Your Desire Will Be for Your Husband-Part 2

A year ago I wrote "Your Desire Will Be for Your Husband," and reposted it earlier this week.  Now I am writing part two to that post.  I was inspired to do this while I was reading Sacred Influence, by Gary Thomas.    In the first chapter of his book he explains the Genesis 3:16 curse much like I did in my first post about this verse.  Like him, I fully agree that education on this verse is absolutely foundational for any and every woman trying to live a life of love with her creator.

We can not heal from our present hurts until we understand the shadows of our past, and we cannot understand the shadows of our past until we understand the shadows of mankind in general, and by this I am speaking of the fall and the curse.  While I would love to dive into the entire creation story, the fall, and the curse, I'm going to keep things a tad shorter by just focusing on the curse.  If you want to read more about the former you can check out Genesis 1-3 for yourself or attend a Divine Dating seminar.

The later part of Genesis 3:16 says this:

"Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Last week I heard someone say that the word desire means "control" in the original context.  I have studied this several times and heard several different things, but control is undoubtedly the root of Eve's sin.  You see, woman was created to be man's helper, or ezer as the original Hebrew suggests (Genesis 2:18.)  However, when Eve decided to take control into her own hands by deliberately eating the fruit God told her not to eat, she sinned.  She sinned and brought her husband into it too.  Because of this sin, she cursed her children.  Because of that her grandchildren were born sinners, and thus the entire world is now a fallen place.

And we say women have no power or significance...

If Eve wouldn't have sinned she would have helped and submitted to Adam with gladness and joy in her heart.  She would love to do what she was created to do and she wouldn't have any problem doing it!  But she sinned out of pride, and now she is always bent towards sin.  She is cursed.  The only way out of the curse, for her, or for any of us, is Jesus, the bridge.  John 14:6, Jesus is the only way to get back to perfect communion with God, and it is only through God that we will be at peace with our God-given gender and marital roles (Matthew 6:33.)

Eve's curse was not put in action so that she would be brought to ruin, it was given to her to lead her into repentance and point her back to the lover of her soul, her God, who loved her and came to earth in human form to restore his relationship with her.  Jesus Christ.

Back to Gary Thomas, I have never heard it interpreted this way, but he says that Old Testament commentators, Keil and Delitzsch think that the Hebrew language for the word "desire" in Genesis 3:16 translates as "a desire bordering disease."

A desire bordering disease?!  Whaaaatt....that's intense but honestly I think it hits the nail on the head better than anything else I've heard.  What better way to describe the sad phenomenon of young women cereal dating and giving away their bodies to every man that will have them.  Of course it's a borderline disease, we think about marriage from age 3 and up!  I know girls who had their wedding colors picked out in fifth grade.  We are sickly obsessed with our husbands even while they are no where in sight.  We struggle with contentment in every area of our lives because our happiness rests in one thing, a man, a leader, a guide of our youth.  Husband.  

Well here's some advice: anything you put your trust and hope in besides God is an idol, and idols always fail.  So even when you get that husband you've dreamed of all these years, he's still going to fail you and he is still going to disappoint you, even to the point of tears and heartache.  No man will ever bring you long-term contentment or happiness, that must come from God.

So you may be agreeing with me, but also feeling hopeless about the situation because you, like me, are inevitably cursed.  Good news, if you love God then he will use that curse to your benefit (Romans 8:28.)  That disease you have can be a blessing if you learn to let God control it under his provision.  

• First and foremost you must give this sickening desire to God.  Lay it at his feet (1 Peter 5:7.)  Let go and trust him.  This is much harder than it sounds, but all it takes is faith.  You have to give God your heart in order to give him the desires that go with it.   Think about that first, then reread this paragraph.  
• AFTER you lay this down and decide to blindly trust God with your spouse, singleness, disease, etc., then you can start behaving like a godly wife or wife-to-be.  If you're single like me you can write letters to your future husband, pray for him, and learn to be a trusting, helping, respectful woman of God.  If you are already married then put these issues straight into practice.  Pray for your husband and thank God daily for all the good qualities he has.  Apologize to your husband for making him an idol with impossible standards, and commit to going to the Lord first and your husband second.  God gave us a desire for our husbands...to love them, encourage them, and lift them up--so use it, just don't let Satan twist is and make it an idol issue.  Matthew 22:37-40, 16:33

The other thing Gary Thomas said was that the verse sometimes translates as a "violent craving for something."  That's definitely it.  That's why you see women at bars flirting with all the guys.  That's why she's on top of the stage showing off her goods.  That's why middle school girls steal each other's boyfriends, and it's why high school girls have anorexia problems.  

So here's my question for you: How long are you gonna let that curse control you?  Do you want to heal?  Do you want help?  Do you want the everlasting satisfaction for that problem you have?  Do you want Jesus...forever?

REPOST: Your Desire Will be For Your Husband

On May 25, 2011 I posted this post.  I am reposting it today not only because it is truthful and relevant to every woman's situation, but also because I have written a follow up post for it that I will be publishing Wednesday.  Here you are, enjoy!


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Every woman has a desire deep within to love and be loved by a man.

She also has the desire to be pursued and protected by a man.

However, when fathers and other significant male figures over-dominate or bow out completely, abusing their God-given roles--this is when she seeks love and protection from desperate places.

In Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve what her curse will be for

sinning. He says, "...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." For this reason it can be said that ALL women have a desire deep down to be loved and pursued by a man. Even the roughest, toughest, and most independent women I know still want the love of a man deep deep down.

Because this is our curse I think it explains lots of things.

1. Our constant craving for romance. No wonder it's a girl thing to watch romance movies, read erotic books, and hope for Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet. (See more in point 3)
2. Fantasy. Guys may fantasize about sex every point second or so, but girls definitely fantasize about marriage, weddings, and children just as much. Many girls openly admit that the moment he said "I like you," she had already pictured them walking down the aisle, changing her last name, and living in a 2 story house on main street.
3. The heart of little girls. This also helps us understand why little girls are the way they are. While the boys are off shooting guns, saving planet earth, and building bridges (I can explain this type of play later,) the girls are inside dressed in Mommy's old dresses playing tea party, house, or weddings.

As you can see, we were born with this innate desire for our husbands. God gave it to us as a curse for our sin, and it is a struggle we will deal with until we leave this earth. But take heart princess, there is positive to learn from this too!

First of all this should confirm to you that you are not a freak! I know lots of times its easy for us girls to get down on ourselves after a break up or rejection. Think of Jessica Biel in the movie Valentine's Day when she can't even get people to show up to her anti-Valentine's Day party. Often times at this point girls are asking themselves why no one loves them, what's wrong with them, and who needs men anyway? I think Satan uses that to trick us into thinking we are the only single people in the world and that we are the only single people who struggle being single!

This is simply untrue as Gen 3:16 explained previously. ALL women struggle with the desire to love and be loved by a man.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this though--it IS a curse. That is why it is often so painful and uncomfortable for women to be single. We were born with a desire for our husbands. The effects from this range anywhere from eating excessive amounts of chocolate, to depression and bitterness. You are not alone, and yes most people struggle with this, it is in fact, a curse.

So that's all for today, we're all doomed unless we're married. Thanks for reading! :)

Just kidding!! That would obviously be terrible, and I serve a God who has done far to much for us than to make us suffer a life without love forever. If you've been mislead by your desire for love, if you feel incomplete without a man by your side, or if you feel as though marriage is the only escape from the troubles of life--let me tell you, Satan is steeling your joy and there if far greater things available to you in this life.

In John 10:10 Jesus said, "I have come so that they may have life and that they may have it to the FULL!" That doesn't mean he came and died for you so you can lay on the couch feeling miserable for yourself. That means that he came, suffered, died, and rose again so that YOU sister can live an exciting and amazing life found through him!

As I explained in my post Made in His Image, God has amazing and wonderful plans for you--plans that ONLY you can fulfill! He's waiting on you to ask him so that he can show you this full life of love and adventure he has planned for you.

As for love, he's got you covered there too. 1 John 4:8 says GOD IS LOVE. So chase after him, fall hard after him, seek him, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Jeremiah 33:3, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Ephesians 3:19-21 Girls let me tell you, I've tried all the different loves the world has to offer, and NONE of them compare to the love that our God has for us! He made as after all didn't he? Why wouldn't he love us as his children? as his spouse? as his BRIDE? Song of Songs 4:7, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelations 19:7-9

Matthew 6:13

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well."

Staying Pure in College: A Guest Post

Today's guest post is contributed by Angelita Williams, who writes on the topics of online courses. Besides blogging, she loves to travel, listen music and spending time with pets. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: angelita.williams7@gmail.com.

Dating in College: How I Kept My Virginity 

Growing up my parents always stressed the importance of maintaining one's virginity until marriage. It was sinful to do otherwise. That's not to say that Christians who choose have sexual relationships out of wedlock won't get into the pearly gates of heaven. I'm just reinitiating why, since I hit puberty, I planned to keep my virginity intact. Not to mention I was terrified of pregnancy and STDS.

In high school, even with all of these new "racing hormones," I managed to successfully keep my promise to myself and God. But I was never really "tested," if you will—I didn’t have a boyfriend, so the possibility of getting intimate with someone wasn't even really a concern. But when I attended my local state college, the circumstances changed. I was miles away, living unsupervised. I attended parties frequently where alcohol was always accessible; and I started finally dating— something that is extremely hard to do in the "hookup" college culture. While my college years made it a lot harder to keep my promise, I'm proud to say that I earned my diploma with my virginity still in place. To learn how I did this, continue reading below.

1. Have the Talk up Front

I was a late bloomer. I really didn’t grow into my features until the summer right before my first semester of college, so I was thoroughly surprised by all of the new attention I got from men on campus. Since I had only been on a few dates in the past, I accepted most of the invitations I received. I figured that if a man was brave enough to approach me, the least I could do was agree to a slice of pizza. But I learned early on that most college aged men have ulterior motives Simply put, most just wanted my "cookie." But I had a method for weeding out the toads from the princes. I'd simply talk about my faith and my choice to wait until marriage early on in the relationship, it usually came up no later than the second date. 

There were three types of men that I encountered after having a conversation like this: 1) The Runner—He'll say 'that's cool' but then never call back again (good you don't want to date a person like that anyway). 2) The Pretender—He'll act like he respects your decision  to wait but really just sees it as a "challenge" (he'll convince you to give it up late he thinks) and 3) The Understander—he authentically respects your decision and still wants to continue seeing you. To get a better look at each type of guy and learn how to deal with them, we move on to the next tip—

2. Don’t Put Yourself in "Tempting" Situations

Now it's hard to be able to tell The Pretender from The Understander initially. After all, The Pretender will pretty much make it seem like everything is cool—but he'll only keep up the act for a while. If you stand your ground The Pretender will become frustrated and lose interest. Problem solved. The Understander, on the other hand, may respect your decision, but he's still human. The two of you may be doing some heavy petting and then get "caught up in the moment." The easiest way to prevent anything from "happening" is to learn how to prevent yourself from being in "tempting" situations that could lead to sex. This means stopping when things get too hot and heavy, not sleeping in the same bed (especially with your clothes off or in skimpy lingerie—if wearing "granny panties" will stop you from stripping, so be it), standing your ground when he tries to say oral sex is not the same as real sex, or drinking alcohol around your date since it clouds judgment. Alcohol is also one of the leading causes for one night stands; how tragic would it be to lose your virginity to some frat guy you just met? Know your limits.

3. Keep Yourself Active

Last but not least, you don't ever want to be "consumed" with the new guy you're dating.  Make sure to have your own life and do your own thing. Stay active. If the two of you are attached to the hip and you seclude yourself from the rest of your friends, it makes it feel like you're a married couple and may convince you that "it's time." But don't let this feeling fool you: you're not actually married. Doing your own thing from time to time and keeping yourself busy is a beautiful thing and will help you keep your promise—both academically and religiously.

Keeping your virginity can be a challenge, but if it's something that is truly important to you, it can be done. 

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What do you think about Angelita's post?  Can you relate with her struggles and victories?  Do you have your own advice you'd like to share?  Comment below or email me at divinedating.org@gmail.com.