Pushing Through the Crust

On Easter Sunday we had our tighter circle of family out to Hooverville for a wonderful meal.  Grandma, Grandpa, Steven and Miranda,  Tommy and Denice, Mom, Dad, Grant and I, all enjoyed a wonderful meal prepared by my mother.  Ham, deviled eggs, salad, hot rolls, potato casserole and beans made for a delicious spread.

Grandma and Grandpa were excited to be back at home.  The first thing Grandpa did when he got out of the car was take his walker out to the wheat pasture behind the house.  He wanted to see the wheat!

I walked with him as we examined the wheat up close.  He picked a strand and told me the head would come out here in the next week or so.  I always take Dad and Grandpa's word when it comes to farming and gardening, however the back of my mind says they have to be either psychic or magicians to know this stuff.  How can you tell the exact week when your crop is going to pop out of the ground or turn colors?  Grandpa hadn't even seen my garden and he still knew when my potatoes would sprout!

Since we were near the garden I excitedly showed Grandpa the progress my onions had made.  He was very pleased, although I quickly apologized for not having freshly weeded the garden (it had been less than a week, though.)  Nevertheless, Grandpa's seal of approval was on my onions, and that was worth gold!

A few weeks later my potatoes started to bloom.  Dad had told me to keep the ground wet so the plants could push through the crust.  I was fascinated as I soon saw exactly what Dad meant. These tiny baby plants were literally pushing their way through the hard outer shell of the earth and into the fresh air.  For weeks I had been hoeing around plants that I couldn't see.  To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I was hoeing in between the rows or not, but by good faith I did it anyway.  Slowly but surely one plant after another began to pop up, and it seemed like overnight they would arrive.

The whole idea of "pushing through the crust" is amazing to me.  What was once a seed is now moving earth around so they can complete it's purpose in life.  I think that should inspire anyone.  What is the "crust" in your life that you need to push through in order to fulfill your purpose?

In church on Sunday this lesson continued when my pastor spoke on the parable of the seeds in Mark 4.  The farmer used good seed and cast it across the land.  The seed fell on to four different types of soil: hard, rocky, thorny and good.  Each type of soil is linked to the spiritual life of you and I.  The Lord is planting seeds and we hear good words but are they taking root in your life?  Perhaps the seeds are not growing because your heart is hard or because your idols are choking it out.  Maybe you believe the Lord and want to follow him but as soon as a hard time comes you give up.

The good news is, you can change your soil.  You can change the outcome of the seeds.  It is your choice to be good soil, you only have to cultivate your heart in good faith, just as I did my garden.  Remember, it was weeks before I saw results, but the persistence paid off.

Think about what kind of soil you are, and ask yourself what crust you need to push through in order to live the life of purpose and passion that God called you to.  You just mind find a sprout to water.

Passion.

The older I get the more I realize that the world is somewhat void of passionate people.  I mean people who live out of their passion are really, really hard to find.

I think most people do the day to day thing and then use what's leftover to hide their passion in their back bedroom once or twice a month.

I have so much respect for people who do what they love.  There is a big difference in purchasing items or services from someone who is successful but not passionate, than from purchasing from someone who is passionate but maybe not the most well-known.

I have a few passionate friends, mostly older.  I think younger people are often times in search of what their passion is.  Fortunately, some find it by the time mid-thirties hit.  Others, spend a lifetime searching.

I want to always surround myself with passionate people if I can.  They are few and far between, which makes them unique, special--worth holding on to.  I have love and compassion for people who do what they feel they should be doing, and with no other explanation but a gut-wrenching feeling that fuels them.

Passion is a tricky thing.  Describing it is like trying to describe water.  It's there, and we know it when we see it, but how do we describe it?  I have a lot of passion for a lot of things and it scares me.  It scares me because I know it is possible for this fuel to run out, and when the fuel runs out it is not a pretty feeling.

Passion takes lots of care and maintenance.  Over do it and you risk losing it all, but under do it and you'll never live.  The ying and yang of it all is very spiritual, personal and delicate.  It takes a sensitive spirit to nurture passion within oneself.  And that is one reason why passion is absolutely terrifying. 

The dictionary has a few definitions, the first being:  1. a strong and barely controllable emotion.

This fits what I am talking about.  Passion is the fire in your soul that makes you want to do something, sometimes for reasons you don't understand, or sometimes for no reason at all.  It's the kick in the stomach that just says you absolutely have to do something or else you'll be miserable.  Now that I am describing it, I think passion sounds a lot like the holy spirit.  Perhaps they are similar.  Perhaps they are one in the same.

I think passion, creativity and spirituality all run deeply into one another.  Talk to many artists and they can tell you that their creations are built to heal both themselves and others.

For some reason the modern church has shut out these things--mostly because they are uncontrollable and can potentially cause someone to act out of the order of service.

Fortunately, there are many churches who have been made aware of this problem and now welcome a more creative, spirit-filled worship style.  I believe this is how it was meant to be.  Look how creative and free God is every single day.  The clouds change by the minute, from loud and majestic to soft and fluffy, and finally a bright pink with purple whims.

God is definitely a God of order as well.  24 hours in each day are as consistent as time itself.  God is a God of order yes, but he is also a God of spirit-led performance, living and confession.

When the fullness of life has filled you to the measure, it is only natural for passion to spill out.  Passion doesn't spill out politely as a formula.  Passion spills out wildly like a rainbow suddenly bursting into crazy liquid; spilling all over the place and making a big huge, beautiful, crazy mess.  We often times do not know where our rainbow liquid will land.  We don't know what works and what doesn't till we give it a whirl.  Fortunately, somewhere amidst the chaos and covering, we find the purpose.  We find the tick--the thing that all consumingly screams "YES!"

That's when passion is on point.

Interestingly enough, the second definition google gives me for passion is this: 2. the suffering and death of Jesus.

Is passion what Jesus felt as he died on the cross for our sins?  Did his strong and uncontrollable emotion rise up from his gut and fulfill him with desire that could not be satisfied until he finished what he was sent to do?  I think, yes.

Death was Jesus' purpose.  It was his God-given purpose so that we could all live a free life.   A life free of sin, free of death and full of passion...if we choose it.

Passion is what gives us meaning.  It's what makes our life matter and our time count.  Jesus was the perfect example of this.

It's About Love

Dear, sweet, child--never forget that you are loved.  Don't forget you are wanted, sought after and valued.  The God of all the universe designed you intricately and lives to watch you bloom.  He poured his heart into your creation and his eyes never leave your delicate face.  Sweetheart, you are perfect just the way you are.  You don't need affirmation from friends, media or boys.  The great affirmer has called your heart wonderful.  You mustn't fret when the attention withers, but rejoice in the companionship of the Lord.

The Lord who loves you sent himself in human form to prove this to you.  He's showing off so that you will notice the depth of his love for you.  Jesus stretched his arms far and wide and he thought of you when he said, "Sweet child, come home.  Run into these arms of mine and rest in my love.  I need you to need me.  I want you to want me.  It hurts me when you turn away, but all the while I have never stopped loving you and I never will.  You are my precious child and I desire to show you more of my passion for you and all the earth.  Come near to me and I will never forsake you."

It's the love of the father that changes lives.  It's the power in his whisper and the undeniable strength in his voice.  Easter pageants aren't the cure.  10am isn't the magical time.  I cannot help you.  Only Jesus.  Jesus is love and love endures all things.  Love never fails.

Love him.  He first loved you.

Love him.  He will never leave you.

Love him, because you need something constant in this life and the next.

Love him so you can be full of life and vigor and meaning.  Everything else is just a chasing after the wind.  Sadly, even your success and degrees and fortune cannot go with you when you leave this world.  Only your soul and what you left behind in the lives of others.

Live a life of love.  Love the Lord your God with your total heart, soul and mind.  Then turn around and pour that love into other people.  Those are our two commandments, the ones that speak truth and shatter lies.
Love. endures. all. things.

Christ is risen, and he is alive.  Easter Sunday is about the remarkable love he showed for us then, and now and continues to show us.

It's about love.

Just Flow

"Everything has a natural place. Stuff naturally falls into place under the laws of the universe and the hand of God, we just have to relax and let them fall into place.  Much like painting or styling hair, we can't force things to go where they don't belong.  Or pottery, for example, have you ever tried to force clay where it doesn't want to go?  It's natural form holds some truth to it, regardless.

In the same way, God created you for a specific purpose.  You are to reach a certain people group that no one else can, and your story is to be unique from everyone else's.  

So why do we worry so much about fitting in or not fitting in?  Why are we in constant fear of being judged?  

I've come to find out that you will be judged regardless of the path you choose."  

Excerpt from: "How to Follow Your Arrow"

I come back to this blog post tonight because I have been struck by the thought of this idea once again.  As I lay on my couch reading about an advertising method that doesn't challenge the competition by fighting harder and being more competitive, I am reminded of the simple beauty of being.

Work smarter not harder.

Martha and Mary illustrated the idea for us in the ancient times of Jesus.  Martha worked her rear-end off preparing for a big event.  She cooked, she cleaned, she picked up and threw out.  She minded all the details and fretted over each item that might explode into an unwanted catastrophe.  She had it all together because she was aiming at being THE BEST event holder.

What happened next totally threw off the plot.

Jesus.  The game changer.

He always did the unexpected and said the opposite of what you pegged him to say.  He did this in a simple and sophisticated way that got people's attention.  Much like what Mac does with computers, Jesus did with life.

You see, while Windows and the world are fighting for our attention, promising the unpromisable and clawing their way into our brains, Mac and Jesus are laid back, being the awesome selves that they are.  With M & J there is no striving.  There is no competing and putting opponents down.  It is all about the peace and freedom that comes with being.

And so, Jesus told Martha to take a chill pill and congratulated Mary on being...Mary.  She was comfortable in her skin; relaxed and carefree.  Mary didn't go out of her way to change her behavior, clothes, house, and display.  In fact, she probably walked up to Jesus on the street casually and started up a conversation about where old sandals ended up after deterioration.  

I'd call that integrity.

I'd also call it captivating.  

If you've known me for any period of time, you probably know that my favorite life-changing book is Captivating, by Stasi Elderedge.  Women of all ages need to read this book.  It simply says, hey sweetheart, you're beautiful just the way God made you, and when you accept that and quit trying to be perfect, flawless and bulletproof, the world will take you in as a rose that has blossomed.

The thing about beauty that grabs your attention is that it isn't trying.  It isn't starving itself or pushing others out of the way or faking its way to the top.  Beauty is beauty because it is.  God is God because he is.

"I am who I am."

With Jesus it was that simple.  And he was!

He is.

The most successful marketing campaigns are the ones that just are.  They aren't the multi-million dollar, one-uppers--they are the ones who have found rest in being themselves.  Avis, we are #2...we try harder.

At times you may be tempted in your own life to force something into existence.

Recently I desperately wanted to move out beyond the six walls of Oklahoma.  I love this country but I so desired to see another state.  I wanted to be adventurous and carefree and brave!

Every day for three months, I woke up and tried to force a post-college decision for my life.  And every afternoon I would change my mind, knowing that deep down it didn't feel right.

My delightful friends told me I was a planner and organizer, trying to live a carefree, unpenciled life.  "It's just not you," they explained to me one day.  I was amused when I stepped back and looked at myself.

Yes I am bold and adventurous, but moving around to strange places by myself with no agenda was definitely not going to help me feel purposeful and accomplished in my life.  I still admire and covet the souls who can do this, but as for me it's just not there.

I was offered a position in my hometown.

No.  It's too predictable.  I don't want to go back yet, I had arranged that for later on in my life, not now. I need to go be free and do some random things first.

So I turned the job down.

Then I did nothing for a month...except grow restless and crave duty.

They called again...

I had a cry fest in private with Jesus and told him I would not do it.

Then I stopped, listened and shut-up.

Peace fell over me and God assured me that this was where my heart belonged deep down.  

I knew at that moment that home was where I needed to be.  It's where I always wanted to be, it just wasn't how I had planned it.  I was trying to force an escape route to be someone else rather than comfortable excelling in my own purpose.  I realized that God already knew his plans, and he designed me to fulfill them in a very specific way.  Fighting that way wasn't getting anyone anywhere.  It was surrender to the obvious that brought me to God's will.  

We can't force clay to be something it doesn't want to be.  Life is being, and being is freeing.

 Just flow..and you will.

The Beauty in Blooming

This picture came straight from my journal a couple days ago.  It was great quiet time with my favorite (and only) Creator.  I was spilling my heart out to God about being "happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time."  I told him my hopes and fears and how desparately I wanted to get this crucial time in my life right.  

I thanked him and blessed him for all the opportunities presented to me.  I told him how fortunate I was to be graduating, and to be so well supported by loving friends and family.  I thanked him for his grace and mercy and his never-ending promise to provide and plan for me.  :)

Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my all time favorite verses.  We read over this together and peace was restored to my soul.

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord,
'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."

We should take such comfort in knowing that we don't have to have everything figured out and we definitely don't have to do anything but trust God to navigate us on our journey.

22 is scary.  It is a time of transition, and in between place.  We are arriving, but not there.  We are moving but not settled.  Happy but not content.

Hope Kronman puts it extremely well in her 22ish article in the Huffington Post.  

"This, I've realized, is because 22 is the age of in-betweens -- in between adolescence and adulthood, in between relationships, in between this job and that career -- and it's nearly impossible to know who you are when you are still "becoming."

I think the most important thing we can do is keep our focus on God and let him do the rest.  Matthew 22:37-38 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment."

Also Matthew 6:33, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well."

That right there sums up what it's all about.  

I know it's tough.  I know you're striving and searching..but keep your eyes on my daughter, I have you in the palm of my hand, steady and stable.  Trust me to shape you and place you where I see best for us.  You are a beautiful bloom, but you aren't ready to blossom yet.  During this season you must trust me to take care of you and nurture you--feeding you all the sweet loves of healing and the Holy Spirit.  Don't force your bloom.  I have the water of life and I promise to care for you daily, letting you grow and become your best; and your best is more than enough for me.  I love you just as you are, with or without all the trimmings.  You are my child and I have created you for such a time as this...   --Jesus

The Best is Yet to Come

God has a way of giving us a handful of very specific events where we are required to put everything on hold and just enjoy and love on our families.  Weddings.  Births. and Deaths.  These are the three big ones.

If you don't count my favorite kitten, "Pudgy" who died when I was 8 years old, I have been blessed in that I spent 22 years and 4 months and 20 days on this earth before I had my first experience of losing a loved one.  For that I am thankful, but also inexperienced in what to think or feel.  I also count it a blessing that I had time to prepare for this, and was warned several years in advance that time was running out.  I also have a wonderful Mother and Father who always made it a point to teach my brother and I the importance of loving our grandparents.

Before I go on, I do wish to explain that I process and heal through writing, and so I do not wish to upset or offend anyone, only to encourage.  These are stories about life, hope and Jesus...not death.

I don't remember her much before the age of 12, although she was always there, in fact she was 70 years old the year I was born.  I guess it just takes a person a few years of living before they really get conscious about life and relationships.  About the time I hit that stage I remember helping my mom, aunt, uncle and cousins move her into assisted living.  She had 20% of her heart left and "only a few months to live." ...little did they know my Grandmother was born with 9 lives.

I spent the next 8 years loving my grandma as best I could.  (Special thanks to the Lord for giving me a mother with this same attitude.)  I was also blessed enough to live in the same town as her twice.  Both times I felt very strongly that God placed me there for a reason.  Those were my special years with Grandma.

After leaving class or work my sweet-tooth would really kick in and I would start craving my Chocolate Reese's Mix with whipped cream from Braum's--fortunately I knew that my sweet-tooth was inherited and a very special predecessor just happened to live down the road from Braum's and around the corner from me.

Those Mixes made for some really sweet times between the two of us.  I think ice cream can only make one other person happier than it does me--and that person was Grandma.  She really loved some chocolate!

It was one week ago today when my Grandma passed.  Over this last week I have come to realize that her love for ice cream wasn't the only thing she passed on to me.  In fact, I've noticed we are actually very similar in many ways.

• First of all, we both drive like "bats out of hell."  I heard a story on her this week about how she never stopped for stop signs.  When my aunt confronted her on the bad habit she answered, "If I need to stop I will!"  I laughed so hard because I just told one of my friends the same thing two weeks ago.  I also get made fun of for driving with my seat really far up and close to the steering wheel...something she did too.
• When I took my senior picture I hung it up next to Grandma's wedding picture in her bedroom.  That day I noticed for the first time how similar our face shape and features were.  I looked like her!
• Most importantly, my Grandma was one of the most devout and sincere Christians I know.  Although I can't say the same about myself, I can say that Jesus is very important to me, and Grandma and I talked a lot about religious things.

She really had the faith of a giant and I admire that.  It wasn't something she donned as she was older.  It was a steady stream throughout her entire life, and this speaks volumes of her character.  I can only hope to be more like her with each passing day.

On the last night she was with us, my cousins Randy and Jodi and I stayed with her in her room at the assisted living home.  She had been unresponsive all day and so our main job was to watch her breathing and make sure she got her pain medication regularly.  We knew it was coming, we just didn't know how or when.

All the family had been called and everyone had said their peace gave their love.  While much of the family was willing her to stay, I was willing her to go.  I knew where she was going, I knew it was real to her, and I knew she had worked unyielding her entire life for this very moment.  She was about to die, she was about to live, and I really felt more like a cheerleader by her bedside instead of a mourner.  I just couldn't stand to see her in pain--especially when I thought of the joy that was on the other side.

Around 6 p.m. that evening I snuck away from the crowd and wrote out a prayer to our God.  

"Lord, I want you to take my Grandma.  She deserves the heaven she has worked so hard for.  You are her hope and you are her salvation.  She is so ready and so happy to see you.  Reunite her with the one's she loves.  Give her a peaceful going.  I know it is what she would want.

Everyone is upset with her going but father I want her to go--to be happier. 
 I'll be fine without her for a while.  I love her and trust you.  Do what needs to be done. 
 You are in control and I am not.  I accept that and I don't want to change that. 
 Let your will be done and not mine.  Amen and Amen."

Around 1 a.m. the next morning, Randy and Jodi and I sat around Grandma...talking and laughing; telling stories.  We opened her worn out Bible and read to her, then kissed her on the cheek and told her goodnight.  We all weren't asleep for more that 15 minutes before Grandpa came back and got her like he had promised 24 years earlier.  It was the most peaceful and perfect way she could have gone.

The death of a loved one is hard, no matter how they go.  But losing someone and knowing exactly where they are going, makes it a lot easier.  This is my story, about God's peace surrounding me on that day.

When the nurses came in for their 2:40 a.m. check-up, I immediately woke up watched them walk across the room.  Although they said nothing, I could feel the difference.  They had barely made it to her bed when one of them touched her foot and gently said, "She's gone."  I knew what I had felt, and I thought I had heard her, but I had to ask, "What?"  I was now sitting straight up and wide awake.  

"She's gone."

Again, I wasn't sure I heard right, and my cousins hadn't moved, so I asked one more time.  This time when the word "What" left my mouth, Randy sat straight up.

"She's gone."

The nurses looked at gently and probably hugged us as Randy and I woke up Jodi and fled to what had been Grandma's body.

I went into complete shock.  I thought I was going to puke.  My body began to quiver all over.  I couldn't understand what exactly had taken place in the short 30-40 minutes I had been asleep.

Randy and I made phone calls and then Jodi and I collapsed in the chairs by her bed.  I stared and I stared trying to understand.  Tears filled my eyes finally and I sobbed for a few minutes before the chaos really began.  Two aunts and one uncle rushed in and cried and hugged us, we all waited for my mother and Hospice to arrive.

Now I'm not sure when the next part happened exactly, but it was just like on the movies when something dramatic happens and everything around you is blurred with people doing whatever they are mindlessly doing, and the main character is hyper-focused on something specific.  That's what happened to me.  This was my moment, with God and with Grandma.

Somehow I found my way over to the couch I had napped on so many times before.  While the others were rushing around I zoned out completely.  I was half praying- half comprehending.  2 Corinthians 5:8 repeated itself over and over again in my head.  "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." The more I said it the more I believed it and tried to understand what was going on.  This was nothing short of the Holy Spirit guiding and comforting me like it so faithfully does.  I am also sure that it was that same spirit that propelled me to reach for the photograph we had looked at earlier in the evening.  

It was a picture of Grandma when she was very young, standing in front of a church.  It didn't mean much to me earlier, or even the years before when I had seen it, but that night--that moment, God was present with me, and he used the photograph to comfort me.

She was so pretty.  Petite.  Happy.  In love.  It was the prime of her life and she was either engaged or newly married to my Grandpa...the one she talked incessantly about all of my life.  (I haven't had the joy of meeting him yet.)  I gazed at this picture and thought how perfect she must have felt at the time.  No aching bones, no wrinkles or worries..just happy.

I don't know if it was purely Holy Spirit or a mix of that and some memories from reading the book "Heaven is for Real,"  but it was then that I felt a complete peace and apprehension wash all over my body.  That was the Grandma that was dancing now.  It wasn't lonely, worn out, aching and bent-over Grandma.  It was this beautiful, strong, happy, perfect Grandma..because it was her spirit and not her earthly body.  She got to be her best self again..only even better than that.  

I flipped the picture over and it read in her handwriting, "Fresno, Calif. 1943.  Thank you Lord for taking care of Earnest and me!"

First, I was amazed.  This woman had flown across the country to visit the one she loves and she was so grateful that the Lord had taken care of them.  That was the caption she had chose for the photo.  The Lord had taken care of them.  She wasn't talking about the event, the building or herself.  She was talking about the Lord.  The Lord and her husband. Neither were in the picture but both meant the world to her.  She loved them both as much as she could, and everyone always knew that.

Second, I realized she was in California.  This was strange to me because both generations of both sides of my family had lived in Southwest Oklahoma for as long as I could remember.  However, my grandparents loved to travel, and I didn't fully realize this until the past week happened.  They went everywhere together. Even after Grandpa passed, Grandma was always on a mission trip somewhere.  I felt God confirming my new-found desire to travel.  There is no telling how many more Christians there are in the world simply because my Grandmother took time to travel to Africa and Egypt and who knows where.  She shared God's love with every new destination.  My mother always said Grandpa wanted us to be "cultured."  That is the phrase that has been constantly replaying in my mind all year.  Now I realized it was what Grandpa and Grandma were.  Cultured.

Finally, I somehow had enough logic rolling through my brain to think about the date.  1943..how old would that have made Grandma?  I grabbed my phone, added it up, and to my astonishment it was 22.

Jesus was with me and my heart was at home.  This was the Grandma I would see again one day, and this is how I would see her.  Not only will she be beautiful, but she will be the same age I am now.  We were friends!

I had discovered that our spirits our ageless.  The next time I see Grandma, I picture us holding hands.  We are friends.  In a whole new way.  We share the same faith and hope for people.  We have like-minded goals and habits.  She loved fully and I want to grow into that too.  I feel like she will be with me wherever I go from now on.  Her and I can have chats, because thinking about Grandma at my age makes me think she understands a lot more than she did when she left.  I honestly believe that we would be great buddies, eating ice cream together and talking about Jesus--both as 22 year-olds!  What a pleasant thought.  

Our bodies are just temporary tents for us on this planet.  When we shed them our spirit goes to a new place.  A new home.  Christians go to heaven.  As soon as we leave this earth, we are in an undeniable presence with our Creator, the one who died for us and loves us unconditionally.

We will all be shiny and new then.  Dancing and singing his praises.  

Luke 23:43
"Jesus answered him, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise."

In a completely spiritual way, it was a few moments after Grandma's passing when I felt closer to her than I ever had before.  I had connected with her in a wonderful way that only a believer can understand.  God was holding me in his arms, reminding me that the best is yet to come.  

I love you Grandma.  I miss you already, but in just a little while I will be with you again and it will be far better than the last.  I can't wait to dance with you.  To see you and Jesus together.  You will introduce me to my beloved Grandpa I've heard you talk so much about, and we will all be together for the first time.  I want to praise Jesus with you and worship in his presence.  While you are having a good time up there, don't worry about us.  We will be okay, just as you reminded us the other day, "You're gonna be alright." 

Revelation 21:4
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither should there be mourning, or crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."



For more verses about heaven: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-heaven-15-scripture-quotes/. 

Roar!

Katy Perry has recently released a song entitled "Roar."  From the moment I heard it, I have absolutely loved this song and have cheered it on as it reaches the top of the charts.  If you've heard the song you might be able to guess why I'm an advocate.  The lyrics scream empowerment and boldness--something God is forever teaching me.  I have written several posts about this in the past; all stemming from me reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  (Here is a link to that book review: "Boundaries.")

"Roar" encourages people to speak up to people who have knocked them down in the past.  This could be bullies, critics, antagonists, or anyone who doesn't believe in you.  I am all about self-respect and individual confidence.  In fact I write positive things about myself every morning during my quiet time, especially towards the parts of my life where I lack confidence.  This daily exercise helps me remain focused and confident for what God has prepared me to do.  Katy Perry really is a great catalyst for promoting good self-esteem in individuals.  "Firework" is another great song she sings that is along the same lines as is great for boosting self-confidence.  (Would be a great morning-pump-up song.)

Very similar to self-confidence is what I call God-confidence.  The two ideas are very related but separate at the same time.  We can't stand up for God if we don't believe in ourselves, but at the same time God gives us the power to do anything.  If God calls you to take a stand on something, you best believe he will give you the strength to do that.  The strength to stand up for ourselves, our beliefs, and our God all comes as a gift from above, however we must tap into that gift in order to use it for the Kingdom.

God has been revealing these ideas to me through studying the boldness that Jesus and his devout disciples displayed.  Sunday at church we looked at a passage in Acts chapter 16.  The story is about Paul and Silas getting thrown in prison for being very blunt about their belief in Jesus Christ, son of the living God.  This is an obvious bold act on their part.  I wonder how many of us today would be willing to go to prison for believing in God.  Many do it overseas, but would any here in America?  Are we that dangerous? Are we willing to be that brave?  

Although this is huge, it was something Paul said later that struck me as bold.

While Paul and Silas sat in prison, they prayed and worshipped while the other prisoners listened.  Again, that is pretty bold.  Imagine if you were sitting on cold hard concrete in a dirty prison full of rapists and murderers.  Everyone has hard looks on you as they size you up--anticipating what your weakness is and why you too were locked up.  Just as the biggest, ugliest, meanest looking one steps forward...you start praying and singing hymns to God.  Wait..what?!

Yeah, I'm definitely not that bold yet.

Anyhow so while they are singing and praying a sudden earthquake happens and all of the prisoner's chains are released.  The guard realizes what has happened and is about to kill himself when Paul screams out, "Don't harm yourself! We are all here!"

That's the line that got me.
Again, Paul screams out: "Don't harm yourself! We are all here!"

To me this would have been the boldest move.
Allow me to explain:

My mind likes to piddle back and forth with promoting the "whatever happens, happens" theory and the "if you want something to happen you have to make it happen" theory.  On one side I watch everything fall into place the way God planned it, whether we like it or not.  He is ultimately in control, and although a man makes plans in his heart, it is the Lord who determines his steps (Proverbs 16:9.)  We live best when we lean back and enjoy the ride.

On the contrary I see free will being a huge thing in that if we want something we must go get it.  If we want out of sin we need to pray to be changed, not sit and wait for God to convict us.  An example of this is "Flee from the devil and the devil will flee from you." (James 4:7)  In order for God to do something for us, we have to make a step toward him first.

I may over-think things, but then I look around at people and I think, Why isn't that person my friend?  Well, I suppose it just didn't happen..we don't have the connection.  If it was meant to be it would have happened.  Yet when we look at Jesus and Paul they took the opposite approach.  More like..HEY BE MY FRIEND!  

Okay so not quite that weird, but if I had been in Paul's situation at the jail; watching the guard pick up his sword and edge towards killing himself, I probably would be the one to sit their and watch with wide eyes, asking myself the whole time why God thought I needed to see someone die.  I admit that I probably would not have even thought about opening my mouth and telling the dude to quit.

Now let's bounce to John 18:1-11.  Jesus is in an olive grove with some of his disciples.  Long story short a fight breaks out and when Peter retaliates in attempt to protect Jesus, Jesus commands Peter to "put his sword away!"

Again, to me it looks like Jesus is less about the laid-back, watch-it-happen approach, and more about the stay-in-control-of-the-situation.  Both Jesus and Paul made changes in their environment by speaking up and acting out about the evil going on around them.

This is so challenging for me because although I am getting better, I still have a hard time telling people what they don't want to hear.  It is hard for me to cause conflict, even if it is menial.

The more I grow as an adult and a Christian, the more I am challenged to stand up for what I really want and ignore everyone who says I can't.  If God calls me to do it, I can.

Writing for example is a huge thing.  I am 100% certain God uses me through my writing.  He inspires my writing and he will continue to do this throughout my life.  Because of this bold certainty, I am constantly being attacked by Satan about my writing.  Every post leaves me in fear.  Fear of being unwanted.  Fear of being misunderstood.  Fear of my ideas being rejected by those I love most.  But that's the beauty of writing, it is incredibly scary in that God asks writers to be completely honest, humble and boldly-spoken.  You can't write truth if you aren't bold enough to proclaim it.

My writing professor always challenged us to be more vulnerable, because that's when it hurts, and  that's when people start to connect.

So today I challenge you to gauge your boldness as you go about your everyday activities.  What situations would cause Jesus to speak up?  Where do you feel the Lord challenging you to take a stand?  Is there something he's called you to that others don't necessarily agree with?  Pray through Proverbs 28:1 several times throughout the day and see where God takes you.

Proverbs 28:1

"The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion."

"You hear my voice, you hear that sound
like thunder gonna shake the ground.

You held me down, but I got up
get ready cause I've had enough."
--Katy Perry "Roar" lyrics

Love Your Life

More often than not I think we tend to get bogged down in the negative things of life. The second something gets hard we start complaining and second guessing ourselves. A few weeks ago I caught myself doing this. I was complaining about life not being easy and things not going as smoothly as I had planned. It was in the midst of all this that I realized how fortunate I was. I'm living the dream! Really!

So I started counting my blessings. Those always add up fast.

How blessed I am!  I am in an intermediate painting class at a HUGE university.
I have a wonderful job.
I have three really close and wonderful friends here with me.
My family is wonderful!
I write and paint almost everyday!

 Then I realized how far I had come since March of this year. I've read about three books this year that have really made an impact on my life. All three of these books were not about being anything except a better "you." Through these books I have learned, or re-learned a lot about myself and my goals as a person.

Although I'm still a few chapters away from finishing, I want to take this opportunity to plug an amazing book.  I've actually given a few copies away to friends and family, but they never seem as excited about things as I am.

The name of the book is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.  The book was on a recommended but not required reading list for one of my online summer classes.  I never order the recommended but not required books for classes, but this was caught my eye because its subtitle is "A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity."  I had personally related creativity to spirituality often, but never heard anyone else connect the two, much less write a book over it.  So I bought it and I am a stronger individual for having read and worked through the book.

As I recommend this book to people I have to quote my disclaimer.  This is not a book you sit down and read all the way through.  It's not a book you just carry around with you and read it when you can.  I like to think of it as more of a quiet time supplement.  It is part book-part workbook.  Each chapter is short, rich and invigorating, but the best part is the challenges after the chapter.  These seemingly random tasks range everywhere from taking a walk to buying a sticker.  The point is to nurture your inner-child, the one who creates and lives without fear of judgement.

The entire book speaks to the soul of each individual's inner-artist.  I especially loved the exercises towards the beginning of the book that challenged the reader to write down a list of things they would do if money, fame and success were no object.  After making the list the reader is then challenged to take small steps towards executing these dreams.

In the grand scheme of things you are learning to take the big huge life-long dreams that seem impossible, and turn them into day by day steps that help you achieve your definition of success and happiness.

The tasks are so small that I haven't really realized my growth until I stop to look back.  When I pause and reflect I see how much this book has helped me learn about myself and where I'm going as I end my college career and enter a new stage in life.

No matter what age or stage you are, it is always a good idea to get in touch with yourself better.  God created each of us in a unique and special way.

We all have talents different from all others.

We all have dreams that look distinctive from those of others.

When we love ourselves and nourish ourselves, we can more easily love and nourish others.

God blesses us with gifts, treasures, talents, desires...when we aren't using what he created we are being bad stewards.  If God designed you to dance ballet, then you should do it.  Do what worships the Lord and brings praise to your lips.

Psalm 150:6

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.  Praise the Lord."

What Would Deacon Fry Do?

Since my last post I've still been thinking a lot on the same subject.  Welcome back to writing, Haley.  God is now going to plague you with a series of related events until you write the heck out of them.  I call it "inspired." 

First I had a good read.  There is a wonderful chapter in the middle of a book called "Living with Fred" by Brad Whittington.  In this chapter we have a teenage boy sitting in his father's office discussing punishment and process.  The boy's father happens to be a preacher who had just received a call from the head deacon, informing him that the boy was seen hanging around the town drunk.

As the father's anger and disappointment increases, so does the boy's defense.  He cannot understand what is so wrong with friending a man who has hardly any friends.  After all, isn't that what Jesus would  have done?  All of his friends were sinners and outcasts.

The father of course, not wanting to be wrong, reluctantly agreed but also explained how the Bible teaches us to live with holiness, and be "as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves", therefore it looks bad hanging out with the guy so it's considered wrong in the deacon's eyes, not to mention everyone else's eyes too.

The boy comes back with a seriously profound question that captures my point, I believe.

"So, you're saying I should ask myself, 'What would Deacon Fry do?' instead of "What would Jesus do?"  (not a direct quote.)

Wow.  How do you respond to that?  How do any of us respond to that?  We say we love Jesus and church and babies and everything, yet we are still living for each other and not the One True God.  We act like everything is perfect and we hide our sin and we avoid outcasts and lame events with meaning because it looks bad to everyone else.  We read the Bible and challenge ourselves, our children, and our friends to be "more Christ-like,"  but I think that looks like something so polar opposite of what we envision.

Jesus didn't stay squeaky clean.  

He didn't avoid sticky situations.

Christ was known for doing the opposite of what people thought he would do, and you know what?  I think 2,000 years and a ton of Study Bibles later....we've still got it wrong.  I bet he'd still surprise us today with his actions.

But what do we do about this?  We're human.  We will always fall short; always be wrong.  That's why we so desperately need Jesus.  Without him we're hopeless.

Yet because of his great gift of life and love to me, I want to do my best.  I want to give back what he gave to me.  

I had a moment like that once I suppose.  God told me to do something brave.  Something powerful.  Something society saw as sin and dirty and awkward and messy. But I loved Jesus and I was convinced it was from him, so I did it.

You know what happened?  

Absolutely everyone I had been loved and supported by turned their back on me.  Some of them still don't talk to me, others only talk to me because my life looks more correct to society now.  

Many people still think what I did was not from God--but I don't care.  He spoke it to me, not them.  And you know what?  The more I think on it, the more I know it had to be from God, because people treated me the way they treated Jesus--yet I had done nothing wrong.

So who is it that you really want your kids to live for?

Preacherman I love ya but you're confusing me.  I hear what you're saying but I just don't see any church folk doin' it.

The church is the first to turn on you when you do take action.  Take Deacon Fry, in the book for example.

The church doesn't actually want you to live for Jesus, they want you to live for them.

The church doesn't want you to be a radical disciple, they want you to be a casual Christian.

When I say "the church" I'm talking about me.  

I'm talking about you.  

I'm talking about your parents, your siblings, your preacher, your friends and your Christian school.

They don't want you to be sold out for Jesus--it costs too much.  

Real Jesus-living Christians are outcasts and dangerous...a little crazy too.

It's better to just be "normal"--something in between that doesn't rock the boat.  

Pick up trash, call your grandma, go to Sunday and Wednesday night services, but no more please.  Praying with prostitutes is dangerous and feeding the homeless is a lie.  You can't spend that much on a mission trip when you have school to pay for.  Don't hang out with them; they have a record.  We want you to be safe. good. like us.

                                          ---Sincerely,

                                                  Stuck. 

The Kid Rock-Cash-Cyrus Approach

One question seems to plague me today.

It's something I've thought about vaguely for a while, and until today it has nested in the back of my mind.  But now I'm wondering, and so I'm asking--not for an opinion, but for a truth.  A Jesus-truth.

Around a year ago I really became fascinated with Johnny Cash.  Today I watched "Walk the Line" again and saw it from a whole new angle.

I have also become a huge Kid Rock fan over the past 24 months, and although I consider myself a devout Christian, I find his "in your face", almost-offensive lyrics refreshing somehow.

I think what draws us to these pop culture masterpieces is their originality.  Kid Rock prides himself on being a master of mixing hip-hop, southern rock, and blues all into one.  And listening to his music, I can tell you it is truly a beautiful collaboration and somehow he makes it work--and he has made it work with his obvious multi-platinum record sales.

If you look up Johnny Cash on Wikipedia it explains that his originality and rebelliousness to the country music genre is what set him apart and put him light years ahead of his competition.  He too was creative in his mix: gospel, blues, and western music.

What further intrigues me about Cash is that he considered himself a very devout Christian, yet he was the "biggest sinner of them all."  To be so complex and contradictory really confused a lot of people, especially his Christian fans.

And in the movie there is a scene where Johnny goes to his record company asking to design a concert tour around the nation's top penitentiary systems.  His record company tells him that this is clearly not going to reach his loyal fans.

"Your fans are church folk, Johnny.  Christians.  They don't wanna hear you sing to a bunch of murderers and rapists, tryin' to cheer 'em up."

Mr Cash's striking reply was,

 "Well, they're not Christians then."

 I guess what gets me is that WE are Christians.  We are to model Jesus.  Jesus loved sinners--murderers and rapists.  But in the church today, you don't hear or see anything remotely close to that.  No one loves them or hangs out with them or buys them lunch--much less sings to them or tries to cheer them up.  

In fact, I would assume it would be easier and much more popular for the Christians to look down at Mr. Cash for doing such a thing.

His lyrics are just so rebellious!

                                     He sings about popping pills, killing people, and getting drunk!

How can such a person consider themselves a Christian??

                                          I heard he started out as a gospel singer--I wonder what happened to him?

Poor guy--he's so strung out on drugs he doesn't know what he wants.

Of course, I wasn't around for Johnny Cash's career and the live gossip that followed.  But we are all here for Kid Rock.  Also to many people's surprise--he too sings several songs on faith, Jesus, and God.  He is a political and social activists and participates in several charities.  But I'm sure most of my fellow Christians (I used too as well) can be caught with this kind of opinion:

Kid Rock?  He's definitely not a good guy.  Have you heard his lyrics?  

                         Didn't he go to jail for drugs and stuff?

I think he is pretty strung out on drugs too..

                        I have no respect for him.

                                           He is disgusting.

But really, would Jesus gossip like this?  Well, Jesus wouldn't gossip.  But he would definitely hold the same opinions as us...right?  

What about Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus' new stunt??

Yeah and did you hear about Amanda Bynes??  Oh my gosh, she is totally loosing it.  Such a shame too because she was so talented...

So it's okay to make "pity" comments and judgmental thoughts about them because they're famous right?

What about you?  How are things on your end?

I heard she's been hanging out with a rough crowd lately..

                He might be gay, we better keep him at a close distance.

I pray for them, but gees there's just no changing them.  They are total hypocrites!

And I'm the one writing this so you know I'll get slammed!

Who is she to talk?  Why does she always think she has the right to preach to us??

                    Well she obviously can't say anything..she dropped out of school for a year!

I don't trust her beliefs anymore..I heard she works at a bar.

I think we've all wasted too many precious hours lying and covering up our mistakes with cheap Covergirl cosmetics.  You see, I am a very black and white person.  Tell me what to do and I'll do it, but this question I have seems to have no clear answer--and so I'm asking you to think on it with me.  Let's think and pray until the Lord searches our hearts with a solution.

Here's the question:

In my family, (Disclaimer: Obviously I love my family, this is just a thought so don't freak out.)  we were raised to keep our sins on the down-low.  Yes, we acknowledge that everyone sins and Jesus totally forgives those kinds of things--but at the same time, we really don't want the whole world knowing about our weaknesses...it just gets, well, kind of messy.  It's too much to explain.

• Like your father's infidelity for instance.  We won't mention that because it was wrong, he knew it was wrong, and so him and your mother worked out amongst themselves and moved on.

• Or your sister went to jail on a crazy party mishap.  That's great that your parents got her out immediately and had it expunged from her record, but please don't bring it up ever again--especially in a family setting.  We don't need to discuss that.

Part of me agrees with this approach, part of me doesn't.  

The Bible teaches me to expose sins and confess them to my prayer warrior friends so I can be healed and set free (James 5:16, Proverbs 28:13, 1 Timothy 5:20.)  But when I do that, I get more gossip in return and worried looks from parents, family members, and old teachers.  I even got awkward talks from many people who barely knew me or my situation!

On the other hand..if you keep quiet about the whole thing and handle yourself between you and God then everyone avoids the awkward conversation and we all politely disregard the fact that you also are human and you have sin.  Because we disregard this fact we can quite confidently turn around and not only judge each other for listening to Lady Gaga's music, but we can join forces together by calling her a "sinful ugly whore who is desperate for attention."

I guess in a perfect world we would follow the Bible and stop judging each other, but we don't live that way--so we sin.  And we sin more to cover up our sin.  And when people ask us about it we lie about our sin.

It's a lose-lose situation.

I had a wonderful friend once who was THAT honest with himself, his friends, his parents and his church family. 

Now we all hate him.

I just don't get it.  What are we to do?  Save face and be (fake) clean little Christians with good (outward) habits and hobbies, or do we take the Kid Rock-Cash-Cyrus approach and be upfront with everyone about being "troubled but devout Christians."

Another Beer and Jesus Post

So obviously my posts have been about the raw vulnerability of Jesus and how most of our churches miss that completely.  I've shared my thoughts about comparing bars to churches, and yesterday I hopped in my truck to hear this song for the first time.  It's called, "If I Could Have a Beer with Jesus."  The thought of having a beer with Jesus brings tears to my eyes.  I can't imagine the level of intimacy our talk would have.  Yeah, I talk to him throughout each day, and every morning before I leave my room, but He also wants the most intimate places of our hearts, the most excellent part of our day.  I don't drink every day, but like I said previously, sharing a beer with someone is a very special thing, and I think time with Jesus is about just that.

If I could have a beer with Jesus...I would tell him everything that was on my heart.

If I could have a beer with Jesus
Heaven knows I’d sip it nice and slow
I’d try to pick a place that ain’t too crowded
Or gladly go wherever he wants to go

You can bet I’d order up a couple tall ones
Tell the waitress put ‘em on my tab
I’d be sure to let him do the talkin’
Careful when I got the chance to ask

How’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
Do you hear the prayers I send
What happens when life ends
And when you think you’re comin’ back again
I’d tell everyone, but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

If I could have a beer with Jesus
I’d put my whole paycheck in that jukebox
Fill it up with nothing but the good stuff
Sit somewhere we couldn’t see a clock

Ask him how’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
Have you been there from the start
How’d you change a sinner’s heart
And is heaven really just beyond the stars
I’d tell everyone, but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

He can probably only stay, for just a couple rounds
But I hope and pray he’s stayin’ till we shut the whole place down

Ask him how’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
What’s on the other side?
Is mom and daddy alright?
And if it ain’t no trouble tell them I said hi
I’d tell everyone but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus
I’d tell everyone but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart..."

Proverbs 3:5

Bars, Jesus and Beer 2

I turned 21 at the beginning of the summer, and I have learned a wealth of information from sitting and working in the bars.  I’ve also learned the power of a beer.  First, I shall speak of the almighty beer.

My first six-pack of age, I split with my older cousin.  We had always been close, but never anything more than surface level for the most part. 

As soon as we popped the first top, all vulnerability sprung loose and the tears began to flow.  She spoke from her heart and for the first time in her life, she realized that I wasn’t just a Christian, I was a human, and I loved people and their problems.  She realized that we were more alike than we thought, and that mistakes mean nothing in God’s eyes.

It doesn’t always work with liquor, but something about beer connects people.  It says, “Hey, there is no judgment here.  We’re just two people drinking beer.  Everything we say is one hundred percent accepted and connected.” 

That’s the power of beer.

It never fails.  Every single time I have a beer with someone, I learn a little bit about their deepest fears and greatest hopes.  Many times I don’t even have to mention Jesus before they start pouring out their beliefs and desires for the Lord.  They tell me the gifts they have that they don’t know how to use, and how their mother cut them deep right after Sunday morning church.

I think there is something magical underneath that old metal top.  It’s like the Holy Spirit fills the gap at the top of every bottle, just to ensure genuine honest conversation.  Quite honestly, I think they should put a warning label on each bottle.  Or maybe even use it as an advertising campaign. 

Want to really get to know your friends, try a crisp, refreshing bottle of Bud Light.  Guaranteed to bring spiritual revelation and human connections every time!

Then try putting this powerful little Jesus Juice bottle in a BAR!

Bars are what churches are supposed to be.  They are full of people who know they are broken.  They are full of people who are searching and hungry, not perfect.  Everyone is vulnerable and ready to be comforted.  

When you walk into a bar, you feel safe...in a weird way.  You feel loved by everyone inside.  As you pass through the doorway, people everywhere turn to see who you are.  They look at you, smile, nod their head in approval, and sometimes even holler out.  Then you get to the back where your friends are… 

“HEEEYYYY Buudddyyyyy!!!  WHAT’S UPPPPP???” They yell out with big fat grins and huge plans for you.  Then your best friend throws his arm around your neck and pulls you up a seat.  He tells you to wait right there while he buys you a fresh beer (on his tab of course.) 

While you are waiting for him, the other three guys at the table introduce themselves and instantly let you in on the running joke of the night.  They tell you how to play along and assume you are going to be their best buddy for the whole night, if not longer.

No one ever feels judged in bars.  No one ever feels judged with beer.  Put the two and you have the most awesome, vulnerable mission field ever heard of!

Story after story after story people pour out when they don’t feel judged.  I hear grown men say they wish they could be better fathers.  I hear women say they wish their mother’s understood.  Coworkers admit their deepest fears and everyone spills their opinion about the Jesus guy.

A lot of times when religion comes up, I hear hurt broken people.  They aren’t even angry at the church because they at least know they are sinners.  Yet the church people are angry because they don’t accept the fact that they too are sinners.  The openness sinners display towards everything, leaves room for a casual heart-felt conversation in the Spirit.

The bar and beer take away the judgment and stress of these conversations, while an understanding companion brings healing and love.  Tell me why this doesn’t happen more often in other places? ...especially church.

I always get the surprised face and excited comment, “You are so understanding for a Christian!  You don’t argue or judge.  That is so different.”

Tell me something people.  What’s wrong with this picture?

Again, I think Jesus would have been in a bar.

"..I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners."

Mark 2:17

(Please note, I'm not justifying drunkedness because that is obviously against the Bible's teachings, and I do have my views on drinking responsibily and biblically..this is just a post to share with you my perspective on bars vs. churches, and how the atmospheres of both should be flip-flopped.  Remember, this post is not labeled "to drink or not to drink."  That is not the topic here.)