The Kite Illustration

The book I am currently reading is called Boy Meets Girl by Josh Harris. If you have not read it I highly recommend it , for girls or guys! This is the sequel book to I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which is also a great book that reflects most of my views on dating.

In Boy Meets Girl, Harris focuses on courtship rather than dating, which is a term I am still trying to grasp. From what I can tell so far courtship is when a guy and girl enter a relationship that is more than friends and less than lovers, and the purpose of the relationship is to see if they should eventually get married or not.

Their relationship has lots of guidance from spiritual leaders and their parents, and their goal above all else is to point each other to God and treat each other like brothers and sisters in Christ rather than a person to use at their disposal. I am all for this idea, in fact it’s basically what I teach about dating, I just had never called it courtship.

Anyhow, an illustration Harris uses that I really would like to share with you all is the kite illustration. He points out that courtship (or dating) should be like a kite. Your emotions are the kite and wisdom and discipline are the string. When we are attracted to someone our emotions tend to soar and flutter and get the best of us. A relationship based off of emotions will fail when reality sets in.

“It’s not enough to simply have romantic feelings. Anyone can do that! Long-lasting romance needs practical, common-sense wisdom that knows when to let the wind of feelings carry us higher and when to pull back. When to express our emotions and when to keep quiet. When to open our hearts and when to rein them in.”

Wisdom and patience is the string that holds the kite (our emotions) steady and controlled. There is tension, but it is a good tension, it is healthy. This paints of picture of guarding your heart (Proverbs 4:23) like I always talk about. Certain areas of your heart and emotions do not need to be revealed until you are married.

If you give your whole heart to every guy you date, it is going to hurt horribly when you break up and that guy will forever have a piece of your heart. Don’t do that to yourself. Take the extra effort to keep the tension there. Be patient and learn to control your emotions so they don’t get the best of you. I promise it is doable, it just takes time and practice; it is something I have taught myself to do with God’s help.

Also, get an older strong Christian girl who understand this and ask her to help keep you accountable. Be completely transparent in your relationship with her and God will bless you. Ask your boyfriend to do the same with an older guy. If he isn’t willing to step up and do that, ditch him. I’m not saying this because I’m heartless, but because that shows he is not willing to lead you. Do NOT compromise in this situation! God has someone better in store for you, and besides that, I have spoken to many married women who aren’t led by their husbands—it's horrible. They will tell you first hand that it is not worth the compromise, and the short wait for the right guy is worth it.

Learn to control your emotions.