What I Learned by Asking Advice

So you're at a point in your life and you don't know where to go next or which choice you should choose.  What do you do?

Proverbs 11:14

"Without good direction, people lose their way;
the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances."

A little over a month ago I had a quiet time regarding this verse.  After much thought I decided it would be a good idea to get advice for my future from my pocket of wise friends and family.  What I learned was some great "life" advice that applies to anyone entering a new season.  After much messaging, texting and breaking bread with these "elders" of my life, this is what I learned:

• From a much older and wiser friend to a younger one-"Travel before a family comes along is the way to go, I'd say."  
• From a wise and godly cousin- "Where your great joy meets the world's great need is where you should be." 
• Find out what you want, what brings you true joy and ask yourself if you can get by
  (financially) doing just that...if yes, do it.
• It's okay to make wrong choices.
• It's okay if the world things you are crazy for following a dream.
• Another wise old cousin- "You can make money doing what your passionate about.  It may not be easy or a lot of money, but it's possible."
• Do whatever you want but keep in mind you have to be on your own insurance by age 26.

And my two favorite which I have heard most often and most repetitively from all sorts of faces:

1. Do what you want to do.
2. When you find it, you'll know it

Those two make me laugh because they are so simple and true, yet it's one of those things that happens when you aren't searching for it.  

I guess that leads to the advice I would give someone like myself:

Don't worry about it so much, God will work it out for you when he's ready. 

Easier said than done of course.  But that's where the Bible's steadfast truth comes in.  The following chapters are always comforting in times of uncertainty for me:

Philippians 4

Jeremiah 29

1 Peter 4

Psalm 3

And of course, if you're still stressed out, you can always put on some good ol' Otis Redding: 

That song always reminds me that it's okay to just chill sometimes.  

"I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watchin the tide roll away, ooh
I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time."

So smile, relax, have some fun and trust that everything is really a lot more okay than you think it is.  With the big man in charge it can't be too bad in the end, right?  And...don't forget to thank him instead of complaining!

"It's Time"...for What?

The #1 pick from my post "Top 10 Reads for October '13" was a blog-post about the song "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons.  Hello Giggles is the name of the blog.  The post was awesome! I could never compete with that post, and I am not trying too.  Katie Patton (author) did the song justice by proclaiming it an anthem for twenty-somethings everywhere.  I agree.  Both her post and the song have inspired me for a few weeks now, so I have decided that it's time for me to sit down and write about it myself.

Of course, God always has a way of tieing meaningful songs to your heart, and then making you sit and wait for the masterpiece to unveil itself before you truly understand it.  This blog has a lot of that sort of thing goin' on in it, and this song brings another example of such.

"So this is what you meant when you said that you were spent? 

And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit right to the top,

Don't hold back

Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check."

Before I started this post I did a little bit of research, (like every good blogger).  I started by watching the music video.  I didn't understand it at all, but it was neat!  So I googled the meaning of the video and came up with a Huffington Post interview with the songwriter/singer of the song.  In the interview he explains that the bands name and the video are very meaningful to him and his band members, but he is not sharing the meaning with the public because it takes away from the mysterious beauty of art.  

I respect and admire that.

(Dan) also mentions in the interview that he wrote this song right after he had dropped out of college.

What a great time to build...and invest.

Afterall, that is our goal as 20-somethings--or at least it should be.  I deemed "Building and Investing" as the ultimate goal of my twenties after posting my ode to Taylor Swift's "22".  I think I got the idea from a website with financial advice for young adults, but it really applies to much more than just finances.  

After high school I feel like we all have numerous points in our lives where we realize "it's time to build from the bottom of the pit right to the top."  For instance, I'm sure high school seniors and college freshmen totally relate to this song!  In fact, I would be putting it on my playlist if I were that age!  It's the perfect moving-out and moving-on anthem for such a time in your life.

I guess newlyweds could claim it too, or anyone starting a new life in a new town.

My two closest friends right now love this song.  One is getting ready to study abroad for a semester and the other is trying to figure out what she wants to do next.

I guess for me it feels like an arrow confirming my direction after December.  December is when I will be graduating college and taking my first steps into the world with a degree in my hand.

I'm still not sure how that will look.  I've prayed and sought counsel from almost every angle.  While I have received some wonderful advice, I still don't have a direction.

Most people get jobs related to their majors.  I have applied for one that really interests me.  A big part of me wants to take 6 months to just build and invest through bartending and waitressing, while focusing my spare time on monetizing my blog and artwork.  Yet another part of me wants to go work on a ski-lift in Taos, New Mexico or ride my bike across America.  I could also go back to school and get my Master's degree in something cool like writing.

When I sit still I feel like God is telling me to be content and take some time to chill with him. I don't like this so I doubt it.  I think the doubt creeps in because that synopsis won't look shiny or pretty to the world.  In fact, it won't look like I'm doing much at all.  But when I sit still and listen to God, he reminds me of my callings and passions and tells me It's time to begin...

I finally have some time available to focus on being what I am called to be.  Part of me wants to run and hide under something pretty that the world will appreciate.  The other part of me wants to ignore the calling and go do something random.  The problem is, neither of these are what the Lord wants for me right now.  He wants me to begin building and investing, from the bottom up.  This is scary because it takes faith and courage.  Everyone knows a little bit about those fears, but at some point we must stand face to face with them and realize the overcomer within us.

"It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger and then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
I'm never changing who I am."

That lesson hit hard a year ago when I was taking a break from school.  I proved to myself and others that I didn't need a degree or a shiny label to be worthy.  Just because I didn't look the way I always had, didn't mean my heart had changed any. 

The same thing comes with growing up.  It's just like the song says...you get a little bit bigger--like you think you're growing and maturing as an adult--then you realize hey, you haven't changed all that much.  You're still the same person, just a little bit older, and regardless of where you are or what you are doing, your core character never changes.  

I feel like this is very important to remember as we are "coming of age."  So many times we stress out all the little details of these decisions--and with good reason!  Every decision we make is ultimately a "life changing decision." But we also must remember that these decisions--actions--choices--they don't change who we are.  They may change our path, but not our character.

Life is always the sum of our choices, but if you are making these choices with integrity and love then you can't go wrong.

23 days till graduation and then it will be Time to Begin...again....and then again later on...and again.

Maybe that is the point of it all.
We have to learn as adults how to adjust to the changing scenes and scenarios of life.  The whole thing is just one big crazy adventure!  Grab it by the horns.

Taking Notes

I just got out of my capstone class for today.  Side-note: A capstone class is the last class within a student's major before graduation.  It is typically the hardest because it is supposed to be all-inclusive of what the student has learned in that major.  

Anyhow, today's class was different because we didn't actually do work or visit with our professor.  Instead we had a visit from the dean of our college and had a nice long talk with him.  He asked us the good and the bad from our program; what classes we liked, what classes we didn't and why.  And of course, a room full of Public Relations majors (which is 70% female and 93% outgoing and happy-go-lucky demeanor) gave him more than an earful of opinions, thoughts, experiences and questions.

As all seventeen of us talked and laughed about all the horrible and wonderful experiences from freshmen year to our last week in capstone class, a lot of emotion came a buzz.  It was the emotions of remembering things.  After our worst stories, it made you kinda feel good, ya know.  Like you'd survived something really hard and become a better person because of it.  Oddly enough, after the happy stories you felt sorta sad because it was coming to an end.

It all sunk in at the conclusion of the meeting when the dean asked who was graduating in December and about half of us raised our hands.  He congratulated us and said he hoped we enjoyed our time at the university and can look back at it with fondness and happy memories.  I almost cried!  

I guess each day it becomes a little more real to me.  Like when I got approved for graduation from my advisor I had a small reality check, like wow, this just might actually happen.

A few weeks later I got my cap and gown and really got a reality check.  Oh crap!  I'm graduating in a few months!! Graduating from college?  What am I doing with my life???  Oh, wow I have no idea what I'm doing past December.  I have to find a general direction at least.

And then today, hearing my dean say that was like hearing the words at a wedding but not being at a wedding.  You know that's what they say, you know it has meaning and importance and emotion, but since you are not there you didn't expect it and didn't really know what to feel.  It's not real yet.

I guess I do this with every big life event.  I'm fine till I walk down an aisle...then I lose it.  

High school graduation I cared less about until they told us to line up and start walking down the center of the gym.  Instantly I burst into tears and cried like a baby the entire time.  I was in such shock of emotion I didn't even realize they called me to the stage for an award at one point. ...my classmates were really irritated.  Get it together chick..we're trying to get to these parties.

Then there was my best friend marrying one of my close friends.  It was all business, till I walked down the aisle in my bridesmaid dress.  Yup.  You guessed it.  Instant tears. Not just tears but sniffles the whole church could hear and no kleenex to dry my eyes or wipe my mascara.  It was intense.  I made everyone else cry and everyone afterwards commented on my hysteria.  

Anyways,  I guess we'll see what happens when I walk across the stage at the Catlett Music Center in December.  

...Bringing it back to our discussion with the dean: one girl bravely mentioned the fact that our college (Gaylord College of Journalism and Mass Communication) is really big on 2-3 programs that feature a specific aspect of Public Relations/Advertising.  From the minute you walk in the door you see, hear, or think about these programs and are almost instantly pressured to join and do and be and succeed there.

This girl mentioned that those programs just simply weren't her and she didn't join and wasn't any worse off because of it.  However, she felt looked down upon by certain professors and students for "not drinking the Gaylord koolaid."

We all laughed at the phrase but then quickly all jumped in and agreed with her.  

I was shocked.  I knew I felt this way, but I had no idea so many others did too.  These weren't even girls I connected with that much, but they had encountered the same things I had at college.

I spoke up and shared my story.  I told the dean about how this "koolaid" was one of the main reasons I decided to take a year off from school.  I was right in the middle of the koolaid.  I was succeeding in the koolaid, leading in the koolaid and being praised for my koolaid--but I didn't feel satisfied.  It didn't feel right.  

I felt like a square peg in a round hole, and that was an awful feeling because I had fads and I hate trying to be main stream.   

I didn't cautiously try to be round.  I was just following the rules and doing what my teachers said would make me rich and successful...and it would have...if that were what I had wanted.

A year and some change later and I'm back in the same building, yet with a total different perspective on everything.  

I gained my confidence and now stand firm knowing that I can be happy and successful without being round, or, um, emerged in koolaid.  It took me a rough ride and a time out to realize that, hey, I'm okay being me.  You know, God gave me special passions and talents that he is going to use in a completely unconventional way to bring him glory, because that's what I asked for and that's what he does.

I'm not mad at the college and I'm not blaming them.  Everything happens for a reason, and I needed to learn these lessons in that way or I wouldn't have came to this conclusion.

God knows what he's doing.  Even down to choosing the right college.  

I almost ended up at Oklahoma Baptist University.  I loved it, I really did, but looking back now I know I couldn't have gone there.  I would have been incessantly wondering what the big shots were doing at the big university a couple towns over.  I had to see and experience everything for myself to understand what I did and did not want.  I still don't know entirely what I'm doing, but I do know a lot more about myself, about my calling, and how to reach the goals that line up with those things.

College won't teach you everything, but it is a stepping stone on a journey.

Another girl in our class said that our university recently came out with some research statistics about students' learning.  I could have mistaken her, but I believe she said they found only 20-30% of what students learn in college or high school is taught by a teacher.  The rest is outside the classroom.

I may be graduating with a degree in my hand and a pat on my back, but this was not all about knowledge.  It was about wisdom, and that is one thing I have definitely received with my $24,000 investment.  ....yeah there may have been cheaper ways, but, ya know..it was worth it. ;)

"Go Play!!"

Last week's post seemed to generate a surge of excitement, introspective, and lots of interesting discussions with others.  At least for me, my honest post encouraged me to seek out conversation with friends my same age.  Much to my egotistical surprise, I opened my eyes and realized there is a large handful of us who are all in the same boat.  Wow, Satan is sneaky!  He makes us think we are constantly alone in our struggles, when in fact we are always in good company.  Anyhow, since I have seen such a reach for twenty-somethings who are "Happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time," (as T-Swizzle puts it), I have decided to write a few more posts on the subject...if for nothing more than to satisfy my hungry mind.

"The safety of the fence or the danger of the ride,
I'll always be unsatisfied.."

--Miranda Lambert, Airstream

This week is a very similar post, and hopefully just as relatable.  I always say I think too much, and when I have freetime I really get to thinking too much.  The other day I was pondering all the exciting and uncertain possibilities for my future (before and after college graduation.)  Very quickly I was overwhelmed by the hugeness of it all.  I mean really, you think about it and after you have that diploma, the world is yours.  You are free to do absolutely anything.  Or in many of my friends' cases, I have noticed that taking a break from school is very helpful, that too opens up the possibility of doing and achieving absolutely anything!

As I sat and pondered and quizzed and hummed, I finally reached an emotional hot spot and broke down in tears.  (Yes, I am a girl.)  As I lay there crying for about 2 minutes, I finally asked myself why I was so frustrated.  My brain responded with this scenario...

Being at this stage in life is like being 8 years old all over again.  I remember as a kid, wanting to spend summer days inside watching TV while my mother would stand close by in the kitchen, cooking and cleaning and what not.  It was easy, safe, and natural; yet instead of letting me do this, my mother wanted me to "Go Play!"

"Zap!" The TV is turned off and the remotes are gone...all in about 30 seconds.  Defiant faces and angry hearts from my brother and I are aimed towards Mom as we compete against her in a stare-down.  (She always won, of course, but we would always try.)  "Go play.  Get outside...now!" she would command us.  

After losing a losing battle, brother and I would reluctantly obey her.  We'd take the first step outside and then awkwardly stand there complaining that we were bored and had absolutely nothing to do outside.  Besides, it's 101 degrees and there is no one to play with.

The truth is however, you are not bored, you are only scared.  As an 8 year-old you are experiencing the fear of the unknown.  Although on a small scale, you are still experiencing the fear of leaving your comfort zone and conquering the world on your own.

My brother and I would try complaining to Mom, but she would always shoot back with the "You're only bored if you choose to be bored" speech and repeats her "Go play" command.  Frustrated, a little scared, and unwilling to try something new, we would then make our way across the yard to our neighbors house.  "Can Austin come out and play?"  Of course, Austin was always up for an adventure.  Next we would go get Jacob, Jonathon, and whoever else happened to be in the neighborhood.

What happens next?  

Well pretty soon we are all so caught up in who's going to find your new hiding spot in Hide-and-Go-Seek, or the barrel role game, or how far you can jump on your bike, that you have absolutely no concept of reality.  You are a child completely and utterly consumed with the present.  No worries, no concerns, just laughter, fun and adventure.  This is the way we were meant to live.  Right in the middle of your heavenly bliss, where everything is perfect, and the step outside the door was way worth it.  You are laughing and playing and living and loving and then...you are called to dinner.

Ugh.  Frustration and anger again.

...Poor mom, she must have only seen the angry sides of us.  Bless her soul..

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens"

Ecclesiastes 3:1

The terms "Mom" and "Google" are interchangeable.

"Leap and the net will appear."

I don't know, but do you ever feel like that?  I've noticed the fear and excitement that comes when students approach graduation (more-so college than high school, but the feeling is still similar.)  You want to be good, successful, and exciting, but at the same time you are so careful about not messing up and taking the wrong path that you completely miss out on the fun adventurous part.  Sometimes risk is right.  (Risk is Right is a book by John Piper that I have not read, but my brother claims is wonderful.)  

I've seen a few classmates do great in college.  They excel straight through just like they did in high school, graduate with honors, and then what...well they go right back to school again.  Personally I think "Wow, how could you possibly go to more school?"  But a friend of mine pointed out the other day that well...you're 22 years old, you just graduated college and well, for the past 16 or so years of your life you have been in school.  It's safe.  It's comfortable.  It's what you know.  So of course, if the possibility exists, why not go back?  Just like the 8 year-old's comfort is sitting on the couch till noon watching cartoons under mommy's close supervision.

I'm not at all saying that going back to school after graduation is wrong.  I am challenging you though, if that is you.  Is that really what you want to do?  Is that going to be an adventure worth telling your grandkids?  Perhaps, instead you should do what your heart tells you to do.  Move to Venice and be the missionary God has called you to be.  Join Journey-men and live fully for the hope of the Lord.  Or maybe its' jumping out and starting your own business.  Whatever it is, don't be afraid to jump off that ledge.  Peter would still be in the boat if he would have listened to fear.  Yes, failure will probably happen, but that's where you learn, where you grow.  Failure is a beautiful thing not to be avoided at all costs.

Hmm..  for me it is leaving this part of the state, let alone this state.  I want to stay here, I want to move back to my hometown and live a quiet life.  But really?  At 22 don't you think I should go do something??  We have more energy and vigor than any other age group right now, so why not use it for some learning, growing, and helping.  Staring my fear right in the eye, is the desire to go travel..everywhere.  I need to learn and experience different cultures, true art, and meet people.  That's what I want...at least for now.  But hey, don't sweat it.  Let God be your guide.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..."

Jeremiah 29:11

Twenty-Two

So I'm sure you've heard the new Taylor-Swift hit, "Twenty-Two."  I love it.  How cool is it that someone is finally celebrating 22.  It's the first birthday doesn't mean much.  It's the beginning of the next 8 years.  Everyone loves 21 and it's excitement.  But 22 is often neglected.  Thank you, Taylor Swift, for representin'.  

I've been wanting to write about the song for a while, but haven't sat down to be inspired yet.  I love the fact that it captures the age.  Basically it's like "blaahhhhhh."  You are at the awkward in-between age of no specificness.  Like Taylor, most of the world sees this as an opportunity to "dress up like hipsters and make fun of exes".."have breakfast at midnight"...or "fall in love with strangers."  Who cares?  you're 22 right?  Right...to an extent.  As a Christian there's more to it than that.

"We are happy free confused and lonely at the same time," she sings.  So true.  How you are all four all at once, no idea, but it is very true.  

Sunday I talked to an old friend for a long time.  The conversation of two 22 year olds sounds much like Taylor Swift's song.  We talked about the bar scene, college, and life after college.  What the heck are you gonna do?  

So in a heart-felt writer's puke...I wrote this, and realized I have a special friend and Taylor Swift to thank for this post. (Plus a random mix of emotions, little sleep, good morning cookies and crazy circumstances.)  Enjoy.

Twenty-Two

Fear.

I guess I am admitting that I am scared.  Underneath the layer of happiness and confidence and passion…I am scared.  I’m scared of what life holds next.  I’m scared of what it doesn’t hold and the fact that I have no idea where I am going.  I love my life here, but I don’t want to stay here.  I want to go back to school but I’m scared to finish.  I don’t enjoy my major as much as I should and I don’t really want to go into that field.  At the same time I hate the disappointed stares and sighs I get as I walk in a room and tell people I’m perfectly happy being a waitress and working minimum wage jobs. 

                The thought of a real job disgusts me.  I don’t want to be professional.  I don’t want to live in the city. 

                I want to be married and start a family.  I want to experience love and community like never before.  I know who he is and I want to be held and cared for.  I want my best friend to travel the world with me and experience things with me. I want to live in my hometown and be surrounded by family.

               

But I know I’m not ready.  They say I’m not old enough for all that.  You aren’t supposed to move back yet, you’re supposed to live somewhere else first, away from family and friends…without a husband.  Alone.  At the same time, don’t give yourself away to another man.  Don’t sleep around, sleep alone.  Sure, you can date.  But is that really worth the pain and heartache of a temporary fix?  You have about 10 years to kill, do whatever you want, just don’t move home yet and don’t disappoint us.  Remember you have a husband and a future.  As for now, you build.

                As a twenty-something you need to save and invest for your future.  Save and invest money.  That means work, work, work.  Focus on a career.  Not a job, a career.  Oh wait, the thought of a career makes you miserable.  So do what you love to do. ..no, waitressing upsets people.  You want to run the company back home?  That’s awesome! But if you move back now we will consider you a “failure to launch.” 

               

  Save and invest.  Save and invest your time.  Save your time for those who matter, your family and friends.  At the same time they all have jobs of their own and won’t be around, and your family wants to see you succeed.  Invest your life.  Invest your time in something worthwhile now, because later you’ll have a family and won’t have time for it.  So go help someone do something. 

               

Save and invest your heart.  Save your heart for the one you love, but invest your heart in the temporary situations.  A job, a hobby, a charity.  Invest.

               

I think I want to finish up.  Finish up my college days.  Take some fun classes and relax.  Work a few hours a week, but take time to watch TV and go out with friends.  Paint, golf, and run.

                

After I finish I’ll move somewhere neat.  A neat little town with culture and excitement.  A tourist hot-spot with waitressing jobs and fun after-hours.  I will remain pure to my Lord, myself and my family, but I will meet people and make friends with everyone.  Latch on to a female of integrity and valor, someone who can show you the paradise of life.  Live with your heart on God and your eyes on love.  It’s ten years of purity, patience, saving, investing and growing.  This isn’t a horrible experience. 

It’s a beautiful opportunity.

You’re twenty-two, young and beautiful.  Don’t waste it on boys, sex and booze.  Invest it in love, purity and making a difference in the world around you.   Be goofy and immature, because you can.  Be full of energy, life and ideas for your investment, because you are. Twenty somethin'....

The power is yours.  Will you seize it?