Single Ladies! It's October 2013!

I've been thinking a lot about Divine Dating lately, so here's my "Advice for Single Girls" - October 2013 edition post.  There are many more in the archives..

I don't know if this is typical for everyone, or if it is just my Timeline, but nearly every time I get on Facebook lately all I see is wedding announcements, baby showers and engagements.  I am totally happy for my friends and family who are going through these seasons in their lives.  I can also say I am by no means jealous at this point in my journey--although the same cannot be said for my past.

Anyhow, so today I woke up full of patience, creativity and craving adventure.  I prayed and listened to God for a good 45 minutes..just basking in his wonderfulness.  I thanked him for his awesomeness and how he provides me with wonderful opportunities.  I thanked him because I have never gone without food or shelter or water.  He is my Jehovah-Jireh through and through.

This week particularly He has opened several new doors of opportunity for me, which gives me enthusiasm and excitement for my young life.  I mean, I have so many years of living and loving left to do!

So this was my mindset, and then I paused and decided to check Facebook for baby photos from a close friend.  As I scrolled down the page all I saw were weddings and babies.  I suddenly felt lonely and empty.  But then I stopped and caught myself.

Haley!  How can you say that?  You are graduating in December, you just spent two hours painting, before that you ran, sang, had an amazingly long and uninterrupted quiet time.  Your life is perfect for you right now!

Satan makes it so easy for us to focus on what we don't have, rather than focusing on what we do and turning that into thanksgiving back to the Lord.

So I stopped and counted my blessings.

I also reminded myself how I have stuff that these married and baby people don't.  I can travel.  I can move easily.  I can paint whenever I want.  I only have one schedule to keep up with.

We always think the grass is greener on the other side...

I've heard it said that comparison is the root of all evil.  That may very well be true.  No one is better or better off than you, they are just different.  Your story isn't supreme to someone else's, it's just different.  And yes, everyone has an incredibly amazing story to tell.  In fact, you're writing yours right now!  What's it saying?  What does it say about character and integrity?  Does it reflect God in worship?  Or is your story one of fear and insecurity?  Is that how you want it to end?  When does the climax take place, and why are you waiting around to write it?

I'm reading a book right now about a woman who was bored with her life, so she changed it.  Just like that.   Her story is about courage, living out old dreams, forgiveness and acceptance.  She is learning to accept herself, and that she must do that to find content with her life.

As a single, Christian woman (or male I guess) you have so much room for growth.  God has you in this place and time of your life for a reason.  Allow him complete freedom to do with you what he wants.  Remind him and yourself that that is what pre-marriage and family is for.  It is for building the integrity of the person who will one day be helping that prince with his business and finances.  You are shaping the type of woman who is going to raise wonderful godly children.  Allow God to be God and work on you.

And don't forget, it's not about doing and achieving as much as it is about just being.  Be.  God is more concerned with who you are than what you do.  This is very easy to forget, especially for me.

So get out there and enjoy these years, sister.  They are beautiful!

Things a Single Girl Has Time For..Part 1

Lucky for me, Fridays are my slower days.  Last Friday I spent 2 hours on campus sitting through meetings, and the rest of the afternoon I have enjoyed with myself.  First, I spent an hour and a half talking to one of my closest sisters in Christ.  We talked about how stressful our week started out, but how glorious God made himself as the week went on.  Almost 2 hours--JUST GLORIFYING GOD!  How awesome!

After that I spent another hour on the phone with a dear sweet girl that I disciple.  She told me of all the things God had been teaching her, and how she is recognizing Satan's attacks against these things.  Another hour spent in worship! :)  How wonderful!

I then worked on some homework for an hour or so, which was really nice to get out of the way for the weekend.  But here comes the best part, after that I spent an hour de-salting a can of Planter's Cashews!  Yes, I sound crazy and pathetic, but oddly enough, no grocery store in my area sells unsalted Cashews, and I like to make my own unsalted mixed nut assortment.  Therefore, I unsalt all my Cashews before mixing them with my other nuts.  Moving on now...

 As I stood silently in my kitchen, carefully wiping the salt off of each individual Cashew, God began to whisper sweet blessings into my ear.  You know, this may sound silly, but one day you are going to wish you had time to sit around and unsalt Cashews.  This is one of the many blessings I have given to you to enjoy during this season of your life.


How true!  Satan attacks single people all the time, but when we really stop and think about what we have, it's actually quite wonderful!  All week God has been refilling my contentment jar with gracious thoughts and a thankful heart.  Why in the world do we complain about not having enough to do, enough people to talk to, or enough money in our wallet?  God is the ultimate provider.  He gives us everything we could ever need--and more!  

This season in your life may be throwing struggles at you left and right, but stop and make a list of what all you have to be grateful for!  Make a list of all the random-awesome things you can do now, that you may not be able to do later on.  You might even come across a can of nuts! 


Here is a list of some ideas to get you started:

• Movie Nights!  I have a close friend who absolutely LOVES movie nights/days.  When given the chance, she curls up in a huge blanket and spends hours watching all sorts of movies that she alone enjoys.  She often talks of the relaxation and refreshment she gets from this activity.  This may not be rocket science, but when you graduate and get married, these opportunities will become less and less.
• Long Walks with God- Another girl friend of mine spends hours in fellowship with God.  She often walks down to a lovely pond with her Bible and a journal, and just talks to him.  Enjoy the sunset, pray for your neighborhood, or get to know the heart of God, all of these things are precious moments that single people have extra time for.
• Learn to cook and clean!  It's biblical, I promise!
• Find awesome new hairstyles on Pinterest- This will definitely come in handy when God's perfect timing is revealed.
• Hang out with people who aren't your age! Look around your church and see who needs a baby sitter, or some extra company.  Both little kids and older people have TONS of wisdom that you can pick up on.  I always have a blast doing this!

Whatever you decide to do, do it with all your heart (Coll 3:23) and do it to the glory of God.  Ephesians 5 tells us to live wisely because the days slip away faster than monkey on  a banana peel (my paraphrase,) so make the most of every season!  God has a purpose in each circumstance (Ecclesiastes.)

3 Lessons from Ruth

We all know her and love her.  She created the definition of "faithful."  She laid down her life for her mother-in-law, and she showed us contentment, obedience, and persistence as she went from married, to single, to remarried.

The book of Ruth has a lot of wisdom packed into just 4 short chapters.  Some of the major themes include faithfulness, kindness, and integrity.  These are all amazing themes, and could be rich studies, but today's post is going to focus on 3 characteristics Ruth showed during her single years.  Since most of my readers are single, I feel like this is an appropriate post.

1. She practiced the definition of "faithful."  When Ruth's first husband died, she had the opportunity to do whatever she wanted.  She was a free woman again!  She could travel all around the world, seeing all the beautiful places, she could buy her own house and decorate it however she wanted, with no one telling her what to do, or she could even become a regular at the local pub--staying out till all hours of the nights without a care in the world.
   
   Ruth had the world at her feet.  She could finally live a life fully focused on her.  But, as fancy as that sounds, she knew that a lifestyle like that would not lead to her ultimate happiness.  Instead, she did the last thing a newly widowed woman would choose to do.  She chose to stick by her mother-in-law and faithfully love and serve her during this time.
   
   Yes, technically Ruth had no responsibility of Naomi anymore, but because Ruth first chose to marry Naomi's son, she had the moral responsibility of choosing Naomi, again.  From this choice we get one of the most used verses in the bible:
   
   
   Ruth 1:16"...Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God will be my God."
   If you are currently single, have you been faithful to the things God has presently placed before you?  Perhaps it is helping your parents, discipling a younger girl, or reaching out to a friend.  Luke 16:10 says he who is faithful with little will be faithful with much.  God never gives you more than you can handle.
   
   
2. She didn't dwell in her misery while she waited for Mr. Right to come along.  As single women, we often times use loneliness as a reason to complain, cry, and feel sorry for ourselves.  This is a slap in the face to the God who created us.  As the writer of Ecclesiastes teaches us, God has a plan and purpose for every season of our life.  If has called you to be single for a season, we are to live, laugh, and love in this season of our life.  He's not going to let us move on until we have understood the purpose of the present season.  He is always teaching us something.
   
   Ruth fully understood this.  While she could have just walked up to some of the young farmers, flirting and seducing them till one of them decided to take care of her, Ruth put her faith elsewhere.  She took care of herself and Naomi with what she knew, and let God take care of the rest.
   
   Ruth worked hard and persistently in the fields, picking up leftover grain for her and her mother-in-law to get by on.  She did not call special attention to herself, she did not curse God and turn from him, she took charge and did what she could without disobeying or disrespecting her heavenly father.
   
   
   
   Ruth 2:2
   "And Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, 
   'Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain
   behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor."
   
   What can you be doing instead of just waiting?  Oswald Chambers says work, worship, and waiting are meant to be done all at the same time.  HowF can you accomplish this?  Glorify God with this wonderful season of your life!

She did not chase after other men.  Believe me, Ruth was a beautiful woman who knew how to respect a man.  I am sure she could have batted an eyelash in the right direction and easily hooked a man who would provide for her.  But Ruth wasn't that type of gal.  She knew that taking life into her own hands would resort in pain, chaos, and strife.  God had Ruth's best interest in mind, and he promised to give it to her in his own perfect timing.  Rather than fighting God and impatiently chasing what was in front of her, she waited faithfully for what she couldn't yet see because she knew God had a better way.  It was this choice that left her husband grateful and overwhelmed.  For this he and God blessed her.

Ruth 3:10
"The Lord bless you, my daughter," he replied.
'This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier:

You have not run after younger men, whether rich or poor.'"

Are you running after the young men in your life, or are you waiting patiently for the wonderful man God is preparing for you?  Is there a relationship or chase that you need to lay down before God?  Perhaps this is a warning to refocus...

For a more in-depth bible study on Ruth: Check out Lady In Waiting

During the Holidays

After reading this post you may agree with my brother and think that I have way too much thinking/observing time on my hands, but that's okay, it's what I do.  Through a combination of observing past holiday experiences and present circumstances I have caught on to another tactic of Satan.

Some of you may remember my post in early November Preparing for War, and Preparing for War pt. 2 in which I warned of Satan's Holiday tactics.  As I have survived Thanksgiving and Christmas (knock on wood,) I have noticed that these tactics of Satan have been executed once again.

In my previous post I described how the process starts.  You might have seen these plays used on you around Thanksgiving time.  Now that Christmas is over I think it is interesting to evaluate how we all handled the temptations thrown at us (1 Corinthians 10:13.)

In my own life, I have had randomly had several extra "male callers" lately.  What makes it interesting is that these men and I have nothing in common, and this has previously been established.  However, when I got the first random text a few weeks ago, all I could do was giggle at Satan's attempt to trip up both me and the fellow.  When I fall, it always begins with a random text from a random guy.

As I told my brother, if God hadn't of clearly warned me to watch out for Satan (1 Peter 5:8, John 10:10) and closely guard my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5, Philippians 4:6-8), I would have undoubtedly fallen into the lust trap as I have so many times before.  Fortunately, I promised myself I would stay in the Word and on guard throughout this Christmas break.  When I am obedient, God is faithful.


Not only have I seen Satan try to trip me up with emotional lust and attachment, but I have closely watched it happen to many other people in my life, both this year and years past.  Think of any dating or talking couple in your life right now.  Have they not become closer throughout this holiday season?  I've seen strong single girls sink into texting guys they know they won't be with during this time of year.

Watch Facebook and you'll see twice as much flirting.  Many of my Facebook friends have been playing the "Date or Pass" game to try and find a date.  I'm sure you've seen the lonely statuses too.  Everywhere you turn people are coupling up or complaining about being single until someone does couple up with them.  Why?  Because everyone wants to feel loved, especially during the holidays.  This is not a sin, it's how we are made.

It becomes a sin however, when we take these desires to someone/thing before we take them to God.  No person will ever completely fulfill us if we don't first learn how to rest in God. (Philippians 4:12)  It is also a sin when these desires give birth to sin (James 1:15.)

So right now, in the middle of the Christmas break, before New Years, I ask that you would examine some things in your life and on your mind right now.

Have you recently seen a relationship spring up in your life that does not honor God?

Have you turned to a relationship or person to take away your impatience during this season of life?

Are your actions reflecting your faith in God or your ability to do things in your own power?

Are certain thoughts causing you to stumble?  Where do these thoughts come from?

Do you feel as if you have distanced yourself from God over the past few weeks or month?

It's Not Flesh and Blood

To sum up everything God's been teaching me this week, I think the phrase from Ephesians 6:12 says it perfectly.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood..."

Again, I am praying that you understand the importance and reality of spiritual warfare.  John 8:44 says Satan is the father of lies.  Every battle starts as a small lie Satan whispers in your ear.  At that moment you have the choice to either confront that lie with prayer and scripture, or believe that lie and entertain the thought.  If you choose the first option, Satan will back off, at least momentarily.  Don't be fooled though, he will be back.

The second option, on the other hand, will lead to a snowball effect.  That small, simple lie will grow and grow and grow until it effects every area of your life, including your relationships with other people.  This is how Satan accomplishes his plan to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10.)

An older girl who discipled me once taught me the acronym HALT.  We become more vulnerable to Satan's attacks when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.  I was also taught by a speaker that Laziness leads to Lust.  So go ahead add laziness to that acronym and we will call it HALLT.  Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Lazy, Tired.  Now let's apply that to this week's phrase.

• When you're HUNGRY...the battle is not against flesh and blood.  I know we've all seen the Snicker's commerical where the guy is acting like a diva because he's hungry.  His friends get fed up with him so they hand him a snickers and he is instantly back to himself again.  This commercial is so funny to us because it's true.  We have all been that cranky, snappy person one time or another because we were hungry.  If you don't know what I'm talking about watch a little kid skip snack time.
  
  Anyhow, the point is, your friends aren't your enemies at this point.  Your mom telling you to straighten up is not the problem, and no not even your hunger is the problem.  The problem is satan told you a lie that it's okay for you to be selfish when you don't get what you want instantly, (which happens to be food at this point.)
  
• When you're LONELY...the battle's NOT against flesh and blood.  As I pointed out in my post  Preparing for War, the holiday's always bring about a new set of struggles for singles.  Often times satan uses the lie of singleness as our excuse to snap back at other people, usually a mom or sibling.  We think that it's our friends fault for rubbing it in our face, but in all reality, the struggle's not against flesh and blood.  Rebuke the first negative thought with thankful prayer (Phil 4:6,) and scripture to confront the lie (Eph 6:17.)
  

I could go on explaining the other words from the acronym, but I think you understand my point.  Almost every battle is spiritual, and it can always be traced back to a lie that Satan has placed in our heads.  The lie can come in the form of a thought, a comment from someone else, a song lyric, or something from a movie, just recognize that it comes from an outward source (a thought that is not yours is an outward source.)

Train yourself to catch these thoughts instantly and fight them.  Memorize scripture pertaining to the issues you struggle with, then quote them when tempted.  Pray in the spirit on all occaisions (1 Thess. 5:17.)  Thank God for what you do have when Satan points out what you don't. (1 Thess. 5:18.)  And stand strong warrior!  Our God has already won the big war, so be faithful to fight the small battles in the day to day for the victory of our King.  

Preparing for WAR!

God has laid this post on my heart for a long time.  This is such a huge warning sign to those who will listen, to those who will catch my drift.  Please, don't take this post lightly, take it into account when the plot line begins to unfold later today, or later this week.

The Holidays are coming.  For most of us, this is the most joyous time of the year.  Christmas cookies, Egg Nog, all things pumpkin, presents, Santa Claus, turkey and dressing, friends, and lots of family!  Everyone loves the holidays.  It's the best part of the year.  We get to go home and see our loved ones while we curl up in a ball by the fire with a bowl of chili.  I myself am counting down the weeks till Christmas Break so I can watch movies all day with friends and family.  I'm also counting down for Black Friday shopping with my friends!

The Holidays are such a wonderful time of the year, and I feel like that's exactly why Satan is on top of his game at this time.  Please understand that I'm not trying to kill the joy or be sinister just for the sake of evil, but I am trying to help you live a careful and content life devoted to God. (Matthew 26:41.)
1 Peter 5:8 keeps reminding me to write this post:

"Be self-controlled and alert.  

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion 

looking for someone to devour."

Amidst the fun and excitement this year, Satan will undoubtedly steal your focus for a good long 30 seconds. (This is how he starts the fall.)  While you're having fun with your family, out of the corner of your eye you'll catch a couple holding hands and being oober lovey-dovey.  (I just used 3 fake words in a sentence...#winning.)

Anyhow, Satan will grab your chin and turn your gaze to lock in on this couple for a solid 30 seconds.  During that 30 seconds he will ingrain the image into your mind, trickling it down to your heart and desires as he whispers tantalizing lies in your ear.  "You're never going to have that." or "Why aren't you that girl" or my favorite, "With a few phone calls this could be you."  

Maybe this isn't exactly how the enemy causes you to stumble, but for many of us it's the word for word truth.  The greatest part about the devil is that he is work is actually pretty predictable once you become aware of his schemes (2 Corinthians 2:11.)  In the next post, I will explain how to stand guard against these silly but devastating games, but the first step is spotting his tricks.  

How does Satan cause you to stumble?  What are the regular traps you fall for around the Holidays?  Romantic movies, scenes around the house, hanging out in the kitchen...where does Satan begin to feed you lies?  How can you be more alert to recognizing these lies?  What can you do to fight them?

Preparing for War!! Pt. 2

We don't get it.

Our culture has completely missed it.  We're doing it all wrong.  In no way do I think the way we date honors God.  If it was working the divorce rate in this country wouldn't be 50%.  Love and relationships have become our idols.  I log on to facebook and see three newly formed couples today..all of which discussed this decision for less than a week.  I see pictures upon pictures of teenage couples showing how much they "love" each other.  I see statuses that brag about how awesome their significant other is.  This is all great and wonderful in the context of marriage and real life, but when you've only been dating a week...or when your relationship is in fact 100% about your benefit...it's a sin.  It's idolatry.  That might sound a bit extreme, but this has been on my heart for a while now.

I'm not against dating.  I'm against dating in a way that doesn't glorify God.  Can you honestly look at your last relationship and say that God brought people closer to him because of it?  (Temporary closeness doesn't count either)  God knows who you're going to marry.  He's already picked that person out for you.  He knows how and when you will meet and he knows what wedding colors you'll choose.  Guessing, fantasizing, and picking out different people puts you in God's role, and if you've ever played the role of God in your life before, you know that this is the quickest and easiest road to destruction.

Even at church!  Your sole purpose for being at church--should be to love on GOD, the creator of your life!  The giver of salvation and forgiver of your sins.  The one who loves you with out conditions, the one who loved you before you met this other person, and the one who will love you after this person is gone.  Who is this other human being that they are so important that they can be put before God?  When it is time to worship God, worship God.  Oh wait, that's the whole reason of our existence.  So give your life meaning by worshiping God all the time.  Your relationship with someone else should bring God more glory than you alone, if it doesn't then you shouldn't be in that relationship.

Why do you think you HAVE TO be in a relationship? Why do we struggle so much with being single?  Why do people, even good Christians ASSUME that you are not happy unless you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?  Why does the world tell you there is something wrong with you because you are single?  THESE ARE LIES FROM THE MOUTH OF SATAN!!  Yes, we are meant to be with another person for the rest of our life, and yes we are made for one specific person.  But until God brings you two together, it is his will for you to be single.  He made you a complete and whole person apart from that other being.  You have a role to play as a single person, and he will not lead you into your role as a married person until you have completely the tasks at hand.  God has given you a divine purpose and a divine calling that you and only you can fulfill.  Why are you wasting this precious time by moaning and groaning about not having someone to "share your life with?"

Guess what, PAUL, of the New Testament, the number one spreader of Christianity...yeah, he was never married and look at how God used his life divinely.  Please, don't date just to date.  If you're not ready for marriage you're not ready to date.  If you don't know your identity in Christ, you're not ready to date.  If you are searching for purpose, you don't need to date.  Listen to the whisper in your ear from God Almighty.  He loves you and cherishes you so incredibly much.  Don't slap him in the face by turning to someone or some thing else for fulfillment.

To the Girl Who Struggles With Being Single

To the Girl Who Struggles With Being Single,

     I know that you may look around and see couples from coast to coast.  Everyone has someone right?  The media, your sorority, your church, your parents, and Facebook, EVERYONE pressures you to hurry and find the right someone so your life can be complete.
    Young girl, I cannot tell you how many lies the devil has fed you through this.  You were made beautifully and wonderfully.  (Psalm 139) You are a complete, whole person, and you stand just as courageous singly as you do being 1/2 of a couple.  God has great big plans for you! (Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10)  Some of these plans are to be completed while you are where you are!  This time in your life has the more freedom than any other!  Go and serve.  (Mark 10:45)  Let people see the hands and feet of Christ through your actions today!
     And that lonely feeling--the one that comes when PDA-official couples come around--it's a tactic of Satan. (1 Peter 5:8) Let God fill you with love, patience, goodness, kindness, and everything wonderful.  (James 1:17, Galatians 5:22-25)  God is bigger, greater, stronger, and more fulfilling than all of that.
     Some of us are in fact called to be single, therefore you should pray about having this calling on your life.  Others of us are indeed destined to be married, in which you should be strong and wait for the Lord to fulfill his promise to you! (Psalm 27:14, Psalm 138:8)  Your life is full and abundant not from having a man, but from having THE man. (Romans 5:8, John 3:16, 1 John 4:19, 1 John 4:8, John 10:10)


     God loves you and wants you to seek him like you do boys.  I promise you won't be let down. ;)


Sincerely,
    Right there with ya

Alisson's Story

Over the next week or so I will be posting a series about one girl’s struggle and success to finding God’s peace in her dating life.  This wonderful girl’s name is Alisson, and she will be narrating the story.  My prayer is that if you don’t know God, you will want to after reading this, and if you do know God, you will desire Him more because of his works through my friend. 

The story begins at a Christian leadership camp in Oklahoma.  A few months ago Alisson and my friend Julie met each other in a “family group” at camp.  (Julie’s story can be read here.) Alisson and Julie soon found out they found out they were going to the same college in the fall.

During that week Alisson began to be convicted about her boyfriend because he wasn’t a spiritual leader to her. During one of her quiet times she came across a verse many of you have heard of, but the meaning is often over looked. Proverbs 3: 5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”  Many people don’t realize the second part of this verse is a choice. Just like we have a choice whether we want to go to heaven or hell, we also have a choice to trust God’s direction or not.

Following the sound of God’s voice, Alisson called her boyfriend, Tate later that day and broke up with him.  After begging and pleading his excuse to keep her with him was “You never told me you wanted to be lead spiritually!”

Girls you shouldn’t have to ask to be led spiritually.  Later that evening Tate called Alisson over and over again, telling her that he was going to change. Because that was exactly what she wanted to hear, she jumped for it, and as time went on he did change and he did  stop drinking, but only because she had begged him too, not because he was in love with the Lord.

(Alisson’s narrative begins..)

                When the first week college rolled around, one of the first things I did was visit Julie at her dorm.  As soon as I walked in, she asked me about Tate.  I told her that he was the perfect one for me and that we were talking about getting engaged and making plans for marriage!  Apparently Julie had had this on her heart because she immediately started telling me why I shouldn’t marry him and used scripture to back up her reasons. At this time I realized she wasn’t joking, she was serious.

She then shared a passage with me from Matthew 8:23-27 basically asking me where my faith was. In this passage Jesus calms the storm. However, if you remember once the storm arrived Jesus was sleeping.
The disciples ran to Jesus to wake him up saying, “Save us Lord; we are perishing!”
“Why are you afraid, o you of little faith,” said Jesus.
At this time Julie looked up from her bible and said, “You don’t trust God do you?” As I began to speak she jumped in again, “…with everything?  Do you trust that God will be enough for you until He brings you your prince charming?”

 I responded, “No. My biggest fear is that I will end up single.”  She then showed me an illustration with her computer desk and a bottle of nail polish remover.  The nail polish remover represented me. She then placed it at the edge of the desk; half on and half hanging over the edge.  She looked at me and said, “This bottle is you-- you trust God with some things, but you don’t trust him with everything.” 

 At that moment Galatians 1: 10 popped in my head:“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

Who am I pleasing? Me, Tate, or God?

I went home to dig into God’s word and seek his direction. That night God showed me verse after verse telling me that I needed to trust Him and let Him have the controls for the rest of my life. Some of the verses I read that night were found in Psalm 9:10,10:4, 18:30 ,Psalm 19:14, and Psalm 20:6-7. That night God forgave me for being away so long, and I committed my life to doing His will.

(To be continued...)

Have you ever felt convicted by God about who you are dating?  Ever broke up with someone because God told you to?  Do you have a hard time letting go of what you want and grabbing on to what God wants?  Why?  What causes you to doubt?  Is singleness your biggest fear?

Top 10 Lies Singles Belive

A while back I read a book by Stephanie Herzog, “God is your Matchmaker.”  The first time I read it I thought it was way too extreme for my taste.  I read the entire thing, but until now have not recommended it to anyone. 

However, a week ago I came across the book again and couldn’t remember for the life of me why I disagreed with it so much.  I quickly flipped through it and found page after page of awesome stuff I totally agreed with!  So why didn’t I like the book 3 years ago?  No idea. Perhaps my mind was so underdeveloped it scared me.  Anyhow, I’m recommending it to you now, and taking a piece out of it for this blog.

In the book Stephanie gives her list of the top 5 lies singles believe, and  I’m adding in the last 5 just to make it a nice round 10. In the book Stephanie goes into explanation for each one, but for time’s sake I am going to give you the headlines and I’ll let you all comment with your questions and concerns. By the way, I am trying out a new commenting system for the blog through Facebook, if it doesn’t work just use the old way of doing things.  Thanks, and enjoy. J

Top 10 lies singles believe:

1. Marriage is the key to happiness.
2. I’m 25 years old and still single—something’s wrong with me
3. Single means incomplete
4. Single means alone
5. God has many for me to choose from to marry
6. Guys don’t pursue me.  I should pursue them.
7. He isn’t texting me, I guess I’m not good enough for him either…
8. Everyone else has a boyfriend!
9. God is punishing me
10. Maybe I should dress like the girls who actually get attention from guys.

Comment your feelings below!

Relationships with Mr. Creflo Dollar

Alright, today's post is an amazing video about singleness, marriage, and everything in between by Creflo Dollar. I know if you're anything like me it's hard for you to just sit and watch a 10 minute video, but if you'll just play this video on your computer while your putting on your makeup, cooking, or searching Facebook, I feel like it will bless you. Creflo has some amazing points and some great reminders for our relationships. Besides who couldn't improve on their relationships a little? :)

Your Desire Will Be for Your Husband

Every woman has a desire deep within to love and be loved by a man.

She also has the desire to be pursued and protected by a man.

However, when fathers and other significant male figures over-dominate or bow out completely, abusing their God-given roles--this is when she seeks love and protection from desperate places.

In Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve what her curse will be for

sinning. He says, "...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." For this reason it can be said that ALL women have a desire deep down to be loved and pursued by a man. Even the roughest, toughest, and most indipendent women I know still want the love of a man deep deep down.

Because this is our curse I think it explains lots of things.

1. Our constant craving for romance. No wonder it's a girl thing to watch romance movies, read erotic books, and hope for Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet. (See more in point 3)
2. Fantasy. Guys may fantacize about sex every point second or so, but girls definitely fantacise about marriage, weddings, and children just as much. Many girls openly admit that the moment he said "I like you," she had already pictured them walking down the aisle, changing her last name, and living in a 2 story house on main street.
3. The heart of little girls. This also helps us understand why little girls are the way they are. While the boys are off shooting guns, saving planet earth, and building bridges (I can explain this type of play later,) the girls are inside dressed in Mommy's old dresses playing tea party, house, or weddings.

As you can see, we were born with this innate desire for our husbands. God gave it to us as a curse for our sin, and it is a struggle we will deal with until we leave this earth. But take heart princess, there is positive to learn from this too!

First of all this should confirm to you that you are not a freak! I know lots of times its easy for us girls to get down on ourselves after a break up or rejection. Think of Jessica Biel in the movie Valentine's Day when she can't even get people to show up to her anti-Valentine's Day party. Often times at this point girls are asking themseleves why noone loves them, what's wrong with them, and who needs men anyway? I think Satan uses that to trick us into thinking we are the only single people in the world and that we are the only single people who struggle being single!

This is simply untrue as Gen 3:16 explained previously. ALL women struggle with the desire to love and be loved by a man.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this though--it IS a curse. That is why it is often so painful and uncomfortable for women to be single. We were born with a desire for our husbands. The effects from this range anywhere from eating excessive amounts of chocolate, to depression and bitterness. You are not alone, and yes most people struggle with this, it is in fact, a curse.

So that's all for today, we're all doomed unless we're married. Thanks for reading! :)

Just kidding!! That would obviously be terrible, and I serve a God who has done far to much for us than to make us suffer a life without love forever. If you've been mislead by your desire for love, if you feel incomplete without a man by yourside, or if you feel as though marriage is the only escape from the troubles of life--let me tell you, Satan is steeling your joy and there if far greater things available to you in this life.

In John 10:10 Jesus said, "I have come so that they may have life and that they may have it to the FULL!" That doesn't mean he came and died for you so you can lay on the couch feeling miserable for yourself. That means that he came, suffered, died, and rose again so that YOU sister can live an exciting and amazing life found through him!

As I explained in my post Made in His Image, God has amazing and wonderful plans for you--plans that ONLY you can fulfill! He's waiting on you to ask him so that he can show you this full life of love and adventure he has planned for you.

As for love, he's got you covered there too. 1 John 4:8 says GOD IS LOVE. So chase after him, fall hard after him, seek him, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Jeremiah 33:3, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Ephesians 3:19-21 Girls let me tell you, I've tried all the different loves the world has to offer, and NONE of them compare to the love that our God has for us! He made as after all didn't he? Why wouldn't he love us as his children? as his spouse? as his BRIDE? Song of Songs 4:7, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelations 19:7-9

Matthew 6:13

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well."

Why do people have such a hard time staying single?

Why do people have such a hard time staying single?

If singleness is the obvious gift Paul and God declare it to be, then why is it so hard?! Why do so many men and women ache and hurt and complain about not having a significant other? Why do people frown upon us for being individuals? Why can't we all just enjoy this time in our lives?

Because the devil is much smarter than that.

2 Corinthians 2:11 says, we are not unaware of the schemes of Satan. John 10:10 says the thief comes only to steel, kill, and destroy. Ephesians 6:12 blatantly tells us that our struggle is not against the flesh and blood, but against the evil forces in the spiritual realm.

1 Corinthians 7:34 says, "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit."

1 Corinthians 7:8 says if you are unmarried it is good to be that way.

The Bible tells us that it is good to be single. Why? Because you can focus your full attention on God. We all know that as soon as a man comes in your life you forget the existence of everything else, your grades drop a bit, you stop sleeping, and God goes on the back burner. However, when your single you have no distractions. When your single, God can speak clearly and boldly use you to do awesome acts for his kingdom--it's in the bible. Satan knows this too!

If singleness weren't such a sacred place for holy living and advancing the kingdom, Satan wouldn't bother messing with it. However, the devil knows that God has big plans for your single life, he knows that this is the freest and most spontaneous you will ever be, and he sees God wanting to use that, so he fights it! He fights it with all of his will. Steel, kill, and destroy--that's exactly what he's trying to do to you young sister.

Don't be so naive, those thoughts in your head about being worthless, alone, ugly...those aren't your thoughts!! That's Satan using one of his "Schemes" on you so that you can't do God's work he has prepared for you (Ephesians 2:10.)

I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again: Singleness is a precious gift from God that should be cherished at all costs. Ladies stand firm in God's grace and look directly in his eyes so that he can use you in this time. Don't let the world push you over and tell you your not good enough because you don't have a boo. Those are lies straight from the mouth of Satan.

2 Corinthians 10:5--take captive every single thought and make it obedient to Christ. When you hear these thoughts in your head, shut 'em up! Confront that devil and stick it to him! Quote scripture, say the name of Jesus, or pray--Satan hates those things and he will undoubtedly shutter when you do this.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take our stand against the devil's schemes. for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then..."

Ephesians 6:10-14

I Know It's Hard Being Single But...

GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU.

It may not seem like it now because your single and the one you want to be with has no clue, and everyone around you has a significant other, but don't you doubt for a second that God doesn't have something amazing in store for you.

If you are doubting the Lord's faithfulness, think about these things:

• Singlesness is a GIFT. This is the only time in your life where you get to "do you." After this chapter its less you and more hubby, more kids, more work, more family. Use this time to practice your hobbies, your skills, your talents. Go hang out with your friends till midnight, leave the house randomly without telling anyone where your going. Read a book about something that interests you, learn to do something new, go play with the neighbor kids--WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, NOW IS THE TIME TO DO IT! Trust me when I say relationships are time consuming and being single is a gift. Don't take it for granted. Use it wisely. Ephesians 5:15-17, Ecclesiastes 3:1

Ecclesiastes 11:9

"Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but nkow that ofr all these things God will bring you to judgement."

• Your focus should be on God, not marriage. Easier said than done, I know, but God will bless you no doubt. Romans 8:28 tells us that he has a wonderful plan for each of us if we just love him and trust him. How many meaningless hours a day do you spend thinking about a guy or wondering what your wedding will be like? Girls come on, is this really the most important thing in life? No! There is SO much more out there for you! You could be spending that time leading someone to Christ who was previously destined to spend eternity in Hell. The things of this life are temporary. BOYFRIENDS are temporary. The affections of your crush will not last, I'm sorry to tell you. But you know what is worth investing in? Do you know what is going to amount to something after this life? GOD. God, the soul's of men, and God's word, are the only 3 things that last for eternity.

Do something meaningful with your life.

• The more patient you are with God, and the longer you have to wait, the more you will enjoy your day when it comes. Think of the spoiled brat scenario: you know that girl growing up who always had everything she ever wanted? "Daddy, can I have a horse?" You go to school the next day, yup. She got a horse. Was she excited? Yeah, she was pleased with herself alright, did she tear up with gratefulness and give her daddy a huge hug? Probably not. However, if she had to wait for her horse, she would have either eventually forgotten about it and not wanted it anymore, or she would have looked forward to it for a long period of time, building up anticipation and excitement, love and joy, for the horse she desired.

We are the same way. The longer we have to wait for what we desire, the more we will cherish it when we do get it. However worrying and contemplating about it all day long does absolutely nothing. Matthew 6:27 "Who of you, by worrying, can add a single hour to his life?" Trust God to handle your heart, your relationships, your marriage, and everything that goes with it, and he will bless you beyond your wildest dreams. Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalms 73:23-26

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;

you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

While You're Waiting...

So many times we here older women's stories about how they found their husband, and it seems so simple, so easy, so effortless. Although if you asked them they would tell you their story was not as easy as it looked from the outside, we only know the surface level and that is what the devil uses. He uses something beautiful like marriage and twists it into a distorted reality that causes us single ladies to be tempted, devastated, lonely and afraid.

Well Jesus came to set us free with the truth, so I'm here to tell you all the truth: We all struggle with singleness. Why? Because it's a beautiful gift and the most wonderful time to enjoy life and seek God's face--the devil knows that, so why wouldn't he go after your heart and whisper lies in your ear until you are so weak because you have believed the lie that you are alone, unloved, and unworthy. Girls, let me tell you right now that if you think this about yourself, you are seriously wrong.

• Truth #1: You are NEVER alone. Isaiah 41:13 (msg) says, "That's right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go." My friend actually blogged about this this morning. If you struggle with this lie or feel like God has left you, please check out her blog. http://bit.ly/gKYpQ8
• Truth #2: You are VERY loved. You are loved unconditionally and fully by the creator of this very universe. 1 John 4:9-10 "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
• Truth #3: You ARE worthy. Jesus paid the ultimate price for you. He died for you. What more could you ask for in a friend? John 3:16

It's so easy to get caught up in all the couples around you and let the devil destroy your faith and confidence through that--BUT DON'T LET HIM! God has greater plans for you!! If you hold on tightly to the promises of God and keep your eyes on him, not the world--you will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams, you will experience true freedom in your singleness. You will see the wonderful gift you have been given for this portion of your life! Please, don't lose heart now--God has something wonderful for you, if you'll only wait.

Isaiah 40:31

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Stay Strong Single Ladies!

Last night I was sitting in the recliner, enjoying my night at home with the family for the weekend, when my mother starts asking me why I haven't found a boyfriend at OU yet. I told her there isn't anyone that I would even consider up there--partly because those are not good ol southern boys like I like, and partly because I have hardly met any guys, all I tend to meet is girls (which is not normal for me.)

She then goes into asking why I haven't met any guys at the BSU (Baptist Student Union) which is a group I'm heavily involved in. I tell her it's pretty much girls with girls and guys with guys in there, not much mixing. She continues to ask 21 questions, accuse me of being closed minded, and finally she got my brother to join in (like always.)

Then the last thing she said to me was "Haley, you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning than you do finding a husband after college, and that's a proven statistic." Ouch. Thanks mom!

All this to say, I know what its like to have pressure to date. This is my own family pushing me into this--and this isn't a rare event--it's every single time I come home. Every dinner at the table. I get this speech all the time! Besides mom and my brother, my aunts and uncles ask me pretty often why I haven't brought anyone home yet. Also, every single one of my friends pressures me about it all the time, "Why don't you just date so and so?" "You can't date Jesus ya kno!" Yes friends, thanks, I know this.

They don't understand what I'm waiting for, or why I am being so picky. Most people don't. The thing is, God has promised me a wonderful husband someday. I don't want to settle for something less than God's best and be miserable my whole life. The number one requirement I have for a boyfriend is someone to lead me spiritually. If I found a guy who did this, regardless of his style or looks, I would give him a shot. However, I haven't found anyone near that yet. I used to consider compromising, but then God reassures me it's not worth it.

Just the other day I had lunch with a lady who married someone who doesn't lead her spiritually. In tears she told me I wouldn't believe how unbelievably hard it is. Her and her husband both know that he isn't where he is supposed to be spiritually, but they are sticking together no matter what. They both struggle with this daily. Why? Because men are made to be spiritual leaders--in the church, in the family, in the relationship.

So girls, I understand how hard it is to stay single for a month. I understand how hard it is to stay single for a year. Actually I understand how hard it is to stay single for four years. Not necessarily because guys don't like you or you don't want to date, but because your holding out for something better. And I pray that all of you do hold out for something better.

Stay strong and wait patiently for the Lord to provide for you. Don't wish your life away waiting for prince charming. God has a plan for you now! Single women can do so much more ministry than married women..look at all the free time you have! Get out there and serve God! Give your heart completely to him, and leave your days of feeling lonely, crying yourself to sleep, and wishing for something better behind you. Live in this moment. Worship right now. Use this second to praise God and become fulfilled and satisfied with his love. No man will EVER satisfy you. Only God can, so you might as well be satisfied now. He is much more faithful and exciting than any dating relationship/boy ever will be. So discover God!