Mysterious People..

I am and have always been, a very open person.  I get told this a lot by strangers.  I guess it helps in writing, but it hurts in other places.  Recently I have been learning about the "real world" and how you sadly can't trust everyone you meet.  I hate this.  It is one of the most disappointing things I have come to face.  It's like parents and all those teachers and coaches all these years worked so hard to teach you right from wrong and make you a good person, but in the end you go to grown up world and those rules don't matter.  Everyone is egotistical, selfish and heartless.  It is rare to find a trustworthy person, and those wonderful gems usually turn out to be the ones that get screwed.  How sad.

Being as open as I am it is frustrating.  I can never, ever ever ever keep my own secrets..no matter how hard I try, and I easily find myself falling into conversation with someone and spilling my guts.  Oh wait I'm doing it now.  Awesome, someone is going to read my blog and take advantage of my weakness now.  Ugg..

Some people say my honesty is refreshing.  I guess I just see things in black and white.  I like simple.  Puzzles irritate me because they aren't straightforward.  Learning Spanish was hard because it changed and was relative.  Basketball and I didn't work out because of the ever changing plays that depended on circumstances.  Why can't everything just be pure and simple?  If I ask a question, answer me and tell me the truth, the whole truth...and nothing but the truth.  Who would even think to lie about it?

idealist.

I suppose it is my black and whiteness that leads me to be intrigued by mysterious people.  Today at the coffee shop I just had two mysterious customers leave.  They weren't creepy and I wasn't suspicious...they were two of my favorites, one being a close friend.  Today we sat all three together for the first time and I listened and watched as one tried to pull stories out of the other.  Both of these men fascinate me because when I ask them about themselves they are short; interesting but lacking in details.  It's that puzzle thing again.  Why are you making me work so hard for answers? Just tell me.

I guess I have my parents to thank for my pure-mindedness.

One of these guys is an older gentlemen.  I think he is a secret-something.  Perhaps an angel sent by my late grandfather.  Maybe grandpa sent him here to teach me culture, understanding people, and adventure.  Or maybe he is a secret agent, sent by the government to try and capture me in a lie so they can arrest me for some absurd reason.  More realistically, I like to think he is an undercover counselor.  He sits down for a quick 15 minutes at a time and asks me deep, introspective questions that get me thinking about myself, and then leaves.

One day I decided to trick him.  I wanted a turn too, ya know.  As soon as he walked I jumped on him verbally and asked him to tell me about his wife!  Ah-hah!  There was a conversation that was sure to stick on him for a while.  I wanted to analyze him for a change.  Unfortunately, I soon ended up on defense again.  And boy do I have a poor defense.  It's wide open!

I guess you can be that way if you have no secrets.

Is it bad to not have secrets?  Maybe I am missing a psychological piece of my mind.  Perhaps I need to be more sneaky and have passions I don't tell anyone about.  People like that are intriguing, but cowardice I think.  Maybe we all care too much what people think about us, so we don't risk sharing our hearts.

Maybe mysterious people have been through a lot in their lives and don't want to get hurt again.

But how do prevent that?

You can't.

Even with a superior family, secured living locations and protection from God Almighty, you still have to live life in a fallen world.  You still have to constantly interact with bad people, fallen people, and hurtful situations.  Pain and failure is inevitable.  We need to respect them and treat them as what they are rather than avoiding them at all coasts and pitying ourselves when we find them.

Kalhlil Gibran, on "Pain" from The Prophet:

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell than encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break,

that its heart my stand in the sun, so must

you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder 

at the daily miracles of your life, your pain

would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your 

heart, even as you have always accepted 

the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore, trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips,

has been fashioned of the clay witch the Potter has moistened with his own sacred tears.

Coffee and Bikes

So I'm trying to get more consistent again at blogging.  I started working at a coffee shop a few weeks ago so I can be up at 6 a.m. and have time to get things done before socializing becomes a priority and distraction and so I can have time to read, write and pray, as I enjoy doing so.  You've probably noticed the last two weeks I have posted (yay) but it is Thursday and I have yet to post for this week.  So this is a forced post, but they say you have to make yourself do the hard stuff so you can reap the benefits later.  Plus the more you do something, the more you do something.  So as this may not be the best post, (it's not inspired or amazing) it is a post and it is out there.  I might have other unusual posts soon too, because I am trying to expand my talents as a writer and creator.

Tuesday was a fun morning at the coffee shop.  A regular and I sat there talking and drinking like always when two adventure-loving souls walked in.  Two young men dressed from head to toe in biking gear.  Red faced and sweaty from the already 100 degree Oklahoma weather, they looked around confused and asked me if they could park their bikes inside the shop.  "Sure, why not?" I replied.

Instantly my head started reeling with questions.  Who were they?  Where were they going?  Why were they getting coffee before a bike ride?  Isn't that bad for you?  I took a breathe and calmed myself down before I burst with questions.

"Hi, how are ya'll?"

"Great, just thought we'd come by and grab some coffee before we head out."

"Where are you going," I asked, relieved I finally had an opportunity to question them.

They then began to explain that they were "riding for affordable housing."

"What the heck does that mean?" I asked.

The redheaded guy began to explain that it was a non profit organization called Bike and Build (Bikeandbuild.org) The organization is made up of 18-25 year olds raise money then ride form coast to coast building houses and working in conjunction with local Habitat for Humanity locations.

What a fun idea!  I thought to myself, and proceeded to ask dozens of questions about everything from camping to biking gear to their physical fitness.  Surprisingly enough, neither of the young men had any type of bike training before they jump on a cross-country ride.  The darker one said the furthest he had rode before this was about 8-10 miles.  Wow!   I couldn't believe it.  I did a duathlon a couple of years ago and my first day of training was 5 miles.  5 miles on a bike is so insignificant if you are even in halfway decent shape.  Within a week I was riding 10 and for the race I rode 18 miles.

What about the pace? I asked.

With a group of about 40 riders on each of the 8 American routes, it is hard to ride in a pack.  The group tends to break up into smaller groups of about 3 or 4 and ride at their own pace, so speed is never a factor.  A supply van rides behind the pack with all sorts of medical things, food, and luggage.

In between my questions I had the chick who was in there with me pipe up.

"I don't know what all you guys do, but here's 10 bucks and any coffee or treats you get today are on me" she said.

How cool!  The guys were super appreciative, as they were pinching pennies to get across the states.  We asked them a few more questions about the routes, the set up and the fun they'd had.  Before they left the chick and I prayed over these two guys and asked the Lord to give them safe travels.  After only 5 minutes of adventure-talk these guys had to hit the road.  Dissapointed hope left me there in the shop.  I was dissapointed because I wanted to go with them, I wanted to ask more questions, and I wanted to hear more stories.  However I was hopeful because I had an idea of what I might do next summer. :)

For more information check out bikeandbuild.org and if you are a personal friend of mine please contact me if you would like to look into applying further.  I am very interested and would like to bring some friends.

Well that ends chapter 1 of the coffee adventures.  More to come soon..maybe!

"Go Play!!"

Last week's post seemed to generate a surge of excitement, introspective, and lots of interesting discussions with others.  At least for me, my honest post encouraged me to seek out conversation with friends my same age.  Much to my egotistical surprise, I opened my eyes and realized there is a large handful of us who are all in the same boat.  Wow, Satan is sneaky!  He makes us think we are constantly alone in our struggles, when in fact we are always in good company.  Anyhow, since I have seen such a reach for twenty-somethings who are "Happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time," (as T-Swizzle puts it), I have decided to write a few more posts on the subject...if for nothing more than to satisfy my hungry mind.

"The safety of the fence or the danger of the ride,
I'll always be unsatisfied.."

--Miranda Lambert, Airstream

This week is a very similar post, and hopefully just as relatable.  I always say I think too much, and when I have freetime I really get to thinking too much.  The other day I was pondering all the exciting and uncertain possibilities for my future (before and after college graduation.)  Very quickly I was overwhelmed by the hugeness of it all.  I mean really, you think about it and after you have that diploma, the world is yours.  You are free to do absolutely anything.  Or in many of my friends' cases, I have noticed that taking a break from school is very helpful, that too opens up the possibility of doing and achieving absolutely anything!

As I sat and pondered and quizzed and hummed, I finally reached an emotional hot spot and broke down in tears.  (Yes, I am a girl.)  As I lay there crying for about 2 minutes, I finally asked myself why I was so frustrated.  My brain responded with this scenario...

Being at this stage in life is like being 8 years old all over again.  I remember as a kid, wanting to spend summer days inside watching TV while my mother would stand close by in the kitchen, cooking and cleaning and what not.  It was easy, safe, and natural; yet instead of letting me do this, my mother wanted me to "Go Play!"

"Zap!" The TV is turned off and the remotes are gone...all in about 30 seconds.  Defiant faces and angry hearts from my brother and I are aimed towards Mom as we compete against her in a stare-down.  (She always won, of course, but we would always try.)  "Go play.  Get outside...now!" she would command us.  

After losing a losing battle, brother and I would reluctantly obey her.  We'd take the first step outside and then awkwardly stand there complaining that we were bored and had absolutely nothing to do outside.  Besides, it's 101 degrees and there is no one to play with.

The truth is however, you are not bored, you are only scared.  As an 8 year-old you are experiencing the fear of the unknown.  Although on a small scale, you are still experiencing the fear of leaving your comfort zone and conquering the world on your own.

My brother and I would try complaining to Mom, but she would always shoot back with the "You're only bored if you choose to be bored" speech and repeats her "Go play" command.  Frustrated, a little scared, and unwilling to try something new, we would then make our way across the yard to our neighbors house.  "Can Austin come out and play?"  Of course, Austin was always up for an adventure.  Next we would go get Jacob, Jonathon, and whoever else happened to be in the neighborhood.

What happens next?  

Well pretty soon we are all so caught up in who's going to find your new hiding spot in Hide-and-Go-Seek, or the barrel role game, or how far you can jump on your bike, that you have absolutely no concept of reality.  You are a child completely and utterly consumed with the present.  No worries, no concerns, just laughter, fun and adventure.  This is the way we were meant to live.  Right in the middle of your heavenly bliss, where everything is perfect, and the step outside the door was way worth it.  You are laughing and playing and living and loving and then...you are called to dinner.

Ugh.  Frustration and anger again.

...Poor mom, she must have only seen the angry sides of us.  Bless her soul..

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens"

Ecclesiastes 3:1

The terms "Mom" and "Google" are interchangeable.

"Leap and the net will appear."

I don't know, but do you ever feel like that?  I've noticed the fear and excitement that comes when students approach graduation (more-so college than high school, but the feeling is still similar.)  You want to be good, successful, and exciting, but at the same time you are so careful about not messing up and taking the wrong path that you completely miss out on the fun adventurous part.  Sometimes risk is right.  (Risk is Right is a book by John Piper that I have not read, but my brother claims is wonderful.)  

I've seen a few classmates do great in college.  They excel straight through just like they did in high school, graduate with honors, and then what...well they go right back to school again.  Personally I think "Wow, how could you possibly go to more school?"  But a friend of mine pointed out the other day that well...you're 22 years old, you just graduated college and well, for the past 16 or so years of your life you have been in school.  It's safe.  It's comfortable.  It's what you know.  So of course, if the possibility exists, why not go back?  Just like the 8 year-old's comfort is sitting on the couch till noon watching cartoons under mommy's close supervision.

I'm not at all saying that going back to school after graduation is wrong.  I am challenging you though, if that is you.  Is that really what you want to do?  Is that going to be an adventure worth telling your grandkids?  Perhaps, instead you should do what your heart tells you to do.  Move to Venice and be the missionary God has called you to be.  Join Journey-men and live fully for the hope of the Lord.  Or maybe its' jumping out and starting your own business.  Whatever it is, don't be afraid to jump off that ledge.  Peter would still be in the boat if he would have listened to fear.  Yes, failure will probably happen, but that's where you learn, where you grow.  Failure is a beautiful thing not to be avoided at all costs.

Hmm..  for me it is leaving this part of the state, let alone this state.  I want to stay here, I want to move back to my hometown and live a quiet life.  But really?  At 22 don't you think I should go do something??  We have more energy and vigor than any other age group right now, so why not use it for some learning, growing, and helping.  Staring my fear right in the eye, is the desire to go travel..everywhere.  I need to learn and experience different cultures, true art, and meet people.  That's what I want...at least for now.  But hey, don't sweat it.  Let God be your guide.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..."

Jeremiah 29:11