Single Ladies! It's October 2013!

I've been thinking a lot about Divine Dating lately, so here's my "Advice for Single Girls" - October 2013 edition post.  There are many more in the archives..

I don't know if this is typical for everyone, or if it is just my Timeline, but nearly every time I get on Facebook lately all I see is wedding announcements, baby showers and engagements.  I am totally happy for my friends and family who are going through these seasons in their lives.  I can also say I am by no means jealous at this point in my journey--although the same cannot be said for my past.

Anyhow, so today I woke up full of patience, creativity and craving adventure.  I prayed and listened to God for a good 45 minutes..just basking in his wonderfulness.  I thanked him for his awesomeness and how he provides me with wonderful opportunities.  I thanked him because I have never gone without food or shelter or water.  He is my Jehovah-Jireh through and through.

This week particularly He has opened several new doors of opportunity for me, which gives me enthusiasm and excitement for my young life.  I mean, I have so many years of living and loving left to do!

So this was my mindset, and then I paused and decided to check Facebook for baby photos from a close friend.  As I scrolled down the page all I saw were weddings and babies.  I suddenly felt lonely and empty.  But then I stopped and caught myself.

Haley!  How can you say that?  You are graduating in December, you just spent two hours painting, before that you ran, sang, had an amazingly long and uninterrupted quiet time.  Your life is perfect for you right now!

Satan makes it so easy for us to focus on what we don't have, rather than focusing on what we do and turning that into thanksgiving back to the Lord.

So I stopped and counted my blessings.

I also reminded myself how I have stuff that these married and baby people don't.  I can travel.  I can move easily.  I can paint whenever I want.  I only have one schedule to keep up with.

We always think the grass is greener on the other side...

I've heard it said that comparison is the root of all evil.  That may very well be true.  No one is better or better off than you, they are just different.  Your story isn't supreme to someone else's, it's just different.  And yes, everyone has an incredibly amazing story to tell.  In fact, you're writing yours right now!  What's it saying?  What does it say about character and integrity?  Does it reflect God in worship?  Or is your story one of fear and insecurity?  Is that how you want it to end?  When does the climax take place, and why are you waiting around to write it?

I'm reading a book right now about a woman who was bored with her life, so she changed it.  Just like that.   Her story is about courage, living out old dreams, forgiveness and acceptance.  She is learning to accept herself, and that she must do that to find content with her life.

As a single, Christian woman (or male I guess) you have so much room for growth.  God has you in this place and time of your life for a reason.  Allow him complete freedom to do with you what he wants.  Remind him and yourself that that is what pre-marriage and family is for.  It is for building the integrity of the person who will one day be helping that prince with his business and finances.  You are shaping the type of woman who is going to raise wonderful godly children.  Allow God to be God and work on you.

And don't forget, it's not about doing and achieving as much as it is about just being.  Be.  God is more concerned with who you are than what you do.  This is very easy to forget, especially for me.

So get out there and enjoy these years, sister.  They are beautiful!

The Kid Rock-Cash-Cyrus Approach

One question seems to plague me today.

It's something I've thought about vaguely for a while, and until today it has nested in the back of my mind.  But now I'm wondering, and so I'm asking--not for an opinion, but for a truth.  A Jesus-truth.

Around a year ago I really became fascinated with Johnny Cash.  Today I watched "Walk the Line" again and saw it from a whole new angle.

I have also become a huge Kid Rock fan over the past 24 months, and although I consider myself a devout Christian, I find his "in your face", almost-offensive lyrics refreshing somehow.

I think what draws us to these pop culture masterpieces is their originality.  Kid Rock prides himself on being a master of mixing hip-hop, southern rock, and blues all into one.  And listening to his music, I can tell you it is truly a beautiful collaboration and somehow he makes it work--and he has made it work with his obvious multi-platinum record sales.

If you look up Johnny Cash on Wikipedia it explains that his originality and rebelliousness to the country music genre is what set him apart and put him light years ahead of his competition.  He too was creative in his mix: gospel, blues, and western music.

What further intrigues me about Cash is that he considered himself a very devout Christian, yet he was the "biggest sinner of them all."  To be so complex and contradictory really confused a lot of people, especially his Christian fans.

And in the movie there is a scene where Johnny goes to his record company asking to design a concert tour around the nation's top penitentiary systems.  His record company tells him that this is clearly not going to reach his loyal fans.

"Your fans are church folk, Johnny.  Christians.  They don't wanna hear you sing to a bunch of murderers and rapists, tryin' to cheer 'em up."

Mr Cash's striking reply was,

 "Well, they're not Christians then."

 I guess what gets me is that WE are Christians.  We are to model Jesus.  Jesus loved sinners--murderers and rapists.  But in the church today, you don't hear or see anything remotely close to that.  No one loves them or hangs out with them or buys them lunch--much less sings to them or tries to cheer them up.  

In fact, I would assume it would be easier and much more popular for the Christians to look down at Mr. Cash for doing such a thing.

His lyrics are just so rebellious!

                                     He sings about popping pills, killing people, and getting drunk!

How can such a person consider themselves a Christian??

                                          I heard he started out as a gospel singer--I wonder what happened to him?

Poor guy--he's so strung out on drugs he doesn't know what he wants.

Of course, I wasn't around for Johnny Cash's career and the live gossip that followed.  But we are all here for Kid Rock.  Also to many people's surprise--he too sings several songs on faith, Jesus, and God.  He is a political and social activists and participates in several charities.  But I'm sure most of my fellow Christians (I used too as well) can be caught with this kind of opinion:

Kid Rock?  He's definitely not a good guy.  Have you heard his lyrics?  

                         Didn't he go to jail for drugs and stuff?

I think he is pretty strung out on drugs too..

                        I have no respect for him.

                                           He is disgusting.

But really, would Jesus gossip like this?  Well, Jesus wouldn't gossip.  But he would definitely hold the same opinions as us...right?  

What about Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus' new stunt??

Yeah and did you hear about Amanda Bynes??  Oh my gosh, she is totally loosing it.  Such a shame too because she was so talented...

So it's okay to make "pity" comments and judgmental thoughts about them because they're famous right?

What about you?  How are things on your end?

I heard she's been hanging out with a rough crowd lately..

                He might be gay, we better keep him at a close distance.

I pray for them, but gees there's just no changing them.  They are total hypocrites!

And I'm the one writing this so you know I'll get slammed!

Who is she to talk?  Why does she always think she has the right to preach to us??

                    Well she obviously can't say anything..she dropped out of school for a year!

I don't trust her beliefs anymore..I heard she works at a bar.

I think we've all wasted too many precious hours lying and covering up our mistakes with cheap Covergirl cosmetics.  You see, I am a very black and white person.  Tell me what to do and I'll do it, but this question I have seems to have no clear answer--and so I'm asking you to think on it with me.  Let's think and pray until the Lord searches our hearts with a solution.

Here's the question:

In my family, (Disclaimer: Obviously I love my family, this is just a thought so don't freak out.)  we were raised to keep our sins on the down-low.  Yes, we acknowledge that everyone sins and Jesus totally forgives those kinds of things--but at the same time, we really don't want the whole world knowing about our weaknesses...it just gets, well, kind of messy.  It's too much to explain.

• Like your father's infidelity for instance.  We won't mention that because it was wrong, he knew it was wrong, and so him and your mother worked out amongst themselves and moved on.

• Or your sister went to jail on a crazy party mishap.  That's great that your parents got her out immediately and had it expunged from her record, but please don't bring it up ever again--especially in a family setting.  We don't need to discuss that.

Part of me agrees with this approach, part of me doesn't.  

The Bible teaches me to expose sins and confess them to my prayer warrior friends so I can be healed and set free (James 5:16, Proverbs 28:13, 1 Timothy 5:20.)  But when I do that, I get more gossip in return and worried looks from parents, family members, and old teachers.  I even got awkward talks from many people who barely knew me or my situation!

On the other hand..if you keep quiet about the whole thing and handle yourself between you and God then everyone avoids the awkward conversation and we all politely disregard the fact that you also are human and you have sin.  Because we disregard this fact we can quite confidently turn around and not only judge each other for listening to Lady Gaga's music, but we can join forces together by calling her a "sinful ugly whore who is desperate for attention."

I guess in a perfect world we would follow the Bible and stop judging each other, but we don't live that way--so we sin.  And we sin more to cover up our sin.  And when people ask us about it we lie about our sin.

It's a lose-lose situation.

I had a wonderful friend once who was THAT honest with himself, his friends, his parents and his church family. 

Now we all hate him.

I just don't get it.  What are we to do?  Save face and be (fake) clean little Christians with good (outward) habits and hobbies, or do we take the Kid Rock-Cash-Cyrus approach and be upfront with everyone about being "troubled but devout Christians."

Twenty-Two

So I'm sure you've heard the new Taylor-Swift hit, "Twenty-Two."  I love it.  How cool is it that someone is finally celebrating 22.  It's the first birthday doesn't mean much.  It's the beginning of the next 8 years.  Everyone loves 21 and it's excitement.  But 22 is often neglected.  Thank you, Taylor Swift, for representin'.  

I've been wanting to write about the song for a while, but haven't sat down to be inspired yet.  I love the fact that it captures the age.  Basically it's like "blaahhhhhh."  You are at the awkward in-between age of no specificness.  Like Taylor, most of the world sees this as an opportunity to "dress up like hipsters and make fun of exes".."have breakfast at midnight"...or "fall in love with strangers."  Who cares?  you're 22 right?  Right...to an extent.  As a Christian there's more to it than that.

"We are happy free confused and lonely at the same time," she sings.  So true.  How you are all four all at once, no idea, but it is very true.  

Sunday I talked to an old friend for a long time.  The conversation of two 22 year olds sounds much like Taylor Swift's song.  We talked about the bar scene, college, and life after college.  What the heck are you gonna do?  

So in a heart-felt writer's puke...I wrote this, and realized I have a special friend and Taylor Swift to thank for this post. (Plus a random mix of emotions, little sleep, good morning cookies and crazy circumstances.)  Enjoy.

Twenty-Two

Fear.

I guess I am admitting that I am scared.  Underneath the layer of happiness and confidence and passion…I am scared.  I’m scared of what life holds next.  I’m scared of what it doesn’t hold and the fact that I have no idea where I am going.  I love my life here, but I don’t want to stay here.  I want to go back to school but I’m scared to finish.  I don’t enjoy my major as much as I should and I don’t really want to go into that field.  At the same time I hate the disappointed stares and sighs I get as I walk in a room and tell people I’m perfectly happy being a waitress and working minimum wage jobs. 

                The thought of a real job disgusts me.  I don’t want to be professional.  I don’t want to live in the city. 

                I want to be married and start a family.  I want to experience love and community like never before.  I know who he is and I want to be held and cared for.  I want my best friend to travel the world with me and experience things with me. I want to live in my hometown and be surrounded by family.

               

But I know I’m not ready.  They say I’m not old enough for all that.  You aren’t supposed to move back yet, you’re supposed to live somewhere else first, away from family and friends…without a husband.  Alone.  At the same time, don’t give yourself away to another man.  Don’t sleep around, sleep alone.  Sure, you can date.  But is that really worth the pain and heartache of a temporary fix?  You have about 10 years to kill, do whatever you want, just don’t move home yet and don’t disappoint us.  Remember you have a husband and a future.  As for now, you build.

                As a twenty-something you need to save and invest for your future.  Save and invest money.  That means work, work, work.  Focus on a career.  Not a job, a career.  Oh wait, the thought of a career makes you miserable.  So do what you love to do. ..no, waitressing upsets people.  You want to run the company back home?  That’s awesome! But if you move back now we will consider you a “failure to launch.” 

               

  Save and invest.  Save and invest your time.  Save your time for those who matter, your family and friends.  At the same time they all have jobs of their own and won’t be around, and your family wants to see you succeed.  Invest your life.  Invest your time in something worthwhile now, because later you’ll have a family and won’t have time for it.  So go help someone do something. 

               

Save and invest your heart.  Save your heart for the one you love, but invest your heart in the temporary situations.  A job, a hobby, a charity.  Invest.

               

I think I want to finish up.  Finish up my college days.  Take some fun classes and relax.  Work a few hours a week, but take time to watch TV and go out with friends.  Paint, golf, and run.

                

After I finish I’ll move somewhere neat.  A neat little town with culture and excitement.  A tourist hot-spot with waitressing jobs and fun after-hours.  I will remain pure to my Lord, myself and my family, but I will meet people and make friends with everyone.  Latch on to a female of integrity and valor, someone who can show you the paradise of life.  Live with your heart on God and your eyes on love.  It’s ten years of purity, patience, saving, investing and growing.  This isn’t a horrible experience. 

It’s a beautiful opportunity.

You’re twenty-two, young and beautiful.  Don’t waste it on boys, sex and booze.  Invest it in love, purity and making a difference in the world around you.   Be goofy and immature, because you can.  Be full of energy, life and ideas for your investment, because you are. Twenty somethin'....

The power is yours.  Will you seize it?