Staying Pure in College: A Guest Post

Today's guest post is contributed by Angelita Williams, who writes on the topics of online courses. Besides blogging, she loves to travel, listen music and spending time with pets. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: angelita.williams7@gmail.com.

Dating in College: How I Kept My Virginity 

Growing up my parents always stressed the importance of maintaining one's virginity until marriage. It was sinful to do otherwise. That's not to say that Christians who choose have sexual relationships out of wedlock won't get into the pearly gates of heaven. I'm just reinitiating why, since I hit puberty, I planned to keep my virginity intact. Not to mention I was terrified of pregnancy and STDS.

In high school, even with all of these new "racing hormones," I managed to successfully keep my promise to myself and God. But I was never really "tested," if you will—I didn’t have a boyfriend, so the possibility of getting intimate with someone wasn't even really a concern. But when I attended my local state college, the circumstances changed. I was miles away, living unsupervised. I attended parties frequently where alcohol was always accessible; and I started finally dating— something that is extremely hard to do in the "hookup" college culture. While my college years made it a lot harder to keep my promise, I'm proud to say that I earned my diploma with my virginity still in place. To learn how I did this, continue reading below.

1. Have the Talk up Front

I was a late bloomer. I really didn’t grow into my features until the summer right before my first semester of college, so I was thoroughly surprised by all of the new attention I got from men on campus. Since I had only been on a few dates in the past, I accepted most of the invitations I received. I figured that if a man was brave enough to approach me, the least I could do was agree to a slice of pizza. But I learned early on that most college aged men have ulterior motives Simply put, most just wanted my "cookie." But I had a method for weeding out the toads from the princes. I'd simply talk about my faith and my choice to wait until marriage early on in the relationship, it usually came up no later than the second date. 

There were three types of men that I encountered after having a conversation like this: 1) The Runner—He'll say 'that's cool' but then never call back again (good you don't want to date a person like that anyway). 2) The Pretender—He'll act like he respects your decision  to wait but really just sees it as a "challenge" (he'll convince you to give it up late he thinks) and 3) The Understander—he authentically respects your decision and still wants to continue seeing you. To get a better look at each type of guy and learn how to deal with them, we move on to the next tip—

2. Don’t Put Yourself in "Tempting" Situations

Now it's hard to be able to tell The Pretender from The Understander initially. After all, The Pretender will pretty much make it seem like everything is cool—but he'll only keep up the act for a while. If you stand your ground The Pretender will become frustrated and lose interest. Problem solved. The Understander, on the other hand, may respect your decision, but he's still human. The two of you may be doing some heavy petting and then get "caught up in the moment." The easiest way to prevent anything from "happening" is to learn how to prevent yourself from being in "tempting" situations that could lead to sex. This means stopping when things get too hot and heavy, not sleeping in the same bed (especially with your clothes off or in skimpy lingerie—if wearing "granny panties" will stop you from stripping, so be it), standing your ground when he tries to say oral sex is not the same as real sex, or drinking alcohol around your date since it clouds judgment. Alcohol is also one of the leading causes for one night stands; how tragic would it be to lose your virginity to some frat guy you just met? Know your limits.

3. Keep Yourself Active

Last but not least, you don't ever want to be "consumed" with the new guy you're dating.  Make sure to have your own life and do your own thing. Stay active. If the two of you are attached to the hip and you seclude yourself from the rest of your friends, it makes it feel like you're a married couple and may convince you that "it's time." But don't let this feeling fool you: you're not actually married. Doing your own thing from time to time and keeping yourself busy is a beautiful thing and will help you keep your promise—both academically and religiously.

Keeping your virginity can be a challenge, but if it's something that is truly important to you, it can be done. 

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What do you think about Angelita's post?  Can you relate with her struggles and victories?  Do you have your own advice you'd like to share?  Comment below or email me at divinedating.org@gmail.com.  

Loving Through Gifts-pt. 2

Today's post is from a wonderful young woman that you may have heard of before.  Last September I ran a series of posts telling her story of dating, finding Christ, and breaking barriers.  You can find that series here. (When you get to the end of that post click "newer post" to go through the entire series.)

As you can imagine, Alisson has came a very long way since September.  I have had the joy of watching her grow and blossom, and because of this I asked her to share with us insight on her love language..GIFTS!  Check it out below.

"Anyone close to me can tell what my love language is. It’s not necessarily a love that someone has to search for. My love language is blatantly obvious. I love people by giving gifts! Often love languages can almost be genetic by being passed down by the ones you love or look up to. I received mine from my nana who shares the same love by giving gifts as well.

I discovered my love language probably about six months ago. I never knew there was a test one could take to discover how you love others. However, discovering it and containing it are not the same at all. You can still obtain a gift or love language without realizing what it is.

 I soon discovered my love language after I made Jesus Lord over my life. As for those around me, once I discovered my love language it didn’t come to shock them. I love people!! I always have. But once I started loving people as Jesus does, my love language grew exponentially.

I love to give presents!! I love to surprise people and show them I care about them. Due to the fact that I pay close attention to details, I plan in advance. For most people I know what I’m getting them months in the future. The person on the receiving side has to know without a shadow of doubt that I care about them. I often buy things for people for no reason at all. 

Some of my friends get frustrated, but I’m thinking about them and it’s how I show them my love. I would much rather be on the giving end than the receiving end however. I’ve been blessed beyond words and I just want to share it with anyone around me. I love the exhilarating feeling of putting a smile on others faces. It’s often a way that I encourage people.

Taking it further…

As I just stated, my love language comes from giving gifts. However, I've come to realize giving comes in different forms depending on the person. 

The explanation of the word giving encompasses many of the other love languages as well. As I mentioned before, giving can be used as encouragement!

I’ve soon discovered when loving someone, for it to mean anything to them it has to be done in their love language. Giving gifts might be my strong suit, but ultimately that might be not what they need. 

When loving someone, it needs to be done in their love language to grasp the full effect. That’s when people really know you care, because it’s not about the one showing the love anymore. The focus switches to the one you’re trying to love.

Giving can also mean giving time up and making yourself available to the ones that need you. If you don’t search deeper beyond fights people might not understand how you’re trying to love them. They might start to think your just trying to love them by swiping a card and then." 

What are your thoughts on this language? 

 Do you see some of this in yourself, or a friend?

Perhaps this is your main language for receiving love...

Loving Through Gifts-pt.1

Do you love to share gifts with people?  Perhaps you feel the need to buy things for people when you are out and about throughout your day.  Well, today's post is from a brilliant young woman who loves through gifts, and loves well.  I have a big heart for her, and I think you will too after hearing her heart for giving.  Here is Katherine's story.

"My love language would definitely be... gifts! I love giving people presents, and picking things out for people. Gifts can let people know that you’re thinking about them, and pay attention to them. Every time I get someone a present for a holiday or birthday, I ALWAYS end up giving it to them like, 2 weeks early because I’m so excited for them to have it. 

I love getting gifts as well, but I am so shy I hate opening them in front of people! If I am in a room by myself though, and there’s a present just waiting for me, I’m all over it!


 My second result was words of affirmation. I love hearing people tell me they love me. One new thing I have been trying to do often is telling people how much I appreciate them – and I’m really enjoying that! You never know what some simple words can do to change a person’s day. Some people’s love languages is definitely NOT words though, and feel uncomfortable when people shower them with praise, so I try not to go overboard. 


When I told my mom about how I was writing this post for Haley, she told me something that I find so cool. She had 5 kids – 2 boys, then 3 girls. I’m the youngest of them. She read the love languages book when she had her first couple kids. She said that each of her 5 kids had each of the 5 love languages – how cool is that? We are all so different. 


She said she discovered what we each were from the time we were little. It started when she miscarried after her fourth child. She said she was in pain, and her three oldest kids showed her so much love in their own way. 

The oldest was always doing things for her like taking out the trash, and cleaning up messes – hospitality. The next was always saying “I love you, mom. I love you” – words of affirmation. And the third child was always there for her and with her – quality time. The fourth was too young, and I was yet to be born. As we grew though, she figured my sister and I out as well. My fourth sibling was a “clinger”, as my mom put it. She was always hanging on to her leg, and hugging – touch.


 And me, I was always bringing her things. I would go pick weeds from the yard and bring some to her every fay, because I thought they were pretty flowers. She said if I found a puppy, I would force my mom to take it, because I was trying to show her my love by giving her things. 


Our love languages all continue to shine through in the same ways today. God did an amazing thing with my family, and I am so beyond unbelievably blessed to have such loving brothers, sisters, and in-laws, too. I think I could continue for so long about this, but I think I reached my word limit. (; Thank you Haley for allowing me to write this – it really forced me to think about it all more closely and I am so glad!"

How cool it is to think that God can give each of us different ways of loving each other.

I'm sure Katherine's mom has learned so much about being versatile in giving and receiving love throughout her years of family raising.  This is an interesting concept in itself...learning to give and receive for others benefits.  Thanks Katherine!