REPOST: Your Desire Will be For Your Husband

On May 25, 2011 I posted this post.  I am reposting it today not only because it is truthful and relevant to every woman's situation, but also because I have written a follow up post for it that I will be publishing Wednesday.  Here you are, enjoy!


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Every woman has a desire deep within to love and be loved by a man.

She also has the desire to be pursued and protected by a man.

However, when fathers and other significant male figures over-dominate or bow out completely, abusing their God-given roles--this is when she seeks love and protection from desperate places.

In Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve what her curse will be for

sinning. He says, "...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." For this reason it can be said that ALL women have a desire deep down to be loved and pursued by a man. Even the roughest, toughest, and most independent women I know still want the love of a man deep deep down.

Because this is our curse I think it explains lots of things.

1. Our constant craving for romance. No wonder it's a girl thing to watch romance movies, read erotic books, and hope for Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet. (See more in point 3)
2. Fantasy. Guys may fantasize about sex every point second or so, but girls definitely fantasize about marriage, weddings, and children just as much. Many girls openly admit that the moment he said "I like you," she had already pictured them walking down the aisle, changing her last name, and living in a 2 story house on main street.
3. The heart of little girls. This also helps us understand why little girls are the way they are. While the boys are off shooting guns, saving planet earth, and building bridges (I can explain this type of play later,) the girls are inside dressed in Mommy's old dresses playing tea party, house, or weddings.

As you can see, we were born with this innate desire for our husbands. God gave it to us as a curse for our sin, and it is a struggle we will deal with until we leave this earth. But take heart princess, there is positive to learn from this too!

First of all this should confirm to you that you are not a freak! I know lots of times its easy for us girls to get down on ourselves after a break up or rejection. Think of Jessica Biel in the movie Valentine's Day when she can't even get people to show up to her anti-Valentine's Day party. Often times at this point girls are asking themselves why no one loves them, what's wrong with them, and who needs men anyway? I think Satan uses that to trick us into thinking we are the only single people in the world and that we are the only single people who struggle being single!

This is simply untrue as Gen 3:16 explained previously. ALL women struggle with the desire to love and be loved by a man.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this though--it IS a curse. That is why it is often so painful and uncomfortable for women to be single. We were born with a desire for our husbands. The effects from this range anywhere from eating excessive amounts of chocolate, to depression and bitterness. You are not alone, and yes most people struggle with this, it is in fact, a curse.

So that's all for today, we're all doomed unless we're married. Thanks for reading! :)

Just kidding!! That would obviously be terrible, and I serve a God who has done far to much for us than to make us suffer a life without love forever. If you've been mislead by your desire for love, if you feel incomplete without a man by your side, or if you feel as though marriage is the only escape from the troubles of life--let me tell you, Satan is steeling your joy and there if far greater things available to you in this life.

In John 10:10 Jesus said, "I have come so that they may have life and that they may have it to the FULL!" That doesn't mean he came and died for you so you can lay on the couch feeling miserable for yourself. That means that he came, suffered, died, and rose again so that YOU sister can live an exciting and amazing life found through him!

As I explained in my post Made in His Image, God has amazing and wonderful plans for you--plans that ONLY you can fulfill! He's waiting on you to ask him so that he can show you this full life of love and adventure he has planned for you.

As for love, he's got you covered there too. 1 John 4:8 says GOD IS LOVE. So chase after him, fall hard after him, seek him, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Jeremiah 33:3, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Ephesians 3:19-21 Girls let me tell you, I've tried all the different loves the world has to offer, and NONE of them compare to the love that our God has for us! He made as after all didn't he? Why wouldn't he love us as his children? as his spouse? as his BRIDE? Song of Songs 4:7, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelations 19:7-9

Matthew 6:13

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well."

Wait...Wait...Wait

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long

I won't be shaken by drought or storm

A peace that passes understanding is my song

and I sing

My hope is in You, Lord

I will wait on You

You are my refuge

I will wait on You

You are my refuge

--My Hope Is In You, Aaron Shust

Life is full of waiting isn't it?  I know the single section just shouted a chorus of "Amens."  But what about the rest of us?  What about life after marriage?  What about the life of a child?

I remember the first time the desire of a long-term wait really sunk in for me.  I was sitting in a small, wooden desk with a package of 64-count Crayola Crayons.  My best friend, Bernice, sat right in front of me, and one of our other friends joined us as we discussed the grown-up details of our 6 year-old lives.

"I can't wait to be sixteen," Bernice let out with a long, hopeless sigh.  

"Sixteen?  Why, what happens at sixteen?"  I asked with wide eyes and a curious mind.

"Duh, Haley.  Everyone knows that when you turn sixteen you get a car and  you get to drive wherever you want."  she replied.

After a few moments of careful thought and consideration, I then announced to the group that I would be getting a pink convertible to match Barbie's on the day of my sixteenth birthday.

We were six.  A good ten years of waiting sat before us, and yet we had already planned out the date, the details, and the price our parents would have to pay.  What a torturous way to spend ten years of a young life.  If only we had that license, THEN we would be complete.  We would be grown women.  Wise, mature, sexy, confident.  Everything hinged on the day we turned sixteen and received our licenses.

But of course...everyone knows what happens when you FINALLY turn sixteen...

You have to wait two more years to become eighteen.

And when you turn eighteen, it's three more years 'till twenty-one.  And so, at some point we begin to realize that satisfaction, contentment, joy, and love do not magically appear after a period of waiting.  In fact, we are often just pushed on to realize something else we desperately need to make us happy.

You want to know the real truth, the secret to the waiting game?  Here it is:  you'll always be waiting for something.

As a single woman, we often waste our single years wishing for Mr. Right to come save us and make us happy and complete.  But what happens after we receive that?  You guessed it, more waiting, wanting, and discontentment.

Paul clearly tells us the secret to this never ending wait in Philippians chapter 4.  First, look at verse six:

 "Do not be anxious about anything, 

but in everything, by prayer and petition,

with thanksgiving,

present your request to God."

Then jump down to verse twelve:

"I know what it is to be in need, 

and I know what it is to have plenty.

I have learned the secret of being content 

in any and every situation,

whether well fed or hungry,

whether living in plenty or in want."

As a Christian on earth, you will always be waiting and watching for something more, something better...something holy.   This is because our husband has not come for us.  He is sitting on the throne in heaven watching and praying for us, waiting for just the right time to rescue us from all things evil, thus redeeming us to the one our soul desperately longs for.  Yeah, now that's something worth waiting for.

So what do we do in the mean time?  Worship, work, and wait.  

Ecclesiastes 8:15-16 says:

"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad.  Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun."

And 1 Corinthians 10:31

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

And also, John Waller says,

"I will serve you while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting."

Put your hope and trust, your pains and struggles, and your desires and longings in God's hands and he promises to never let you go.  

He will NOT leave you in despair, I promise you.

"God, the one and only--I'll wait as long as he says.

Everything I hope for comes from him, 

so why not?"

Pslam 62:5-6 (MSG)

I'm desperate for you.

Guarding Your Heart

Proverbs 4:23

"Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life."

By now you've probably heard me mention this verse and guarding your heart many times, although it was recently brought to my attention that many people do not understand exactly what this means and looks like.  That's what this post is for.

First of all, let's look at the word heart.  The Hebrew word originally used was leb, which is defined as the heart, the feelings, and the intellect, or in other words, the center of everything. (Strong's Bible Dictionary) The Wesley commentary describes the heart as one's thoughts, will, and affections.

Taking all this into consideration, I would describe the heart as a person's passions, desires, and emotions. So these are the things Solomon is telling us to guard when he says "guard your heart."  But why is this so important?

• In Job 31:1, Job talks about the importance of "keeping," or training your eyes not to look at things that cause you to sin, such as lustful looks towards a woman.  (Matthew 5:28-29 go further into detail about this.)  Point being: we guard our eyes.
• Ecclesiastes 5:1 tells us to "guard our steps" when we go to the house of God, in other words, be careful.
• Psalm 34:13 "Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies."  We are told to guard our lips and tongue from evil.
• And above all of this, God tells us to guard our hearts.

The NIV Study Bible says, "Our heart--our feelings of love and desire--dictates in a great extent how we live because we always find time to do what we enjoy."  The caution in this verse is to keep healthy boundaries on those passions and desires.  Make sure these feelings are pulling you in the right direction, and not away from God.

Alisson's Story-4

(Continuing from Alisson's Story-3)

 ...Later that night Julie dragged me to the BCM on campus. She said fellowship would be good for me. Surprisingly, the message turned out to be about relationships, and how without God they are like a flat tire- going nowhere. During worship the band sang “Open Hands,” by Matt Papa. As soon as I heard it tears started streaming down my face.  How could God’s grace be so good but so painful?  Julie just wrapped her arm around me tight and we sang together. After the song was over she turned to me and said, “Wasn’t that awesome?” I looked at her and said, “It feels so much better when it’s not conviction but grace.” 

 Later that night I was talking to Mandy about how broken I felt. She told me to let God comfort me! “How do you do that?” I asked.  She told me to start reading in Isaiah 40 which is about God comforting His people. I told her I didn’t understand and that I would talk to her more about it in the morning.

          The next morning I was up and reading some of Mandy’s blogs and came across the last of a series she was finishing about Samson being mad at God. All of a sudden a light bulb came on in my head. I was mad at God for answering my prayer! I’m sure God was just shaking his head at me thinking, “Women… they never know what they want.”  

After I realized I was mad at God I began to feel bad and immediately made it right with Him.   After I did this I went to do my quiet time and figured I’d give Isaiah 40 and on another try. It finally made sense! Isaiah 41:10 told me to fear not for God was with me! But the big one that caught my eye was in Isaiah 14-18. Through this verse God showed me that there was more pain in the break up because I wasn’t obeying Him before.  Then He said when you get tired of making your own plans and you get too overwhelmed, I’m here and I won’t leave you!  He also told me that He will open doors and rivers where you never imagined!  God was there to take care of me.

Sometimes I think we forget that God created the universe and everything in it. Mathew 11:28 says, “Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest,” and that is exactly what I am doing. 

Maybe you too, like Alisson are running from God.  Maybe you aren't seeking his will in a certain area of your life, therefore you feel like he is far from you.  Whatever your situation,  you can find the same freedom Alisson did if you just let God be God.  Lay down your heavy loads, your burdens, your fears, your idols--everything.  Lay it down and pick up God's will.  Freedom comes in letting go and letting God.

This is the last post on the series of Alisson's story.  I really recommend you sit down and read all 4 parts in one setting some time.  It brought tears to my eyes and reaffirmed God's amazing love and grace for us.  If you have a similar story to share, comment below or email it to divinedatingforgirls@gmail.com.  God bless.

Distracted from Love

I wonder if I am the only one that this happens to...

Every time I get going good, really focusing on God, it seems as though 3 or 4 boys will pop up out of nowhere and begin to show interest in me. These aren’t usually guys I would consider dating, much less marrying—but nevertheless they pop up and become brief little distractions in my life.

I don’t think this is by coincidence at all. You see, Satan is smart; and he knows very well what woman was cursed with in the garden of Eden. Genesis 3:16 says, “And your desire will be for your husband…” If you have never studied the curse of woman after the fall, you really ought to look into it—it captures the struggle of our entire womanhood.

Women werecursed with a deep, longing desire for a husband; someone to love andpursue them, someone to tell them they’re beautiful and worth fighting for, someone to hold them tight and protect them when scary things happen—it’s the nature of a woman!

Because of that curse, from birth till death we see women constantly seeking the affection and attention of a man. For little girls, it’s daddy. For teenagers it’s any boy whom shows interest; twenty-somethings want someone to put a ring on it; and the married women always want more out of their husbands.

This curse is obviously warped by the devil and often used as a big distraction from God. Countless times I have seen awesome Christian girls who let this desire take over them…they settle to date these horrible men who not only aren’t leading, but they fall severely short of treating these women like the beautiful princesses in Christ that they are.

In a book by Paul David Tripp he says,

“It is not wrong to desire the tender attention of your husband. It is wrong to be so ruled by it that your days are filled with bitterness because of its absence and your nights are filled with manipulative attempts to get it.”

Even Jesus struggled with accepting God’s desire over his own. Luke 22:42 But because we call him Lord, Lord—we know in the gut of our desires that our wonderful father has a much bigger and better plan for us in all of this, if only we will wait and trust him.

1 Peter 5:7
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Don’t let the devil use your desire for a husband against you today. Remind yourself that you worship the one true GOD, not the feeling of love. 1 John 4:16, God IS love. Get some.

Another Girl's Story on God's Fulfillment

Hey girls! 1 week ago I posted "Marriage Longings and God's Fulfillments," based on and idea I read in Lady in Waiting. Well soon after that post I found out one of my dearest friends had just recently made her own list of her desires and how God could fulfill them. So I thought it would be neat if she shared her list, and here it is! :)

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My heart is His because He rejoices over me! He pursues me with every part of Him and desires only the best for me! I know without a shadow of a doubt I can place my heart in His hands and He will protect it and care for it like no one else I know! :) Thank you Jesus!

(Isaiah 62:5)

Hello ladies!
So Haley asked me to show you girls my list! ☺
Its actually very interesting that I am doing this because I realized tonight that where I thought I had been guarding my heart I was really just letting it go! SO!!! This is the list I made for the current guy I have let have a piece of my heart! (let me state that by worlds standards I didn’t give him any of my heart… spiritually or God’s standard… possibly!)

The list!
Boy:
o How he cares about other people
o How he seeks after the Lord and the Lord’s heart
o He is easy to talk to and I am comfortable around him
o Superficially- he gives good hugs! ☺
o He is fun to be around
o He cares about me

God:
o God created everybody and loves each person to the utmost!
o The Lord is the one he is seeking— am I seeking the Lord the way I should be, especially in this?
o Jesus knows my heart and there is nothing that will ever change the love he has for me
o Jesus holds my heart—which is much better than any hug!
o Jesus is the ultimate Joy giver
o Jesus cares not for me not only when I am being happy and joyful but even when I am shaking in fear or balling my eyes out over the same old thing! (pst…. Idk if you know this but the Lord is patient!)

Now by no means am I “hating” on this guy! He is one of my best guy friends and I would never look down upon him! But as a girl I have to remember who created him and His heart… that would be the Lord! Why be seeking out a relationship with someone when I already have the best one I could ask for! ☺

What's on your list? Have you made one?

Lustin' with David part 2-Amnon

2 days ago I told ya'll I had read about David and Bathsheba and Amnon and Tamar. We discussed how David's lust consumed him to the point of adultery, murder, and lies. Although David eventually repented (2 Samuel 12:13) and God did forgive him, he did not escape the consequences of his sin. One of the consequences was that his son with Bathsheba died as a child. (2 Sam 12:14-19) Furthermore, David passed down the consequences of his sinfulness to all his children.

"As a result of David's sin with Bathsheba, God said that murder would be a constant threat in his family, his family would rebel, and someone else would sleep with his wives. All this happened as the prophet Nathan had predicted (2 Samuel 12:11-14.) The consequences of sin affect not only us but those we know and love. Remember that the next time you are tempted to sin." --from the NIV Study Bible

To study more about how sin is passed down through generations check out:http://www.rayfowler.org/sermons/exodus/the-sins-of-the-fathers/.

Anyhow, that is a completely different study, but last time we talked about David and his lust. Today we are going to talk about his firstborn son Amnon and his lust. Stay with me, this story is intense.

The Story of Amnon and Tamar

2 Samuel 13

"In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David."

The world 'love' here actually translates from Hebrew as "to have a sexual affection for," in today's words: lust. So basically this verse tells us that Tamar was Amnon's half-sister andAmnon lusted after her A LOT. He wanted to sleep with her. Kinda weird I know...but just wait.

Verse two says that Amnon got to the point that he was "frustrated with her," because she was a virgin and it seemed impossible for him to (excuse my language but,) "hit that."

If we stop right there we could have a whole lesson...I mean this guy is so sexually charged that he wants to have sex with his virgin half-sister. Yet because she is his half-sister, and is very honored and set apart for her virginity, he is completely frustrated to the point he wakes up "haggard" morning after morning. We all know this is obviously wrong, he should have stopped, had a heart check, prayed for forgiveness, and repented from these evil desires. Let's see what he does though.

Verses 3-5 tell that Amnon asked his friend for advice on how to lay his sister. His friend is so kind and sweet to help out (sarcasm) that he gives Amnon a plan of how to get his sister alone with him. And Amnon thinks its a great idea and follows the plan!

Verses 6-11. Amnon LIES about being sick and asks his father to send in his sister Tamar to take care of him. (See, guys are sneaky.) So Tamar comes to his room, cooks him bread, and serves it to him, and at this point there are other servants around the room. Amnon (being the prick he is,) says EVERYONE GET OUT!! He then asks his sister to feed him with her hands. (Come on now, how low does this guy get?)

Verse 12. When Tamar (who is just trying to take care of her sick brother,) goes in to feed him,Amnon grabs her arm and asks her to sleep with him. Tamar replies, "Don't my brother! Don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! don't do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could i get rid of this disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel."

Verse 14: "But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than he, he raper her."

Verse 15: "Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved (lusted) her. Amnon said to her, 'Get up and get out!'"

Amnon was consumed with lust. He had lied and lied to get what he wanted, and after he got it he still wasn't satisfied. In fact he was filled with hatred. I think he was filled with hatred because he was disgusted with himself and disappointed that he let it go that far.

My bible says: "The difference between lust and hatred is very short." It goes on to explain that because Amnon kicked her out of his room, it made it look like she had come on to him. And because there were no witnesses, people had to believe that. Also, because she was no longer a virgin, all of her chances of getting married were ruined. Later on Amnon is killed by his brother who seeks revenge on Tamar's behalf.

I don't think Amnon thought having sex would ruin someone's chance of marriage, hurt his family, leave him unsatisfied, and ultimately lead to his death.

Girls, right now your going through a time in your life where sex is obviously a huge pressure. Guys, friends, the media, possibly even you parents are encouraging you to submit to your lust and just have sex. This is not God's will for one thing. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8) And also, look at how giving into lust effected David's life. Then look at how it effected his family and his son's life.Look how it effected his sister. Sex may seem like a great way to satisfy your "fleshly desires," but in the end you will be left wanting more, unsatisfied, and pushed farther away from God--which is a miserable place let me tell you. This is what the devil wants (1 John 10:10) but God has something much better for you in store.

To read the full story of Amnon and Tamar look up 2 Samuel chapter 13.

What we can learn from David and Amnon:

• We reap what we sow. (Galatians 6:7-8, 2 Corinthians 9:6)
• Our sins are carried down through the generations. (Exodus 20:5, 1 Kings 22:51-53)
• Giving in to our worldly desires DOES NOT satisfy us. (2 Samuel 13:15)

About the rape, that is a whole other topic, but if you would like to talk about that feel free to ask me. As for now I am closing this post up. I hope ya'll learned a lot today.