In 1992 an author named Gary Chapman published a book called "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate." Today the book has sold over 6 million copies in English and it's theories have influenced millions of Christians, marriages, and sermons.
Now the book is published in many different forms, "The Five Love Languages of Children", "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers", and "The Five Love Languages: A Secret to Love that Lasts" and a few others.
Several years ago I read "The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition." I can honestly say that this book helped me make far advances in my spiritual walk with the Lord. After reading the book I was far more able to communicate love to those around me, as well as strengthen my ability to receive love in different forms from these people.
I have learned to categorize my Christian friends by their love languages so that I can love them each in their own way, as well as encourage them and support them through those specific languages. I have also enjoyed watching God shape me into a more well-rounded giver and receiver of each language. As odd as it may sound, it isn't always easy receiving love in your secondary language.
The author, Gary Chapman, has a doctorate in philosophy from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and is now the senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He has been married to his wife for over 45 years and draws much experience and wisdom through their relationship.
Chapman has also written many top selling books such as "Love is a Verb: Stories of What Happens When Love Comes Alive", "The Marriage You've Always Wanted", and "Things I wish I'd Known Before we Got Married." I have not read any of these, but I have personally heard wonderful things about all of them.
As you may have probably guessed, the wisdom from this book and its theory is powerful for people of all relationship statuses. Singles can read this and begin practicing individual love languages on everyone presently in their lives, and married couples will be encouraged by figuring out their mate's main languages and loving them specifically through that. Although the original idea was to use the theory to promote healthy marriages, the idea is now so wide spread that most small groups or bible study classes begin with the discovery of individuals main love languages. All God-fearing people-lovers can gain wisdom and riches from this idea.
Because I want to encourage you to read the book, I am not going to go into great detail about what the book teaches or how it helps you apply the languages, but I am going to introduce you to the five love languages and then present five guest posts from friends who primarily have each of those languages.
The Five Love Languages are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Gifts
3) Acts of Service
4) Quality Time
5) Physical Touch
Stay tuned for guest posts from people who specialize in these languages!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
My Hair Identity Crisis
(Written a few months ago...)
"...but if a woman has long hair, is it her glory?"
1 Corinthians 11:15
Some of you may find this humorous (men,) but ladies, I think the majority of you can relate to this post. For the past 2 weeks...wait, scratch that...more like the last month, I have been trying to decide what to do with my hair. My last color job was back in December, and so my roots are nearly to my ears now.
Some days I would wake up and just marvel at my natural-colored roots peaking in. I loved that color! How long it had been since I had seen a full head of that tint. Perhaps I should take the time to grow out all of my artificial coloring. I mean, the half and half hair color is in style, not to mention hipsters.
Do you think God gets mad at me for changing the color he gave me?
How will people categorize me differently?
Am I really a "hipster-earthy" type of person?
The next morning was the complete opposite. I love being blonde, it's my personality! I've always been a fun, outgoing type of person, and blonde just always seemed to fit. Plus, in my neck of the woods it's all about glam, high-hair, and jewelry (see Country Girl post) that type of style did not work well with muddied roots and an unkempt mane.
I think colored hair gives me a more professional look, and since I am entering the professional world, I need to keep a nice outward appearance.
I've always been known as a glamour girl--hair is what I do.
Then again, am I really an outwardly focused person? I spend 20 minutes in front of the mirror max.
Ahhh this decision was beginning to drive me crazy! Who knew that something as simple as a color job would take up so much of my free thinking time. I found myself judging my hair at work, at school, and at church. What hairstyle will encapsulate all of who I am? How do I want the world to perceive me?
One night in the middle of this early-life crisis, I was explaining to one of my close guy friends how complicated this decision was. Profoundly and yet obliviously, he responded, "So this is like an identity issue for you girls, huh?"
Wow. I never thought of it like that before. He went on to explain that one of the most insecure women he knows, dyes her hair different colors all the time. Perhaps he was on to something!
Later that night I really started thinking about his observation. My first hair coloring was when I was 13--a very insecure time in my life. I wanted just a few small blonde highlights to fit in better with the girls at school.
9th and 10th grade came with all sorts of pressures and adjustments--including my hair-dentity. First it was blonde, then red, then dark brown, blue, pink, and green. I would have loved to go pitch black, but thankfully my mother wouldn't allow it.
After my 10th grade year, God grabbed hold of my heart an worked a drastic life change within me. One of the first things I was convicted about was my fashion choices, and with that came the mane. I dyed my hair all over a rich, bold red to signify the new creation I was transforming into. I was returning to school a different person, and I wanted my hair to reflect that.
Red hair is rare, unique, bold. That's exactly who God was calling me to be that year. So for an entire year (which is forever in hair years,) I kept my hair that same bold red color, until Junior prom. I had to dye my hair to compliment the dress of course!
Senior year is a place of really figuring out where you want to go in life. Who do you want to be after high school? Oddly enough, my hair reflected this too. I returned to a more natural hair color for most of the year, adding only a few highlights for Senior prom.
Two weeks before beginning college, I sliced off ten inches of my infamously long hair. I was showing the world, and my junior college, that I meant business. Life was mine for the taking, and that's what I wanted people to understand.
Now my hair is long with hardly any layers--something I attribute to this "city style" I'm surrounded by. I still don't know what color I want to be, in terms of hair, but I have come to terms with the fact that it reflects my identity for each season of life.
At the same time, I am completely relieved to know that my identity is not based solely on the color of dye I decide to use. As I explained in an earlier post What is Identity, God is the only place where lasting identity is found. People, sports, and hair change, but God doesn't. He is eternal and forever, therefore my identity in him is unwavering, no matter what color of hair I decide to have.
Upon this realization, I prayed. I asked God to show me the insecurities that were seeping out through my hair. Why am I not fully trusting you with every part of me? At this spiritual age and time in my life, I wouldn't think hair-dentity would be a problem, but it is. "Search me Oh, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." (Psalm 139:23) I'm yours for the taking father, show me my trust issues.
What do you think? Am I basing my identity in hair instead of Christ?
Where do you put your identity?
Do you think God wants us to always stay the way he naturally designed us?
What does the Bible have to say about this issue?
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
"The Room"
This was an email I received and wanted to share with you all. It's really great! A 17 year old boy wrote it a few weeks before he suddenly died in a car accident. It is now being used to change lives all over.
------------------------------
"THE ROOM"
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.
There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files.
They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order.
But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read " Girls I Have Liked."
I opened it and began flipping through the cards.
I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.
And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life.
Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content.
Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named "Friends" was next to one marked " Friends I Have Betrayed."
The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird.
" Books I Have Read," " Lies I Have Told," " Comfort I have Given," " Jokes I Have Laughed At."
Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: " Things I've Yelled at My Brothers."
Others I couldn't laugh at: " Things I Have Done in My Anger", "
Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents."
I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.
Often there were many more cards than expected.
Sometimes fewer than I hoped.
I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards?
But each card confirmed this truth.
Each was written in my own handwriting.
Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked" TV Shows I Have Watched," I realized the files grew to contain their contents.
The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file.
I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked " Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body.
I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card.
I shuddered at its detailed content.
I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.
An almost animal rage broke on me.
One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards!
No one must ever see this room!
I have to destroy them!"
In insane frenzy I yanked the file out.
Its size didn't matter now.
I had to empty it and burn the cards.
But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card.
I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot.
Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.
And then I saw it.
The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With."
The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused.
I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands.
I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came.
I began to weep.
Sobs so deep that they hurt.
They started in my stomach and shook through me.
I fell on my knees and cried.
I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all.
The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.
No one must ever, ever know of this room.
I must lock it up and hide the key.
But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him.
Not here.
Oh, anyone but Jesus.
I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards.
I couldn't bear to watch His response.
And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.
He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.
Why did He have to read every one?
Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room.
He looked at me with pity in His eyes.
But this was a pity that didn't anger me.
I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.
He walked over and put His arm around me.
He could have said so many things.
But He didn't say a word.
He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.
Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.
"No!" I shouted rushing to Him.
All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him.
His name shouldn't be on these cards.
But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, and so alive.
The name of Jesus covered mine.
It was written with His blood.
He gently took the card back He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.
I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.
He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."
I stood up, and He led me out of the room.
There was no lock on its door.
There were still cards to be written.
" For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16
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