The Best is Yet to Come

God has a way of giving us a handful of very specific events where we are required to put everything on hold and just enjoy and love on our families.  Weddings.  Births. and Deaths.  These are the three big ones.

If you don't count my favorite kitten, "Pudgy" who died when I was 8 years old, I have been blessed in that I spent 22 years and 4 months and 20 days on this earth before I had my first experience of losing a loved one.  For that I am thankful, but also inexperienced in what to think or feel.  I also count it a blessing that I had time to prepare for this, and was warned several years in advance that time was running out.  I also have a wonderful Mother and Father who always made it a point to teach my brother and I the importance of loving our grandparents.

Before I go on, I do wish to explain that I process and heal through writing, and so I do not wish to upset or offend anyone, only to encourage.  These are stories about life, hope and Jesus...not death.

I don't remember her much before the age of 12, although she was always there, in fact she was 70 years old the year I was born.  I guess it just takes a person a few years of living before they really get conscious about life and relationships.  About the time I hit that stage I remember helping my mom, aunt, uncle and cousins move her into assisted living.  She had 20% of her heart left and "only a few months to live." ...little did they know my Grandmother was born with 9 lives.

I spent the next 8 years loving my grandma as best I could.  (Special thanks to the Lord for giving me a mother with this same attitude.)  I was also blessed enough to live in the same town as her twice.  Both times I felt very strongly that God placed me there for a reason.  Those were my special years with Grandma.

After leaving class or work my sweet-tooth would really kick in and I would start craving my Chocolate Reese's Mix with whipped cream from Braum's--fortunately I knew that my sweet-tooth was inherited and a very special predecessor just happened to live down the road from Braum's and around the corner from me.

Those Mixes made for some really sweet times between the two of us.  I think ice cream can only make one other person happier than it does me--and that person was Grandma.  She really loved some chocolate!

It was one week ago today when my Grandma passed.  Over this last week I have come to realize that her love for ice cream wasn't the only thing she passed on to me.  In fact, I've noticed we are actually very similar in many ways.

• First of all, we both drive like "bats out of hell."  I heard a story on her this week about how she never stopped for stop signs.  When my aunt confronted her on the bad habit she answered, "If I need to stop I will!"  I laughed so hard because I just told one of my friends the same thing two weeks ago.  I also get made fun of for driving with my seat really far up and close to the steering wheel...something she did too.
• When I took my senior picture I hung it up next to Grandma's wedding picture in her bedroom.  That day I noticed for the first time how similar our face shape and features were.  I looked like her!
• Most importantly, my Grandma was one of the most devout and sincere Christians I know.  Although I can't say the same about myself, I can say that Jesus is very important to me, and Grandma and I talked a lot about religious things.

She really had the faith of a giant and I admire that.  It wasn't something she donned as she was older.  It was a steady stream throughout her entire life, and this speaks volumes of her character.  I can only hope to be more like her with each passing day.

On the last night she was with us, my cousins Randy and Jodi and I stayed with her in her room at the assisted living home.  She had been unresponsive all day and so our main job was to watch her breathing and make sure she got her pain medication regularly.  We knew it was coming, we just didn't know how or when.

All the family had been called and everyone had said their peace gave their love.  While much of the family was willing her to stay, I was willing her to go.  I knew where she was going, I knew it was real to her, and I knew she had worked unyielding her entire life for this very moment.  She was about to die, she was about to live, and I really felt more like a cheerleader by her bedside instead of a mourner.  I just couldn't stand to see her in pain--especially when I thought of the joy that was on the other side.

Around 6 p.m. that evening I snuck away from the crowd and wrote out a prayer to our God.  

"Lord, I want you to take my Grandma.  She deserves the heaven she has worked so hard for.  You are her hope and you are her salvation.  She is so ready and so happy to see you.  Reunite her with the one's she loves.  Give her a peaceful going.  I know it is what she would want.

Everyone is upset with her going but father I want her to go--to be happier. 
 I'll be fine without her for a while.  I love her and trust you.  Do what needs to be done. 
 You are in control and I am not.  I accept that and I don't want to change that. 
 Let your will be done and not mine.  Amen and Amen."

Around 1 a.m. the next morning, Randy and Jodi and I sat around Grandma...talking and laughing; telling stories.  We opened her worn out Bible and read to her, then kissed her on the cheek and told her goodnight.  We all weren't asleep for more that 15 minutes before Grandpa came back and got her like he had promised 24 years earlier.  It was the most peaceful and perfect way she could have gone.

The death of a loved one is hard, no matter how they go.  But losing someone and knowing exactly where they are going, makes it a lot easier.  This is my story, about God's peace surrounding me on that day.

When the nurses came in for their 2:40 a.m. check-up, I immediately woke up watched them walk across the room.  Although they said nothing, I could feel the difference.  They had barely made it to her bed when one of them touched her foot and gently said, "She's gone."  I knew what I had felt, and I thought I had heard her, but I had to ask, "What?"  I was now sitting straight up and wide awake.  

"She's gone."

Again, I wasn't sure I heard right, and my cousins hadn't moved, so I asked one more time.  This time when the word "What" left my mouth, Randy sat straight up.

"She's gone."

The nurses looked at gently and probably hugged us as Randy and I woke up Jodi and fled to what had been Grandma's body.

I went into complete shock.  I thought I was going to puke.  My body began to quiver all over.  I couldn't understand what exactly had taken place in the short 30-40 minutes I had been asleep.

Randy and I made phone calls and then Jodi and I collapsed in the chairs by her bed.  I stared and I stared trying to understand.  Tears filled my eyes finally and I sobbed for a few minutes before the chaos really began.  Two aunts and one uncle rushed in and cried and hugged us, we all waited for my mother and Hospice to arrive.

Now I'm not sure when the next part happened exactly, but it was just like on the movies when something dramatic happens and everything around you is blurred with people doing whatever they are mindlessly doing, and the main character is hyper-focused on something specific.  That's what happened to me.  This was my moment, with God and with Grandma.

Somehow I found my way over to the couch I had napped on so many times before.  While the others were rushing around I zoned out completely.  I was half praying- half comprehending.  2 Corinthians 5:8 repeated itself over and over again in my head.  "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." The more I said it the more I believed it and tried to understand what was going on.  This was nothing short of the Holy Spirit guiding and comforting me like it so faithfully does.  I am also sure that it was that same spirit that propelled me to reach for the photograph we had looked at earlier in the evening.  

It was a picture of Grandma when she was very young, standing in front of a church.  It didn't mean much to me earlier, or even the years before when I had seen it, but that night--that moment, God was present with me, and he used the photograph to comfort me.

She was so pretty.  Petite.  Happy.  In love.  It was the prime of her life and she was either engaged or newly married to my Grandpa...the one she talked incessantly about all of my life.  (I haven't had the joy of meeting him yet.)  I gazed at this picture and thought how perfect she must have felt at the time.  No aching bones, no wrinkles or worries..just happy.

I don't know if it was purely Holy Spirit or a mix of that and some memories from reading the book "Heaven is for Real,"  but it was then that I felt a complete peace and apprehension wash all over my body.  That was the Grandma that was dancing now.  It wasn't lonely, worn out, aching and bent-over Grandma.  It was this beautiful, strong, happy, perfect Grandma..because it was her spirit and not her earthly body.  She got to be her best self again..only even better than that.  

I flipped the picture over and it read in her handwriting, "Fresno, Calif. 1943.  Thank you Lord for taking care of Earnest and me!"

First, I was amazed.  This woman had flown across the country to visit the one she loves and she was so grateful that the Lord had taken care of them.  That was the caption she had chose for the photo.  The Lord had taken care of them.  She wasn't talking about the event, the building or herself.  She was talking about the Lord.  The Lord and her husband. Neither were in the picture but both meant the world to her.  She loved them both as much as she could, and everyone always knew that.

Second, I realized she was in California.  This was strange to me because both generations of both sides of my family had lived in Southwest Oklahoma for as long as I could remember.  However, my grandparents loved to travel, and I didn't fully realize this until the past week happened.  They went everywhere together. Even after Grandpa passed, Grandma was always on a mission trip somewhere.  I felt God confirming my new-found desire to travel.  There is no telling how many more Christians there are in the world simply because my Grandmother took time to travel to Africa and Egypt and who knows where.  She shared God's love with every new destination.  My mother always said Grandpa wanted us to be "cultured."  That is the phrase that has been constantly replaying in my mind all year.  Now I realized it was what Grandpa and Grandma were.  Cultured.

Finally, I somehow had enough logic rolling through my brain to think about the date.  1943..how old would that have made Grandma?  I grabbed my phone, added it up, and to my astonishment it was 22.

Jesus was with me and my heart was at home.  This was the Grandma I would see again one day, and this is how I would see her.  Not only will she be beautiful, but she will be the same age I am now.  We were friends!

I had discovered that our spirits our ageless.  The next time I see Grandma, I picture us holding hands.  We are friends.  In a whole new way.  We share the same faith and hope for people.  We have like-minded goals and habits.  She loved fully and I want to grow into that too.  I feel like she will be with me wherever I go from now on.  Her and I can have chats, because thinking about Grandma at my age makes me think she understands a lot more than she did when she left.  I honestly believe that we would be great buddies, eating ice cream together and talking about Jesus--both as 22 year-olds!  What a pleasant thought.  

Our bodies are just temporary tents for us on this planet.  When we shed them our spirit goes to a new place.  A new home.  Christians go to heaven.  As soon as we leave this earth, we are in an undeniable presence with our Creator, the one who died for us and loves us unconditionally.

We will all be shiny and new then.  Dancing and singing his praises.  

Luke 23:43
"Jesus answered him, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise."

In a completely spiritual way, it was a few moments after Grandma's passing when I felt closer to her than I ever had before.  I had connected with her in a wonderful way that only a believer can understand.  God was holding me in his arms, reminding me that the best is yet to come.  

I love you Grandma.  I miss you already, but in just a little while I will be with you again and it will be far better than the last.  I can't wait to dance with you.  To see you and Jesus together.  You will introduce me to my beloved Grandpa I've heard you talk so much about, and we will all be together for the first time.  I want to praise Jesus with you and worship in his presence.  While you are having a good time up there, don't worry about us.  We will be okay, just as you reminded us the other day, "You're gonna be alright." 

Revelation 21:4
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither should there be mourning, or crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."



For more verses about heaven: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-heaven-15-scripture-quotes/. 

Roar!

Katy Perry has recently released a song entitled "Roar."  From the moment I heard it, I have absolutely loved this song and have cheered it on as it reaches the top of the charts.  If you've heard the song you might be able to guess why I'm an advocate.  The lyrics scream empowerment and boldness--something God is forever teaching me.  I have written several posts about this in the past; all stemming from me reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  (Here is a link to that book review: "Boundaries.")

"Roar" encourages people to speak up to people who have knocked them down in the past.  This could be bullies, critics, antagonists, or anyone who doesn't believe in you.  I am all about self-respect and individual confidence.  In fact I write positive things about myself every morning during my quiet time, especially towards the parts of my life where I lack confidence.  This daily exercise helps me remain focused and confident for what God has prepared me to do.  Katy Perry really is a great catalyst for promoting good self-esteem in individuals.  "Firework" is another great song she sings that is along the same lines as is great for boosting self-confidence.  (Would be a great morning-pump-up song.)

Very similar to self-confidence is what I call God-confidence.  The two ideas are very related but separate at the same time.  We can't stand up for God if we don't believe in ourselves, but at the same time God gives us the power to do anything.  If God calls you to take a stand on something, you best believe he will give you the strength to do that.  The strength to stand up for ourselves, our beliefs, and our God all comes as a gift from above, however we must tap into that gift in order to use it for the Kingdom.

God has been revealing these ideas to me through studying the boldness that Jesus and his devout disciples displayed.  Sunday at church we looked at a passage in Acts chapter 16.  The story is about Paul and Silas getting thrown in prison for being very blunt about their belief in Jesus Christ, son of the living God.  This is an obvious bold act on their part.  I wonder how many of us today would be willing to go to prison for believing in God.  Many do it overseas, but would any here in America?  Are we that dangerous? Are we willing to be that brave?  

Although this is huge, it was something Paul said later that struck me as bold.

While Paul and Silas sat in prison, they prayed and worshipped while the other prisoners listened.  Again, that is pretty bold.  Imagine if you were sitting on cold hard concrete in a dirty prison full of rapists and murderers.  Everyone has hard looks on you as they size you up--anticipating what your weakness is and why you too were locked up.  Just as the biggest, ugliest, meanest looking one steps forward...you start praying and singing hymns to God.  Wait..what?!

Yeah, I'm definitely not that bold yet.

Anyhow so while they are singing and praying a sudden earthquake happens and all of the prisoner's chains are released.  The guard realizes what has happened and is about to kill himself when Paul screams out, "Don't harm yourself! We are all here!"

That's the line that got me.
Again, Paul screams out: "Don't harm yourself! We are all here!"

To me this would have been the boldest move.
Allow me to explain:

My mind likes to piddle back and forth with promoting the "whatever happens, happens" theory and the "if you want something to happen you have to make it happen" theory.  On one side I watch everything fall into place the way God planned it, whether we like it or not.  He is ultimately in control, and although a man makes plans in his heart, it is the Lord who determines his steps (Proverbs 16:9.)  We live best when we lean back and enjoy the ride.

On the contrary I see free will being a huge thing in that if we want something we must go get it.  If we want out of sin we need to pray to be changed, not sit and wait for God to convict us.  An example of this is "Flee from the devil and the devil will flee from you." (James 4:7)  In order for God to do something for us, we have to make a step toward him first.

I may over-think things, but then I look around at people and I think, Why isn't that person my friend?  Well, I suppose it just didn't happen..we don't have the connection.  If it was meant to be it would have happened.  Yet when we look at Jesus and Paul they took the opposite approach.  More like..HEY BE MY FRIEND!  

Okay so not quite that weird, but if I had been in Paul's situation at the jail; watching the guard pick up his sword and edge towards killing himself, I probably would be the one to sit their and watch with wide eyes, asking myself the whole time why God thought I needed to see someone die.  I admit that I probably would not have even thought about opening my mouth and telling the dude to quit.

Now let's bounce to John 18:1-11.  Jesus is in an olive grove with some of his disciples.  Long story short a fight breaks out and when Peter retaliates in attempt to protect Jesus, Jesus commands Peter to "put his sword away!"

Again, to me it looks like Jesus is less about the laid-back, watch-it-happen approach, and more about the stay-in-control-of-the-situation.  Both Jesus and Paul made changes in their environment by speaking up and acting out about the evil going on around them.

This is so challenging for me because although I am getting better, I still have a hard time telling people what they don't want to hear.  It is hard for me to cause conflict, even if it is menial.

The more I grow as an adult and a Christian, the more I am challenged to stand up for what I really want and ignore everyone who says I can't.  If God calls me to do it, I can.

Writing for example is a huge thing.  I am 100% certain God uses me through my writing.  He inspires my writing and he will continue to do this throughout my life.  Because of this bold certainty, I am constantly being attacked by Satan about my writing.  Every post leaves me in fear.  Fear of being unwanted.  Fear of being misunderstood.  Fear of my ideas being rejected by those I love most.  But that's the beauty of writing, it is incredibly scary in that God asks writers to be completely honest, humble and boldly-spoken.  You can't write truth if you aren't bold enough to proclaim it.

My writing professor always challenged us to be more vulnerable, because that's when it hurts, and  that's when people start to connect.

So today I challenge you to gauge your boldness as you go about your everyday activities.  What situations would cause Jesus to speak up?  Where do you feel the Lord challenging you to take a stand?  Is there something he's called you to that others don't necessarily agree with?  Pray through Proverbs 28:1 several times throughout the day and see where God takes you.

Proverbs 28:1

"The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion."

"You hear my voice, you hear that sound
like thunder gonna shake the ground.

You held me down, but I got up
get ready cause I've had enough."
--Katy Perry "Roar" lyrics

Love Your Life

More often than not I think we tend to get bogged down in the negative things of life. The second something gets hard we start complaining and second guessing ourselves. A few weeks ago I caught myself doing this. I was complaining about life not being easy and things not going as smoothly as I had planned. It was in the midst of all this that I realized how fortunate I was. I'm living the dream! Really!

So I started counting my blessings. Those always add up fast.

How blessed I am!  I am in an intermediate painting class at a HUGE university.
I have a wonderful job.
I have three really close and wonderful friends here with me.
My family is wonderful!
I write and paint almost everyday!

 Then I realized how far I had come since March of this year. I've read about three books this year that have really made an impact on my life. All three of these books were not about being anything except a better "you." Through these books I have learned, or re-learned a lot about myself and my goals as a person.

Although I'm still a few chapters away from finishing, I want to take this opportunity to plug an amazing book.  I've actually given a few copies away to friends and family, but they never seem as excited about things as I am.

The name of the book is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.  The book was on a recommended but not required reading list for one of my online summer classes.  I never order the recommended but not required books for classes, but this was caught my eye because its subtitle is "A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity."  I had personally related creativity to spirituality often, but never heard anyone else connect the two, much less write a book over it.  So I bought it and I am a stronger individual for having read and worked through the book.

As I recommend this book to people I have to quote my disclaimer.  This is not a book you sit down and read all the way through.  It's not a book you just carry around with you and read it when you can.  I like to think of it as more of a quiet time supplement.  It is part book-part workbook.  Each chapter is short, rich and invigorating, but the best part is the challenges after the chapter.  These seemingly random tasks range everywhere from taking a walk to buying a sticker.  The point is to nurture your inner-child, the one who creates and lives without fear of judgement.

The entire book speaks to the soul of each individual's inner-artist.  I especially loved the exercises towards the beginning of the book that challenged the reader to write down a list of things they would do if money, fame and success were no object.  After making the list the reader is then challenged to take small steps towards executing these dreams.

In the grand scheme of things you are learning to take the big huge life-long dreams that seem impossible, and turn them into day by day steps that help you achieve your definition of success and happiness.

The tasks are so small that I haven't really realized my growth until I stop to look back.  When I pause and reflect I see how much this book has helped me learn about myself and where I'm going as I end my college career and enter a new stage in life.

No matter what age or stage you are, it is always a good idea to get in touch with yourself better.  God created each of us in a unique and special way.

We all have talents different from all others.

We all have dreams that look distinctive from those of others.

When we love ourselves and nourish ourselves, we can more easily love and nourish others.

God blesses us with gifts, treasures, talents, desires...when we aren't using what he created we are being bad stewards.  If God designed you to dance ballet, then you should do it.  Do what worships the Lord and brings praise to your lips.

Psalm 150:6

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.  Praise the Lord."