Taking Notes

I just got out of my capstone class for today.  Side-note: A capstone class is the last class within a student's major before graduation.  It is typically the hardest because it is supposed to be all-inclusive of what the student has learned in that major.  

Anyhow, today's class was different because we didn't actually do work or visit with our professor.  Instead we had a visit from the dean of our college and had a nice long talk with him.  He asked us the good and the bad from our program; what classes we liked, what classes we didn't and why.  And of course, a room full of Public Relations majors (which is 70% female and 93% outgoing and happy-go-lucky demeanor) gave him more than an earful of opinions, thoughts, experiences and questions.

As all seventeen of us talked and laughed about all the horrible and wonderful experiences from freshmen year to our last week in capstone class, a lot of emotion came a buzz.  It was the emotions of remembering things.  After our worst stories, it made you kinda feel good, ya know.  Like you'd survived something really hard and become a better person because of it.  Oddly enough, after the happy stories you felt sorta sad because it was coming to an end.

It all sunk in at the conclusion of the meeting when the dean asked who was graduating in December and about half of us raised our hands.  He congratulated us and said he hoped we enjoyed our time at the university and can look back at it with fondness and happy memories.  I almost cried!  

I guess each day it becomes a little more real to me.  Like when I got approved for graduation from my advisor I had a small reality check, like wow, this just might actually happen.

A few weeks later I got my cap and gown and really got a reality check.  Oh crap!  I'm graduating in a few months!! Graduating from college?  What am I doing with my life???  Oh, wow I have no idea what I'm doing past December.  I have to find a general direction at least.

And then today, hearing my dean say that was like hearing the words at a wedding but not being at a wedding.  You know that's what they say, you know it has meaning and importance and emotion, but since you are not there you didn't expect it and didn't really know what to feel.  It's not real yet.

I guess I do this with every big life event.  I'm fine till I walk down an aisle...then I lose it.  

High school graduation I cared less about until they told us to line up and start walking down the center of the gym.  Instantly I burst into tears and cried like a baby the entire time.  I was in such shock of emotion I didn't even realize they called me to the stage for an award at one point. ...my classmates were really irritated.  Get it together chick..we're trying to get to these parties.

Then there was my best friend marrying one of my close friends.  It was all business, till I walked down the aisle in my bridesmaid dress.  Yup.  You guessed it.  Instant tears. Not just tears but sniffles the whole church could hear and no kleenex to dry my eyes or wipe my mascara.  It was intense.  I made everyone else cry and everyone afterwards commented on my hysteria.  

Anyways,  I guess we'll see what happens when I walk across the stage at the Catlett Music Center in December.  

...Bringing it back to our discussion with the dean: one girl bravely mentioned the fact that our college (Gaylord College of Journalism and Mass Communication) is really big on 2-3 programs that feature a specific aspect of Public Relations/Advertising.  From the minute you walk in the door you see, hear, or think about these programs and are almost instantly pressured to join and do and be and succeed there.

This girl mentioned that those programs just simply weren't her and she didn't join and wasn't any worse off because of it.  However, she felt looked down upon by certain professors and students for "not drinking the Gaylord koolaid."

We all laughed at the phrase but then quickly all jumped in and agreed with her.  

I was shocked.  I knew I felt this way, but I had no idea so many others did too.  These weren't even girls I connected with that much, but they had encountered the same things I had at college.

I spoke up and shared my story.  I told the dean about how this "koolaid" was one of the main reasons I decided to take a year off from school.  I was right in the middle of the koolaid.  I was succeeding in the koolaid, leading in the koolaid and being praised for my koolaid--but I didn't feel satisfied.  It didn't feel right.  

I felt like a square peg in a round hole, and that was an awful feeling because I had fads and I hate trying to be main stream.   

I didn't cautiously try to be round.  I was just following the rules and doing what my teachers said would make me rich and successful...and it would have...if that were what I had wanted.

A year and some change later and I'm back in the same building, yet with a total different perspective on everything.  

I gained my confidence and now stand firm knowing that I can be happy and successful without being round, or, um, emerged in koolaid.  It took me a rough ride and a time out to realize that, hey, I'm okay being me.  You know, God gave me special passions and talents that he is going to use in a completely unconventional way to bring him glory, because that's what I asked for and that's what he does.

I'm not mad at the college and I'm not blaming them.  Everything happens for a reason, and I needed to learn these lessons in that way or I wouldn't have came to this conclusion.

God knows what he's doing.  Even down to choosing the right college.  

I almost ended up at Oklahoma Baptist University.  I loved it, I really did, but looking back now I know I couldn't have gone there.  I would have been incessantly wondering what the big shots were doing at the big university a couple towns over.  I had to see and experience everything for myself to understand what I did and did not want.  I still don't know entirely what I'm doing, but I do know a lot more about myself, about my calling, and how to reach the goals that line up with those things.

College won't teach you everything, but it is a stepping stone on a journey.

Another girl in our class said that our university recently came out with some research statistics about students' learning.  I could have mistaken her, but I believe she said they found only 20-30% of what students learn in college or high school is taught by a teacher.  The rest is outside the classroom.

I may be graduating with a degree in my hand and a pat on my back, but this was not all about knowledge.  It was about wisdom, and that is one thing I have definitely received with my $24,000 investment.  ....yeah there may have been cheaper ways, but, ya know..it was worth it. ;)