Murder.

***Continued from "Joy"...


The next morning I woke up for my usual 6am run.  I ate my banana and stretched my muscles, then went to the garage to grab my bottle of water.  Normally when I did this routine, D'Jango would wake up and sleepily tell me good morning with his meow, but today I didn't see D'Jango.

I poked around the garage a bit but figured he was probably just hiding under something.  So I went for my run and came back an hour later, still finding no D'Jango.  This time I opened the garage, called after him and finally began to look around the house.  At one point I thought I found a skunk, but it was just an ugly black cat sleeping by our fence.

When I finally gave up, I went inside to grab a fresh glass of water.  Around that time Mom entered the kitchen.

"I can't find D'Jango, Mom!"

"Well...there's a reason."  she said uncomfortably.

"Did Dad take him back to the farm?!"  I asked with a crack in my voice.

Mom sighed and uneasily begin to tell me a horrible story.

"Last night after you went to bed, Dad and Grant were coming home from the farm.  I walked in the garage to talk to them when we noticed D'Jango wasn't jumping up to great us.  Just then Dad turned to see that big ugly stinkin' cat.  The one that killed the neighbor's cat too!  Instantly, Dad and Grant ran after that cat.  Grant threw a shovel at it but missed.  Dad yelled at it and threatened it.  

I walked over to D'Jango, who was still curled up in a ball.  His neck was bloody where the cat had made his attack.

Your father and your brother took care of him and we all had trouble sleeping afterwards.   I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I want you to think about how happy we made that kitten in the first, and last few weeks of his life.  He would have never known that joy if you had left him out on his own at the farm."

I choked back tears at the thought of my baby kitten being murdered.  It hurt my heart so much.  I had found the kitten that was meant for me.  He was wonderful.  I had loved him so much, and yet that love was not enough.  I had promised to train him and take care of him.  I played with him every morning and every evening and even at lunch when I could.  I had napped with him and fed him with my own two hands.  I loved my kitten!  But some cat couldn't see that.

Suddenly a cold child passed through me as I realized the ugly black cat I had faced earlier that morning was the same sick beast who unreasonably killed my innocent kitten.  I was sickened.

I went to my room and thought about this stupid cat.  Who kills a kitten for no reason?

Then I remembered that I owned a gun.

I walked into the living room and approached my dad with a suggestion.

"Can I shoot it?"

"What??"

"I want to shoot that cat.  He is a mean cat and if he's killed my kitten and the neighbor's cat as well, I don't see any sense in letting him roam around, free to do it again to another innocent animal."

Dad talked to me about the type of gun and bullet I owned and said it wasn't suitable to shoot inside city limits.  I didn't like this answer, but I walked back into my room anyways.  I thought about it a moment, then decided that murder was the only answer I had.

I walked outside and around the house where I had seen the gang-banger cat earlier.  To my surprise, Dad was already out there, looking for this monster.  Neither of us found it, but we decided the cat did need to be addressed in a sensible manner.

My desire to kill this cat was expressed in a text message to one of my close friends.  I had explained the situation and why I thought this cat should die.

To my surprise he replied by saying this: "If I killed people for fun would it be fair to stop me?"

At first I was confused, and irritated at this question.  What did this have to do with my kitten??

I quickly responded, "That's totally different, it's people, and it can't be fun."

Then I thought about it a little bit and said, "It's not a safe cat, it needs to be killed so it won't keep killing others.  But if this is a death penalty question, I never realized my true opinion on it until right about now."

It was true.  Up until that point I had never had a strong feeling one way or the other towards the death penalty.  I had discussed it with friends plenty of times and I had even studied it from a religious standpoint to some extent.  If anything, I thought everyone deserved love because that's how I see the world, as a happy-go-lucky planet that can be healed by good works and positive thinking.

All of that changed when someone I loved (albeit just a kitten) was senselessly murdered.  I thought about my friend from work that had been murdered a year ago inside his apartment.  The police still haven't figured out what happened, although they guessed it to be a drug deal gone wrong, and more recently decided it was a mistake in identity.  My friend was not involved in the type of stuff that typically gets young men shot.

It pained me to think of his poor Momma, and how she must feel towards the murderers the same thing I felt towards that ugly black cat.

The death penalty wasn't designed to kill people for no reason, it was designed to put away the people who are unsafe and not fit to roam the earth freely.  By allowing killers to keep roaming, we are potentially allowing them to commit another murder, therefore affecting another family's life and emotions.

Of course the Christian in me wants to say that we should extend the same grace that was extended to us.  I want to believe that there are no people who are just born mean and senseless.  They're mean and evil because they are hurt.  Deep, deep down, they are hurting children who have hidden and shoved their pain so far down that they no longer have control over their actions.  Their pain has been so great that it has caused them a life of raging evil.

We were all born into sin-into evil.  Every last one of us is filthy and sick in our own way.  We all have pain, struggles and demented ideas.  Perhaps fault comes when we choose to act on these ideas.  Then again, perhaps nothing is anyone's fault because we are all naturally sinful.

What is justice, after all?  Is it even possible?

In a fallen world we are sometimes asked to face the injustice and live with it.  At the same time we are called to greater, intended to live with a purpose.  Where do we find the balance?  Why so much gray?

All this from a kitten I only knew for three weeks.  Always in our hearts...D'Jango.