Single Ladies! It's October 2013!

I've been thinking a lot about Divine Dating lately, so here's my "Advice for Single Girls" - October 2013 edition post.  There are many more in the archives..

I don't know if this is typical for everyone, or if it is just my Timeline, but nearly every time I get on Facebook lately all I see is wedding announcements, baby showers and engagements.  I am totally happy for my friends and family who are going through these seasons in their lives.  I can also say I am by no means jealous at this point in my journey--although the same cannot be said for my past.

Anyhow, so today I woke up full of patience, creativity and craving adventure.  I prayed and listened to God for a good 45 minutes..just basking in his wonderfulness.  I thanked him for his awesomeness and how he provides me with wonderful opportunities.  I thanked him because I have never gone without food or shelter or water.  He is my Jehovah-Jireh through and through.

This week particularly He has opened several new doors of opportunity for me, which gives me enthusiasm and excitement for my young life.  I mean, I have so many years of living and loving left to do!

So this was my mindset, and then I paused and decided to check Facebook for baby photos from a close friend.  As I scrolled down the page all I saw were weddings and babies.  I suddenly felt lonely and empty.  But then I stopped and caught myself.

Haley!  How can you say that?  You are graduating in December, you just spent two hours painting, before that you ran, sang, had an amazingly long and uninterrupted quiet time.  Your life is perfect for you right now!

Satan makes it so easy for us to focus on what we don't have, rather than focusing on what we do and turning that into thanksgiving back to the Lord.

So I stopped and counted my blessings.

I also reminded myself how I have stuff that these married and baby people don't.  I can travel.  I can move easily.  I can paint whenever I want.  I only have one schedule to keep up with.

We always think the grass is greener on the other side...

I've heard it said that comparison is the root of all evil.  That may very well be true.  No one is better or better off than you, they are just different.  Your story isn't supreme to someone else's, it's just different.  And yes, everyone has an incredibly amazing story to tell.  In fact, you're writing yours right now!  What's it saying?  What does it say about character and integrity?  Does it reflect God in worship?  Or is your story one of fear and insecurity?  Is that how you want it to end?  When does the climax take place, and why are you waiting around to write it?

I'm reading a book right now about a woman who was bored with her life, so she changed it.  Just like that.   Her story is about courage, living out old dreams, forgiveness and acceptance.  She is learning to accept herself, and that she must do that to find content with her life.

As a single, Christian woman (or male I guess) you have so much room for growth.  God has you in this place and time of your life for a reason.  Allow him complete freedom to do with you what he wants.  Remind him and yourself that that is what pre-marriage and family is for.  It is for building the integrity of the person who will one day be helping that prince with his business and finances.  You are shaping the type of woman who is going to raise wonderful godly children.  Allow God to be God and work on you.

And don't forget, it's not about doing and achieving as much as it is about just being.  Be.  God is more concerned with who you are than what you do.  This is very easy to forget, especially for me.

So get out there and enjoy these years, sister.  They are beautiful!

A Father Who Protects

As I stated in my last post, I recently watched the movie Courageous and absolutely loved it.  While the entire film was heart-wrenching and edifying, my favorite scene by far includes one of the fathers giving his daughter a promise ring, and a promise to go with it.

His short speech paints the perfect picture of what fathers are supposed to be from the time their daughter is born, to the day they walk her down the aisle.  God  gives us fathers to protect and guide us while we wait for our husband.  This is a channel God uses to speak, protect, love, and guide us with.  This is why the Bible makes so many references to obeying your parents.

So what if you don't have a father?  What if you have a Dad who's not a Christian?  Maybe you have a Christian Dad, but he hasn't stepped up to the plate in guarding your heart.  If you do have a Dad, regardless of his walk with the Lord--you can pray for him, encourage him, and show him respect through small acts of kindness.

No matter what your Dad situation, you do have a heavenly Father who is perfect and holy.  His grace covers any fault your earthly Dad has or had.  If you are willing to follow, submit, and listen to him, he will guide you through the courting process and lead you to the man he has picked out for you.

So many people go wrong when they say they are following God with their love life, yet they are searching, striving, and stressing about who and when they will get married.  The truth is that freedom comes from letting go.  God knows the timing, the prince, and the story, so why not let him write it the way he designed it?

In the book "When God Writes Your Love Story," Leslie Ludy writes a whole chapter on how beneficial her parents were to her courtship story with her husband Eric.

"When I first began to truly learn how to give God the pen to write my love story, one of the first things I felt Him lead me to do was to invite my parents to be on my team through prayer and accountability.  

It was as if he softly reminded me, 'Leslie, I have placed your parents in your life for a reason.  They have a special wisdom and anointing that I have given them, especially for your life.  Don't ignore the built-in teammates I've provided for you.'"

Respect your father this week.  He wants to be a part of your love story as much as God does.

Courageous: How Women Can Do Their Part

Thanks to The House FM, my friends and I watched a free showing of Courageous last night.  Everyone loved it.  What a touching film it was.  Although the message of the movie is directed at fathers, there are important lessons all of us can benefit from.

As a student of relationships, marriage, and broken people, the message to fathers and men definitely came close to my heart.  I have written several posts dealing with the same message:

My Plea to the Guys
A One Woman Man
Making the Stand
"Can this man pastor me?"
Rise up Warrior!

Although I highly recommend men watch the film and read these previous posts, I will not be speaking to the men in this post.  I am keeping the same topic, yet speaking to the young ladies, single or not.  While it is true that following and submitting come easiest when your husband or father is stepping up, we have no excuse to control when they are passive.  In fact, our role requires just the opposite.

First, we need to examine our hearts, for from them everything else flows (Proverbs 4:23.)  As I said in my post Trust, Follow, Submit, our relationship with God directly affects our heart attitude toward the male leader in our life, (whether it is a father for a single woman, or a husband for those who are married.)  Do you trust God even when you don't agree with what he is doing?  Do you blindly follow him every day of your life, trusting that he will guide you with his right hand?  Do you love him whole heartedly without a second thought regarding your circumstances?

When we can answer yes to all these questions, a gentle and submissive spirit (1 Peter 3) will follow quickly after.  God is the ultimate source of our love (1 John 4,) and without him, it is impossible for us to look past our pride and fully love and respect the men in our life--regardless of how they may or may not step up.

Ephesians 5:21 says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."  How in the world do we expect to see this happen when we haven't even submitted to Christ?  How can you obey your father with respect when you don't see Christ as the leader of your own life.  When you put your whole faith in God, you are agreeing to follow his protection, guidelines, and gifts.  God puts parents in the lives of single girls to protect, pray, and guide them during this journey.  Respect the man God has provided for you.

After we get our hearts right, it will be easier to control our tongues.  Matthew 12:34 says "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."  This is why we must do things in the order in which God designed them.

Our speech is important because from one tongue, we have both the power to lift up and destroy (James 3:9-10.)  So if you want your husband or father to step up and lead you according to God's design, which do you think will be more helpful in accomplishing that goal?

            A) "Ugghh, Dad, why can't you just be more like Jamie's Dad?!  He always takes her on father-daughter dates, and buys her new clothes.  All you want to do is sit around and watch football!  What a pathetic excuse I have for a father!"

            B) "Dad, thank you so much for providing me with food in my belly and a roof over my head.  I am grateful to have a father in my life.  You have so much power that naturally lies within you.  It is a joy when release such leadership skills around Mom and I.  It's almost like watching Clark Kent turn into Superman!  I love you and am praying for more opportunities to see Superman."

If you guessed "B" you are correct.  Men have a deep need to feel respected, and yelling in their face that they are worthless only tears at their pride and makes them feel just that...worthless.  Ephesians 4:29 says we are to only speak words that lift others up according to their needs, words that will benefit those who listen.  I don't think arguing and complaining benefits anyone.  In fact, Philippians 2:14 says we are to do everything without complaining.

When a complaint comes to your mind from now on, why don't you try to flip it and say what you are thankful for instead.  For instance, say the microwave at home keeps messing up and this time you've really had it.  One more spark and your fuse is lit!  Instead of reacting angrily and complaining/screaming at your husband, how bout this:  "I am so grateful for all the cooking appliances you've provided me with dear.  I could stop and complain about this half-broken microwave, or I could turn around and take full advantage of an oven that works beautifully.  In fact, I think I'll show my appreciation for this oven by baking you a cake!"

A little over the top maybe, but you get the picture.  How can you lift up the man in your life this week?  What are some ways you can show him respect?  Do you pray for him regularly?  Are you submitting to him out of reverence for Christ?

Things a Single Girl Has Time For..Part 1

Lucky for me, Fridays are my slower days.  Last Friday I spent 2 hours on campus sitting through meetings, and the rest of the afternoon I have enjoyed with myself.  First, I spent an hour and a half talking to one of my closest sisters in Christ.  We talked about how stressful our week started out, but how glorious God made himself as the week went on.  Almost 2 hours--JUST GLORIFYING GOD!  How awesome!

After that I spent another hour on the phone with a dear sweet girl that I disciple.  She told me of all the things God had been teaching her, and how she is recognizing Satan's attacks against these things.  Another hour spent in worship! :)  How wonderful!

I then worked on some homework for an hour or so, which was really nice to get out of the way for the weekend.  But here comes the best part, after that I spent an hour de-salting a can of Planter's Cashews!  Yes, I sound crazy and pathetic, but oddly enough, no grocery store in my area sells unsalted Cashews, and I like to make my own unsalted mixed nut assortment.  Therefore, I unsalt all my Cashews before mixing them with my other nuts.  Moving on now...

 As I stood silently in my kitchen, carefully wiping the salt off of each individual Cashew, God began to whisper sweet blessings into my ear.  You know, this may sound silly, but one day you are going to wish you had time to sit around and unsalt Cashews.  This is one of the many blessings I have given to you to enjoy during this season of your life.


How true!  Satan attacks single people all the time, but when we really stop and think about what we have, it's actually quite wonderful!  All week God has been refilling my contentment jar with gracious thoughts and a thankful heart.  Why in the world do we complain about not having enough to do, enough people to talk to, or enough money in our wallet?  God is the ultimate provider.  He gives us everything we could ever need--and more!  

This season in your life may be throwing struggles at you left and right, but stop and make a list of what all you have to be grateful for!  Make a list of all the random-awesome things you can do now, that you may not be able to do later on.  You might even come across a can of nuts! 


Here is a list of some ideas to get you started:

• Movie Nights!  I have a close friend who absolutely LOVES movie nights/days.  When given the chance, she curls up in a huge blanket and spends hours watching all sorts of movies that she alone enjoys.  She often talks of the relaxation and refreshment she gets from this activity.  This may not be rocket science, but when you graduate and get married, these opportunities will become less and less.
• Long Walks with God- Another girl friend of mine spends hours in fellowship with God.  She often walks down to a lovely pond with her Bible and a journal, and just talks to him.  Enjoy the sunset, pray for your neighborhood, or get to know the heart of God, all of these things are precious moments that single people have extra time for.
• Learn to cook and clean!  It's biblical, I promise!
• Find awesome new hairstyles on Pinterest- This will definitely come in handy when God's perfect timing is revealed.
• Hang out with people who aren't your age! Look around your church and see who needs a baby sitter, or some extra company.  Both little kids and older people have TONS of wisdom that you can pick up on.  I always have a blast doing this!

Whatever you decide to do, do it with all your heart (Coll 3:23) and do it to the glory of God.  Ephesians 5 tells us to live wisely because the days slip away faster than monkey on  a banana peel (my paraphrase,) so make the most of every season!  God has a purpose in each circumstance (Ecclesiastes.)

3 Lessons from Ruth

We all know her and love her.  She created the definition of "faithful."  She laid down her life for her mother-in-law, and she showed us contentment, obedience, and persistence as she went from married, to single, to remarried.

The book of Ruth has a lot of wisdom packed into just 4 short chapters.  Some of the major themes include faithfulness, kindness, and integrity.  These are all amazing themes, and could be rich studies, but today's post is going to focus on 3 characteristics Ruth showed during her single years.  Since most of my readers are single, I feel like this is an appropriate post.

1. She practiced the definition of "faithful."  When Ruth's first husband died, she had the opportunity to do whatever she wanted.  She was a free woman again!  She could travel all around the world, seeing all the beautiful places, she could buy her own house and decorate it however she wanted, with no one telling her what to do, or she could even become a regular at the local pub--staying out till all hours of the nights without a care in the world.
   
   Ruth had the world at her feet.  She could finally live a life fully focused on her.  But, as fancy as that sounds, she knew that a lifestyle like that would not lead to her ultimate happiness.  Instead, she did the last thing a newly widowed woman would choose to do.  She chose to stick by her mother-in-law and faithfully love and serve her during this time.
   
   Yes, technically Ruth had no responsibility of Naomi anymore, but because Ruth first chose to marry Naomi's son, she had the moral responsibility of choosing Naomi, again.  From this choice we get one of the most used verses in the bible:
   
   
   Ruth 1:16"...Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God will be my God."
   If you are currently single, have you been faithful to the things God has presently placed before you?  Perhaps it is helping your parents, discipling a younger girl, or reaching out to a friend.  Luke 16:10 says he who is faithful with little will be faithful with much.  God never gives you more than you can handle.
   
   
2. She didn't dwell in her misery while she waited for Mr. Right to come along.  As single women, we often times use loneliness as a reason to complain, cry, and feel sorry for ourselves.  This is a slap in the face to the God who created us.  As the writer of Ecclesiastes teaches us, God has a plan and purpose for every season of our life.  If has called you to be single for a season, we are to live, laugh, and love in this season of our life.  He's not going to let us move on until we have understood the purpose of the present season.  He is always teaching us something.
   
   Ruth fully understood this.  While she could have just walked up to some of the young farmers, flirting and seducing them till one of them decided to take care of her, Ruth put her faith elsewhere.  She took care of herself and Naomi with what she knew, and let God take care of the rest.
   
   Ruth worked hard and persistently in the fields, picking up leftover grain for her and her mother-in-law to get by on.  She did not call special attention to herself, she did not curse God and turn from him, she took charge and did what she could without disobeying or disrespecting her heavenly father.
   
   
   
   Ruth 2:2
   "And Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, 
   'Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain
   behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor."
   
   What can you be doing instead of just waiting?  Oswald Chambers says work, worship, and waiting are meant to be done all at the same time.  HowF can you accomplish this?  Glorify God with this wonderful season of your life!

She did not chase after other men.  Believe me, Ruth was a beautiful woman who knew how to respect a man.  I am sure she could have batted an eyelash in the right direction and easily hooked a man who would provide for her.  But Ruth wasn't that type of gal.  She knew that taking life into her own hands would resort in pain, chaos, and strife.  God had Ruth's best interest in mind, and he promised to give it to her in his own perfect timing.  Rather than fighting God and impatiently chasing what was in front of her, she waited faithfully for what she couldn't yet see because she knew God had a better way.  It was this choice that left her husband grateful and overwhelmed.  For this he and God blessed her.

Ruth 3:10
"The Lord bless you, my daughter," he replied.
'This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier:

You have not run after younger men, whether rich or poor.'"

Are you running after the young men in your life, or are you waiting patiently for the wonderful man God is preparing for you?  Is there a relationship or chase that you need to lay down before God?  Perhaps this is a warning to refocus...

For a more in-depth bible study on Ruth: Check out Lady In Waiting

During the Holidays

After reading this post you may agree with my brother and think that I have way too much thinking/observing time on my hands, but that's okay, it's what I do.  Through a combination of observing past holiday experiences and present circumstances I have caught on to another tactic of Satan.

Some of you may remember my post in early November Preparing for War, and Preparing for War pt. 2 in which I warned of Satan's Holiday tactics.  As I have survived Thanksgiving and Christmas (knock on wood,) I have noticed that these tactics of Satan have been executed once again.

In my previous post I described how the process starts.  You might have seen these plays used on you around Thanksgiving time.  Now that Christmas is over I think it is interesting to evaluate how we all handled the temptations thrown at us (1 Corinthians 10:13.)

In my own life, I have had randomly had several extra "male callers" lately.  What makes it interesting is that these men and I have nothing in common, and this has previously been established.  However, when I got the first random text a few weeks ago, all I could do was giggle at Satan's attempt to trip up both me and the fellow.  When I fall, it always begins with a random text from a random guy.

As I told my brother, if God hadn't of clearly warned me to watch out for Satan (1 Peter 5:8, John 10:10) and closely guard my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5, Philippians 4:6-8), I would have undoubtedly fallen into the lust trap as I have so many times before.  Fortunately, I promised myself I would stay in the Word and on guard throughout this Christmas break.  When I am obedient, God is faithful.


Not only have I seen Satan try to trip me up with emotional lust and attachment, but I have closely watched it happen to many other people in my life, both this year and years past.  Think of any dating or talking couple in your life right now.  Have they not become closer throughout this holiday season?  I've seen strong single girls sink into texting guys they know they won't be with during this time of year.

Watch Facebook and you'll see twice as much flirting.  Many of my Facebook friends have been playing the "Date or Pass" game to try and find a date.  I'm sure you've seen the lonely statuses too.  Everywhere you turn people are coupling up or complaining about being single until someone does couple up with them.  Why?  Because everyone wants to feel loved, especially during the holidays.  This is not a sin, it's how we are made.

It becomes a sin however, when we take these desires to someone/thing before we take them to God.  No person will ever completely fulfill us if we don't first learn how to rest in God. (Philippians 4:12)  It is also a sin when these desires give birth to sin (James 1:15.)

So right now, in the middle of the Christmas break, before New Years, I ask that you would examine some things in your life and on your mind right now.

Have you recently seen a relationship spring up in your life that does not honor God?

Have you turned to a relationship or person to take away your impatience during this season of life?

Are your actions reflecting your faith in God or your ability to do things in your own power?

Are certain thoughts causing you to stumble?  Where do these thoughts come from?

Do you feel as if you have distanced yourself from God over the past few weeks or month?

It's Not Flesh and Blood

To sum up everything God's been teaching me this week, I think the phrase from Ephesians 6:12 says it perfectly.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood..."

Again, I am praying that you understand the importance and reality of spiritual warfare.  John 8:44 says Satan is the father of lies.  Every battle starts as a small lie Satan whispers in your ear.  At that moment you have the choice to either confront that lie with prayer and scripture, or believe that lie and entertain the thought.  If you choose the first option, Satan will back off, at least momentarily.  Don't be fooled though, he will be back.

The second option, on the other hand, will lead to a snowball effect.  That small, simple lie will grow and grow and grow until it effects every area of your life, including your relationships with other people.  This is how Satan accomplishes his plan to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10.)

An older girl who discipled me once taught me the acronym HALT.  We become more vulnerable to Satan's attacks when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.  I was also taught by a speaker that Laziness leads to Lust.  So go ahead add laziness to that acronym and we will call it HALLT.  Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Lazy, Tired.  Now let's apply that to this week's phrase.

• When you're HUNGRY...the battle is not against flesh and blood.  I know we've all seen the Snicker's commerical where the guy is acting like a diva because he's hungry.  His friends get fed up with him so they hand him a snickers and he is instantly back to himself again.  This commercial is so funny to us because it's true.  We have all been that cranky, snappy person one time or another because we were hungry.  If you don't know what I'm talking about watch a little kid skip snack time.
  
  Anyhow, the point is, your friends aren't your enemies at this point.  Your mom telling you to straighten up is not the problem, and no not even your hunger is the problem.  The problem is satan told you a lie that it's okay for you to be selfish when you don't get what you want instantly, (which happens to be food at this point.)
  
• When you're LONELY...the battle's NOT against flesh and blood.  As I pointed out in my post  Preparing for War, the holiday's always bring about a new set of struggles for singles.  Often times satan uses the lie of singleness as our excuse to snap back at other people, usually a mom or sibling.  We think that it's our friends fault for rubbing it in our face, but in all reality, the struggle's not against flesh and blood.  Rebuke the first negative thought with thankful prayer (Phil 4:6,) and scripture to confront the lie (Eph 6:17.)
  

I could go on explaining the other words from the acronym, but I think you understand my point.  Almost every battle is spiritual, and it can always be traced back to a lie that Satan has placed in our heads.  The lie can come in the form of a thought, a comment from someone else, a song lyric, or something from a movie, just recognize that it comes from an outward source (a thought that is not yours is an outward source.)

Train yourself to catch these thoughts instantly and fight them.  Memorize scripture pertaining to the issues you struggle with, then quote them when tempted.  Pray in the spirit on all occaisions (1 Thess. 5:17.)  Thank God for what you do have when Satan points out what you don't. (1 Thess. 5:18.)  And stand strong warrior!  Our God has already won the big war, so be faithful to fight the small battles in the day to day for the victory of our King.  

My plea to the guys...

As I sit here praying for the male friends and family in my life my hearts absolutely breaks.  Not just for them, but for the women in their life.  They don't realize that what they do causes years of pain and hurt like nothing else.

Guys: When you date a young woman, you are responsible for her heart.

Because I have many male friends, I know they don't understand this, but I pray oh so hard that they would at least try to understand.  There is no "dating for fun" when it comes to dating women.  What may just be a time filler for you, is oh so much more to her, even if she doesn't say it or show it.

You see, men battle with lust at the same intensity women battle giving their heart away.  Guys say lust is the hardest battle because it's all around them, always tempting them--immodest clothes, sex on tv, porn, and anything else the devil can use.

Women on the other hand, are engaging in just as big of a battle, it's just not as well known yet.  The Genesis 3:16 curse says that women's desire will be for her husband, and Satan of course has turned it into an all out war.  Women are just as surrounded with this desire as men are with lust.  Romance movies, love songs, Facebook statuses, and even other couples.

When you date a girl, she is undoubtedly already thinking about marriage in the back of her head.

I know this is really hard for guys to understand, but I try to explain it in a real way.  Girls can back me up on this.  Okay, let's say you see a cute girl across the room.  She catches your attention, so you smile at her and lock eye contact for a few seconds.  That may have been all you wanted to do.  You may or may not have had any intent of even talking to her, but that's not what went on in her mind.

She's standing there gabbing with her friends about Stacy's new boyfriend and how perfect they are for each other, when suddenly she catches your stare.  As you lock eyes for 3 heart-pounding seconds, her breath increases, her pupils dialate, and a picture flashes in her mind, a picture of you and her holding hands in public together.  Innocent enough right?

Wrong.  As she explains to her friends what just happened, they make the situation worse.  Do you think he likes you?  What if he asks you out?  Do you know what kind of job he has?  All these questions spin through her head as she begins to put you together.  When she goes home that night she tries to reassure herself that it was just a glance, nothing happened...yet.  But then her mind begins to reel as she pictures all the fun times you'll have together, she pictures the hang out spot you two will share, the song you play at your wedding, what color the dress will be, how many months you'll be engaged...and on and on and on.  The madness never stops.  It's a crazy cycle that girls have to train themselves for years to get out of.  

This is where conterfeit bonding, or emotional attachment comes in.  In this scenario, you can see that this young girl has already given you a piece of her heart, and she knows absolutely nothing about you.  I can't even explain how much worse this gets as you begin dating her.

So please, don't date a girl unless you have a strong interest in marrying her someday.

Paul tells us in Romans 14:21 that it is better to not do something if it causes your brother to stumble.  In other words, if dating, texting, or "talking" causes a young woman's thoughts to be consumed with you, or causes her heart to be put out on the line, the godly thing to do is to lay it down at the foot of the throne.  

Guys: Are you playing with a woman's heart?  Is God showing you the depth of the wounds a woman's heart endures?  Is there something you need to change? What and how?

Girls:  Did you even realize you were wired like this?  If so, how have you been guarding your heart lately?  What do you need to do differently?  Have you been letting Satan control your desire for a husband instead of trusting God?

Expect more on guarding your heart soon... 

Addiction Example 2

Attention from the opposite sex.

Another example of this addiction is found more commonly in twenty-somethings.  Your young but your adult, your finished with school, out on your own, and it's just time to get married.  After years of singlehood, there's no way you'd ever fall for a bum!  ...or is there?

I've seen this happen to far too many young women.  They spend a period of time waiting for Mr. Right, promising themselves nothing and no one will get in there way when it comes to marrying tall, dark, godly, and handsome.  

But suddenly Mr. Average Joe comes along!  Joe is nothing special.  He has an old car, no job, and a crustache.  Ew.  On first look almost any woman would turn him down without a second glance, but then you have Desperate Darla over there still waiting for Mr. Right.  At 27 years old, Darla isn't giving anyone the buzzer instantly.  So she decides to give Joe a small, long-shot chance.  They go on one mediocre ice-cream date and exchange numbers for future reference.

Little does Darla know how starved for male attention she is.  After a few weeks of chit-chat texting, Darla is starting to think Joe looks pretty good.  What was once a jobless, creepy, weird man is now the sender of text messages that make Darla's heart flutter.  Although Darla knows deep down that this man is going nowhere with his life, she admits to herself that she likes the idea of having someone check up on her every now and again, okay so maybe every night...but who's it hurting?  All her best friends have husbands to talk to daily, why can't she have someone to text throughout the boring parts of the day?

And so before you know it Darla and Joe are married and hating every minute of it.  She is fed up with his laziness and he can't deal with her high demands.  Why in the world did she get herself into this mess anyways?

Think back a little bit and you will see that the relationship started purely because Darla liked the attention of a male caller, (or should I say texter.)  Once again I tell you that the desire for male attention is not a bad thing in and of itself.  It becomes a sin when we let it control us, and when we go to it for comfort, protection, and fulfillment rather than going to God.  

The correct thing for Darla to do would have been to pray about the first meeting of Joe, asking God for a clear  yes or no.  If the feelings remained she should have taken each heart fluttering to God for a holy check-up to ensure if the feelings were purely rational or emotional.

Do you think you've been trapped by the feeling of attention rather than the choice of love?  Is there someone you're with right now solely for the sake of being with someone?  Are you afraid of being on your own?  Perhaps you should let God take a look at your heart and decide what you need for once. :) 

A little note on Suffering...

In Philippians Chapter 1 Paul is greeting the church when he tells them he is in prison. Although this is a huge dramatic thing for most people, he tells them he rejoices because of what has happened to him. Look at verses 18-20

"It is important that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. (talking about people who started preaching the gospel when he got thrown in jail.) 

And because of this I rejoice. 

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. 

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in now ay be ashamed, but will have suffience courage so that now as always CHRIST will be exalted in my body..."

As humans, we automatically think bad situations are about us. We are quick to get down on ourselves and others, and we rationalize the situation according to something we have said or done. But the truth is, NOTHING is about us!! The gospel is about GOD coming down to glorify himself and bring us back to him! The same thing is true in our suffering. These temporary situations are going to glorify God somehow! He is putting you through this because he thinks you are strong enough to handle it. If you were weak you would have already quit by now. 

It's not a strength that you normally think of either, it's complete dependence on God, a giving up of your earthly strength, a weakness--that's what gives you the peace and hope to look up and keep going. It's not about you or what you've done--it's about an awesome God-story in the making.

Love you and praying for you...

To the Girl Who Struggles With Being Single

To the Girl Who Struggles With Being Single,

     I know that you may look around and see couples from coast to coast.  Everyone has someone right?  The media, your sorority, your church, your parents, and Facebook, EVERYONE pressures you to hurry and find the right someone so your life can be complete.
    Young girl, I cannot tell you how many lies the devil has fed you through this.  You were made beautifully and wonderfully.  (Psalm 139) You are a complete, whole person, and you stand just as courageous singly as you do being 1/2 of a couple.  God has great big plans for you! (Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10)  Some of these plans are to be completed while you are where you are!  This time in your life has the more freedom than any other!  Go and serve.  (Mark 10:45)  Let people see the hands and feet of Christ through your actions today!
     And that lonely feeling--the one that comes when PDA-official couples come around--it's a tactic of Satan. (1 Peter 5:8) Let God fill you with love, patience, goodness, kindness, and everything wonderful.  (James 1:17, Galatians 5:22-25)  God is bigger, greater, stronger, and more fulfilling than all of that.
     Some of us are in fact called to be single, therefore you should pray about having this calling on your life.  Others of us are indeed destined to be married, in which you should be strong and wait for the Lord to fulfill his promise to you! (Psalm 27:14, Psalm 138:8)  Your life is full and abundant not from having a man, but from having THE man. (Romans 5:8, John 3:16, 1 John 4:19, 1 John 4:8, John 10:10)


     God loves you and wants you to seek him like you do boys.  I promise you won't be let down. ;)


Sincerely,
    Right there with ya

Let's Expand Your View of the Blogworld!!

Well today has already been a spontaneous morning!  I had planned to go running, but got turned down by the large amounts of rain.  I had planned to write a lengthy blog, but got distracted by reading other blogs, then by stopping to take my roommate to school.  Anyhow, because of all this extemporaneousness, I thought I'd just post a fun and unusual post for you all!

In this post I would like to recommend to you all other blogging sites similar to this one!  Why would I do that? Because I am a natural promoter and cheerleader.  I love helping people promote and accelerate things they are passionate about (hence the PR major.)  Also, I think it is just good to have as many good blogs on your favorites bar as you can!

Now, I know from direct conversation that many of you who read my blog are very unfamiliar with the whole world of blogging, and that's okay!  I will just take this opportunity to explain a few things to you.

1. A GREAT way to find other blogs I recommend is by looking at my BlogRoll.  This is on the left side of the screen, underneath my Blog Archive.  A BlogRoll is a list of blogs I have personally selected as my favorites.  I have compiled this list for two reasons.  One-it helps these wonderful blogs get their name out there more, and two, it gives you as a reader, more resources.
2. If you scroll down just a bit further (you might need to open another window so you can read and see what I'm talking about,) you will see several icons, or what look like "ads" on the sides of the page.  These are links to other sites as well.  On the left is one called "Girls, God, and the Good Life."  This is an excellent blog written by several women who are passionate about helping women glorify God!  I love reading about their day-to-day experiences.  Next, if you'll look to the right you will see "Blog Oklahoma."  this is a blog community I have joined that features only blogs from Oklahomans.  Because I am a big OK advocate, I love reading other people's blogs from around our great state!
3. Finally, if you scroll all the way down to the very bottom, you will see a list of my favorite books and a list of other people's favorite posts from Divine Dating.

Enough about my site, here are the top 3 blog posts I am recommending to you today in place of my God-centered post. :) Hope you all enjoy as much as I do!

• Young Ladies Christian Fellowship: A Real Life Love (A beautiful love story in God's hands)
• Quia amasti me: Overcome (GREAT for college students!)
• All Things New: When I am Weak, Then I am Strong (A wonderful post dealing with hard times)
• Along with that post is another similar one from a great woman of God. A Heart Consumed: The Weaker I Get, The Stronger He Becomes
• Christianity In High Heels (I just love her posts, she cracks me up with her awesome insight to the world!)

Love you all and Happy Reading! :)

I Will Wait for You: A Poem

A friend of mine shared this with me yesterday, I thought it was very powerful and full of the truth of the Word of God.  Hope this encourages you today. :) God Bless

Top 10 Lies Singles Belive

A while back I read a book by Stephanie Herzog, “God is your Matchmaker.”  The first time I read it I thought it was way too extreme for my taste.  I read the entire thing, but until now have not recommended it to anyone. 

However, a week ago I came across the book again and couldn’t remember for the life of me why I disagreed with it so much.  I quickly flipped through it and found page after page of awesome stuff I totally agreed with!  So why didn’t I like the book 3 years ago?  No idea. Perhaps my mind was so underdeveloped it scared me.  Anyhow, I’m recommending it to you now, and taking a piece out of it for this blog.

In the book Stephanie gives her list of the top 5 lies singles believe, and  I’m adding in the last 5 just to make it a nice round 10. In the book Stephanie goes into explanation for each one, but for time’s sake I am going to give you the headlines and I’ll let you all comment with your questions and concerns. By the way, I am trying out a new commenting system for the blog through Facebook, if it doesn’t work just use the old way of doing things.  Thanks, and enjoy. J

Top 10 lies singles believe:

1. Marriage is the key to happiness.
2. I’m 25 years old and still single—something’s wrong with me
3. Single means incomplete
4. Single means alone
5. God has many for me to choose from to marry
6. Guys don’t pursue me.  I should pursue them.
7. He isn’t texting me, I guess I’m not good enough for him either…
8. Everyone else has a boyfriend!
9. God is punishing me
10. Maybe I should dress like the girls who actually get attention from guys.

Comment your feelings below!

Relationships with Mr. Creflo Dollar

Alright, today's post is an amazing video about singleness, marriage, and everything in between by Creflo Dollar. I know if you're anything like me it's hard for you to just sit and watch a 10 minute video, but if you'll just play this video on your computer while your putting on your makeup, cooking, or searching Facebook, I feel like it will bless you. Creflo has some amazing points and some great reminders for our relationships. Besides who couldn't improve on their relationships a little? :)

Your Desire Will Be for Your Husband

Every woman has a desire deep within to love and be loved by a man.

She also has the desire to be pursued and protected by a man.

However, when fathers and other significant male figures over-dominate or bow out completely, abusing their God-given roles--this is when she seeks love and protection from desperate places.

In Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve what her curse will be for

sinning. He says, "...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." For this reason it can be said that ALL women have a desire deep down to be loved and pursued by a man. Even the roughest, toughest, and most indipendent women I know still want the love of a man deep deep down.

Because this is our curse I think it explains lots of things.

1. Our constant craving for romance. No wonder it's a girl thing to watch romance movies, read erotic books, and hope for Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet. (See more in point 3)
2. Fantasy. Guys may fantacize about sex every point second or so, but girls definitely fantacise about marriage, weddings, and children just as much. Many girls openly admit that the moment he said "I like you," she had already pictured them walking down the aisle, changing her last name, and living in a 2 story house on main street.
3. The heart of little girls. This also helps us understand why little girls are the way they are. While the boys are off shooting guns, saving planet earth, and building bridges (I can explain this type of play later,) the girls are inside dressed in Mommy's old dresses playing tea party, house, or weddings.

As you can see, we were born with this innate desire for our husbands. God gave it to us as a curse for our sin, and it is a struggle we will deal with until we leave this earth. But take heart princess, there is positive to learn from this too!

First of all this should confirm to you that you are not a freak! I know lots of times its easy for us girls to get down on ourselves after a break up or rejection. Think of Jessica Biel in the movie Valentine's Day when she can't even get people to show up to her anti-Valentine's Day party. Often times at this point girls are asking themseleves why noone loves them, what's wrong with them, and who needs men anyway? I think Satan uses that to trick us into thinking we are the only single people in the world and that we are the only single people who struggle being single!

This is simply untrue as Gen 3:16 explained previously. ALL women struggle with the desire to love and be loved by a man.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this though--it IS a curse. That is why it is often so painful and uncomfortable for women to be single. We were born with a desire for our husbands. The effects from this range anywhere from eating excessive amounts of chocolate, to depression and bitterness. You are not alone, and yes most people struggle with this, it is in fact, a curse.

So that's all for today, we're all doomed unless we're married. Thanks for reading! :)

Just kidding!! That would obviously be terrible, and I serve a God who has done far to much for us than to make us suffer a life without love forever. If you've been mislead by your desire for love, if you feel incomplete without a man by yourside, or if you feel as though marriage is the only escape from the troubles of life--let me tell you, Satan is steeling your joy and there if far greater things available to you in this life.

In John 10:10 Jesus said, "I have come so that they may have life and that they may have it to the FULL!" That doesn't mean he came and died for you so you can lay on the couch feeling miserable for yourself. That means that he came, suffered, died, and rose again so that YOU sister can live an exciting and amazing life found through him!

As I explained in my post Made in His Image, God has amazing and wonderful plans for you--plans that ONLY you can fulfill! He's waiting on you to ask him so that he can show you this full life of love and adventure he has planned for you.

As for love, he's got you covered there too. 1 John 4:8 says GOD IS LOVE. So chase after him, fall hard after him, seek him, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Jeremiah 33:3, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Ephesians 3:19-21 Girls let me tell you, I've tried all the different loves the world has to offer, and NONE of them compare to the love that our God has for us! He made as after all didn't he? Why wouldn't he love us as his children? as his spouse? as his BRIDE? Song of Songs 4:7, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelations 19:7-9

Matthew 6:13

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well."

15 Questions Video!

So I found this last night when I was searchin' the web. This is a super cool video, very funny but full of spiritual truth. LADIES: take some notes!!

Advice from Dr. Myles Munroe :)

Okay so this one is even better than the T.D. Jakes one! Ya'll gotta hear this. Dr. Myles Munroe tells us what to look for in a man. Tells us what a REAL man looks like!! Good stuff ya'll.

If you attended the bible study, a lot of this goes back to making a list of standards and stickin' to em! He has some great ideas to add to your list too though...I might add a few myself :)