world tell you there is something wrong with you because you are single?  THESE ARE LIES FROM THE MOUTH OF SATAN!!  Yes, we are meant to be with another person for the rest of our life, and yes we are made for one specific person.  But until God brings you two together, it is his will for you to be single.  He made you a complete and whole person apart from that other being.  You have a role to play as a single person, and he will not lead you into your role as a married person until you have completely the tasks at hand.  God has given you a divine purpose and a divine calling that you and only you can fulfill.  Why are you wasting this precious time by moaning and groaning about not having someone to "share your life with?"

Guess what, PAUL, of the New Testament, the number one spreader of Christianity...yeah, he was never married and look at how God used his life divinely.  Please, don't date just to date.  If you're not ready for marriage you're not ready to date.  If you don't know your identity in Christ, you're not ready to date.  If you are searching for purpose, you don't need to date.  Listen to the whisper in your ear from God Almighty.  He loves you and cherishes you so incredibly much.  Don't slap him in the face by turning to someone or some thing else for fulfillment.

My plea to the guys...

As I sit here praying for the male friends and family in my life my hearts absolutely breaks.  Not just for them, but for the women in their life.  They don't realize that what they do causes years of pain and hurt like nothing else.

Guys: When you date a young woman, you are responsible for her heart.

Because I have many male friends, I know they don't understand this, but I pray oh so hard that they would at least try to understand.  There is no "dating for fun" when it comes to dating women.  What may just be a time filler for you, is oh so much more to her, even if she doesn't say it or show it.

You see, men battle with lust at the same intensity women battle giving their heart away.  Guys say lust is the hardest battle because it's all around them, always tempting them--immodest clothes, sex on tv, porn, and anything else the devil can use.

Women on the other hand, are engaging in just as big of a battle, it's just not as well known yet.  The Genesis 3:16 curse says that women's desire will be for her husband, and Satan of course has turned it into an all out war.  Women are just as surrounded with this desire as men are with lust.  Romance movies, love songs, Facebook statuses, and even other couples.

When you date a girl, she is undoubtedly already thinking about marriage in the back of her head.

I know this is really hard for guys to understand, but I try to explain it in a real way.  Girls can back me up on this.  Okay, let's say you see a cute girl across the room.  She catches your attention, so you smile at her and lock eye contact for a few seconds.  That may have been all you wanted to do.  You may or may not have had any intent of even talking to her, but that's not what went on in her mind.

She's standing there gabbing with her friends about Stacy's new boyfriend and how perfect they are for each other, when suddenly she catches your stare.  As you lock eyes for 3 heart-pounding seconds, her breath increases, her pupils dialate, and a picture flashes in her mind, a picture of you and her holding hands in public together.  Innocent enough right?

Wrong.  As she explains to her friends what just happened, they make the situation worse.  Do you think he likes you?  What if he asks you out?  Do you know what kind of job he has?  All these questions spin through her head as she begins to put you together.  When she goes home that night she tries to reassure herself that it was just a glance, nothing happened...yet.  But then her mind begins to reel as she pictures all the fun times you'll have together, she pictures the hang out spot you two will share, the song you play at your wedding, what color the dress will be, how many months you'll be engaged...and on and on and on.  The madness never stops.  It's a crazy cycle that girls have to train themselves for years to get out of.  

This is where conterfeit bonding, or emotional attachment comes in.  In this scenario, you can see that this young girl has already given you a piece of her heart, and she knows absolutely nothing about you.  I can't even explain how much worse this gets as you begin dating her.

So please, don't date a girl unless you have a strong interest in marrying her someday.

Paul tells us in Romans 14:21 that it is better to not do something if it causes your brother to stumble.  In other words, if dating, texting, or "talking" causes a young woman's thoughts to be consumed with you, or causes her heart to be put out on the line, the godly thing to do is to lay it down at the foot of the throne.  

Guys: Are you playing with a woman's heart?  Is God showing you the depth of the wounds a woman's heart endures?  Is there something you need to change? What and how?

Girls:  Did you even realize you were wired like this?  If so, how have you been guarding your heart lately?  What do you need to do differently?  Have you been letting Satan control your desire for a husband instead of trusting God?

Expect more on guarding your heart soon... 

Here's a Peek Into My Passion!

I LOVE TO BLOG, WRITE, AND HELP PEOPLE WITH RELATIONSHIPS!
Ahh..this is undoubtedly the God-given passion of my life.  It started when I was 16 and surrendered my dating life to God.  This had been one of the biggest idols in my life up to that point.  When God took over I suddenly realized how many lies I had been eating right out of the palm of Satan's hand.

From that point on I knew I wanted better; both for me and for the millions of girls just like me who had also believed so many lies.  As I began to study books and ideas about dating, more questions and ideas would fill my own mind.  When I finished one book I would immediately pick up another, thus creating a snowball effect to my desire to learn more.

After reading enough of these books, I began to realize how many people came to me for dating advice.  First it was just a person here and there, but it slowly increased throughout the years.  I taught a bible study about dating at my junior college, and later designed an intensive four-week study for girls at my home church.

As I look around me now, I sometimes wonder if this is just a phase I'm going through, but then I realize that this is much, much more than that.  This is a life calling purpose from God!  He has been pushing me towards this throughout my life.  He has used so many people to show me that he does want to use me in this way.

He has given me deep, eye-opening revelations in his word about dating, marriage, friendships, and how our culture has strayed from the Bible.  He has had people breathe into my life, sharing the hope they have for my relationship advice ministry, and he has loved and healed me in a way that only strengthens my heart more for this issue.

Recently he has opened all sorts of doors from book writing to bible studies in other churches, and to showing others the love of Christ through this passion of mine.

There is not a doubt in my mind that God has given me this desire for knowledge on this topic.  I also know that he has given me this desire for a reason, and that reason is to use it to glorify him.  When I type out a blog post a feeling of hope and service rushes over me.  I have a constant prayer that what I love to do for fun, will in some way change the heart-perception of someone else.  I pray that the lessons I have learned the hard way will be taken in by girls who don't need anymore hard lessons.

My name is Haley Hoover, and my passion is relationships.  Although I am still very young, I have no doubt that God will use this passion for his glory in the future.

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I Will Wait for You: A Poem

A friend of mine shared this with me yesterday, I thought it was very powerful and full of the truth of the Word of God.  Hope this encourages you today. :) God Bless

Completely to You

So what can I say? 
What can I do? 
But offer this heart O God 
Completely to You

This is a beautiful song by Hillsong United entitled The Stand.  As I was getting ready for church yesterday morning I was listening to Air1 when this song came on.  The snippet above is what hit me.  It captured my life at that very moment and God spoke through it.

After an intense weekend full of God-thoughts, worship services, and the emotions of life shared with friends, I realize just how easy it is to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and forget about the one thing that really matters.

As humans, we worship by design.  What we worship is specific to each individual.  The receiver of our worship can range anywhere from sports to boyfriends, music to backpacks, and Star Wars to baking.  None of these things are bad in and of themselves, however the Bible says anything we worship more than God is an idol, and idolatry is a sin.  (Luckily we already knew we were sinners and God has already taken care of that for those who ask!)

For biblical reference:

• Exodus 20:3-4 “You shall have no other gods before me.  You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneat or in the waters below.”
• Matthew 4:10 “Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.”
• Matthew 22:37-38 “Jesus replied, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and the greatest commandment.”

Something I hadn’t thought much about until recently, is that even ministry can be an idol if our motives are wrong.  An example of this would be a youth pastor obsessing over how many kids are coming, what they are going to eat, how to get them to listen to the gospel, etc. rather than focusing on God, what he wants for the children, and asking Him to use the event to glorify himself. 

This isn’t cold hard fact, just an opinion, but I think girls are more vulnerable to making people our idols, whereas men are more vulnerable to making things their idols. 

For most women, idolatry easily creeps in to our relationships because of the Genesis 3:16 curse.  Our desire is for relationships, and more specifically our husband.  How many girls do you know that check their phone every 5 seconds waiting for that guy to text them?  Or what about the women who are so starved for love (like many of us) that they reach out for whatever male figure they can cling to.

We all have idols in our hearts.  This week I was convicted about chasing God’s plan more than God himself.  In high school one of my big idols was popularity and acceptance from other people.  But what’s your idol?  What are you not letting God control in your life?  Is there something you deem as more important than the creator of the universe?  Something coming in between you and your walk with God?  Take some time to examine your heart today and lay down any idols you might have.  Let God be God. J he does have it figured out ya know!

For a great bible study on idols I recommend: No Other Gods by Kelly Minter

Alisson's Story-4

(Continuing from Alisson's Story-3)

 ...Later that night Julie dragged me to the BCM on campus. She said fellowship would be good for me. Surprisingly, the message turned out to be about relationships, and how without God they are like a flat tire- going nowhere. During worship the band sang “Open Hands,” by Matt Papa. As soon as I heard it tears started streaming down my face.  How could God’s grace be so good but so painful?  Julie just wrapped her arm around me tight and we sang together. After the song was over she turned to me and said, “Wasn’t that awesome?” I looked at her and said, “It feels so much better when it’s not conviction but grace.” 

 Later that night I was talking to Mandy about how broken I felt. She told me to let God comfort me! “How do you do that?” I asked.  She told me to start reading in Isaiah 40 which is about God comforting His people. I told her I didn’t understand and that I would talk to her more about it in the morning.

          The next morning I was up and reading some of Mandy’s blogs and came across the last of a series she was finishing about Samson being mad at God. All of a sudden a light bulb came on in my head. I was mad at God for answering my prayer! I’m sure God was just shaking his head at me thinking, “Women… they never know what they want.”  

After I realized I was mad at God I began to feel bad and immediately made it right with Him.   After I did this I went to do my quiet time and figured I’d give Isaiah 40 and on another try. It finally made sense! Isaiah 41:10 told me to fear not for God was with me! But the big one that caught my eye was in Isaiah 14-18. Through this verse God showed me that there was more pain in the break up because I wasn’t obeying Him before.  Then He said when you get tired of making your own plans and you get too overwhelmed, I’m here and I won’t leave you!  He also told me that He will open doors and rivers where you never imagined!  God was there to take care of me.

Sometimes I think we forget that God created the universe and everything in it. Mathew 11:28 says, “Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest,” and that is exactly what I am doing. 

Maybe you too, like Alisson are running from God.  Maybe you aren't seeking his will in a certain area of your life, therefore you feel like he is far from you.  Whatever your situation,  you can find the same freedom Alisson did if you just let God be God.  Lay down your heavy loads, your burdens, your fears, your idols--everything.  Lay it down and pick up God's will.  Freedom comes in letting go and letting God.

This is the last post on the series of Alisson's story.  I really recommend you sit down and read all 4 parts in one setting some time.  It brought tears to my eyes and reaffirmed God's amazing love and grace for us.  If you have a similar story to share, comment below or email it to divinedatingforgirls@gmail.com.  God bless.

Alisson's Story-2

(Continuing from Alisson's Story)

...The next morning I woke up in a major state of confusion. What was  God’s will? Tate wasn’t a bad guy and he had actually rededicated his life this past year. Why wasn’t he the one for me?  Can I still date him? How do you know what God’s will is??

I went to Julie and we discussed it some more and she suggested I talk to her discipler, Mandy. So Julie gave her my number and within a few hours I was talking to Mandy! We talked and I told her about Tate and I asked her what a spiritual leader looked like for a guy? She started thinking and came to the conclusion that there wasn’t a specific answer to this question, but she said, “First and foremost, you want a guy who loves God with all his heart.”  Then she gave me some great words of wisdom and told me to boldly pray to God, asking him to show me if Tate was the guy God picked out for me or not.  I prayed that if he was the right guy things would continue to be good between us, and if he wasn’t, I asked that the door would slam shut on our relationship!

                               (read more tomorrow!)

Maybe you have been unsure/uneasy about your own relationship lately.  Perhaps you should take that bold step by praying that God would slam the door shut if it is not his will.  After all, if God's not in it, it won't last anyways right?

Proverbs 16:9

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

Proverbs 20:24

"A man's steps are directed by the Lord.  How then can anyone understand his own way?"

Alisson's Story

Over the next week or so I will be posting a series about one girl’s struggle and success to finding God’s peace in her dating life.  This wonderful girl’s name is Alisson, and she will be narrating the story.  My prayer is that if you don’t know God, you will want to after reading this, and if you do know God, you will desire Him more because of his works through my friend. 

The story begins at a Christian leadership camp in Oklahoma.  A few months ago Alisson and my friend Julie met each other in a “family group” at camp.  (Julie’s story can be read here.) Alisson and Julie soon found out they found out they were going to the same college in the fall.

During that week Alisson began to be convicted about her boyfriend because he wasn’t a spiritual leader to her. During one of her quiet times she came across a verse many of you have heard of, but the meaning is often over looked. Proverbs 3: 5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”  Many people don’t realize the second part of this verse is a choice. Just like we have a choice whether we want to go to heaven or hell, we also have a choice to trust God’s direction or not.

Following the sound of God’s voice, Alisson called her boyfriend, Tate later that day and broke up with him.  After begging and pleading his excuse to keep her with him was “You never told me you wanted to be lead spiritually!”

Girls you shouldn’t have to ask to be led spiritually.  Later that evening Tate called Alisson over and over again, telling her that he was going to change. Because that was exactly what she wanted to hear, she jumped for it, and as time went on he did change and he did  stop drinking, but only because she had begged him too, not because he was in love with the Lord.

(Alisson’s narrative begins..)

                When the first week college rolled around, one of the first things I did was visit Julie at her dorm.  As soon as I walked in, she asked me about Tate.  I told her that he was the perfect one for me and that we were talking about getting engaged and making plans for marriage!  Apparently Julie had had this on her heart because she immediately started telling me why I shouldn’t marry him and used scripture to back up her reasons. At this time I realized she wasn’t joking, she was serious.

She then shared a passage with me from Matthew 8:23-27 basically asking me where my faith was. In this passage Jesus calms the storm. However, if you remember once the storm arrived Jesus was sleeping.
The disciples ran to Jesus to wake him up saying, “Save us Lord; we are perishing!”
“Why are you afraid, o you of little faith,” said Jesus.
At this time Julie looked up from her bible and said, “You don’t trust God do you?” As I began to speak she jumped in again, “…with everything?  Do you trust that God will be enough for you until He brings you your prince charming?”

 I responded, “No. My biggest fear is that I will end up single.”  She then showed me an illustration with her computer desk and a bottle of nail polish remover.  The nail polish remover represented me. She then placed it at the edge of the desk; half on and half hanging over the edge.  She looked at me and said, “This bottle is you-- you trust God with some things, but you don’t trust him with everything.” 

 At that moment Galatians 1: 10 popped in my head:“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

Who am I pleasing? Me, Tate, or God?

I went home to dig into God’s word and seek his direction. That night God showed me verse after verse telling me that I needed to trust Him and let Him have the controls for the rest of my life. Some of the verses I read that night were found in Psalm 9:10,10:4, 18:30 ,Psalm 19:14, and Psalm 20:6-7. That night God forgave me for being away so long, and I committed my life to doing His will.

(To be continued...)

Have you ever felt convicted by God about who you are dating?  Ever broke up with someone because God told you to?  Do you have a hard time letting go of what you want and grabbing on to what God wants?  Why?  What causes you to doubt?  Is singleness your biggest fear?